When Yirmiyahu was born, it was discovered that he had vesicoureteral reflux that has led to kidney damage. Sometimes this improves on its own but after three years, it remains at the most severe level.
All the doctors have agreed that he needs to have this surgery and I’m grateful to be able to live in a time and place in which this can be performed. But it’s a very serious surgery and of course I’m concerned.
My husband has been feeling anxious about this, but I was feeling quite relaxed about it until a few days ago, when I sitting with the kids doing a puzzle and spontaneously started singing a song that starts like this: If I had to live my life without you near me, the days would all be empty, the nights would seem so long. This was one of two songs that I sang many times with Yirmiyahu when he was in the pediatric intensive care, after almost dying when he was 9 months old. I haven’t sung it since then.
The song was something that just came into my mind, and I recognized my subconscious was pushing something to the foreground that I’ve been pretending isn’t there. This surgery was triggering some feelings from that past experience, which was an incredibly challenging time for me.
I was glad to have this awareness because you can’t deal with something you don’t know is there, and this has been an opportunity for me to strengthen my trust and belief in a positive outcome as well as in my ability to let the past be the past.
I’m really optimistic about the surgery and am so grateful we can have this done, so he can be as healthy on the inside as he looks on the outside.
If you’d add your prayers to ours for a complete and smooth recovery for Yirmiyahu ben Avivah Michaelah, I’d be so appreciative!
Avivah
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