About seven or eight years ago, I joined a local Toastmasters group. Toastmasters is a public speaking organization, and my group met every couple of weeks.  This was something that was ‘me’ time at a stage in my life when I had very, very little self time – lots of little kids, very little money, and a husband who was rarely home because of work.  But twice a month I’d hire a babysitter for a couple of hours so that I could get out and participate in this.  I enjoyed it so much that I accepted the position of VP of Education when nominated a year or so later, then became president of the club when voted in the following year.

I competed in club level contests – humorous speech, motivational speech, speech evaluation, and improptu speaking – and for several of these, won at the club level and went on to compete at the area level, and in one contest, won at that level as well and was eligible to compete at the district level.  I did this just to challenge myself and get out of my comfort zone; it was a growing opportunity for me.

I stopped attending regularly about four years ago when I was newly pregnant with ds3; life was busy and as much as I enjoyed Toastmasters, I had to be very selective about how I used my time.  I’d occasionally pop in for a visit, and finally last winter rejoined the club.   Many of the people there were new to me, but the atmosphere of warm supportiveness was the same. I took a break for the last few months, but last night, I wanted to go back to say goodbye before we move.

I felt like a VIP when I walked in, with a chorus of surprised, “Avivah!”s breaking out.  🙂  The format of a Toastmasters meeting has three parts: formal prepared speeches, impromptu speaking, and evaluations of the prepared speeches.  I hoped I would be called up for the impromptu part so I could say officially say goodbye to everyone, but I wasn’t called up.  I was a little bit disappointed, but the meeting has a structure and time constraints, and they can’t call up everyone!

I was pleasantly surprised when the man leading the meeting for the evening broke with traditional protocol and after a very warm introduction, asked me to come up and speak to everyone about my plans to move, as well as what my experience in Toastmasters was.  It was so nice to be acknowledged in this way and given the opportunity to speak to the group for the last time.  Being in this club is something I’ve really enjoyed and I felt kind of choked up as I was sharing what this has meant to me, but managed to cover it.

After I sat back down, the program continued onto the evaluation portion, when a different person (secular Jew in his 60s)  finished the formal portion that he was leading.  Then he shared some very nice thoughts about me with the crowd – he said how much I’d be missed, and gave his warm wishes for good things for our family.  This is someone I’ve enjoyed speaking to on a number of occasions, and it was clear how much he meant every word.

Then as the meeting wrapped up, the president got up (African American man in his 60s), and he told everyone how much he’s learned from me and said some nice things – and he was sincere about all of that, too!  I wouldn’t have expected it since he only knew me for eight months (the first two people have known me for years).  Then finally, the current VP of Education got up (non Jewish man in his 60s) and surprised me by also saying some very nice things about how much I’d be missed.  He also only knew me for eight months, and as a person who doesn’t come across as emotive but clearly communicated that he was sorry to see me go, it meant a lot to me.

None of this was part of the program and they didn’t know I’d be there until I walked in, so none of them had time to plan with each other.  Sometimes people say nice things because it’s expected, and you kind of think, ‘yea, yea’ to yourself and smile politely as you wait for them to finish.  But what was especially nice about every single one of them was that they said things they really meant, and they said things that were reflective of who I am, not some nice sounding made up nonsense.

One of these men after the meeting did something kind of interesting, but I have to give some background so you understand the context.  In Toastmasters, the protocol is you shake hands with the person who introduces you as you go up to the lectern, and shake hands again when you leave the lectern.  I don’t shake hands with men, and this was unusual but became well-known to everyone – I had many opportunities in front of a crowd to lightly explain why I wasn’t shaking hands, particularly as sometimes men didn’t know or forgot and would stick his hand out to me to shake.

So last night, I was holding some papers between both hands, and the man I was speaking to someone (the secular Jew in his 60s) asked me to hold it in my right hand.  I didn’t understand what he was asking, but he repeated himself so I transferred the papers to my right hand.  As I did, he grasped the other end of my papers and shook them up and down, as if to shake my hand.  This was his way of being appropriate but concretely saying goodbye; I know he felt it would have been an incomplete goodbye without some extra sign of appreciation.

(As I wrote the above, I realized it could seem the club is made up of men in their sixties!  But it’s really not – lots of ages and people of all backgrounds, which I enjoy.  It just happened to be the people officially on the roster for the leadership roles for this particular meeting were in a similar age group.)

Fortunately there were women there as well so I got to hug them!  In a conversation with one, she shared how connected she felt during a visit to Israel thirty years ago.  As we spoke, she opened up a possibility of Jewish heritage that I encouraged her to pursue, explaining that if the grandparent she suspected was really Jewish, then that made her 100% Jewish since this is determined through matrilineal descent. Who knows where that will go?

My thoughts had been on me missing this venue and group of people, not about how others felt about me, and I was surprised at all that was expressed about me.  When three of the four men who spoke said how much they learned from me, it made me firstly wonder what in the world they learned!! 😛  But more than that, it showed me that you really don’t know who you’ll touch in this lifetime and why.

I entitled this post ‘let the crying begin’, because the crying in my heart started last night as I said my first real goodbyes at Toastmasters.  The crying in real life started the next day, at our monthly homeschool gathering…..

Avivah