I’ve had a lovely few weeks of living life without writing anything about it and I’m now back with you!
This morning I went for a short walk and discovered a beautiful private spot near a stream. I went down next to the water and sat there for quite a while, just being quiet. I found it’s not so easy to sit and be present with the sounds of nature around me without wanting to reach for something to listen to or read or write. I’ve gotten used to listening to podcasts/recordings/meditations/music when by myself, and although these are often very positive, centering, gentle messages, they nonetheless keep me from being truly alone with myself. Hence my recognition of inner restlessness this morning.
It’s not easy to be with one’s self without distraction, but it’s important. I’m reading Digital Minimalism, by Cal Newport, and he has a chapter on the benefits of solitude. Never in history, he says, have we had the possibility of never being alone with ourselves. Not in the car, not walking somewhere or waiting somewhere. Thanks to modern technology that allows us to access non-stop entertainment and information, we never have to be alone with ourselves.
He quotes Michael Harris, author of Solitude, who says that three crucial benefits of time by one’s self are: new ideas, understanding yourself, and closeness to others.
I don’t have to read a book, though, to know that I always feel better after time alone in nature. I like the inner calm that comes from slowing down and being present with myself, and helps me be more present in the moment for others.
My daughter was sharing with me about an interaction with a woman who is around seventy, and said it’s nice that older people often have the ability to hold space for others. Unless, she added, they have a smartphone. Her observation made me sad. It’s really a challenge to hold onto yourself in the digital world, and even those who have lived many decades without it have been sucked in. Online technology is touted as the answer to social isolation for people of all ages, but what it too often ends up doing is stealing us from ourselves and those around us.
I sometimes think that more nature is the solution to almost everything. Nature always holds a space for us. It just is, and allows your mind to slow down, and to find the stillness in yourself. We are all calmer, happier people in the context of nature. I am extremely blessed to live where I have so much more access to nature than I have in the past (as you know, that’s what the impetus for making the move here was), and even when I don’t go out of my yard (which is most of the time – I’ve become quite a homebody), I find deep pleasure sitting on my patio, looking out at the fields and mountains.
Last week I took an early morning nature walk and I crossed paths with a teen boy riding a horse. Not galloping or anything exciting, just a slow, plodding pace. A couple mornings later I crossed paths with a different teen boy, and thought how wonderful it is that these young men have this space for themselves.
I’ve regularly noticed that a day or two after my fifteen year old comes back from school, as the ‘city’ energy is released from him, he gets more upbeat and I sense an inner calm stealing over him. We had a number of guests over the summer in our vacation apartment, and I saw it happening with them also – they came with a faster moving energy, and after a couple of days they had a more relaxed vibe. It’s the effect of the natural environment.
Green Renaissance Films make short films of ten minutes ore less that celebrate the inner beauty of regular people who are living their lives in harmony with their values. It doesn’t seem incidental that nature is important to them all.
I just started a read aloud of My Side of the Mountain with my boys (dd21 ended up joining us, too); I’ve read it with the older kids but these boys were too young to remember it. I’ve loved this book since I read it as a ten year old! This fictional book is about a thirteen year old who leaves home to live alone in the Catskill mountains, and the life he creates for himself. As I was sitting in my quiet spot this morning, I thought how I’d love to share it with the boys, and when I came home told them that today we’ll be doing our reading in this spot. Dd 21 is planning to travel to Jerusalem today, and I asked her if she’ll be able to join us. She’s going to schedule her bus so that she can come with us. They’ll experience the book in a different way when sitting next to a gently rippling stream, in the middle of a bamboo thicket while listening to me read.
That’s where we’ll be going in about twenty minutes. I’m looking forward to it!
Avivah
I love everything about this post, Avivah.
I appreciate your thoughts and book recommendations, since I often contemplate this topic.
I will follow them up!
Yashar koach
I’m glad you enjoyed the post, Naomi! Birds of a feather and all that. 🙂
Great post! I love that book. You are so right about this. That is great that you make an effort to experience this. I get it. Most people don’t seem to care but there is something about just being. I cherish it. People who love being connected to their phones at all times think it’s weird but I think it is a natural state for humans that we don’t experience much anymore. It sure feels so good to me.
Anna, I don’t think people love being connected to their phones as much as they are accustomed to the constant presence of them. I think a lot of people recognize the addictive nature of having a phone, and feel like they can’t live without them but know that so much screen time isn’t beneficial for them.
I agree that life nowadays is bereft of this quiet space, and what we don’t have, we tend to think of as unnatural or unnecessary. But it’s so valuable!
Just reading this post has had a positive effect on me 🙂
Aviva, you are great!! I envy that choice of yours to sacrifice the comfort of living in the city, for the life that really counts.
Thanks, Tehila!
Sacrifice? No, not really. More of a tradeoff than a sacrifice. I traded the easy convenience of a lot of things that aren’t important to me (but feel necessary when you have them), and got a qualitatively much better life in return.
But don’t be envious! You can also live in alignment with what you value most. For years, up until we made the decision to move, I was always thinking about what was good for my kids and wishing I could do something different, but telling myself my kids would suffer if I did. But that was just a story I told myself, it was my fear of leaving my comfort zone. Being part of the community in the way that most people were felt like a very important thing.
Thank you for this calming post, with such an important message!
How does being alone help us have better connections to others?
Thank you
Hi, Brindy!
I think when you have more of yourself, you have more space to interact with others from a place of being present, of being authentic. You can appreciate them more, think more clearly about your relationships and what you want them to be.