Avivah Werner

Category: aliyah

  • Friends, embassy, and homers

    This morning dd16 and I started our day by going downtown to pick up two friends of hers arriving from Michigan, who are coming for the conference.  Though I left the house and allowed extra time to get there, there was a huge delay with traffic and I got there almost an hour after I had planned.  Fortunately, their bus had arrived late so they hadn’t been waiting long.

    I had planned to go directly from picking them up to the Israeli embassy; one thing I wanted to take care of was extending dd16’s passport.  She got an Israeli passport at the beginning of the year that expires when she turns 17 – this is because Israeli teens who reach the age of 17 have to get permission from the army before leaving the country or entering for more than a certain amount of time.  The Jewish Agency representative here had suggested that it would be easier for us to deal with it here than in Israel, and since I needed to go there anyway to sign a power of attorney for someone to sign paperwork on my behalf in Israel, it wasn’t any extra effort to take dd along.

    Unfortunately, I forgot to tell her to take her passport with her, so she couldn’t get it taken care of!  However, when we got there, I picked up ds17’s new passport – we had to take care of the army issue before his could be issued when the rest of us got ours – and learned that he’ll still have to go to the enlistment office in Israel when he arrives to take care of some other aspects of his deferment of the mandatory army service.  So dd16 will go along with him and take care of hers at the same time at that point.

    It took a couple of hours there to get the power of attorney signed, but it’s done.  Now I have to send it off to Israel so it can be used!

    After this we took my husband to work, then had lunch since I hadn’t had anything to eat and neither had dd’s friends.  Or dd16 for that matter, but she still can’t eat much because of the oral surgery.  From there we headed home, stopping on the way at the library and finally getting home at 6 pm.  When I left my house at 9:35 in the morning, I had no idea that it would take all day to do what we needed to do!

    (It was funny that both these friends came last year for a few days, and we went to DC (to the National Zoo) when they were here, as well as stopping at this same restuarant to eat and going to the same library – but these aren’t things that we usually do!  It must have felt like it was a replay of their visit last time!)

    When we got home, it was so nice to walk into a sparkling clean house with  the table set and ready for dinner, with a yummy dinner prepared.  All thanks to dd14.  We ate and then headed out to catch the end of ds12’s baseball game – we got there just as he got up to bat and hit a home run!  And then he hit another one right before the game ended, and since he hit one before we got there, he’s now earned the distinction of being the only player in the league for the last two years to have hit three home runs in one game.  He’s the top hitter in the league for home runs for the season (you know how they have stats on all this stuff!), and he’s hoping in the last game of the season this Sunday to up his average even more by hitting some more homers.  🙂  I haven’t been to many of his games this season – I usually drive him there and pick him up, but can’t stay to watch – and was so glad that at the game I happened to come to I was able to view some of his accomplishments.

    He and ds17 are excellent baseball players (ds17 was also the top hitter in the league), and I know it’s something ds12 will miss when we go to Israel,(since it’s not played much there.  I’m glad they’ve both enjoyed the opportunity during their years here to play regularly.  But we plan on taking baseball equipment with us anyway, and perhaps we’ll find the opportunity to play.  After our family game of baseball on Pesach, we realized that even without anyone else, we have enough people to have lots of fun on our own!

    Avivah

  • Appointments winding down

    Today I got up nice and early to whip my house into shape in time for the photographer to come (for pictures to post along with the online listing).  That wasn’t incredibly relaxing because you know the feeling of knowing there’s no way you can do what you need to do in the amount of time you have?   This is an area I tend to feel very uptight about (people coming into my private space and looking around), but somehow today, in spite of 4.5 hours of sleep (had to stay up late to take care of some conference stuff while the house was quiet), I was able to do what I needed to without getting emotional or tense about the situation.

    The photographer came ten minutes early, right before I walked out with ds8 to his dental appointment, so I got to meet him and then introduced him to all of the kids.  Since ds3 had a pre-op physical scheduled right after ds8’s dentist visit, I took him along, and on my way out, took ds2 (he just had a birthday a few days ago – doesn’t time fly?!?).  He wasn’t feeling good and was out of sorts – maybe in part because he woke up at midnight and wanted to spend time with me during my ‘get work done while it’s quiet time’.  That’s why I didn’t finish until 2:30 am!

