Category Archives: homemaking

Summer vacation has begun!

homemaking, homeschooling,

At the beginning of the week I told my kids that today would officially be the first day of summer vacation.  I never liked the concept of learning and fun being independent of one another, and I never made a clear demarcation between the two.  Our summer schedules tend to be more relaxed than during the year, but similar.

However, my ds10 has friends who are in school and who homeschool who have all made a clear end date, and I saw that he liked that.  And I understand the desire for clarity on what will be happening when, so I decided to make an official announcement, too. No end of the year parties or celebrations, but he appreciated it.  And as the kids get older, the academic schedule of each becomes more intense and I think everyone benefits from shifting gears and having time to recharge. 

Now I’m spending time thinking about outings and activities for the summer.  Today we spent hours with homeschooling friends at our monthly get together, and when I got home at around 5:45 pm I immediately took a nap.  I’ve been really wiped out this last week – probably from doing too much too soon and not taking my opportunities to nap when things are quiet – and I literally felt like I could hardly move.  One dd had a bas mitzva to attend at 6:30 and I guess she walked the mile or so to get there, because I didn’t wake up to take her (she told me before I went to sleep that she wasn’t going to ask me because she saw how tired I was and would make her own arrangements).   I don’t even remember closing my eyes – I was totally out for a couple of hours!  That was good, since as soon as I woke up it was time to go with the older two girls to our shul’s talent show for women.  It was a really nice evening, and when we got home at 11 pm, everyone else was still awake (except for the baby and toddler) – they had just finished a game of Monopoly.  And the house was a mess.  But they were all happy and I reminded myself that it’s vacation which was immediately a relaxing thought.  🙂

Before they went to sleep, I made plans with my three middle kids and wrote it on my planner to be sure it happens – I have a date with ds7 for a card game of his choice and some reading time, ds8 wants to read with me and we’ll watch A Little Princess (she mentioned it but it will be for everyone, not just her), and I told ds10 he could spend 2.5 hours with a friend (who invited him over today but he was busy with other friends). 

Then in the afternoon I’m going to try something new – I had an informal family meeting with my kids at the beginning of this week about preparing for Shabbos and making it more relaxing for everyone.  With these long Fridays it feels like there’s plenty of time to do everything, so there’s no sense of urgency and we end up doing too much at the last minute.  I felt there’s no reason for tension at the last minute, and the reason for the meeting with the kids was to get them on board so it’s not me imposing a new schedule on everyone, but something they’re invested in themselves.  We decided we’re going to do all the cooking on Thursday afternoon from 3 – 6 pm instead of Friday, except for challah and fresh salad.  Then on Friday morning we can do the cleaning, have time for a family trip, and still get home with plenty of time for everyone to shower and get dressed.  That’s the idea, anyway – I’m optimistic about it and we’ll see how the next couple of days go!

Avivah

Restocking the pantry

frugal strategies, homemaking

It was so nice to do a big shopping trip today and stock up on some things that I wanted!  I wasn’t exactly out of anything – except eggs, cheese, and some vegetables, which I picked up yesterday – but I felt like I didn’t have what I needed to make any dish I could think of.  And I wanted to add some things that I haven’t used much of before – specifically, I’m interested in using less grains and trying out nut/coconut flours for baking with, in addition to upping the kids’ intake of protein and good quality fats.  With that in mind, I bought a 50 lb bag of unsweetened dried coconut that I plan to grind up to use in place of coconut flour (it won’t be the same but it should be close enough to be comparable), as well as a 30 lb bag of pecan meal and 30 lb of almond meal.  And 25 lb of raw cashews.  After all, why bother with small amounts? 🙂

In addition to the regular stuff, like 50 lb of potatoes, 40 lb of yams, 50 lb of oats, 30 lb brown rice, and raw milk, I also got some nice fruits – 2 cases of blueberries, 1 case of cherries, 40 lb bananas, and 9 pineapples (they were $1 each).  I was out of butter (unless you count the butter that I canned, which I haven’t yet used), so I bought another 40 lb; 35 dozen eggs, 5 or 6 lb of cream cheese, 36 lb of ricotta, and 25 lb of organic unsweetened peanut butter.  I also got a lot of pecans (one of my favorite nuts), and four cases of frozen vegetables (okra, green beans, and peas and carrots).  I got some not so ideal food, too – 10 boxes of whole wheat/rice/flax pasta, and 12 boxes of blintzes (144 blintzes – half blueberry, half potato); it’s not the kind of thing I’d serve every night, but it’s nice for a easy dinner once in a while. 

