Some of you may remember when Yirmiyahu was younger (he’s now 4.5) I was quite concerned about his growth rate.  He was born weighing 7 pounds but by the time he was 12 months had dropped down to the 50%.  And that downward trend continued the older he got.

You have to know that I’m not a parent who usually cares at all about growth charts.  I can see my kids growing and I trust they’ll each grow at the rate that is right for them.  But Yirmi was different and that’s why this relaxed mom got increasingly concerned.

Yirmi dropped completely off the growth charts for quite a while; he was getting older and older but hardly any bigger.  As a result I was doing a lot of research on human growth hormone deficiencies to gear up for getting him tested.  Two years ago I took him to a pediatric endicronologist to suggest starting the testing for growth hormone deficiencies, she told me that his malfunctioning bladder and kidney might be the cause of the issue.  Her explanation was that his body was using so much energy to function and compensate for the malfunction, that there wasn’t any energy left to grow.  She suggested waiting until after his reconstructive surgery to see what happened.

Well, in October 2015 Yirmi had major surgery and the issue was finally corrected.  He was last weighed and measured before the surgery. When I recently I took him to the pediatrician, I asked to officially check his measurements.

She was astonished to see he has gained 5 kilos since then.  And we were both even more taken aback to see he has grown TWENTY TWO centimeters.  Do you know how huge that amount of growth is in less than 18 months?!?  He’s gone from the very bottom of the growth chart to now being in the 35% for height on the typical growth chart!  That means Yirmi is finally the same size as his same age peers!

He’s not a little guy anymore.

I knew he had been growing a lot because after two years of wearing the same size, his clothes had finally gotten too small and needed to be replaced.  And then I replaced that size with another size.  That’s why I didn’t make a special effort to have him measured until now – I was sure he was growing.

I can also see he can reach much higher to press the buttons in our elevator than when we first moved here in April 2015!

But to hear how significant the growth has been, and to know that he’s really solidly on the typical growth chart was quite emotional for me.  It was such a big concern for such a long time, and poof…now it’s not.

So much gratitude…and I was reminded to share this when recently speaking to a mother of a child with T21 who at age 3 is the same size Yirmi was at that age.  It’s one more reminder for me not to get stuck in the limited picture that sometimes presents itself, but to trust in G-d’s remarkable timing!

Avivah

I began writing this post after our official meeting with the parents and social workers two days ago, but due to changes needed to change the title, tone and information that I was sharing.

The meeting with the birth parents went really well. When she opened the meeting, the placement worker told us that this is the first time in the hundreds of placements she’s facilitated she’s ever been at a meeting in which the two sets of parents met in advance.  After the meeting, she exclaimed a few times with delight at how very smooth the meeting was and told me it was a really good thing that we met on our own!

I’m going to fast forward and delete a bunch of things I wrote that are no longer immediately relevant.

After this meeting we got a clear go ahead with an anticipated homecoming date for the baby (for now to be referred to as Baby R) in the coming week.  I was told to cancel my plans for a trip to the north, which I did, because Baby R would either be here by then or the placement would take place on one of the days that I would be away (Tue/Wed/Thur).

We also scheduled a visit together with the birth parents to take place on Friday to see Baby R and speak with his doctors.

I went directly home, very happily informed my kids Baby R would be here within a week and went out to buy a crib.  Ds14 and I converted it to a cosleeper and set it up next to my bed.  I requested a refund for the conference I had planned to attend, and posted a request on our local group for donations of mother’s milk for Baby R.

Yesterday I went out to shop for a stroller.  On my way home, I got a call that there has been a significant wrench thrown into the plans.

When I was first told about Baby R, I learned that his parents aren’t Israeli citizens.  At that time I asked if there was any legal concern that could delay the process and was told that there wasn’t.  That’s what the social worker believed until two days ago.

In fact there is a problem.  A significant problem.  There is a hearing to be held regarding his status by the higher ups in the government on February 20, and nothing can happen until then.  That doesn’t mean he can come to us then; it means that depending what their decision is, whatever process is necessary will begin at that time.

The social worker told me this is well beyond the realm of social services, and they are trying to find someone with proteksia (pull) to get the date of the hearing moved up.  (Why was this scheduled for Feb. 20 when the paperwork was submitted over a month ago and this is regarding a tiny baby waiting in the hospital?  That’s government timing for you.)

Although the hospital has authorized our visit on Friday, we have been asked to cancel because the social worker doesn’t want us to meet Baby R until after this hearing has taken place.  The placement definitely won’t take place in the coming week and today I will be making reservations for the conference that I cancelled a couple of days ago.

So….it’s a bit of an emotional roller coaster.  None of us expected this; we all thought the biggest variable would be if there would be a meeting with the birth parents and how it would go.  None of us thought that there would be any delay once that was over and the jubilant and optimistic tone that we all left that meeting with has been replaced by disappointment and caution.