    Anyway, I thought I’d take him with me so that the older kids would be able to do what they needed to without having to watch him.  That was more noble of me than I anticipated- it was an hour long dental visit, followed by an hour long visit with the pediatrician.  Ds3 and ds2 quickly got bored in the very small waiting area during the first appointment and thought it was amusing to play with the front door. Redirecting them repeatedly took a lot of energy on this particular day – I could have used a nap before I left the house!

    The good news is – as of today, all of the dental visits for the family are finished!  (With the exception of ds3’s extensive work that will be done under general in a month, and dd10, who won’t see a dentist until after we move.)  21 trips to the dentist later, everyone’s mouth is in good shape.  Yes, 21.

    That doesn’t include 2 trips to the orthodontist, 2 trips to the oral surgeon, 2 trips to the lab for blood work, one day at the emergency room, two trips to the osteopath, three trips to the chiropractor, and four trips to the gastroenterologist.  Or the visits to the Jewish Agency for interviews and then again for more paperwork, or to the Israeli embassy twice (tomorrow morning will be the third time), or two trips to get our US passports processed.  Or the pediatrician today, or the oral surgeon on Friday.  Or Pesach.  Or preparing for the conference.    Or getting our house ready to sell, or trying to find a place to live in Israel.  I don’t think I want to add all of that up, but I know it’s a lot.  🙂  I suppose it’s good that I’m waiting to take dd10 to the dentist after we move, or the total would be higher.

    What’s really nice is that it’s finally winding down!  I looked at my planner today to schedule a date for a check-up for ds2 with the pediatrician, and I had wide open weeks to choose from.  Well, maybe not wide-open, but it looks like it since I haven’t yet written in all the appointments to conduct reviews for local homeschooling families filing their end of the year paperwork.  But I told the director of the umbrella program that I could only meet with seven families, so that’s a finite amount of meetings.  Though I know there will be a lot more to do in preparation for our move, it’s nice to feel like a good bit of things have been taken care of.

    You know, until this week I haven’t wanted to write or talk about a lot of what I’ve been doing.  I felt when I did, my carefully kept in-check energy would start shifting and speeding up in a negative way, and I didn’t want to stress out others or myself by describing what I’ve been doing – there’s been a lot of life to live in between the highlighted appointments above.  But this week I realized I had shifted my perspective back into a better place because I was able to talk about what I’ve been doing, and not feel myself talking faster to keep up with my thoughts.  I wasn’t stressed out before, but now I feel calm inside, whereas before I was really working to keep that calm.  Part of this shift came after someone I spoke to suggested that I needed to stop being so attached to the outcomes I desired and let go – not an easy thing to do, to be working to accomplish things and simultaneously not be emotionally attached to if they get done in the way I want or not.

    But she was right, and it was a powerful reminder than I can do what I do, but I have to remember that Hashem runs the world, and I can only do the footwork for my little part in the world.  And how it ends up isn’t dependent on me.  It’s a good head space to be in now, and I’m glad to be here.

    Avivah

  • Putting house on the market

    There’s been a lot to do around here lately, but some things just can’t be pushed off any longer, and one of those things is getting our house on the market.  I had a secret dream that someone would hear that our house was for sale and sign a purchase contract before we officially put it on the market, sparing me from strangers coming into my house and looking around.  It’s not exactly an easy thing to keep a house in showcase condition with 10 people using it all day long

    But as our moving date got closer and the dreamed about scenario didn’t materialize, it was clear that Hashem had a better plan for us.  So on Sunday we had a meeting with a real estate agent to discuss working with us, and then today he came by to sign the paperwork.  A photographer will be coming in the morning to take pictures of the house – which I find a little daunting.  Not because my house isn’t wonderful – it is!  But I don’t know how well it will photograph- the house is in good condition, we’ve done a lot of work, and it’s perfectly set up for a family to enjoy – but pictures of bedrooms with double bunkbeds aren’t typically what I think buyers find appealing.  🙂  It’s definitely better seen in person.

    Be that as it may, my job is to make my effort, not to think that I can control the process or orchestrate the desired outcome.  I have two appointments tomorrow morning one after another – one for ds8 to have his final dental work, then immediately afterward I’ll take ds3 for his pre-op physical for the dental work he’ll be getting in June (under general anesthesia).  The best time for the photographer was at the same time as my first appointment, so I told them to come and one of my teens will let them in.

