Avivah Werner

Blog

  • Putting in a bathtub – DIY

    Last winter, my husband wistfully commented a number of times as to how much he wished we had a bathtub; we have four bathrooms but every single one has a shower.

    My husband asked someone who does renovations what would be involved in putting in a bathtub. I didn’t think there was room for a bathtub, and would have assumed even if there was room it would be a huge amount of work and expense, but after this conversation, my husband assured me it was doable.

    We could move the sink to a different wall, and then the bathtub would be placed on the wall where the sink and shower had been.

    The space was a little small but there are bathtubs sized for approximately that space.

    When I was buying tiles for the new kitchen backsplash in the spring, I found one with the right measurements and bought it as a surprise for my husband.

    While he was pleasantly surprised, a bathtub does not a bath make.

    The bathtub sat, and sat and sat.

    Months went by, and finally my husband decided to call someone to put it in for us. That person did the plumbing, but said he didn’t have time to do the tiling. The tub was usable, but it was so visually unattractive.

    You can see on the left where the shower was, and on the right where the sink was.

    The new bathtub installed; shower was on the left, the sink was on the right.

    My husband said he would do the tiling but wasn’t sure where to begin. In addition, he works full-time so he really didn’t have much extra time for a project like this.

    We had an added challenge. The current tiling was put in when the house was built, about 14 years ago. So obviously that’s not in stock anymore.

    The floor is a beige with a brown undertone; the tiles are patterned white and silver with a gray undertone. While it looks good together, do you know how difficult it is to find tiles that match both the existing walls and the floors? Not possible at all.

    My husband said we should tile the tub surround plain white. I balked and said we absolutely were not going to do a renovation that looked low grade and dumpy. My suggestion was to retile the entire bathroom and tub surround.

    My husband was understandingly quite unenthused about a project of that scope.

    The solution that met both of our needs was inspired by a different project that is still in progress: the retiling of the laundry room and children’s bathroom. Their bathroom has the same tiles as our bathroom, and though many had been removed by then and were broken in the process, some were still on the wall.

    My husband watched some videos to learn how to remove them from the wall in their entirety. Then he removed the tiles, until he had enough for our new bathtub surround.

    There was a good bit of other unseen work that needed to be done before he could begin setting the tiles, but finally there was visible progress being made. (Below, laying out the frst row of tiles.)

    (Below, the final results.)

    We’re both very pleased with how it turned out. He did a great job.

    There are a couple more details before we wrap up this project. One is the attach faucets on the wall where the sink was.

    The other is to replace the tile on the wall that has two holes drilled into it from when the sink was attached.

    But the biggest part of the project is finished; the other items can be taken care of relatively quickly.

    ————-

    While this project dragged out longer than my husband would have liked, he’s very, very happy to have a bathtub!

    The last couple of winters, he’s felt rundown and constantly under the weather. He kept wondering what he could do to boost his immune system, since he eats well, thinks positively, and exercises regularly.

    Voila! This winter has been dramatically better than the last two for him. He hasn’t had any cold symptoms nor the constant feeling of being under the weather. He attributes the dramatic improvement to his nightly bath, which is warming and invigorating.

    Avivah

  • Things I don’t buy

    In order to save, you have to have a gap between what you spend and what you earn. There’s no way around that. You can earn more, you can cut your costs, or both.

    Everyone is interested in big ways to save money, but those suggestions are limited: buy a used car, live in a less expensive neighborhood. There just aren’t that many big ways to save.

    However, there are endless ways to save in smaller ways, and they add up.

    Creating financial margin is also about what you don’t spend money on.

    Here are some of my spending choices. They aren’t recommendations for anyone else, though perhaps it will get your mental juices flowing about ways you can create more financial margin for yourself.

    Things I don’t buy/spend on:

