For years, people have thrown around the term ‘Superwoman’ to refer to me, which I’ve strongly pushed back against. There’s no such thing as Superwoman; it’s a false construct and believing someone can do it all is a fallacy.
But lately, for the first time I can remember, I’ve been thinking to myself, “I feel like Superwoman!”
The amount of things I’ve been accomplishing is off the charts, and other than a nap midday I’m going and going – really doing things, not just being awake – from 4:45 am until I go to sleep by 11pm. (Well, to be perfectly honest, the hours after 7 pm are low energy times and I don’t get much done then.)
I don’t generally find wedding planning daunting, but less than a month before the wedding it became apparent I would need to plan the entire wedding from scratch. That was during the most busy time of the summer with all of the children home, as well as having married children and grandchildren visiting, in addition to the many appointments I was taking children to.
The wedding took place on Friday, Sept. 13; it was beautiful. Thank G-d, another beautiful couple has joined our family!
One thing that has been taking a good chunk of my time is a course that has been more intensive than I anticipated – the time I’ve needed to keep up has been double what I was told to expect. I’m enjoying it but the pace has been a stress at times.
Today I was at our weekly speech therapy appointment with ds12 and ds7.5 when I met a neighbor of the clinic. We got to talking and he mentioned he’s involved with alternative health; I asked him about what that means specifically and he said he works with energy.
I asked him some questions and he told me that some people are very closed, but then there are people like me who are easy to read. I asked him what he saw about me; he said a few accurate points, the first of which is that I have a lot of forward moving energy and it’s something that I need to balance.
For me this cautionary note very much resonated because with all that I already am doing, I’m thinking of moving into an arena that I’m very interested in but will require a lot of time and commitment. I want to do it as it aligns with goals that are important and meaningful to me, but at the same time it feels like a big push and I’m hesitant to pack my schedule too full. I’m efficient; I use my time consciously and well. Everything has gotten done and I don’t feel frenetic or harried. But I’m clear that I shouldn’t keep doing so much every day, even though I can. A high level of action was necessary for this season but I’d like to embrace a more relaxed schedule – time to say goodbye to Superwoman!
I love many aspects of my current schedule; I’ve prioritized the elements that are most important to me and my mornings are particularly fulfilling and productive. I have time for prayer, meditation, reflection, exercise, time with my husband, connection with a friend, and in the middle of it get my four youngest children ready for school with everyone usually in a positive state of mind.
This time of year is always when I think about goals and intentions for the coming year. For many years I knew I was moving forward but had no way to measure it or recognize the changes I made. Once I started setting concrete goals, it made it possible to see the improvements year upon year and that’s very gratifying.
I’m still in the process of setting my goals for the coming year. All of the above considerations are part of the process: am I trying to do too much? Can I move towards this significant personal goal without putting too much pressure on myself? How can I recalibrate my expectations of myself so I can make progress without getting discouraged if I don’t see the results I want as soon as I hope?
I’ve been repeatedly reminded that the focus shouldn’t be on the outcome, but on the process. We can’t measure our success by what we accomplish, but by who we become in the process of pursuing the goal. The effort is what matters, the end result isn’t in our control.
I’d love to hear if you have a time and approach to goal setting that’s been helpful for you – what do you do, and how do you do it?
Avivah
Mazel tov!! You look radiant! Asach Yiddishe nachas!
Thank you, Chavi!
I work on being more effective on high priority items and then dropping low priority ones. When I am being very effective I make 3 or 4 priorities for the week and then align my to-do list to those. Everything else is dropped. I also set focus hours (I use a tool called focusmate.com) to get a solid amount of work done in a set amount of time (less than 90 minutes). For everything else I have started simply not doing things that don’t add as much value. In general I make a list of priorities and a list of tasks and those that don’t align are dropped or pushed to either someone else or I come up with some way to “automate”. For example I am now getting most of my food delivered, it turns out to be cheaper (because of where I can shop) and saves me hours a week of a task that does not add any value to my life and that I don’t enjoy. But the lesson that I learned the hard way is that it is just as important to have a “I am done time” and then the rest of the time / day is spent on down time. Being productive all the time is not healthy or achievable for most knowledge workers, or people who need to be thoughtful about what they do. I can send you a list of the people that I got these from if you are interested.
Nechama, what an amazing response, packed with value! Thank you!
I like everything you said and especially your final comment about being productive all the time not being healthy or achievable. I haven’t heard that before but it so much aligns with my gut feeling – you can push for a season but it’s not good for constant action to become a set point. Yes, I’d love to see your list of people – can you post it here? I’m sure I’m not the only person who will want to see it.
The Art of Impossible: A Peak Performance Primer https://g.co/kgs/AW3wnuY I also took his class. Great lines plan your day before you do it. You clearly do that. He is very research based. Darren Hardy does a class called insane productivity. But his book https://resources.darrenhardy.com/tce-resources1663163081308 living your best year ever is a good starter resource. He ends up in the same place as Art of the Impossible from interviewing people. But again the idea that you have down time and that you fully shut down is key to maintaining balance. There is a woman who teaches similar stuff but I can’t remember her name.
Thank you, it sounds very interesting and I’ll look into the books!
Edited to add that I just looked at the first book you mentioned, and the term peak performance brought up a lot of resistance for me, with a feeling of stress just reading the book description. It’s only because you made the recommendation that I pushed on to read more.
Mazel Tov Avivah on the lovely Simcha! You look beautiful!
All for writing and setting goals, learning more, achieving more. Just remember you have Bh’ a family that many are still dependent on you and your time.
I would say set your goals, see if you can fit in the amount of time needed for this new experience. Like Aryeh’s Mom wrote, Maybe there are things you can do by Delivery, (shopping) Delegating other house work. Your children need their Mommy for bathtime ,bedtime. Maybe you can make it work by saying 1 or 2 days are devoted to your work, and have your Husband man the fort at home. again, with young children, other things might need a step back for now.
Thank you, Rachelli!
I’m not planning to take time away from the kids – anything I do will be done in the mornings when they’re in school. I have to manage my time carefully, though, since there are so many other things that need to be done. I’ve decided to go at a slower pace with regards to this goal.