    We should have the sign up in front by Friday, and he asked about having a showing this Sunday, but I told him it will have to wait until Monday.  Since Sunday is the Torah Home Education Conference (if you haven’t yet made plans to be there – make them – it’s going to be awesome!), and my mom will be watching our kids here, I won’t ask her to take everyone out for a few hours.  I made up a regular time every day that I’ll be out of the house with the kids to give both the realtor and myself some structure to work with – this was a suggestion a wonderful woman I spoke with Sunday night made to me that I thought was a great idea.

    With Hashem’s help, our house will sell quickly and easily to a wonderful buyer who will love our house as much as we do and be an asset to the neighborhood!

    Avivah

  • Israel preparations moving along

    Today I did my last shopping trip before we move to Israel – when thinking about doing the trip, I wasn’t even sure it was worth it since I wasn’t getting anywhere near as much as usual.  But I really needed eggs, so in the end, we went, and were all glad we did.  I’ve been shopping in this particular area for over 5 years (and a year or two before that in an area an hour away from there), and it’s been an enjoyable thing for me and my family to make part of our regular routine. I’ve watched the children of our dairy farmer grow up (and they’ve seen my kids growing up, too), and though I can’t say that I have deep and meaningful connections with any of those where I shop, I do have a nice warm feeling toward them.  It was only at the last store that I realized that I wouldn’t be back again, and had a chance to say goodbye to a couple of the women I usually see – the woman in the frozen produce section (she’s used to getting cases of vegetables for me) gave me a big hug and lots of warm wishes, and the cashier who I usually chat with about gluten free cooking and other stuff also gave me a very warm goodbye.  I was sorry not to have said goodbye to others at the other places I was at, but it was good to have closure in whatever way I did.  I really enjoy my life here and even when you have something positive to move toward, it doesn’t take away from the fact that so much of what we’ve enjoyed here is ending.  I have this poignant kind of feeling pretty often lately.

    I hope to move in ten weeks (some big factors regarding selling our house and finding a place to live are still up in the air, so this isn’t definite), and shopped with that in mind.  At this point, I need to focus on using up the staples that I have, and minimize the food I’m buying so that I’m forced to use what I have.  This will require some additional menu planning and thought, like using up your chometz before Pesach.  In January (before we decided to move) I cut my food budget down to $400 a month (which was really challenging for Pesach and I didn’t manage to stick to – it went up to $500 that month).  So I’ve been steadily using up staples, but I think I need to focus on it more to whittle it down.

    So what did I get?

    • 60 dozen eggs
    • 40 lb. yams
    • 50 lb potatoes
    • 50 lb onions
    • romaine hearts (6 pkg of 3 each)
    • 3 gallons raw milk (just because it was our last trip and Shavuos is coming – otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten any since I don’t have the extra space in the fridge)
    • lots of dairy for Shavuos – pumpkin cheesecakes (4), sour cream (6), Greek yogurt (6), organic blueberry yogurts (12 small), plain yogurt (8 – 32 oz)
    • ten gallon container of ice cream (Shavuos, you know :))
    • a few packages of tempe and Gimme Lean (soy-based meat substitute – not something I usually buy, but I’m considering it a treat food that will add some nice flavor to the beans and grains I need to use up, and the price was amazing)
    • a case of pizza sauce

    Hmm.  I’m looking at that list and wondering what else I got that cost $200.  Other odds and ends, I guess.

    I need to buy chicken for this month and will round out what I have with some fresh vegetables for Shabbos, plus some stuff for ds5’s birthday party the day after the conference.  But otherwise we’ll be working our way through our home-canned and store bought fruits and vegetables (though the canned pickled vegetables I made aren’t going to get used – my girls and I were discussing if I should throw the food away and then sell the empty jars or if people would want the food for the same price.  The food is fine, it’s just that when I started canning I made lots of interesting things that we don’t really eat – fancy apple and pear chutneys, zucchini relish, and other pickled dishes.  Once I had more experience canning, I thought more about what we’d really want to eat, not just what recipes looked fun to try!)