    • We don’t go out to eat.
    • I buy most of the ingredients for our meals at a discount and plan around them.
    • I make almost everything from scratch.
    • I don’t order takeout, no matter how tired I am.
    • I don’t buy ready made freezer food.
    • I don’t buy premade snacks.
    • I don’t buy premade desserts or bakery items. The exception is sliced bread and pitas for school lunches, and sometimes Shabbos challah.
    • I don’t serve desserts during the week.
    • Takeout coffee or tea – I don’t drink coffee but I keep some in the house for visitors. I don’t buy creamers or flavored syrups.
    • Soft drinks, soda, lemonade, sweetened tea – we drink water and buy seltzer for Shabbos. I make and preserve our own juice.
    • Salad dressings – I make our own.
    • Condiments or spice blends – I make them.
    • Bottled water – when at home drink tap water. I have a filter but where I’m living, we have decent quality water. We fill water bottles to take with us when we go out,
    • Disposable dishes – I primarily use them twice a year when I have lots of guests for Sukkos and Pesach, but very little during the rest of the year.
    • Paper towels – I use rags and wash them.
    • Hair cuts – I give haircuts for the entire family
    • Hair products like hair oils, serums, styling gels, hairspray – I buy shampoo and conditioner.
    • Hair dyes
    • Scented bath products – epsom salts and some essential oils are all we use.
    • Skincare products: toners, cleansers, serums, exfoliators, face masks, sunscreens – I don’t use any of them.
    • Hand and body creams – I use shea butter and castor oil to make my own salves.
    • Cosmetics – I don’t use more than lipstick on a regular basis; my sister gifted me with high quality makeup before our second child’s wedding and now I have a lifetime supply.
    • Makeup wipes – soap and a washcloth does the job.
    • Nail polish – I don’t use it other than to label pans.
    • Beauty treatments – facials, botox, fillers – nope.
    • Manicures/pedicures – you can learn to do these for yourself if you care about them, but I don’t.
    • Scented candles, room fresheners – I don’t like artificial smells; we have an essential oil diffuser which is really nice but even that I rarely use.
    • Cleaning products – I stick with the basics: dish soap, laundry detergent, oxygen spray for clothing, and toilet cleaner. Once a year for Pesach I use a heavy duty oven cleaner. I made my own citrus cleanser/degreaser, but generally baking soda (bought in bulk), vinegar (bought in bulk) and elbow grease do the trick for just about all cleaning.
    • Floor wipes – I didn’t even know this was a thing until I took my mom shopping and she wanted them. I use a squeeze/sponja stick and washable rag to clean the floor.
    • I rarely use the dryer – I hang clothes outside to dry, and pay attention to the weather in the rainy season to take advantage of sunny days and do lots of laundry then.
    • Dryer sheets
    • Gym membership
    • Workout equipment
    • New or leased vehicles – we buy used cars that we pay for in cash.
    • Full service car wash – I don’t wash the car myself because our parking space is too far from my house for our hose to reach. Once a year I get a full cleaning done at the car wash. There are self-clean paid options for in between washes.
    • Scented sprays for the car
    • Vacations – we see our home as a place to enjoy being together. We don’t fly to destinations; we don’t stay in hotels. In the US we did yearly camping trips but since moving here have only done that once. (We’re talking about reinstating those.) We do paid day trips; for example, the older boys to a water park; the younger kids to an indoor amusement park. We have many hikes, picnics, and trips to the beach.
    • Cleaning help – I’ve never had paid cleaning help; we clean our own house.
    • Renovations – We’ve framed walls, replaced kitchens, put in a new bathroom, put up fencing, built decks, patios and pergolas, and tiled walls and floors. We do the work ourselves, so the costs are in time and materials. Still a big outlay though nothing compared to what it would cost to hire the work out. The exception that we pay for is plumbing and electricity.
    • Catering – I’ve self-catered every family gathering, bar mitzva, l’chaim, engagement party and sheva brachos meal for over three decades.
    • Impulse spending – when I go into a store, I get what I came for and don’t get distracted by things that look interesting.
    • Shopping as a hobby or therapy – I don’t go shopping to make myself feel better or because I’m bored.
    • I don’t shop to get an ingredient that I’ve run out of – I try to plan ahead but if I run short, I adjust my plans and use what I have.
    • We don’t smoke, drink or gamble, so no expenses on any of those things.
    • Jewelery – I have a minimum amount of real jewelery, and don’t have a desire to add to it. I occasionally buy some inexpensive costume jewelery to add some pizazz.
    • Purses, handbags – I only use one at a time, and replace it every couple of years. I buy new because I look for something specific, but it’s not expensive.
    • Magazines – I don’t buy them. A friend occasionally passes a pile of hers to me when she’s finished.
    • Very limited afterschool activities – once the kids are home, I don’t want them to go out for more activities.
    • Kids clothing – I buy as much as I can used, though not infrequently the ‘used’ clothing is new with tags from second hand sales.
    • Kids toys – I buy toys infrequently; when I buy, I get good quality that will stand up to a lot of use and last for years, and can be used in different ways to maximize the play value.
    • Kids books – I usually get from library sales or from community book exchanges. Occasionally I buy new books when it’s something I want to have; I bind or cover them with contact paper to keep them in good condition.
    • Home decor – I stay away from the ongoing purchase of whimsical, seasonal items.
    • New furniture – I buy good quality used items and maintain them.

    I try not to look at what others have, and not compare myself to anyone.

    A really strong principle for me is when I don’t have money for something, I won’t buy it. I don’t say, it’s a necessity so I’ll get it and figure out how to pay for it later. A friend many years ago told me she could never live like this, that it was too hard.

    Sometimes this has been hard but it kept us out of debt even at times that would have financially sunk most people. And by keeping that commitment to living within (and below) our means, as our income went up, it made it possible to put aside larger sums of money.

    Avivah

  • Changes in visitation

    At the committee meeting several months ago, it was decided that the twins will not be having visitation with their mother. It’s unclear what has to change in order for her to visit them again and no one will say how long this is for.

    I was initially dismayed to hear this, not knowing what precipitated the decision. I believe it’s important for the children to see their parents and it’s a serious thing to cut a child off from a parent.

    I was even more dismayed when I learned how problematic the supervised visitation with her has been, because I had no idea that was happening. I didn’t know until after after visitation was revoked, that the social worker who supervises visitation isn’t allowed to tell me anything about what goes on.

