As a prelude to creating my morning schedule, I sat down to consciously decide what areas of my life are most valuable. Then I plan those activities in before planning in any other activities. I’ve talked about this idea before, using Stephen Covey’s explanation of putting in the ‘big rocks’ first.

Here’s one way I did it recently: I filled in a pie chart with each sliver representing possible ways to spend my time. I then rated each slice with the value (from 0 – 10) I place on it currently, and then give it a rating for where I want it to be.

Some of my categories: marriage, health, children, extended family, financial management, exercise. There could be many more. They each have their own number value assigned to it.

When there is a discrepancy between how I spend my time and how I want to spend my time, I consider what needed to be better balanced to reflect the true value.

For example, since I did this exercise during the summer, when the kids were all home, my husband and I didn’t have much quiet time together. My ‘marriage’ slice was imbalanced. So I planned that beginning the very first morning that the kids went back to school – before I filled my time with any of the smaller actions that are always available to fill time – we’d take a morning walk together. That’s been wonderful and now I feel realigned in that area.

Here’s my current morning schedule for every day except Shabbos:

4:45 am – wake up, get dressed

5 – 5:30 am – morning pages – write three pages of stream of consciousness by hand. This is from the book The Artist’s Way, and the purpose is to clear your mind. This is new to me this summer, not something I wanted to do at all but was strongly recommended by someone whose input I very much valued. I did it even though I had a lot of resistance to the idea, and when I shared with my husband the value I was getting from it, he started doing it as well. On most mornings we sit outside together when it’s still dark out, each busy with our own writing. It’s become something I really appreciate.

5:30 – 6:15 – meditation/visualization exercise, followed by davening/prayer.

6:15 – wake up the four youngest kids, get them ready for school – ideally I would pack lunches the night before but I haven’t yet gotten myself organized enough for that, so that happens first thing while they are waking up.

7:07 – 7:19 – be outside with kids waiting for pickup by school vans

7:20 – 7:30 – speak to a friend about three actions towards my goals (in whatever area of life) for the day. We’ve been doing this for almost six years, though usually later in the morning and that was hard because it sometimes felt like an interruption to the flow of my day. I really like speaking briefly at this time.

7:30 – 8 am – take a walk with my husband – this has the added benefit of both of us getting exercise and enjoying being in nature, since we try to stick to the quieter back roads as much as possible.

By the time I get home at 8, I’ve already had time for personal reflection, spiritual connection, spousal connection, focus on goals with a friend, and physical exercise, in addition to getting the kids up and out, which always feels like an accomplishment. I usually throw a load of clothes in the washing machine right before waking the kids up, and as soon as I get back from my walk I hang it up.

Though the house always needs to be organized at this point, and I don’t like to do other things when things aren’t in order, I’m disciplining myself to sit down and work on whatever actions are most important to me while my mind is still fresh and I have a good bit of ability to focus. There are always phone calls to make, dishes to wash or arrangements of some sort to take care of, but I put them off until I’ve done the things that require concentrated focus. This slot is what I reserve for working on bigger personal goals that need time and focused attention.

My mornings set me up for feeling good about my day as soon as I get up, and this schedule is working really well for me at this point.

I’m considering creating a relaxed evening routine that would ease into going to sleep, also something that I do every day so it becomes automatic. The purpose wouldn’t be to fill my evening with activities, but to support myself in consistently having a relaxed and peaceful evening that feels emotionally nourishing to me. While most nights I do a meditation before going to sleep, prior to that I tend to be unfocused and waste time due to tiredness and lack of clarity about what I want to be doing. So it would be helpful to sit down and clarify for myself what actions at that time would be supportive.

Avivah

For years, people have thrown around the term ‘Superwoman’ to refer to me, which I’ve strongly pushed back against. There’s no such thing as Superwoman; it’s a false construct and believing someone can do it all is a fallacy.

But lately, for the first time I can remember, I’ve been thinking to myself, “I feel like Superwoman!”

The amount of things I’ve been accomplishing is off the charts, and other than a nap midday I’m going and going – really doing things, not just being awake – from 4:45 am until I go to sleep by 11pm. (Well, to be perfectly honest, the hours after 7 pm are low energy times and I don’t get much done then.)

I don’t generally find wedding planning daunting, but less than a month before the wedding it became apparent I would need to plan the entire wedding from scratch. That was during the most busy time of the summer with all of the children home, as well as having married children and grandchildren visiting, in addition to the many appointments I was taking children to.

The wedding took place on Friday, Sept. 13; it was beautiful. Thank G-d, another beautiful couple has joined our family!

One thing that has been taking a good chunk of my time is a course that has been more intensive than I anticipated – the time I’ve needed to keep up has been double what I was told to expect. I’m enjoying it but the pace has been a stress at times.

Today I was at our weekly speech therapy appointment with ds12 and ds7.5 when I met a neighbor of the clinic. We got to talking and he mentioned he’s involved with alternative health; I asked him about what that means specifically and he said he works with energy.

I asked him some questions and he told me that some people are very closed, but then there are people like me who are easy to read. I asked him what he saw about me; he said a few accurate points, the first of which is that I have a lot of forward moving energy and it’s something that I need to balance.

For me this cautionary note very much resonated because with all that I already am doing, I’m thinking of moving into an arena that I’m very interested in but will require a lot of time and commitment. I want to do it as it aligns with goals that are important and meaningful to me, but at the same time it feels like a big push and I’m hesitant to pack my schedule too full. I’m efficient; I use my time consciously and well. Everything has gotten done and I don’t feel frenetic or harried. But I’m clear that I shouldn’t keep doing so much every day, even though I can. A high level of action was necessary for this season but I’d like to embrace a more relaxed schedule – time to say goodbye to Superwoman!

I love many aspects of my current schedule; I’ve prioritized the elements that are most important to me and my mornings are particularly fulfilling and productive. I have time for prayer, meditation, reflection, exercise, time with my husband, connection with a friend, and in the middle of it get my four youngest children ready for school with everyone usually in a positive state of mind.

This time of year is always when I think about goals and intentions for the coming year. For many years I knew I was moving forward but had no way to measure it or recognize the changes I made. Once I started setting concrete goals, it made it possible to see the improvements year upon year and that’s very gratifying.

I’m still in the process of setting my goals for the coming year. All of the above considerations are part of the process: am I trying to do too much? Can I move towards this significant personal goal without putting too much pressure on myself? How can I recalibrate my expectations of myself so I can make progress without getting discouraged if I don’t see the results I want as soon as I hope?

I’ve been repeatedly reminded that the focus shouldn’t be on the outcome, but on the process. We can’t measure our success by what we accomplish, but by who we become in the process of pursuing the goal. The effort is what matters, the end result isn’t in our control.

I’d love to hear if you have a time and approach to goal setting that’s been helpful for you – what do you do, and how do you do it?

Avivah