    As far as canning jars go, I’ve sold loads – I sold about 20 – 30 dozen about 8 months ago to one person who was moving to Alaska after many years in the Coast Guard to her home she was building by herself.  Now with this move in the works, I’m selling the rest, but this time it’s been a few dozen here, a few dozen there.  I probably have about ten dozen jars left, not including the jars that currently have food in them.  It’s no problem selling them, though – there’s plenty of interest.  Funny, though, my storage area doesn’t seem noticeably emptier, though obviously it is!  I think I haven’t yet reached the tipping point in that particular area, which is pretty small and with my freezer and some other things still stored there, it doesn’t yet look empty.

    The rest of the house is emptying out, though, and it’s finally noticeable at this point – my mil was emotional when she walked into the living room yesterday; it’s a visible reminder that we’re moving, a topic which hasn’t even slightly been alluded to in conversation with me since we told them we’re moving over two months ago.  I know that it’s hard for them and I suppose not talking about it makes it easier to not think about it.  But it’s hard to have something so major in your life – something that is relevant to most of the things that I do every day – that I can’t mention anything about.

    Anyway, in the living room, we sold our wood climber, took our pull-out couch to the dump, and gave away our piano to a frat house.  So there’s just an end table and love seat left.  We refinished the hardwood floors on Sunday (unlike lots of jobs that I delegate, I did most of this job – very fun and rewarding) and they look great.   It’s very nice, actually – it feels more spacious and it’s so much easier to keep clean!

    I’ve given away dozens of bags of clothing, toys, boxes of books to the book exchange, sold our dressers – so what’s left in the bedrooms for the most part is just beds, with clothes stored in the closet and underbed boxes.  Even though I’ve whittled and whittled away at our clothing, we’re going to need more downsizing once we have to fit all of our stuff into the suitcases.  We’re not taking a lift so our limit will be our limit;  though if I knew of anyone in this city making a lift to the north of Israel, I’d buy space for sefarim, homeschooling supplies and the electric grain grinder.

    On the home repair side of things, we had a funny situation.  A week and a half ago we noticed the smell of mold getting very strong over a period of about three days from the powder room (has a sink and toilet) on the main floor.  We’ve done a lot of work on our home to make it nice and keep it nice, and neither dh and I were comfortable selling a house that might have mold.  Dh noticed there was some moisture in one of the walls in that room close to the base, so he pulled out the walls.  To pull out one of the walls, he had to pull out the toilet, which then cracked.  And as he removed the toilet, the tiles on the floor broke.  And after taking out all the old walls and tiles and throwing it away, we could still smell mold.  Guess what we finally found?  The source of the smell – a wet roll of toilet paper at the bottom of the garbage can in the powder room – there wasn’t mold in the bathroom at all!  So dh ended up totally renovating the bathroom, which wasn’t what he was planning.  But it looks great – it has new walls, new tiled floor (done by dd14 while I was sanding the hardwood floors – I literally would have gone crazy doing a job that tedious and precise, and she told me it was the first home repair job of all she’s done that she really enjoyed!), and a new light fixture that is newly wired.  He’s a trooper and did all this extra work with a great attitude even though his time is at a premium and it ended up being a much more intensive project than he envisioned.

    Ds17 put in new light fixtures in the living room and the boys’ bedroom (though the other ones were fine, they were more dated) and did some painting while he was here.  All the kids did a lot, not just the jobs I’m mentioning or the people I’m mentioning, and thanks to the work of us all, on Monday night our house was ready when there was a neighborhood home buyers tour (and that was despite me being in the emergency room all day with dd16 and getting home a half hour before it started).

    Dd16 had a friend for Shabbos, another friend over for Saturday night, then another friend scheduled to come this Shabbos.  Then after that two more friends are coming to spend a few days with us in time for the conference.  She’s trying to spend time with her closest friends before she leaves on May 31, since she’ll stay in Israel until we get there and won’t be coming back.  And she and I have been busy with appointments – blood work, doctor appointments (osteopath and gastroenterologist), dentist, oral surgeon, energy work, and still more appointments (had an MRI on Monday in the emergency room, endoscopy of upper and lower GI scheduled for tomorrow). We’re doing what we can to figure out what is going on.

    So that’s a very shortened version of some of what we’ve been busy with lately. 🙂

    Avivah

  • Yom Haatzmaut event

    This evening I took the kids to a community event in honor of Yom Hazikaron (Israeli Memorial Day) and Yom Haatzmaut (Independence Day).  It wouldn’t have been on my radar if I hadn’t been contacted by two different organizers and asked to participate.  Towards the end of the program, there is a segment in which people in the community who will be learning in Israel for the year or moving to Israel are asked to come up and light a candle.  We were contacted to be part of that segment.