As usual, putting everything away was the hardest part – I’m like the kid who’s eyes are bigger than his stomach – I see all these bargains and I buy it and hope that I’ll somehow find a place for it, even when it’s really unrealistic.  Before we left for our trip, I checked to see how much freezer space was available and there was just one empty shelf.  Dd14 rearranged the entire freezer to figure out a way to fit a lot more stuff in.  And I’m doing my part by using the turkey carcasses that were taking up freezer space to make more room for the new stuff.  Tomorrow I’ll be dehydrating some of the frozen vegetables that couldn’t fit (amazingly, only 5 lb) and canning the broth since the fridge is jam packed and there’s no possibility of finding an inch of space there, let alone room for a large pot. 

It was nice after all of that work unpacking to sit down to a quick and yummy dinner.  We heated spinach tortilla wraps (got a few packs today for a treat) and then the kids spread on mayo, added lettuce, pinto beans cooked in turkey broth (prepared yesterday), and some home pickled vegetables.  We finished off our meal with a big bowl of fresh Rainier cherries – I never bought these before (always got Bing) and the kids really liked them.

My husband was concerned when I told him I’d like to increase the protein and veggies for the family that I’d max out our food budget and it wouldn’t be sustainable long term.  I can’t say long term how it will work out because I don’t have the power to see into the future, but for now found that I was able to get all the nuts/nut flours and proteins that I wanted without going over my monthly budgeted amount.  It’s by continuously buying in bulk that this is possible – I didn’t need to stock up this month on a lot of grains and beans, for example, because I had plenty from last month – so that freed up money for these things.  Next month I’ll get the staples that I didn’t get this month, since I have enough of the bulk purchases from today to hold me over until then. 

At dinner my dd12 said that it’s so much work unpacking that she understands why people go shopping all the time instead of shopping like we do. I pointed out to her that while she’s right that it’s a lot of work unpacking so much food, it’s only a couple of hours once every 1 – 2 months, with a little here and there in between. But we’d be spending a lot more time on a regular basis dealing with buying and putting away food if we were shopping weekly. 

Now that I’m stocked up again, I’m looking forward to trying out some new dishes for the coming week’s menu!

Avivah

Checking vegetables for insects

homemaking

I asked my husband if he would describe how he checks various vegetables so I could share the details with you since I’ve been asked more than once how I check different vegetables that I mention using.  This afternoon he emailed me the following link and suggested that it would be helpful for my blog readers:

http://www.kashrut.com/consumer/vegetables/#WASHING

 I’m glad he sent me this, since I prefer not to make halachic suggestions – I’d rather people check with their rabbis for themselves.  (We follow the Star K guidelines that are linked on the page above.)  Hopefully this will answer those questions about cauliflower, broccoli, green leafy vegetables, and anything else you may have wondered about but not asked!

Avivah

Pressure cooking chicken soup

frugal strategies, homemaking

On Thursday night I tried something I’ve never done before – I used my pressure canner as a pressure cooker to make our chicken soup/stock.  I’ve known how much faster pressure cooking is, but for whatever reason never did it – probably because doing something new takes conscious effort.  For some reason on Thursday I felt motivated to try it and see how it went – and it was great!

Usually when I make stock, I let it simmer for hours to leach the nutrients from the bones.  Generally I start it before I go to sleep, and let it simmer overnight, then turn it off in the morning when I wake up.  It’s a pretty easy way to do it, and it doesn’t take much of an effort.  But it’s nice to learn to do things more efficiently, and this was a good opportunity to implement something I’ve known about for a long time.  (Often I feel I’m at least a year behind on my ‘to do’ list – so many new things to learn about and try!)   

My pressure canner holds 23 quarts, and I filled it 2/3 of the way full.  It took a long time to bring that amount of water to boil and then for the necessary 15 lb of pressure to build up, but once it was at that point, it only took ten minutes to cook the stock.  Ten minutes, instead of 8 hours!  That means it’s costing me 1/8 in energy costs of what it cost with my overnight method, and since gas/electric rates are rising steadily, it’s good to find ways to achieve the same results with significantly less energy. 

Not only does it save in cooking time, but it also doesn’t get the kitchen as hot as having the pot simmering for hours.  Usually there’s a plume of steam rising from the simmering pot of stock, but when pressure cooking there isn’t a significant amount of heat that escapes, so the kitchen stayed cooler while cooking it than it usually does. 

