As a prelude to creating my morning schedule, I sat down to consciously decide what areas of my life are most valuable. Then I plan those activities in before planning in any other activities. I’ve talked about this idea before, using Stephen Covey’s explanation of putting in the ‘big rocks’ first.
Here’s one way I did it recently: I filled in a pie chart with each sliver representing possible ways to spend my time. I then rated each slice with the value (from 0 – 10) I place on it currently, and then give it a rating for where I want it to be.
Some of my categories: marriage, health, children, extended family, financial management, exercise. There could be many more. They each have their own number value assigned to it.
When there is a discrepancy between how I spend my time and how I want to spend my time, I consider what needed to be better balanced to reflect the true value.
For example, since I did this exercise during the summer, when the kids were all home, my husband and I didn’t have much quiet time together. My ‘marriage’ slice was imbalanced. So I planned that beginning the very first morning that the kids went back to school – before I filled my time with any of the smaller actions that are always available to fill time – we’d take a morning walk together. That’s been wonderful and now I feel realigned in that area.
Here’s my current morning schedule for every day except Shabbos:
4:45 am – wake up, get dressed
5 – 5:30 am – morning pages – write three pages of stream of consciousness by hand. This is from the book The Artist’s Way, and the purpose is to clear your mind. This is new to me this summer, not something I wanted to do at all but was strongly recommended by someone whose input I very much valued. I did it even though I had a lot of resistance to the idea, and when I shared with my husband the value I was getting from it, he started doing it as well. On most mornings we sit outside together when it’s still dark out, each busy with our own writing. It’s become something I really appreciate.
5:30 – 6:15 – meditation/visualization exercise, followed by davening/prayer.
6:15 – wake up the four youngest kids, get them ready for school – ideally I would pack lunches the night before but I haven’t yet gotten myself organized enough for that, so that happens first thing while they are waking up.
7:07 – 7:19 – be outside with kids waiting for pickup by school vans
7:20 – 7:30 – speak to a friend about three actions towards my goals (in whatever area of life) for the day. We’ve been doing this for almost six years, though usually later in the morning and that was hard because it sometimes felt like an interruption to the flow of my day. I really like speaking briefly at this time.
7:30 – 8 am – take a walk with my husband – this has the added benefit of both of us getting exercise and enjoying being in nature, since we try to stick to the quieter back roads as much as possible.
By the time I get home at 8, I’ve already had time for personal reflection, spiritual connection, spousal connection, focus on goals with a friend, and physical exercise, in addition to getting the kids up and out, which always feels like an accomplishment. I usually throw a load of clothes in the washing machine right before waking the kids up, and as soon as I get back from my walk I hang it up.
Though the house always needs to be organized at this point, and I don’t like to do other things when things aren’t in order, I’m disciplining myself to sit down and work on whatever actions are most important to me while my mind is still fresh and I have a good bit of ability to focus. There are always phone calls to make, dishes to wash or arrangements of some sort to take care of, but I put them off until I’ve done the things that require concentrated focus. This slot is what I reserve for working on bigger personal goals that need time and focused attention.
My mornings set me up for feeling good about my day as soon as I get up, and this schedule is working really well for me at this point.
I’m considering creating a relaxed evening routine that would ease into going to sleep, also something that I do every day so it becomes automatic. The purpose wouldn’t be to fill my evening with activities, but to support myself in consistently having a relaxed and peaceful evening that feels emotionally nourishing to me. While most nights I do a meditation before going to sleep, prior to that I tend to be unfocused and waste time due to tiredness and lack of clarity about what I want to be doing. So it would be helpful to sit down and clarify for myself what actions at that time would be supportive.
Avivah
Oh dear. You wake up really early. Really, really, early. No wonder you’re tired at night. If it works for you – so great. For myself it would never work. I can’t function well when I’m tired.
Also, when your time is budgeted so closely, what do you do when the unexpected happens, or, worse, when you’re not feeling well? It doesn’t look like there’s much slack in this system.
You are doing an incredible amount, and getting it done through a combination of efficiency/good planning, dedication to the cause, mental conditioning, and sheer physical grit. If it was me, I would have burnt out long ago.
I hope that you find a way to get done what needs to be done in a way that’s healthy and nurturing and forgiving for YOU, not just for all those around you. (Maybe there’s a way to do less, or have other people do it. Or maybe not. It seems like dealing with the foster care system and unreasonable guardian ad litem is a fulltime job and constant headache, above and beyond dealing with the actual – challenging – kids and their many needs. And that’s on top of being the mother of a large family with kids at stages, with different needs. And I seem to remember that you are also caring for your aging mother….)
Aviva, I’m just curious what is the ideal time for you to hit the hay in order to wake at 4:45 am? I’m not sure if it’s true, but I once heard that every hour that we sleep before midnight could be the equivalent of two if we had gone to sleep after midnight. If you are tired the next day, do you nap? If so, for how long and does it help?
I appreciate your sharing with us how you are mindful in all areas of your life. I have always been a time-waster and afraid of hard work. Now that I’m middle aged I have great regret over that mindset. I’m interested in improving, though when there’s so much to improve it’s easy for me to throw up my hands and claim that I’m overwhelmed.
One of my adult sons (single) has offered to have a once a week “efficiency meeting” with me and we set goals. It’s a pretty good idea; I definitely do better when I’m part of a team effort, though his mannerism is rather forceful (he’s a neat freak — I guess he’s rebelling. Lol) and I have to remember to just appreciate his concern and ideas and not take anything he says too personally. He even gave me a homework assignment of finding a permanent place in the house for my efficiency notebook because otherwise there’s too much clutter and I wouldn’t be able to reference it.
Leah, my ideal is 9:30 and though that wasn’t doable during the busy summer weeks, it is now and that’s where I’m aiming to be.
I usually take a nap every day at around 1 – 2 pm, before the kids come home from school. (Not always during those hectic weeks, but again, that was an unusual time.) That works well for me to keep me going until the evening.
I’m not mindful of all of my time; I’ve wasted plenty of time. For years after my car accident five years ago, my energy was very very low and I couldn’t accomplish much.BH, I’m super grateful to have the health and energy to do all that I do now. It’s a blessing and I don’t take it for granted because I didn’t have this capacity for such a long time, and I’m grateful that I now need to exercise discipline to get to bed because for years I had no possibility of staying up late because I simply couldn’t.
Good luck on your meeting with your son!
B”H sounds like you have a very fulfilling and meaningful morning. When do you have breakfast? and what do you eat? 🙂
I like the piechart idea. Thank you for sharing!
I usually eat a couple of times a day but I don’t set a time for that. I tend to eat mid morning and around 5 pm. I have a very unexciting meal plan for myself; I eat basically the same few things all the time, high fat and moderate protein, which keeps me satiated and my energy stays on an even keel.