    I thought when they told me after each meeting that it was fine, that was actually the case.

    I was getting the kids back immediately after emotionally difficult visits with no warning or explanation of what went on, which is incredibly unfair to the children and to us.

    I’m sorry I can’t give them a more definite idea of how long it will be before they can see her again, because this undefined timeline is very hard for them.

    ——————

    Another decision was that the visitation with their father would be extended from supervised visits of one hour, to two hours.

    Now, a couple of months later, they’ve just authorized him to take the kids without supervision for the two hour visitation.

    I just brought the children home from this first ‘open’ visitation, as it’s called. It was an enjoyable time for them: he took them for pizza, ice cream, then to a store and bought them whatever they requested.

    They had a video call with a lot of family members (grandparents, aunts and cousins) they haven’t been in touch with for almost three and a half years. Their father said they’ll have another video call next time.

    I’m sure everyone was very excited to see the children, and it’s nice for them to know that there are so many people who care about them. But this is very problematic.

    And then, dd8 told me, their father told them that once he learns to take care of them, they’re going to come back to live with him.

    This is the kind of statement that wouldn’t have been allowed during supervised visitation. Several months ago I took dd8 for an urgent therapy appointment on erev Yom Kippur after her mother made a statement like this during the supervised visitation. It was very emotionally destabilizing.

    The supervising social worker at the time claimed it was fine based on what she was taught. Dd’s therapist was disturbed at how damaging what happened was, and was in touch with the therapist who did the training. That trainer said it was handled exactly the opposite of what she taught.

    The good thing that came out of that is that now the social worker has gotten correct guidance and other children won’t have to suffer from the wrong approach being used.

    It’s very confusing for the children to be told that they’re going to live somewhere else, because it takes away the security they currently feel in our home, knowing this is their place. Children don’t have a good sense of time, so while their father is speaking about something that may happen in years, for them that feels like they may be going to live with him any day.

    It turns out that the father was supposed to be given guidance on what was acceptable and what wasn’t. But that fell through the cracks and he was allowed to see the children without any supervision and without any discussion about the appropriate parameters being articulated.

    We’ll now need to deal with the fallout of this meeting, but I hope the boundaries will be clarified before future visits, to minimize the emotional stress on the children.

    Avivah

  • Deep contentment

    Our dog was resting in the kitchen while I was washing dishes, when ds8 came over to play with her.

    Ds8, putting it mildly, has a lot of energy and while the dog often enjoys it, she sometimes is in the mood for a mellower kind of interaction. In this moment, she scooched close to me to get away from him, without me realizing she had moved so close.

    When I took a small step backwards, I felt something soft, and lurched to the side to avoid stepping on her. I lost my balance and fell backwards; my head hit the wall. I crashed into the stacked baskets of produce, and as they collapsed, all the potatoes, onions and squash fell on top of me.

    It might have been comical if someone had been watching. It didn’t feel funny at all, though. My family members wondered if the dog barks since they never heard her, but when I fell, she was so alarmed she set to barking furiously for over five minutes.

    I got up, all in one piece, though sore and bruised. I am so grateful to be a physically and emotionally resilient person.

    I made an appointment with the osteopath, who ended up having a cancellation just two days later so I didn’t have to wait long for an appointment.

    I used to go to the osteopath once a month, to deal with the pain I had in my hip/knee/foot areas. When I switched to a carnivore diet a couple of years ago, the pain vanished.

    Even though in the last year I haven’t been strict carnivore, being heavily meat based has been enough that I rarely have pain. When I do eat something that causes inflammation and start to feel twinges of discomfort, I know what caused it and what I need to do to feel better.

    I’ve taken a couple of kids in the last year for appointments, but haven’t needed any treatment for myself for two years since I’ve been feeling so good.

    I thought I was mostly recovered from the fall, but he’s excellent and right away could tell which parts of my body were affected without me telling him. He can feel which muscles are tighter and what part of the body is hurting. He also picks up other things, like how things are working in different internal organs.

    When he finished, I thanked him, and he told me, “Avivah, you’re a strong woman (he tells me this every time), and you have a heart filled with happiness.”

    I laughed and asked, “Is that also the kind of thing you pick up on?”

    “Yes, it is; I see that you are happy with your life.”

    It’s true, and it’s interesting he picked up on it since there’s nothing I said that would have led to that conclusion. I don’t walk around bubbling over with laughter or smiling all the time, and sometimes I complain and focus on the negative or annoying.

    But overall I have a deep feeling of contentment with my life.

    I love my life filled with simple pleasures.

    I love the slower pace and beautiful views where I live.

    I enjoy seeing the green weeds springing up all over.

    I love the sun on my face. Have you ever thought how lucky we are to have the sensation of its warmth on your face? I think about that often. For an entire year after my face was badly burned in 2014, I wasn’t allowed to have any sun on my face. Sunlight is an incredible gift.

    I enjoy planting things and watching them grow.

    I enjoy seeing the dog play and jump.

    I enjoy watching the chickens peck in my yard.

    I appreciate being able to eat food that feels good in my body and makes my body feel good.