The next thing I’d like to try pressure cooking is beans – that’s the other thing that I cook that takes a long time – maybe this week I’ll have the chance.  When I bought my pressure canner a year ago, I had no idea how economical a purchase it would end up being – I keep finding more and more ways to save time and money with it!

Avivah

Cost for the bris

frugal strategies, homemaking

>>Do you have any tips for how to make a low cost bris?<<

Well, everyone has a different idea of what they consider low cost, but I’ll share what we’ve done. 

Generally, an important principle in saving money is to look ahead and plan in advance.  If you know you’re having a boy, you can think about what kind of menu you’ll want to serve, and take advantage of sales to buy the non perishables.  You can do the same with paper goods and any decorations. 

But we don’t know what we’re having until the baby is born, so planning ahead isn’t something I can do.  I mentioned a few weeks ago taking advantage of a sale on turkey and commented at the time that if we had a boy, we would use it for the seuda.  We had talked about making a late afternoon bris if it was a boy, and serving fleishigs.  But you know the saying – ‘man plans, and G-d laughs’ – since our bris was on erev yom tov, the late afternoon idea was changed to the typical morning dairy spread and the turkeys stayed in the freezer. 

But what you can do is minimize your costs by doing whatever you can yourself.  If you hire a caterer to do the set up, food preparation, serving, and clean up, it’s going to cost you a lot more than if you do any or all of those yourself.  We do all of the preparations ourselves, and can serve foods comparable to what the caterers serve for a lot less.

 What do we serve?   We had bagels, rice cakes, and whole wheat matza (dh and I don’t eat bread and we have friends who also don’t), egg salad, tuna salad,  hard boiled eggs, cheddar and muenster cheese slices, sliced tomatoes and purple onions, salad, cream cheese, butter, fruit salad, and a bowl of whole fruit.  We put out orange juice, milk, coffee, and herbal teas.  We decided against cake and cookies this time, though in the past we’ve also put out a variety of danishes and cookies.  I considered serving scrambled eggs, but it decided to keep it simple and not worry about how to keep the eggs hot without getting rubbery if they sat in the warmer for a while.  Basically, it’s your typical bris morning spread. 

Food preparation for us was making the egg and tuna salads, cutting up the fruit (pineapple, watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew) for the fruit salad and slicing the veggies for the platters.  The biggest expense was the chalav yisroel butter and cream cheese – we bought way more than we needed and I usually wouldn’t spend more than $2 a pound for either of them.  Because there was a sale last week, the sliced cheese at the take out counter happened to be less than buying a block and slicing it ourselves, but I would have bought it sliced even if it was more.  There are times when it’s worth it to pay a little more and have a little less to do! 

Setting up the room and cleaning up take a solid chunk of time, but it’s not hard and generally it’s the kind of thing our family enjoys doing together.  Because there was a non family member there who was involved and very, um, instructive towards my kids, it made it a lot less enjoyable for them than it would usually be.  But as far as the money saving aspect, that was another way to keep costs down.

We bought paper goods at the local dollar store, so that wasn’t very expensive.  My mother in law took my girls shopping for those items, though, and covered the costs, so I can’t include that in what we ourselves paid for. 

Since my dh did the shopping for the food and I haven’t seen the receipts, I can’t share the breakdown of how much we spent.  It was around $200 for the food, and less than $100 for the rental of the room from the shul (less expensive because we’re members).  We set up for 50 people but could have easily fed double that number (except for the cheese, which was almost finished).  These milchig leftovers came in handy on Shavuos, since people sent food for two of the four yom tov meals, and when an hour before yom tov we realized that’s all there would be, we didn’t have any last minute pressure because we were able to supplement for the other meals with what I had in the freezer and what we had from the bris.  I don’t know whether to consider the extra food costs for the bris as bris costs or my food budget costs, but either way, it all evens out.

We considered having the bris in our house, but felt that space constraints would make it less comfortable for everyone, and therefore the cost of renting the shul space was worthwhile.  But if someone had a large enough home, they could save on that cost by having it all in their home.

