I saw this TED talk quite some time ago, and after recently watching it again, felt it was worth sharing with you.

This brief talk sums up some of my thoughts on the realities of being labeled as ‘special’, too often resulting in being pitied, marginalized and excluded.

The environment we raise children in is an extremely powerful influencer of our children’s futures. We are individually and collectively constantly broadcasting meta messages to our children of their inherent worth and potential. This is true of all children, and especially those who are viewed as different (generally assumed to mean ‘less than’).

While seeing the positive possibilities available in special ed frameworks, I nonetheless have very strong reservations about these typically exclusionary environments and the nonverbal messages they convey to the neurotypical as well as differently-abled about the role that each plays vis a vis one another.

As a result, I have chosen to place Yirmi (6) and Rafael (2) in inclusive frameworks that are more supportive of the attitudes I’d like them to be surrounded with.

To share some questions of this speaker:

What if we looked at the disability as neutral and just saw the child and not the label?

What if we built a community where everyone belongs?

What do we gain when we separate kids and what do we lose when we separate them?

How would you want to be treated if you had a disability?

Would you want people to feel sorry for you, to stare at you, to talk down to you?

These are very important questions, ones that I started asking myself only after Yirmi was born and I was slowly internalizing a paradigm that resonated with me.

I want my children – all of them – to feel a sense of community, to feel a sense of belonging and contribution to the society in which they live. For kids with ‘special needs’, this can be hard, because there is so much effort put into segregating them from others ‘for their own good’. Because, you know, they’re ‘special‘.

Special stinks.

I don’t want my kids with T21 to be special.

I want them to be treated like other children.

Yesterday, I mentioned that Yirmi (6) has another evaluation coming up soon and my eleven year old asked me, “Why does Yirmi have so many tests and I never had any?”

Why, indeed???

Yirmi gets a label that says Trisomy 21, and is presumed to be so ‘special’ that he has to prove his worthiness before being given a chance to join a mainstream classroom. Not like other kids, who are presumed to be capable until proven otherwise.

I mean, would Yirmi or Rafael even develop and progress in any area of their lives if they weren’t being assessed every year? Amazing that non-special kids learn to sit up and walk and feed themselves without ongoing evaluations.

I don’t want my boys with T21 shunted to the side because they’re ‘special’, with a focus on how they are different rather than how they are the same. I don’t want them marginalized in the community and placed with those who are assumed to be like them just because they have the same label.

Truly, the differences are so, so small. Kids with disabilities want what we all want, they need what they all want – to be appreciated, to be included, to be valued.

This isn’t exclusively about those with disabilities – it’s really about us. It’s about how we value others, and the kind of world we want to live in.

Do we want to live in a world of kindness and acceptance, a world in which we are willing to make the effort for others to belong? Or do we want to wall ourselves off to be with those we presume to be like ourselves?

We don’t need echo chambers. We all benefit when we broaden our experiences to include those who bring something different to the table.

We need the willingness to live fully, and to love fully. And to include others so they can experience those things as well.

Avivah