    Yesterday I told one organizer that my kids might be able to attend, but dh was working and I had a consult followed by an interview (for an article about homeschooling) scheduled for that time, so as much as I would have liked to participate, it wasn’t realistic for me to be there.  Then this afternoon, the person who had wanted the consultation had a sore throat and couldn’t talk, so we cancelled for this evening.  What was really nice about this was it allowed me to go with the kids for the event, though I told them I’d still have to leave early to go to the interview and they could walk home themselves.

    I didn’t know what to expect, but the event was very nicely done.  It was a nice blend of memorial/somber and celebration/joy, and the kids were for the most part interested throughout the entire 2 hour presentation (the littles were a bit restless toward the end, but were great for the most part).  I myself felt very emotional about the Yom Hazikaron part -I  particularly as my children get older, I really feel how young the soldiers in the army actually are, just 18, and how many of them have died to protect their fellow Jews.  And I think of their mothers, fathers, siblings, spouses…

    The Yom Hazikaron section was followed by the Yom Haatzmaut section – it was very appropriate to organize the evening like this, which led to me to think about how appropriate it is to have the two days as national holidays in Israel one after the other.  Honoring the sacrifices before celebrating what they sacrificed for.

    At about 8:35, I realized that if I pushed off the interview for 10 or 15 minutes (until 9:10), I could stay with the kids for when they went on stage and then take them home.  The only challenge was I didn’t have the number for the woman I was supposed to meet with me and couldn’t find a phone book in the building, and the only thing I could think of was to drive home, call her, and drive back (about a ten minute process). The challenge was that I didn’t know exactly when our family was supposed to get called up, and by leaving for ten minutes at that point, I wouldn’t be able to go up with the kids (though the kids had been planning to go on stage without me, we all preferred that I be with them).

    Just as I told the kids I had to leave, I suddenly heard them announce our name – I hadn’t expected to be the first ones called up for this portion of the evening!  The reason they highlight this is an encouragement to the families making this choice, as well as to the families here to see that people are making this move.  I was especially glad we agreed to be there, since we ended up being the only family moving to Israel who was able to participate – usually there are a number of families who participate in this part of the program, but this year, everyone else either wasn’t available, was uncomfortable being on stage, or isn’t yet ready to be public about their plans to move.

    So it worked out perfectly: we were introduced, went on stage, lit a candle, and then zipped out to the van. While the kids strapped in, I called the woman to tell her I’d be ten minutes late (I forgot that I had asked one of the kids to bring the local phone list to the van right before we left home – had I remembered, I would have spared myself some mental pressure), and then dropped the kids off at home before zooming off to my appointment.  (And with all of my worrying about being late, I made it there just 4 minutes after our originally scheduled time.)

    We had scheduled from 9 – 10 pm to talk, but I ended up being there until 11:20; it was very comfortable chatting with her.  You never know how people perceive you so it will be interesting to see the article when the magazine comes out (it should be in the next three weeks, before the conference).

    Avivah

  • Getting Israeli passports

    Today we went to the Israeli consulate in DC to get passports for all of us.  It’s challenging to find time when we’re all available to go, since the consulate is only open until 1 pm, there’s only one day my husband can possibly go, and I had/have appointments for various kids booked literally almost every single day of the last few weeks.  I had planned for us to go before Pesach, but my dh ran short on time that day and the next possible time we could go was this Friday.

    Well, we drove to Washington, DC and piled out of the van on Friday only to learn that the embassy was closed –  the Israeli consulate is only open from 9:30 – 10:30 on Fridays!  So we piled back in and I suggested we take the kids to the National Zoo in DC, since it had been a long trip for the kid and then it wouldn’t feel like a wasted trip.  The zoo was just a few minutes away, but when we got there, it was jam packed.  The parking lots were all full, there were loads and loads of school buses full of kids, and since there was nowhere to park, we decided to change plans and go home.

    Then I remembered a park I had once taken the kids to that we had a great time at, and had all agreed that we should return to.  I told the kids that we’d go there instead, and everyone was enthusiastic about it.  When we got there 30 minutes later, we found the park and parking lot almost entirely empty.  We were just about to cheer in delight when we realized why – there’s no park there anymore!  They’re totally rebuilding the park, and though it looks like it will be incredible when it’s done, that didn’t help us that minute.