The rav/mohel who performed the bris doesn’t charge and refused to take money when we tried to get him to accept payment.  Since we’ve asked the same rav for all of our brissim since living in this city, I don’t have personal experience with other mohelim.  Just last night a Christian women at the homeschool curriculum sale asked me about mohelim and their costs; she was asking for a friend with who wants to circumcise their son ritually though they aren’t Jewish, who had gotten quotes of $600.  I have no idea if that’s standard, though it seems expensive to me.  If that’s actually the going rate, then using the mohel we did obviously was a big money saver, though that wasn’t our primary motivation.

Avivah

Today was the bris!

homemaking

This morning we made the bris, BH on time.  The mohel came a few days before and said there would be no need to come back sooner to check on him, since the baby looked great and when they look like that, jaundice occuring later on isn’t an issue.  That was nice to hear, since it was touch and go with the last two babies as to if it would be on time until the night before the bris. 

Practically speaking, it’s always walking a fine line as far as the time to schedule a bris.  On one hand, the earlier it’s called for, the easier it is for men to come and the longer they can come before they leave to work.  On the other hand, the earlier it is, the fewer women will make it because they’re still busy with their children, carpools, etc.  We called it for 8, which meant that there was a gap between when davening finished and the bris started, so there was no spillover of attendance from the minyan that finished and the bris.  When I walked into the shul at a minute to eight, there were only 3 men and 2 women – I got a little nervous at first!  But people turned up very soon.  The bris was lovely, and I’m so grateful to all of our friends and family who made the time on such a busy erev yom tov to come.  A simcha is really enhanced when others share it with you.

My husband decided he wanted to be sandek this time; it seemed fitting that after catching the baby as he was born, that he would hold him for the bris.  The baby bled more than any of the others, which was a concern, but he seems to be fine now.  We named the baby Shimshon, which was mainly after Rav SR Hirsch, who has been a powerful influence on my husband and his approach to Torah.  But there were alot of other connotations of the name that connected with the time of the year and our feelings about the baby.  My husband very much wanted to name our last baby Shimshon, but it didn’t feel right to me at that time and I adamantly refused – not because I didn’t like the name, just because it didn’t seem like it was meant to be his name.  For this baby, it felt like the right match up of name and spiritual energy.

I was thinking about a few points after the bris, and wanted to share them with you because I think it’s constructive. 

1) If someone invites you to their simcha, they probably would love for you to be there!  This may sound obvious, but I think alot of the time people when invited feel like their presence won’t make much of a difference one way or another, and maybe that the person inviting them was doing it to be polite.  If you can make it, then do it – it makes a difference to the baal simcha.

2) If you do come for the simcha, stay as long as you can.  We noticed that most of the people who came to the bris stayed long enough to grab some food and go.  It’s totally understandable that people are busy, but the mitzva part of the seudas mitzva is at the very end.  It’s important to be there for that – though we had every seat taken for the seuda, by the time bentching came, we were short one man for a minyan.  And we only needed 6 people other than the mohel, my dh, ds16, and fil to complete the minyan.  I’m sure every man who left early felt his absence didn’t matter.  The entire bris and seuda don’t take very long (ours was 1 hour and 15 minutes from start to finish), so if you have a flexible schedule, staying until the end is an easy mitzva to participate in.  If you can’t stay until the end, try to stay at least until the father of the baby speaks; this is his opportunity to share his feelings of joy and gratitude with those who attend and he’s earned the right to be listened to for ten minutes. 🙂

3) Because at the last bris we noticed the reality that people leave early, dh called several of his friends and explained that he’d appreciate if they could stay through the end so we would have a minyan.  He asked them if they thought they’d be able to be there, and a number of them agreed.  Most of them didn’t end up coming, for whatever reason – neither of us think it was because they didn’t care.  Life is busy and things come up.  But my last suggestion is that if you tell someone you’ll be there, then be there.  It created last minute stress when we didn’t have a minyan and we couldn’t find a tenth man for the bentching. 

All in all, it was a wonderful bris and a lovely relaxing day.  My husband and I are both filled with gratitude to H-shem for our wonderful friends and family, for our healthy baby, and for the opportunity to share our joy with all of them.  May we all know only good things!

Happy Shavuos!