    I love my daily morning walk with my husband, rain or shine.

    I love being the mother of so many amazing human beings, and grandmother to so many more. This is deep, deep joy.

    I really like being me. As I am, right now, continually in process as a human on this planet.

    There are things in the world that can be anxiety provoking or frightening when we focus our attention on them. But it’s a beautiful world we live in, and the more we stop to notice all the small things that are going well, the better life feels.

    Avivah

  • The vet was so angry – our different views on dog nutrition

    Five days after we adopted our dog Nala from the shelter, she woke up listless and not interested in her food.

    The vet at the shelter told me not to be alarmed if she experienced digestive upset the first week, that it’s common and to be expected due to the changes in her life.

    Nonetheless, since she’s so new to us, I wanted to confirm that everything was okay and made an appointment at the vet.

    Our usual vet was on vacation and her secretary recommended someone else. Before I even walked into the building for the appointment, Nala was feeling so much better that I wondered if I should cancel the appointment.

    But I decided to get her checked out anyway.

    Everything was fine until the vet asked what I fed her the day before, and I responded, “Chicken.”

    “Chicken?!” she asked in disbelief. “With bones?”

    “Yes, it was raw”, I assured her, knowing that the potential issue in giving bones is only when they are cooked.

    (Before deciding to feed our dog a raw carnivore diet, which is frankly intuitive for carnivorous animals descended from wolves, I first did research on how to do it in a balanced and healthy way. I found the teachings of veterinary surgeon Dr. Ian Billinghurst, ‘father’ of the raw feeding approach, with over four decades of experience, particularly valuable.)

    She became accusatory and hostile, and it was obvious she viewed me as a wildly irresponsible dog owner who was on track to be a dog killer.

    “No, you absolutely can not give that! Would you eat raw chicken? You can’t give it to your dog, either! She’ll get salmonella or e-coli poisoning.”

    I was in disbelief at the absurdity of her question. Since when is the guideline of what to feed a pet based on what a person eats? Dogs have a different digestive system than humans, and are scavengers who routinely bury their food only to dig it up to eat weeks later after it’s rotted. I think Nala can handle a raw chicken wing.

    But instead of saying any of what I was thinking, I asked for clarification: “So you’re saying the chicken and meat has to be cooked?”

    “No! No meat or chicken at all! They need to have appropriate dog food.”

    Conveniently, she happens to sell the perfectly formulated combination of grains, seed oils and meat byproducts that is known as kibble. “It’s expensive, but it’s very good quality.”

    I don’t care how many scientists worked on that formulation. It’s not biologically appropriate and there’s no way the quality can compete with what I’m feeding her.

    I have a section of the freezer packed with her food: chicken wings, turkey necks, chicken hearts, liver, beef tongue, beef roast, and on Shabbos morning when I go to shul, I leave her a meaty beef bone to chew on. I also give her eggs and raw goat milk. I feed according to the 80/10/10 ratios: 80 percent protein, 10 percent bone, 10 percent organ meat (half of that is liver).

    The vet diagnosed Nala with a mild digestive infection – from the chicken, she said – and gave me antibiotics for her. (I didn’t use them – I gave her vitamin C powder in her water as soon as we got home.) I didn’t bother making any query about digestive upset the first week in a new home being expected.

    After presenting me with a bill of almost 500 shekels, she again stressed that dogs can’t eat food that people eat.

    “It’s not like it was once upon a time, when people gave their pets table scraps and the pets only lived three years. Now you’ve learned a lesson for next time.”

    Actually, dogs lived dramatically longer when they lived off table scraps instead of kibble, and once they began eating commercial dog food, human diseases like cancer and diabetes became common.

    She was right about one thing: I learned a lesson. It just wasn’t the lesson she thought she had taught me, to only give my dog kibble.

    I learned that we are woefully misaligned and I will not be going back.

    After I got home and did some more research, I learned that veterinary nutritional training is paid for by the pet food companies. The things I’ve learned about pet nutrition will keep animals much healthier and living longer lives, but it’s not what is being taught.

    I understand that the vet and I are products of different education and different paradigms. My biggest issue wasn’t that we disagreed, but that she wasn’t respectful and communicated in a hostile manner. I speak to a lot of people about a lot of things, and am comfortable with different viewpoints being shared. I’m not okay with disrespect.

    She did admonish me to immediately get pet health insurance, since as a young dog Nala is expected to have a lifetime of vet visits in her future. We have different ideas about that, too.

    I took our last dog to vet once in six years for a diagnosis, then treated him at home with vitamin C.

    I didn’t raw feed him but I did minimize the kibble since it became obvious he hated it and would only eat it if he were desperate. He had very good health, with people constantly mistaking him for a much younger dog, and his past owners were shocked he was still living when we spoke the year before he died.

    I’m confident that this nutritional approach will give my dog the best possible life, so we’ll be sticking with what we’re doing.

    Avivah

  • Are the new US dietary guidelines a cause for celebration?

    There’s been a lot of exultation being expressed about the changes to the US dietary pyramid recommendations, and my initial response on viewing it was to be pleasantly surprised.