    We saw one area set apart from everything else that had a kiddie area – two baby swings, and a little slide.  So we took the little kids there, and after a short while of the older kids pushing swings and admiring their siblings when prompted to ‘watch me!”, they wandered off to look around.   When we got there, it was overcast and chilly, but the sun came out and it was turning into a very relaxing interlude in our day.  It was really nice that there were so few other people, because it made keeping an eye on all the kids really easy, and I could let ds5 go further in his explorations than I usually would unless I were right next to him (dh and I could watch him while we were relaxing on the grass).  Ds23 months found a chewed up baseball, and ds12 and ds17 had a catch – ds12 improvised by using his baseball cap as a glove.  Then they got the other kids involved, and we all ended up having a great time!

    Today is the last day ds17 will be here until he returns for summer break, and even though dd16 had an appointment and I really wanted to be there with her, dh arranged for someone else to take her so I could go back to the consulate with the rest of the family for attempt #3.  (If you’re wondering why dd16 didn’t need to go with us, it’s because she got her Israeli passport in the summer.)

    In order to get Israeli passports, the first thing we needed to do at the embassy was to register the births of our five children born in the US.  Then we would be able to get identification numbers for each of them, then have Israeli birth certificates issued, and then we could apply for the passports.

    When we got to the embassy, we learned that since we didn’t have the US birth certificates for the kids, we wouldn’t be able to register their births.  The reason we didn’t have birth certificates is that we sent them in when we applied for US passports and they hadn’t yet been returned, so we thought that we could use the US passports (which arrived before the birth certificates were returned) as proof of their birth.  We were wrong. 🙁  But the woman at the intake area was so nice – she said we could just mail in the missing paperwork, since she had seen all of us she could verify our identities and we wouldn’t need to come back.

    We also needed to defer ds17’s mandatory army service, but we were missing paperwork for that, too (school records and a letter from my husband’s place of employment stating that he worked there – who would have thought we’d need that?).  Anyway, I have the school letter on the computer at home so that won’t be a big deal, and dh got another letter from ds’s current school so ds’s school record until the current date would be complete.  We needed the work letter for a different part of the older kids’ applications with the Jewish Agency, so getting it now wasn’t any extra work.  The main thing is that ds17 was able to be interviewed and affirm in person whatever he needed to, and again, the fabulously nice and helpful woman working there said we could mail in what was missing and that would be it.

    Fortunately, the kids who were born in Israel had expired passports that were able to be used to apply for new passports, so dh and I and 3 of the older kids were able to get our passports taken care of today. Hashem is being very kind in spacing the expenses of our passports out – so far it’s cost close to $2000 for the US and Israeli passports.

    The woman was so efficient that we were able to take care of everything in about an hour, leaving us with some extra time before dh had to be at work.  (After this experience, three of my kids separately asked me, “Is everyone in Israel so nice and good at getting things done?”)  So we went to the National Zoo, and this time it was perfect!  The weather was gorgeous, there weren’t many people there, and it was very enjoyable.  I have so many balls that I’m juggling right now and it’s really taking a conscious and ongoing effort to stay balanced.  I especially appreciate opportunities like this for us to have fun together as a family, and I was sent two opportunities, via what could have been frustrations with getting our passports!

    Avivah

  • Will I homeschool in Israel?

    >>This is a personal question, but do you plan to keep homeschooling?  Maybe you won’t know the whole answer until you get settled.<<

    This is a really good question that I’ve already been asked quite a few times, and I don’t yet have a definite answer.  I’ve spent hours going back and forth on this question, taking into account a lot of factors.

    It’s funny, some people have assumed that obviously I’m going to send my kids to school in Israel, and others assume that I’m just as obviously going to homeschool everyone there!

    There’s a certain amount of pressure I feel about making the decision to homeschool or not.  As my ds12 said when I broached the idea of school to him, “You’re the most famous homeschooler in the frum (Orthodox Jewish) world – you’re the queen of homeschooling.  You can’t send me to school!”

    There’s a danger in getting reflexively locked into a position.  A couple of weeks ago I was at our synagogue banquet, and someone said to me, upon hearing that my oldest is in bais medrash (post high school learning program), “Isn’t that against your homeschooling philosophy?”  I really get exasperated with that kind of question – why would I be against my post-high school student studying in the framework of his choosing?