Avivah

Fun aquisitions for the kids

frugal strategies, homemaking

Today I was inspired to declutter and reorganize my basement.  What?    You’re wondering how it could possibly need to be cleaned if it was done thoroughly just eight weeks ago for Pesach?  Well, the reality of my home is that spotless stays that way for about three minutes, longer only if the kids are all sleeping.  Maybe some of you can relate. 🙂

Lest you think that I’m nesting and that’s why we did this today, I was actually inspired by a couple of new (to me!) aquisitions.  A preschool upgraded some of their indoor climbing equipment, and I’m now the new owner of 2 extremely well made solid wood climbing structures as well as one slide.  We put one in the living room – my kids’ idea, not mine – and one in the basement.  (I got the third with the intent to give it to my inlaws, for when my kids go there to play, but they decided they don’t have the space for it.  So I’ll have to find someone else to pass it along to – feel free to contact me if you’re in the area and interested!  *Update – taken!  Enjoy it, M!*)  Because our basement isn’t huge, when something new comes in, something else has to go.  So we are giving away the puppet theater my kids built last Chanuka for a performance they did for a large visiting family, along with some other small things that we decided to pass along when we uncovered them.  And once you start moving one thing, then you end up moving everything else around, too!

The structures are very sturdy – they are made of solid wood and well made.  One is made by Creative Playthings, the other is made by Community Playthings.  They are actually 40 years old and have been used in a preschool all that time, but look like they’ll easily last through my children and grandchildren!  When my dh saw them, he commented that we’re used to thinking of everything as disposable and cheaply made, but seeing something that has held up to significant use for years and still is in great condition is a reminder that things used to be built to last. 

We did a search out of curiosity to see how much things like this are selling for from these companies, and it’s alot!  Of course, the newer models are much fancier than what we got.  But fancier doesn’t mean better, and when we got home, ds10 exclaimed over what a great toy it was.  He said the mother of a friend of his has the exact same thing for her daycare, and though he and his friends are much older and bigger than what it’s intended for, they climb all over it and it’s very strong. 

My ds15 wanted to know how we were able to get them, since I told him what the woman in charge told me, that they had 40 responses in a very short time, and I wasn’t the first one.  Here’s the answer – I took the initiative to call them.  There was no phone number in the post, but based on the email address, was able to make a pretty good guess what the name of the preschool was and looked it up.  When I called yesterday, the person in charge had left for the day, but the secretary told me there were so many emails that they were overwhelmed and hadn’t answered any of them yet.  I asked if it would be okay if I called in the morning, and because she said ‘yes’, I did.  I got the woman I needed just a few minutes after she got in to work, and she was very glad to have me come over right away and take them home with me – she said it saved her having to call people, leave messages, wait for someone to come (or not), and just generally drag the process out.  She was really a lovely person and told me how happy she was to see them going to our family.   

My little ones are already enjoying them so much!  My ds20 months is particularly a climber, and he was very excited when he woke up from his nap and saw the climbing structure in the living room.  And he stayed busy on the slide in the basement while we were reorganizing.  Surprisingly, the kids ages 6 – 12 are really enjoying it, too – they think it’s a great place to sit and hang out.

Wasn’t that a good reason to reorganize the basement?

Avivah

Getting things done…

homemaking, homeschooling,

A couple of weeks ago my dd14 told me that she needs more shirts, and finally yesterday I took her and my dd12 out to remedy that.  While I was out, I also picked up some things for the boys ages 10 and down, and some neutral newborn clothes (suprisingly, I just realized a few days ago I have hardly anything- I lent one person all my newborn girls’ clothes 20 months ago, but she said she can’t remember which are mine and was planning to sell everything at a yard sale, and I lent someone else all my newborn boy clothes, and she returned all the bottoms but none of the tops) but my focus was on dd12 and dd14.  It was nice to be able to get them things they’re happy with – neither of them are picky, but both have their own sense of what they like so I no longer like buying things without them being there.  And since exactly a week ago ds15 and ds14 decided that they’d like to go to sleep away camp again this summer, it gives me peace of mind to know that most necessary camp shopping is taken care of for dd.  Even though dd will be going at the end of June, I won’t have to rush around between now and then with a newborn, getting things done with her.  Amazingly, though they made their decision on Friday morning, I was so glad I was able to have all the camp paperwork completed and in the mail by Monday afternoon – including completed medical forms, which necessitated visits to the doctor first thing Monday. I prefer to get things done right away than to let them hang over my head. 

Today my ds15 went to speak to a prosthetist to learn more about what is involved in it as a possible profession.  He spent about an hour with him, asking questions and being shown the lab, equipment, etc.  I think I’m going to encourage my ds15 to do more of this – to actively seek out people and find out first hand what’s involved in training for a career, salaries, advancement opportunities, etc.  The next person I want him to speak with is an accountant.  I’d like to get him started this coming school year working towards his career path as far as college credits, so he needs to get some idea of what he wants to do to focus his energy appropriately.