    I know that RFK eats a diet very similar to mine (close to carnivore) and he’s very knowledgeable about real nutrition, but I couldn’t imagine how any meaningful changes would be supported.

    When I saw the new food pyramid picture, I thought it was too good to be true. After all, a lot of money would be lost by major food producers if these guidelines were followed. Not only that, the masses of people with improving health would create a huge financial loss to the pharmaceutical industry. Tremendous earnings are involved in the food pyramid and the stakes are very high – for the individual’s health, and for the revenue potential of the biggest companies in the US.

    There are a lot of lobbyists battling to keep the status quo, and I presume that every single bit of change on this pyramid was fought for. I give a lot of credit to those who pushed for the changes.

    Here are the specific guidelines of the new pyramid, ten pages in all. It’s worth reading because you’ll understand the most important detail is one you might think insignificant.

    First, the good news and improvements are immediately visible. Look at all that beautiful whole food! Look at meat, chicken and cheese being the foundation of a good diet! All high fat, high nutrient density foods, long been demonized and now being highlighted as ideal.

    Look how carefully the lower carb vegetables make up the higher amount of the diet, with low carb berries and avocados close to the foundation; sugary fruits like bananas and grapes are listed higher up, being they should be eaten more moderately.

    All this is amazing. So much of what they wrote in the guidelines is really good. Not perfect, but very good.

    Healthy fats are part of the healthy foundation. Let’s look at the literature to see what they’re calling healthy fats. I was happy to see the following, making for a long overdue official policy change in the attitude towards saturated fats.

    “Incorporate healthy fats: Healthy fats are plentiful in many whole
    foods, such as meats, poultry, eggs, omega-3–rich seafood, nuts, seeds, full-fat dairy, olives, and avocados.”

    “When cooking with or adding fats to meals, prioritize oils with essential fatty acids, such as olive oil. Other options can include butter or beef tallow.”

    What??? Butter and beef tallow? Long claimed to be heart clogging, now being listed as fats to prioritize? I thought for a moment that angels were singing.

    And then I came to the next line, and this is the nail in the coffin for this food pyramid:

    “In general, saturated fat consumption should not exceed 10% of total daily calories. Significantly limiting highly processed foods will help meet this goal. More high-quality research is needed to determine which types of dietary fats best support long-term health.“

    Let’s ignore that mealy mouthed, wishy washy final statement. There have been tons of studies done and we know what dietary fats support long term health: saturated fats. This statement was clearly included to appease someone.

    Let’s look at the other two sentences before that. Do you think that fast food is high in saturated fat? Do you think that highly processed foods are high in saturated fats?

    Not if they’re prepared with seed oils they aren’t.

    All a processed food producer of a high saturated fat product needs to change to be within guidelines is to shift from palm oil to canola. Then their labels can claim they meet the health guidelines, making them appear to be a healthy option.

    If limiting processed foods isn’t going to keep your saturated fat intake down to 10%, what will you have to limit?

    You will have to cut down your intake on the exact foods that are listed as foundational: meat, chicken, eggs, butter, tallow! So logistically speaking, these are the foods that will have to be minimized to fit the guidelines of the recommended diet.

    The protein guidelines have been increased, which is great. What can be served that will meat the increased protein guidelines, and stay within the 10% saturated fat cap?

    Plant proteins.

    You don’t see plant proteins pictured in the new pyramid, but they are mentioned in the document and it’s the details that matter, not the hyped up picture.

    What fats will they use, if they can’t use saturated fats without going over the guidelines?

    Seed oils.

    You may say, who cares about the details? These are great changes! No one reads the specifics of the guidelines; people will look at the picture and will be encouraged to eat more of those high nutrient dense foods.

    For the individuals who do that, it’s a huge gain for them.

    HOWEVER. All food served through federal food programs will need to align with the guidelines. How many people does that affect? All school meals (60% of school children get school lunches), elderly food programs (1-2 million people), food programs for the poor, military, and prison meals (2 million adults) need to comply with the guidelines. All food in hospitals and nursing homes will have to comply with these guidelines. That’s a huge percentage of the US population that is affected by these guidelines.

    You see, the food that is government funded to many millions of Americans isn’t going to change much at all. I’m guessing the biggest change to the government approved menus, will be Pop Tarts being replaced by the Impossible Burger. I am really skeptical that will produce notable gains in health.

    Presumably nutritionists and doctors will be trained using these guidelines, and again, they’ll be promoting nutritional information that is very limited and won’t result in good health.

    (I found an article detailing the issues with this pyramid by Nina Teicholz, author of The Big Fat Surprise: Why Butter, Meat and Cheese Belong in a Healthy Diet. It’s definitely worth a read, since she was on the inside trying to pass meaningful changes that would benefit the health of the US citizens.)

    Now you understand how these guidelines could pass. It’s not going to make nearly as many changes to the health or pockets as it would appear at first glance.

    ——————-

    For me, it doesn’t make a difference one way or another what the guidelines are. I’ve done my own research over many years about nutrition and other aspects of health. I’ll continue to do those things, whether they are recommended or not.

