A few days ago I chatted with a couple of the visiting social workers who had come to do our home inspection for the foster care process, after we finished doing a walkthrough of our home.

One told me that a country-wide search had been done to find a home for the children who are being recommended for our family. I asked how it could be that there wasn’t one other family in the country willing to bring them into their homes. They told me that first of all, it’s always hardest for kids with special needs to be placed. And the older they get, the harder it is.

Here in Israel, they’ll try to find placements for children over eight, but at this time, she said it’s basically impossible. Because Israel is a country that has so many institutions with dormitories, children over eight will go to some kind of institution.

She shared something quite concerning to me. In the last year or two, something has shifted in the general culture and they’re having a shortage of foster families that they’ve never seen before. (This challenge is heightened by the increase in children needing foster families during the covid period.)

An instructive example she shared was about a typical baby born to typical parents who immediately after birth became available for fostering in the Jerusalem area. (I didn’t ask why he was placed.) They found a family in a kibbutz up north, who drove down to Jerusalem to get him; it worked out well. A baby like this is unusual, and is considered the most desirable – and is what the majority of foster families are hoping for. This situation illustrates the shortage, since they couldn’t find an available foster family anywhere in Tel Aviv or Jerusalem to take him, when in the past there would have been plenty of parents clambering for the opportunity.

If that’s the situation for a child that most people would be comfortable fostering, imagine the difficulty for the child who has special needs of some sort in finding a foster home. Many of them aren’t finding families.

I asked them why they think there’s been such a change in the willingness of families to do foster care?

She said, they’ve seen this in the Arab sector for quite a while, that they are so occupied dealing with their own lives that they don’t have the energy or desire to take in someone else’s child. (Obviously there are Arab foster families – I met one at the foster care round table I was invited to participate in several years ago, as the special needs foster parent representative.)

Now this has shifted to the general Israeli population. In the last year or two, as people have become more stressed and economically limited, fewer families are have the emotional headspace to consider fostering.

This supervisor had earlier told me they aren’t trying to market these children to us, and I now somewhat jokingly told her it seems to me they need to market to potential foster families. She told me, in all seriousness, that every single day they are thinking about what to do to bring more families in, that the situation placing children has become very difficult and they need many more families.

What are they looking for in foster families?

First of all, they prefer to see the youngest child in your family being about five, so that you’re emotionally available for the needs of the foster child. When I commented that would tilt to older parents, they agreed, saying that they want parents who are more mature. However, I know of people who didn’t fit this criteria who foster, so this would be waived if the more critical aspects were met.

When you apply to foster, they’ll do a police check on everyone over 18 in your family. You’ll need to have a medical exam and have your doctor fill out a form about your health; they want you to be healthy enough to raise the child to adulthood. I believe that the age guidelines for foster parents are from 25 – 55. They prefer those who already have parenting experience.

They’ll ask about your income and the size of your home; they want to know you aren’t in financial hardship and have space for the child. Your home should basically be neat and organized – it doesn’t have to be sparkling at all times but it’s hard for me to imagine someone with a very disorderly home being approved.

The most important thing isn’t the size of your home, your income or anything above. What they said they look for most are stable families with parents who are flexible and understanding with regards to children. They want people who can accept and be loving towards children who are coming from hard places (which generally include some challenging behaviors).

They also said it’s important for the parents to be able to deal with the bureaucracy, with people coming to your home and all the other technical stuff that comes with raising a child who belongs to someone else, with the government as your partner. This was a huge hesitation for me when I first considered fostering, though it hasn’t been as challenging as I expected.

When we lived in Beit Shemesh, we were affiliated with The Summit Institute; they deal with families in the central Jerusalem area and the south; there’s also Orr Shalom. Now we are working with Matav, who operates in the north.

If you have questions about the fostering process, please ask in the comments. If you know this is something you want to do, reach out to any of the organizations that I listed. If you leave a message but don’t get called back, call them again. They are overextended and understaffed, so don’t take it personally if you don’t get a response initially.

Avivah