Then I took my ds10 to a friend to spend Shabbos, and headed on to do some shopping.  The first fresh corn of the season is now out, and we love having it raw for Shabbos lunch – it’s yummy and refreshing.  While I was there, I found whole turkeys for 1.99 a pound, so I bought a few.  If we have a boy, we’ll have enough to serve for the seuda!  And if we have a girl, we’ll have turkey for Shabbos all month long. 🙂  It’s funny to have found them today – this supermarket advertised them at this price before Pesach, but both times I went the shipment hadn’t arrived.  I think the shipment and people’s Pesach needs must not have coincided, and that’s why they have so much still at the sale price – it’s not being advertised, though.  (At Superfresh, for those of you in my area who want to take advantage of the good price. :))

I also did some preparatory shopping for after birth while I was there – buying foods that are good for simplified meals.  Basically today that meant cottage cheese, plain yogurt, brown rice (we were almost out of it), and some corn tortillas.  I forgot to mention this when I wrote about preparing for the postpartum period – you can and should stock up on easy to serve foods, even if it means spending a little more than usual on food that month (though I hope to stay within my usual parameters).  I usually buy yogurt and cottage cheese, but wouldn’t normally pay the prices I paid today.   I couldn’t find much else that I would want to buy – I looked at the premade pizza shells for about 2 seconds but the price is so outrageous that I just can’t justify it.  Especially since it only takes a few minutes to mix up some pizza dough. 

I was outside when a neighbor came home from work, and she told me she and another neighbor were sure I must have had the baby and were keeping it quiet.  They thought that because neither of them realized I was pregnant until six weeks ago, and one of them had been to our house for a Shabbos meal just a couple of weeks before that.  (And today the neighbor who lives closest to me, whose little boys play with mine a few times a week, was there when the other neighbor asked my dd if we had a baby yet, and said, shocked, “You mean she’s pregnant?!?”  She just hasn’t seen me close up enough or it would have been obvious.)   I reassured her that I wasn’t trying to keep being pregnant a secret, and that my kids will be spreading the word as fast as they can once there’s news to share, so she doesn’t have to worry about it flying under the radar.  Actually, I think I’ll buy a balloon to put on my front steps that says ‘it’s a __’ so that anyone who goes by will know.  🙂 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Shabbos!

Avivah

Making the postpartum period easier

homemaking, pregnancy

I hope everyone is enjoying their Lag B’omer!  My husband took the kids to our shul bonfire last night; I stayed home with the youngest, who was sleeping, and finally was able to listen to three of the relaxation cds that I checked out on Friday.  Two of them were good and I’ll happily use them during labor, one I couldn’t listen to for more than a minute without feeling annoyed so that immediately went into the reject pile. 

Today we went to a state park for a homeschooling get together.  It’s been six years since our last Lag B’omer homeschooling outing, since it kept falling on Sunday or Friday or other times that were inconvenient.  Finally this year the dates worked out, the weather was perfect, and we all had a great time.  It works out especially well since the last Weds. of the month, when we usually meet, will be erev Shavuos, so it’s like meeting now and making up for missing it then.  And a friend brought me two Jewish name books, so I’ve been looking through them this afternoon, looking at different spiritual connections between various names and this time of year.

>>There is no group here that makes meals or otherwise helps out with the family after birth, and there are no other shomer Shabbos families with a wife in town either, so I do worry about putting all the work on my husband (and it will be around the end of the semester (he is a professor). I have had very easy births so far, but you never know.<<

Some people are fortunate enough to have mothers who come and take care of everything for a week or even longer after birth, which is wonderful.  But most grandmothers are still working and can’t take the time off, and even if they can, after a week a mother still should be resting and taking it easy. 

So you have to be your own support, which isn’t really hard to do if you plan ahead and don’t get emotional about the help you should have but don’t.  Seriously, feeling sorry for yourself is just not productive because it doesn’t move you forward, but lots of women get stuck in this head space.   So it’s worth mentioning that it’s good to avoid that. 🙂

First of all, think about what kind of help you’ll need.  For most people, what comes to mind are the basic running the house kind of work that you’ll want to minimize as you give your body a chance to rest.  That usually means meals, laundry, and childcare. 