    Every one of you has the ability to take responsibility for your own health. It’s literally in your hands, the hand that puts food in your mouth.

    Don’t abdicate that responsibility to anyone else.

    Don’t be distracted by politicians or grandstanding.

    Keep your focus on your own choice, and keep taking the next step in the direction you want to go.

    Avivah

  • Gleaning free fruit

    I shared with you about my citrus trees and how much we’re enjoying harvesting them.

    Maybe you don’t have citrus trees – but there’s a good chance you can enjoy some free, freshly picked produce, too.

    This morning I was walking with my husband when we passed a pile of tree clippings. I always pause to see if there’s something I want to take a cutting of, and this time I saw one of the trees that had been pruned was a lemon tree. The prunings were filled with lemons.

    I picked the fruit that was easily accessible; I could see more but didn’t take it all. Here it is:

    This is one example of someone who has more than they can use, and the extra fruit has become a burden.

    Many people have fruit trees that produce more than they can use, and the fruit ends up wasted. On my daily walk I see trees loaded with fruits, with many fallen fruits on the ground below.

    If they have fruit trees, chances are good that they appreciate the fruits. Why would they not pick them? Maybe they have more than they can use, or their time and energy doesn’t allow them to harvest their trees. Maybe they moved into a home that already had fruit trees, and the fruit isn’t something that interests them.

    Many people would love to see the fruits being used, and a bonus is that their yards will stay clean of all the rotting fruit that would otherwise surround the trees.

    Obviously, some people might rather have the waste and mess rather than someone they don’t know coming into their space, and that is understandable. If someone came to me, I’d want to know they nice people, and weren’t going to destroy my trees, waste the fruit or make a mess in my yard.

    You might have people you already know who you can approach; it’s easiest to start with them. My next door neighbor has a lot of fruit and one of my married children asked me why I don’t ask to harvest their trees. The answer is that I have enough of my own! But she had told me I was welcome to pick if I wanted, that she doesn’t have time for it right now.

    Whether it’s someone you know or someone you’ve never met, before approaching someone with a fruit tree, keep in mind what their concerns might be. Be respectful, let them know you won’t leave a mess, and offer to give them some of the fruit you’ve picked. (I’ve never had anyone who wanted any of it, but some will.) You might want to bake them a pie or make some preserves with the fruit you picked that you’ll share with them.

    I started gleaning free fruit when someone on Craigs List posted they had lots of fruit free for the picking, so I went with my children and we picked a bunch.

    After seeing how happy the owners were that we came, I realized it was a mutually beneficial situation, and it didn’t look like we were poor and needy people who didn’t have money for food.

    I approached two different owners of apple trees, both within a few streets of my home, and both agreed.

    I approached the owner of two pear trees around the corner, and they agreed. None minded if I picked when they were there or not, and all were glad for the fruit to be used. One of them had children who watched us picking apples, and that made my children feel awkward.

    I used every bit of that fruit. Some I turned into compote, preserves and chutneys, and took some over to the owners, thanking them again.

    I have no doubt that I would still be able to pick those trees years later, based on the positive interactions we had.

    There are plenty of trees in the public domain that you can pick without asking anyone. Even without making much of an effort, we’ve found and picked carobs, dates, figs, and olives.

    Here in Israel the first tree we harvested was a pomegranate tree growing on our street. (You can see a picture of my then five year old with his haul.) My little boys picked loads of pomegranates from it, and from that time on, all the children in the neighborhood would pick them. But no one considered picking the fruit until then.

    Aside from the free fruit you get, it’s a nice activity, by yourself or with your family! You get out in the fresh air and sunshine, and it’s a wholesome and enjoyable activity.

    So don’t be bashful – if free, organic fruit interests you, give it a try!

    Avivah

  • Harvesting our citrus trees – oh how our garden is growing!

    We’re beginning to experience the ‘fruit’ of our labors!

    Last year was the first year we could harvest any of our fruit trees, and there were just two trees to harvest then, the clementine and orange.

    Our orange and clementine trees are growing beautifully and producing abundantly. We began picking the clementines first, since they ripened first. It’s nice not to be overwhelmed by all of the fruit being ripe at the same time.

    My sixteen year old son estimates that we’ll get around 300 clementines from the one tree once we finish picking.

    As far as the oranges, we’re just starting to pick them now. I don’t know how many there are, but it’s a nice amount.

    I’ve been pruning both of these trees to keep them easy to pick from; they’re probably less than 12 feet tall. My teens want me to stop pruning them so they’ll get taller, since they like how they look. I told them that if we do that, we’ll end up not being able to reach and harvest a lot of the fruit. As they are right now some fruits are only accessible because I pull the branch down to me to pick the fruit.

    This is the first year that we’re able to harvest our kumquat and lemon-lime trees. Our lemon-lime tree is pretty small; I think if I had gotten a regular lemon tree it would have been much bigger by now. But like so many things in life, there’s an organic process that has to be respected. So patience is in order.

    I didn’t think our black sapote tree would make it after ds8 hacked away at it with garden shears and pruned it down to a trunk less than eighteen inches tall. It’s been amazing to see in the last couple of years how it not only survived but is shooting up.

