Monthly Archives: September 2020

The bar mitzva hardly felt like corona times!

parenting

On Thursday afternoon the bar mitzva excitement began to build, as family members trickled in. I count it as a minor miracle that no one was in quarantine – the statistical odds weren’t in our favor!

(My mom and son in RBS left early in the week, when there was talk of a lockdown in that area. The entire yeshiva of ds21 is locked down with the army coming in to prevent anyone from leaving. It was a bummer when he got covid during the summer break and could only be home with us for the final week of vacation but thanks to that he was allowed to leave.)

We began our bar mitzva celebration on Thursday night with a family meal, attended by our immediate family members (my mom, all our children and grandchildren), which totaled 20 people.

My husband prepared a slide show which we viewed at the end of the meal, and of course I immediately got a lump in my throat watching. They are so little and….boom. Suddenly they’re bar mitzva and I’m wondering where the years have gone…

One of the very first pics of him on my blog, June 2010, 2 3/4 yrs.
Ds13 at his bar mitzva seuda!

We then had an outdoor dessert reception for men and boys. We had a nice turnout, and though the music system failed, people sang instead and it was still very nice.

We projected the slide show through a window to the yard and kept it replaying throughout the evening, so people could enjoy it – and they did.

I had expressed my desire to my older daughters for the bar mitzva to feel special for our son, and they prepared some things in advance for him. One daughter printed a large photo of our son and it was displayed where people could sign it.

We ended the evening with maariv (evening services) and our son led the services. I was amazed at how naturally and comfortably he stepped into this with so much confidence, and asked my husband if he prepared him. No, he told me there was no official preparation at all, he picked it up on his own by attending shul.

(By the way, this is a premise of ours that informs our homeschooling approach – that when a person is ready and wants to learn something, he will.)

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On Shabbos, we were all able to attend shul in the morning. We are blessed with a very large shul with not very large attendance (so plenty of space between everyone), and the women’s section is a completely separate entrance so it has a separate total of people allowed to be there (due to coronavirus regulations). I didn’t take being able to be in shul for the Torah reading for granted, as many people can’t at this time. My mom and daughters and I agreed that this was the best setup we’ve ever had – we could see and hear more clearly than any other bar mitzva (this is our fifth bar mitzva).

His leining was beautiful. It was especially emotional for us to hear him, with him having been such a late reader, and here we have a young man who read his Torah portion so smoothly and with so much confidence. (He now reads comfortably in English and Hebrew, which a dyslexia expert told me doesn’t happen. Good thing we didn’t listen to the experts!)

We then had a kiddush outside in our garden. We are so blessed to have the space to do this. My daugher-in-law and daughter collaborated to make a beautiful cake with edible tefillin decorating the top.We had loads of baked goods prepared and I was sure we’d have tons left over, but we had an amazing attendance and hardly anything was left. It was surprising and heartwarming to have so many people come, and very appreciated.

I think it being held outside made people much more comfortable about coming – there were people there who are very, very strict about masks and social distancing who hardly go out, and I was pleasantly surprised that they joined us. I was especially honored that the rav of the shul attended. He is an elderly man in a wheelchair who doesn’t go out much; I had no expectation that he would be there and it was truly an honor for us that he came.

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Weeks ago when discussing his bar mitzva, my son asked if we could spend Shabbos in RBS and celebrate there, because he has no friends to celebrate with here. But he was so happy with his entire bar mitzva, and we all felt the same – it was a wonderful experience for everyone.

I feel some additional gratitude, with the impending three week lockdown set to begin less than a week, that he was born when he was, as just one Shabbos later this entire event wouldn’t have been possible!

We enjoyed having all of our family together, and before we knew it, Shabbos was over. There was the initial expansion as people arrived on Thursday, and then a sudden deflation as they left. On Saturday night, nine family members left; first thing Sunday morning two more boys left, and then the last three family members left on Sunday night. Now there are just six of us left at home, and it’s with much gratitude that we can look back on the wonderful event that we shared together.

Avivah

This Shabbos – our corona bar mitzva!

homemaking, parenting, personal development

When it was announced months ago that celebrations would be curtailed because of corona, I told my kids it was good that my son’s bar mitzva wasn’t until September. Because hopefully things would be back to normal by then.

Well, they aren’t back to normal and tomorrow night (Thursday) is the bar mitzva! Thankfully we are a nice sized group consisting of our single and married children as well as my mother (20 including our three granddaughters), and we will have the bar mitzva seuda together.

I really don’t know what to expect as far as participation of others outside our immediate family for the dessert reception afterwards or the kiddush on Shabbos morning following davening (both to be held outdoors in our garden). It’s going to be interesting to see how things unfold!

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I was feeling very pressured yesterday morning about all that needed to cooked/baked/cleaned as nothing was done and I had two days left to do it all. Two days with most of the older kids not home to help, and two young children at home who need a lot of active supervision. Two days when my husband would be traveling to Jerusalem for work, so no car to take care of any errands or shopping and obviously he won’t be around to help out.

To add to that, my fridge hasn’t been working properly, and since it’s under warranty, the technician was supposed to come this week. He didn’t come and when I called to reschedule, he won’t be coming until next week. The Shabbos setting hardly cools the fridge and the food spoils by the end of Shabbos, and isn’t working optimally during the week. So that was a deterrent as far as cooking in advance.

I sat down to make a list of menus for the bar mitzva meal, the dessert reception, the three Shabbos meals and the Shabbos morning kiddush. And I saw a message from my oldest daughter.

She informed me that she and her sister were in touch and would be bringing the following baked goods, and then listed the items. And she went shopping to buy some things I needed today. And my amazing daughter in law called to ask how she could help, and bought all the paper goods and is bringing another dessert with her.

They were all very concerned about how much needs to be done and that I have minimal assistance to do it all. I very, very much appreciated knowing that others are thinking of me and understand the logistical challenge.

Just like that, I went from feeling alone and overwhelmed, to feeling loved and supported.

Then this morning I got up at 4:30 and got two hours of focused preparations underway before anyone was up, and amazingly continued getting things taken care of while they were awake. (I made a huge pot of matbucha, three 9 x 13 pans of potato kugel, three pans of noodle kugel, two pans of apple crumble, one pan of chocolate cake, two pans of baked apples, roast, beet salad, roasted radishes, cleaned and reorganized both fridges to make room for all the food I’ll be making, and did lots of laundry and dishes. And made breakfast and dinner and raked up lots of small pebbles and rocks into piles in my garden so they can get toted out. And was pleasant with my children throughout the day – I count the last item as really important because when there’s a happy event, it’s important to me not to spoil it with tension about what has to be done).

And then my eleven year old took my eight year old to the park while I took a nap midday.

And my mother read them books.

And then a lovely young lady came to help with the younger boys (starting this week I arranged for her to come daily for an hour in the later afternoon) but since they weren’t available, she mixed up a cake batter alongside me in the kitchen.

And then someone called to offer to do any shopping I need tomorrow, and to pick up my two younger kids and watch them so I can get things done. And called back to ask if I prefer she send a salad for the bar mitzva meal or for Shabbos.

And then my daughter called back to say that she’s bringing even more desserts with her, and what else can she make?

It can feel a little lonely making a celebration in a new place, during this time of dramatically reduced communal social interactions. But all of these pinpoints of love and offers of help meant so much to me.

Avivah