Meals – I’ve been fortunate to have friends send meals for a week after birth, for dinner.  I’ve always felt this was a huge help because it’s one less thing to think about or to do, and the kids always find it to be a treat to enjoy someone else’s cooking!  But even when you’re not in this situation, you can make meals in advance for yourself and stock your freezer.  I did this from my very first pregnancy through no. 6 (I can’t remember exactly).  There are lots of one dish meals that are ideal for this; hearty soups can also be frozen.  If for the month before you give birth you double whatever you’re making for dinner each night and pop the extra into the freezer right away, you’ll fill your freezer with hardly any extra thought or effort.  Even when I just had one newborn and no other children to take care of, it was such a help to pull a pan out of the freezer early in the day, warm it up before dinner, and know that we’d have a nice meal to enjoy without any exertion on my part.  This becomes a lot more important when you have young children, since the more people depend on you to be fed, the more pressure there is when you’re not feeling up to it.  So that’s dinner.

Going backwards in the day, you’ll need to take care of breakfast and lunch.  I’m a big believer in keeping things simple.  There are times in life to make more complicated meals, and there are times for hard boiled eggs and carrot sticks.  After birth is a time to just be concerned about basic nutrition, not any standard of impressive presentation!  For breakfasts, you can pull things you’ve baked in advance from the freezer, like muffins, quick breads, baked oatmeal, or you can make fast and simple breakfasts like oatmeal, polenta, or eggs.  Granola can be made in a large batch in advance, or you could use store bought cold cereal (because I don’t use cold cereals, it’s not the first thing I think of but it can be a good option) or instant hot cereal packs (like grits or cream of wheat). 

Lunch – sandwiches, cottage cheese, tuna, veggie sticks.  Again, simple, simple, simple.  Serve whatever it is with a smile and everyone will be happy.  Even as easy as this can be, it takes mental space to think about what to put out.  So I’d suggest before birth making a menu for the first month postpartum, writing down what you’ll have for each meal.  This can be posted on the fridge, and will make it easier for you to make sure everyone is fed, and make it easier for your husband to do the shopping for whatever it is you’ll need.  You can use this same meal schedule for the next month, if you feel that will be helpful to you at that time. 

Child care – this is the hardest thing to delegate.  If you have the possibility of hiring someone to come in for an hour or two a day, that will give you time to rest.  I remember when I had my third that just being able to take a nap for an hour in the afternoon was a big help – this was the main thing I remember my mother in law doing for me when she came to visit after that birth – watching the kids while I took a nap later in the day.  Often you can find a homeschooled teen who is home during the day, or even a 10 or 12 year old can be a big help in entertaining the kids.  You’ll be home so it’s not like you need a babysitter as much as a mother’s helper, and younger kids are great for that. 

But often that’s not possible, financially or because you can’t find anyone!  When you’re the one who is supervising the kids, stay seated as much as possible.  A lot of the time we get up and feel like we have to do something but many of those things can just as easily be dealt with from the couch.  🙂  You can have your older kids (even age 4- 5 and up) bring you diapers and the baby or toddler when they need changing.  (My 4.5 year old was already changing her baby brother’s wet diapers by herself by the time he was 6 months old, but that was initiative she took; I wouldn’t have thought of asking her to do it!)    Your kids can help each other instead of turning to you for everything (an older one can play with a younger, bring them a toy, etc), and when you explain that mommy needs to rest they can share in the good feeling that they’re able to help you recuperate.  Kids love to be helpful.

Laundry – With a washer and dryer, this shouldn’t be a big physical effort.  But the less you do after birth, the faster you’ll recuperate.  If you can, ask your husband to do this when he gets home – popping a load in right before dinner, and then another right after dinner can keep things moving along very nicely.  If he’s not available for this, then at least have someone else bring the dirty laundry to the machine and take the clean laundry to where it needs to go.   You can have your kids put the actual dirty laundry in the machine for you, and then put the clean wet laundry in the dryer, so that you’re not exerting yourself.