    It doesn’t have any fruit yet, but as I said, every tree grows when it’s ready. I just have to make sure it gets the fertilizer and water it needs, and then trust the process. Just like children: a parent provides the essential physical and emotional nutrients, and the child unfolds at his own pace.

    I didn’t think I liked kumquats – why did I plant them? Because citrus grows well in Israel, and I didn’t want to plant the same trees that everyone plants. They look beautiful and I figured I’d deal with what to do with the fruits when it came to it.

    Well, it’s come time to do something with them, and my husband and I enjoyed them fresh from the tree as we sat together in the warmth of the morning sun. So piquant and delicious!

    I thought I would salt and ferment them, but now that we’ve begun snacking on them daily, it’s looking like we won’t have much to preserve!

    I heard a tip years ago that has made picking our citrus much more enjoyable. Since most citrus trees have thorns, picking the fruits can result in cuts and pokes. I snipped off each thorn when they were small, using a baby nail clipper for a clean cut along the stem. The thorns don’t grow back once clipped away.

    It might sound like a nitpicky kind of thing to do, but it’s taken less than three hours total over the years, and I found it kind of meditative and relaxing.

    Today I looked for thorns I missed, and found a couple of large ones on the clementine tree. I found some small ones on the younger lemon-lime tree that has been slow to grow.

    Dd8 saw what I was doing and was very eager to help, so I gave her the job of looking for thorns and snipping them off. I’m getting the next generation trained at a young age!

    —————-

    We have a number of other fruit trees: two different kinds of pomegranates (we’ll harvest this year), starfruit/carambolo, 2 different plums, blood orange, apple, persimmon, pineapple guava and moringa. And there’s another tree in the stone fruit family but I don’t remember which one. I have another couple of years to wait for most of those to be ready.

    I also have two different kinds of passionfruit, and an edible monstera.

    I have space for one more tree but I’m not sure what I want to add. I don’t want something that will get huge. And I don’t want more citrus like pomelos or grapefruits, since so many people grow them.

    I thought maybe a nut tree, but the almond tree I planted didn’t make it, and again, I don’t want a huge tree that will be impossible to harvest when standing on the ground. So the other nuts are out.

    I’m leaning towards a loquat but it has such a short growing season, and that means there’s a huge amount of fruit in a short time to deal with. They are delicious, though.

    I considered lychee, but a couple of years ago when we harvested a bucketful from someone’s trees, I preserved some by canning, and it just wasn’t a hit.

    My other consideration is an avocado, even though it grows tall, and even though I’ve planted two avocados and both died. Avocado is something we eat a lot of and would be very useful.

    A teen son commented on how beautifully everything is growing, and I reminded him of how many plants I’ve lost. It’s another good life lesson from the garden: You keep on and even though everything isn’t successful, you’ll still end up ahead if you don’t quit when everything isn’t working out.

    Unfortunately our nectarine tree died this summer after four years, just two months before we could have harvested it. That was disappointing.

    I recently found a plant discarded by the side of the road that might be a banana tree or might be a mock banana. Whatever it is, I like how it looks and planted it in the garden; maybe it will surprise us by fruiting one day!

    If you have suggestions for trees that you’ve had success with, please let me know!

    Avivah

  • 100% debt free!!! The mortgage is DONE!

    I have a 1995 book of daily meditations, and today’s meditation began with this quote:

    “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau

    What a timely quote for me today, as I feel the truth of that in my bones.

    We met our goal of paying off our mortgage by the end of 2025 and are now 100% debt free!

    I am reluctant to share about this, just as I’ve been reluctant to share about our hardest financial times, and sometimes even reluctant to share about money saving strategies.

    I suppose then it was the fear I’d be looked down on as ‘poor’ or ‘cheap’, and now there’s the concern people will dismiss this accomplishment as ‘being lucky’.

    I have so many emotions and memories flooding me.

    I think about our house in Baltimore that we purchased at the top of the market in 2006. I began prepaying the mortgage on it and was making good progress, and then we decided to move to Israel in 2011.

    We couldn’t sell it because housing prices had fallen so much, so we rented it to a coworker of my husband who defaulted on the rent and trashed it. The costs to restore it while paying the mortgage were beyond our financial capacity.

    It ended up sold by the bank as a short sale. Only the bank benefited from my prepayments; we didn’t see a penny of profit from that home. We did, however, learn a lot of DIY skills thanks to all the work we did on the house. And of course we had a home to live in during those years where we made many good memories, so it wasn’t a complete loss.

    We bought our current home six years ago, and notwithstanding my past experience, I again made paying off the mortgage a priority. We bought below what we could afford, a fixer upper that needed a lot of work. We put the difference between the home we sold and the less expensive home we purchased towards the mortgage principal.

    We did almost all of the work to renovate ourselves, with most of the renovation expenses being spent on materials.

    Every tax return that we got went to the mortgage principal.

    We turned the second floor of our home into a summer vacation rental, and the extra profit went onto the principal.