    To clarify: I’m not against school.  I’m for my kids and family’s best interests.  There’s a really big difference.

    A decision like this isn’t just intellectual, but emotional as well, and it’s in the emotions that there is a lot of room for things to change!  There are a lot of things that I do/have done that require a certain amount of physical and emotional energy to carry out – and to do them all from scratch in a totally different framework means reassessing from the beginning as to if I have the necessary energy to do it well.  An example would be canning – as much as this is something I’ve enjoyed and appreciated being able to do, I won’t be taking my supplies with me to Israel.  It’s something I’ve consciously chosen to let go of in order to declutter my life emotionally – because as we all know, everything can’t be equally important.

    Back to homeschooling.  When I’m feeling tired and drained, when I wonder if I’m doing a good job with my kids, if they’re getting what I want them to get, when I question if the effort I’m investing and the results match up, then I’m more likely to consider putting the kids in school.

    Another factor is that it’s nice to do what everyone else is doing and ease into a community without starting off being different from everyone in a visible way – for my kids, I mean.  For me, when I decide something is right, if people approve or not isn’t a critical factor.

    I go back and forth on some points – here are some of my other thoughts:

    –  it will be faster for the older kids to learn Hebrew when surrounded by a Hebrew speaking peer group

    – they would be entitled to several hours of tutoring each week to help them get the language

    – the littles are getting older and would enjoy the fun and activities of gan (pre-kindergarten/kindergarten), which is only 4 hours daily

    – I don’t plan to have a car and that limits my ability to connect with other homeschoolers in the country or do outings – transportation by bus to sites of interest will involve a lot of travel time (and cost) that is intimidating to a family with all the age groups that we have.

    – the cost of schools and playgroups is appealingly low

    – the school day in Israel is much shorter than the US and would still allow us lots of time together as a family

    I’m not going to write the other side – there’s plenty to say about it, but that’s what I’ve been writing about for a long time here!  The fact of the matter is, I really believe in home education in terms of providing a strong emotional developmental base, developing character, and building relationships within the family.  And I don’t have much confidence in the school system to educate children.  Maybe to school them, but not to educate.

    So far, here’s how it’s looking:

    – Ds2 will be home.

    – Ds4 and ds5.5 (those are the ages they will be by then) may go to gan (playgroup) for four hours a morning.   This depends in part on me finding what I consider to be a good framework for them; many ganim are fantastic, nurturing places where the kids do lots of fun stuff, no academic pressure.  Others aren’t.   Another real issue with this is determining how much I’m meeting the older kids’ needs while keeping the littles entertained – they’re at a stage that they need a consistent amount of time and structure.  When I’m feeling overextended, I lean about 60% in favor of them being at home; when I’m feeling less overly busy the percentage goes way up.  I really love having our little guys home with us, even if they are a source of constant mess!

    – Ds8 and dd10 (will be 9 and almost 11) will be homeschooled.

    – Ds12 is the biggest question.  I’ve checked out the schools in the city we’re going to, and there are pluses and minuses of each.  Ds12 will do well in a school framework, socially and academically, so I have no concern about that.  It’s more a question of what he won’t get in school that he would get at home.  Dh will be busy finding a job and then settling in to that, and won’t have the necessary time to give ds12 what he’s ready for right now, which is substantial daily Torah learning.  Not learning regularly when he’s chomping at the bit and SO ready for serious learning isn’t an option.

    Both of the boys’ schools are religious (chareidi).  One has secular subjects in the afternoon, a shorter school day, and is government funded so it’s quite inexpensive – this is my preference for these reasons (most important is the length of the school day).  The second option has limited secular subjects, more intensive Torah studies, and I think is a better fit for our family, religiously and socially.  I have reservations about both.  (Again, this is based on what I know from a distance; close-up would probably clarify/change some of this.)

    – Dd14 wants to go to school, and I’m very supportive of that.  She wants to integrate socially, learn the language, and I’m confident she’ll do well.  She has a strong sense of herself, and can be with others without losing herself.  She understands the down side and is ready for it.  She also knows she can choose to homeschool at any point and I’ll fully support her.  She’ll be 15, and in tenth grade.

    The older kids are a topic for another post – we have a lot of talking and exploring of options to do, since for both dd16 and ds17, this means a lot of changes to the plans they had been making for a long time.

    Avivah