My midwife’s instructions are no driving anywhere for two weeks, not even as a passenger.  It’s not that riding in a car is so strenous that she says this.  I think it’s more that once we get into the car, we have a tendency to think that we can and should be taking care of things.  Don’t be a martyr, and don’t try to prove how capable you are, that you’re back to normal so quickly after having a baby.  The more you rest after birth, the sooner you’ll get back to yourself.  Being pregnant and giving birth takes a lot out of your body, and even if you feel great, your body deserves some healing time.  The postpartum period is the time to nurture yourself as much as you possibly can, to drop down to the most basic standards, and to put yourself first without feeling guilty for it.  Anyway, it’s not like you’re sitting around eating bon bons after giving birth – you’re still working hard, taking care of a newborn with all that entails.  You’ve earned a break after doing all you’ve done for nine months, plus what you’re doing with a new baby, don’t you think?!?  If that doesn’t earn you a break, I don’t know what will!  Emotionally, you’ll also benefit by taking care of yourself, as you’ll be less likely to suffer from postpartum depression. 

If someone offers to help, take them up on it.  It’s not easy to ask a visitor to wash your sink full of dishes, put a load of laundry in the machine, or take your kids to the park for an hour, but I think most people who care enough to visit you or call to ask about your well being really want to help and would be happy to do something concrete if they can. 

Avivah

It’s a beautiful world!

homemaking

Since I was on the phone for hours yesterday making arrangements for the Torah homeschooling conference I’m organizing, I especially wanted to be present for my kids today and NOT be on the phone or computer.  So lest any of you think that a day without me posting means that I had a baby, I wanted to quickly pop in and let you know that I didn’t. 🙂

But now that I’m here, I’ll share some of what I was thinking about this morning.  Have you ever stopped to think about what a beautiful world we live in?  Not because anything is extra special about today, but just because every day is so beautiful?  That’s what I was thinking about.  We are so lucky to have all that we have.  It’s so easy to be so busy that we are more focused on what we need to accomplish than on being present in the moment and enjoying living life. 

I feel like this week past my due date has been a wonderful gift, since I’ve used the opportunity to become more mentally relaxed and emotionally present for myself and my family.  I’ve still gotten a lot done, but I haven’t had the sense of pressure that something needs to be done that I sometimes feel.  If I’ve wanted to do it, I’ve done it, without any unnecessary emotion about it.  There are some things that I haven’t felt were important enough to do that I usually do, but that’s been fine, too.  It’s a good headspace to be in – and it’s not because I don’t have anything to do, because I have as much to do as always, and not because my life is stress free, because it’s not (spent yesterday afternoon at the dentist with ds10, seeing about getting his newly chipped tooth repaired – it was broken when a friend accidentally smashed him in the mouth with a water gun and now he’s snaggle toothed :)).  It’s easy to forget how we’re the ones who choose our mood and how our day goes, but the reality is, we’re the only ones who can control our daily experience. 

Today I picked up some relaxation music cds from the library for using in labor.  I wish I could listen to them and decide which is most appropriate labor music, but I’m thinking that any of them will be enjoyable.  Maybe on Lag B’omer I’ll have the chance depending what does or doesn’t develop between then. 🙂  I really enjoy peaceful and relaxing new age type music, though I don’t listen to it often, since my kids have their preferences, too, and while they like this, they wouldn’t choose it.  I’ve enjoyed listening to Yanni since high school, but his music isn’t good for labor – some of the pieces too much tempo and you don’t want music building up when contractions are building up.  I don’t know anything about any of the cds I got today – if it said something about relaxation, serenity, or peacefulness on it, I took it. 🙂

Then I got to spend some time in the kosher supermarket, a fun place to be on Friday afternoon. 🙂  Seriously, even shopping on erev Shabbos can be enjoyable if you’re not feeling rushed.  And if you’re lucky enough to too run into a friend while shopping like I did, it’s even nicer!  Then someone else I hardly knew came up to me and told me she had been trying to call me about something, so I was able to have a nice chat with her and have one less call to return to boot! 

While I spent that time out, my kids were countersinking the nail holes in our new door frame (this time it was dd8 and ds10 who were helping out), and then filling the holes with putty so that they can be painted over.  I love how my husband gets the kids involved in working with him; it’s enjoyable for all of them to be working together on something.  My husband did some more finishing touches, so it’s really almost done – maybe he’ll even paint the frame today.  I know he’d like to be finished with it. 

Right now the house is filled with the yummy smell of cinnamon – we’re trying an experiment for a Shabbos snack.  We sliced up peeled summer squash thinly, sprinkled the slices with cinnamon and sucanat, and put it into the dehydrator.  They aren’t yet finished, but they should be done in time for Shabbos.  I think they’ll be really tasty.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts and some of what’s happening around here today.  I hope you all have a wonderful Shabbos!

Avivah