    We refinanced at one point, upping our monthly payments and shortening the loan length.

    We did not inherit money or receive cash gifts to help with this.

    And of course the background during this time was that I continued to be intentional with my spending, continued to feel content with what I had, and even as our income increased, I didn’t succumb to lifestyle inflation.

    Two and a half years ago I asked my husband if I could take over the management of our finances. My husband did a fine job managing it all (even though he doesn’t enjoy it), but I find it fun and honestly, I’m really good at it.

    I asked to make this switch because we had made great progress, but to knock the mortgage completely out in the very ambitious timeline that I had in mind could only happen if I was laser focused. I needed to be managing the money to have that degree of focus.

    Despite having the same income and me being the main spender, we increased our savings rate by 30%. This took some deep digging, looking at every expense and paring each one down as much as I could! And every bit of that increased savings went to the principal.

    —————————

    In the last year the bank website has finally been updated and I’ve been able to make the early payments on their site. For each payment, there’s an option for ‘partial payoff’ or ‘full payoff’.

    This time, I clicked on ‘full payoff’, and filled in the transfer details from my bank to the mortgage bank for the full balance remaining.

    And then…it was done.

    No bells and whistles. No congratulatory emails or messages. It was just…finished. No physical deed to take possesion of, no mortgage note to burn. Within 30 days the paperwork in whatever office will automatically be completed.

    It was almost anticlimactic.

    But that was only on the outside.

    Internally, I’ve had so much emotion coming up that I couldn’t sleep for hours that night and the next, thinking about different financial challenges over the last three decades.

    I thought especially about the first few years after making aliyah, the most emotionally and economically trying period of our lives. Ten years ago being mortgage-free by this time would have seemed like a fantasy; I wouldn’t have even dared hope we’d be able to do this.

    I AM SO GRATEFUL! Just completely humbled and filled with gratitude.

    Avivah

  • Creating holiday spirit in your home

    The winter holidays have been commercialized so much that for many, the focus is on gifts and any deeper meanings are buried.

    So what is it really supposed to be about?

    Take the time before a holiday begins to think, ‘What do I want this to be about for me and my family?’

    For us, we keep our holidays low key and family focused – our priority is on spending quality time with one another and honoring the meaning behind each holiday.

    For a few weeks before Chanuka, we begin playing holiday music throughout the day, every day. We hang Chanuka themed pictures up on the front door. (I do this for all of the major holidays.)

    Some years we’ve done more in the way of decorations – when my oldest daughter was living at home, she always did a great job with this and until the box the decorations were in was damaged by water, we continued hanging up her creations every year. It gives a nice feeling of holiday anticipation for everyone.

    At this point, all of our children are old enough to light their own menorahs. Next year, everyone will light outside with my husband and the older boys, but this year, the three youngest children lit inside. We had two rounds of singing the blessings and prayers together (one for the group outside, one for the group inside) after the lighting.

    Each of the eight nights, menorah lighting was followed with dancing together while singing more Chanuka songs.

    We make some special Chanuka foods over the week but not every single day. The three youngest boys had Chanuka activities in their school camp and that included Chanuka themed refreshments, and I didn’t want to overdo it by making more of them at home. At home with me, dd8 enjoyed her special time without any siblings around.

    We spent one afternoon preparing foods to take to take to our family Chanuka party in Jerusalem. The next day was the party itself. In attendance were all of our children, their spouses, granchildren, and my mother. It wasn’t an easy trip there and back, (we got home at 3 am) but it was worth it.

    One day I took the three youngest children to Tiberias buy a bike for ds9’s birthday (it was a week before Chanuka), and we participated in a Chanuka event in the area (bouncy houses, crafts, music and face painting). This kids enjoyed it, and while it would be possible to take them to Chanuka events more frequently, I find that less is more. A couple of hours at this one event was just the right amount of time for us all.

    Another day was spent travelling to get our new dog and bring her home.

    On the last night, my teens boys expressed a desire to have an activity night together with my husband and me after the younger kids were in bed. The younger kids are a very strong presence, and it was really nice to do things without them around.

    The five of us spent three hours piecing together a 500 piece puzzle and making doughnuts (filled with homemade vanilla pudding and topped with chocolate glaze).

    What about gifts? It’s so easy for presents to become a focus and an expectation – and a pressure. As I said above, less is more, and each parent has to see what the right balance is. To counter the ‘give me, give me, what did you get me?’ that children can develop when habituated to receiving lots of gifts, I’ve chosen to downplay gift giving at this stage.

    As a result, despite having purchased a number of family games in the three weeks prior to Chanuka, I decided not to give them on Chanuka but to spread them out over coming weeks. (If the boys hadn’t been in camp, we would have had time to play them together each day as was my original intent. )

    The only gifts we gave were fleecy winter pajamas for the youngest children on the first night. It was cute how excited they got about them simply because they were presented as a gift.

    It doesn’t take a lot of money or even a lot of time to create a warm atmosphere that your family looks forward to in years to come, and looks back on fondly. It does take some effort to clarify for yourself what you want your holiday to look like, and then take the actions that support your goal.

    Avivah