I say it’s a bit of a roller coaster and not more because it’s completely clear to me that the timing of all of this is in the hands of G-d.  Technically we shouldn’t have gotten to this point, based on the constraints that were in place regarding our availability.  And everything has proceeded in spite of that.

I don’t know what will happen, and I don’t know when it will happen.  I don’t even know for sure that this placement will happen.  We all (our family, the birth parents and the social workers involved) all want to see this happen very soon.  So we’ll have to continue to wait and see how every unfolds.

Avivah

I told you that we emotionally closed the door on the possibility of bringing home the baby boy whose file we were shown.  I was disappointed but I had closure and closure is good.

Two days after my final talk with the social worker, I was waking up from a mid day nap when I heard the phone.  Still lying in bed, I picked up and heard someone on the other line introducing herself – the baby’s mother.   At that moment I impressed myself with how fast my mind cleared and simultaneously how completely calm I was.  You would have thought someone had called to ask me what time it was.

I didn’t think that it was typical protocol for me to be contacted directly, but then again, I had been told the birth parents wouldn’t know anything about us until we met them in the agency’s office, that we would have complete anonymity until that point.  And the next thing I knew, I was told that their social worker gave them details about us for them to check us out.  Clearly what was said and what happened in practice weren’t congruent, and though it was completely unexpected, I wasn’t shocked to receive this call.

We spoke for 25 minutes.  She told me she had already met two other potential families and they had one other family to meet in Bnei Brak.  I asked some details about the baby and her family, she asked about my family. My impression of her  was highly positive and I appreciated her obvious love and concern for this baby.

We set a time to meet two days later with both of our husbands.

A short time later, our social worker called to tell me that the family was still considering us.  Previously we had all assumed that they weren’t interested and that’s why they hadn’t been in touch.

If she expected me to be surprised, then I disappointed her!  I told her the mother had called me directly a short time before.  The social worker was definitely taken aback. She wanted to know about our conversation, and I told her it was very pleasant and planned to meet.

Understandably, she wasn’t happy with this idea, and told me it wasn’t allowed for the two sets of parents to meet without social workers supervising.  I told her that the parents had met other families privately; the social worker explained that different agencies have different policies and the other families weren’t with her agency.  Finally she said she’ll speak to her supervisor and get back to me about what to do.

She called me back a short time later, and said that they never allow this, it’s completely outside of their protocol.  But in light of the fact that there’s a baby who needs a placement waiting, they’re authorizing me to meet with the mother privately.  If we both agree that we’d like to move forward, all four parents will still need to meet in their offices with the social workers present to observe our interactions.

I feel quite grounded about all of this. We’ll see how the appointment with the parents go.  If we get along, then we’ll move along to meet with the parents and then the doctor and meet the baby.  If we don’t see eye to eye on expectations, then we’ll agree to not move forward with this placement.  Of course I’ll keep you posted!

Avivah

Some of you who have seen me in person since my last post have asked me what’s happening with the fostering situation.  And the answer is, nothing.

Our deadline was Tuesday.  On Monday afternoon I contacted the placement social worker to ask if she had set up an appointment for us to meet with the baby’s biological parents.   By then we had been waiting a week for this appointment.   She told me she called the social worker representing the parents that morning and since the office was closed due to a strike, the appointment couldn’t be made for the next day.

So I said, “So that’s it, right?  We can take this possibility off the table.”  And she said, “Well, that depends on you and your husband.”  I asked her what she  meant, and she said if we would be willing come in when an appointment could be made it might still be an option.

I was pretty annoyed at this response, as if the responsibility for the outcome depended on us when we were the only ones who had been timely during this period. We made ourselves completely available and from the very beginning were super clear with them that beyond Jan. 31 we couldn’t continue with the process.  I told her that we did everything we could have done and it wasn’t up to us, it was up to them at the placement agency to be flexible about meeting us during non-work hours if it was going to happen. And since they already said they wouldn’t do that, then was nothing more we could do.

After that conversation it was actually a relief to know that it was over.  It was a disappointment, but it was a relief.  Every day I was waiting, waiting, wondering…and now I don’t have to wait and wonder anymore.

By the way, I heard back from the contact person about the other request for a foster family for a baby with T21 that I mentioned in my last post.  The baby that needs a home is Baby M, who we spent so much time with a few months ago when she was left as a newborn at the rest home for new mothers.  Believe me, I wasn’t expecting that at all when I responded to that email!

Contrary to what the plan had been, she was placed with a relative for a few months and now they’re looking for a long term placement (she’s 5.5 months).  I was very upset to learn she hadn’t been placed with a long term family.  Of course I don’t know the specifics and I trust that everyone involved in making the decision had her best interests at heart, but I’m concerned about such a small infant having to undergo so many significant transitions. I had to repeatedly remind myself that G-d is running the world and has the perfect plan for each person.

Just in case you’re wondering, I emailed the person back and asked her not to forward my email on to Baby M’s family.  It’s clear to me that our part was to help her when and how we did, and that this baby is meant to be part of someone else’s family.  Hopefully a wonderful family and very, very soon.

Avivah