Avivah Werner

Category: Homemaking

  • Time management and the big rocks

    Today was the first day of school for my oldest son – the first official school day in seven years!  He started high school today, and I definitely have mixed emotions about it.  On one hand, I know he will do really well, but on the other hand, it feels like something is missing when he’s not around. 

    With his school day being so extremely long, it means that his personal schedule has to change to adapt to his new needs, and I’m now easing everyone else into his sleeping/waking schedule so that they can still see him when he’s around.  If I don’t, he’ll leave before they wake up and get home when they are heading for bed. 

     I also need to change our family chore schedules since he won’t be around for the things he’s currently slotted for.  I find that basic schedules for our daily routine really help keep us all on track and helps us have a more relaxed feeling about our time, since we all know that there’s time for everything and the important things will get done. 

     I was actually talking to a relative about this last night.  She told me “I don’t know how you do all that you do.”  I told her that I find Stephen Covey’s visual demonstration of filling a container with large rocks, small rocks, gravel, sand, and water very helpful.  If you first put in the largest items, and then put in each additional item according to it’s size (ie, largest to smallest), you will get a lot more in than if you haphazardly put in whatever your hand happens to touch first, and you will ensure that the biggest things always fit in. 

     It’s the same thing with our time and priorities.  All of us have the really important things that we need to do – our ‘big rocks’.  And there are plenty of little things that we can fill our days with that don’t really matter much (that would be the sand and water) that could be fit around other things.  What happens when we just do whatever we want to do without assigning priorities to our activities?  Usually, the big rocks don’t get put in – we end up not doing the most important things that really matter the most, because we don’t have time for it – we’ve filled up our containers with the small stuff.

    What I try to do is assess what my personal big rocks are – my husband, my children, their education, regular meals and chores to keep our home running smoothly – and schedule in time for those things.  For example, I make sure to hit all the academics with my kids first thing in the day, because I know that if I take care of everything else first, the day would be over and I would never get around to working with them on the academic stuff!  All the other things I need to do I schedule for later in the day.

    Avivah

  • Back from Camping Trip 2007

    We’ve gone and come back from our camping trip, and had a great time!

    The campground we went to was the most beautiful we’ve ever been to, and very private. There was a beautiful stream running through the campgrounds, and we had a fun time climbing the rocks in the river, tubing, hiking, and on the last day, swimming at a nearby thermal lake. And of course there was the usual camping fun of collecting firewood, building fires, roasting marshmallows and hotdogs, making smores, etc.

    We also made a trip out to gorgeous Blackwater Falls (WV), which was only 40 minutes from our campsite. Unfortunately, we didn’t have the camera with us for the thermal lake and waterfall (accidentally left behind at the campsite), since that was a very fun part of our trip that would be good to have visual reminders of. But the main thing is that we had the experience! (Though I’ve often found that what we have pictures of we remember for much longer!)

    When we were packing the van to go there, we were really glad we didn’t need to take tents this time since we didn’t have any extra space in the van! Everyone thought the cabin was cute (I had to take the smaller one since the bigger one that would have been more suitable was taken), but once nighttime came, the four oldest kids had a hard time sleeping because they were so squished.

    And honestly, I usually enjoy the rustic experience, but this time (being six months pregnant), I really wouldn’t have minded electricity or being closer to the water pump and porta potties (the bigger cabin is right next to those and has electricity). Three trips in the middle of the black rainy night to use the facilities wasn’t much fun. And it wasn’t much fun walking ten minutes to get to a bathroom first thing in the morning, either, when the closer one (three minutes away) was taken. But that was really the main complaint, and that’s being kind of nitpicky.

    Fortunately, we didn’t spend much time inside during the day! The weather was on the cool side – it was rainy and pouring the first night there, but cleared up the next morning and it was clear and sunny. Since it was in the mountains, it didn’t feel hot at all – temps were only in the 80s.

    The modest swim suits I made were really a worthwhile use of time, as it enabled us to have fun as a family in the water in situations that I would usually stay away from. I was working on mine until 1 am of the morning that we left, knowing how disappointed my kids would be if I didn’t finish it. It was worth the effort; they were thrilled that I made it in time for the trip and I had lots of fun swimming with them!

    We decided to leave a little early and not stay for the third night – the larger cabin was available and we initially planned to move into it for our last night there, but then decided it was silly to spend energy moving in there, when we were just going to pack up first thing the next morning and go home. I had terrible back pain from the mattress I slept on (I could feel the metal bars of the futon frame through it) and didn’t want to cut our trip short just because of that, but the second night some kids were so cold that they weren’t looking forward to the third night, either. Part of that was their own fault – three of them forgot to bring the warm clothes that we told them to pack, but part of it was being in the mountains, and it being much colder at night than we’re used to on past camping trips – we would have brought more blankets if we had realized. I can only imagine how cold we would have been if we had camped this year in tents like we usually do!

    We got back at 1 am on Friday morning (it’s always nice to be home!), and when we woke up, got everything unpacked and washed up. Then we had special overseas guests for dinner that I’ve known online for over six years, but never had the chance to meet in person until Friday evening. (We spent most of Monday before we left cooking and freezing food so we wouldn’t be too pressured when we got home from the trip, and were able to just pull things out of the freezer.) They also came for lunch the next day, and we thoroughly enjoyed them – what wonderful people! They also had a daughter 11.5 who both my almost 11 yo and 12.5 year old really enjoyed getting to know. The consensus of all the kids was they wish we could have spent even more time together with their family!

    Saturday was our 15th anniversary – doesn’t that sound like a long time?! The years have flown by! Marriage is an amazing thing, and I’m incredibly grateful to be married to such a special person, who I love more and more every year.

    Today was a really nice day, very relaxed and filled with nice time together with the kids – a movie out (check your local theaters to see if any offer free matinees in the summer – many do), a trip to the library, some special shopping for ds13, and then a trip to friends for another child (and later, swimming there for two of my boys while I got to enjoy time with their mother, a good friend who I never have enough time to talk with :)). We had dinner outside in the back yard where it was cool (the house was uncomfortably warm) before getting everyone ready for bed. Now we are getting looking forward to a visit from a family from Texas who is coming tomorrow. I’ve known them since I was 16, so we’ve seen each other through many stages of life!

    Tomorrow morning the midwife will be here and I’ll finally get the official verdict about if we have one or two babies on the way (these four weeks have dragged by, waiting and wondering). I’ll be sure to keep you posted!

    Avivah

  • Planning our camping trip

    I’ve been busy making plans for our yearly camping trip. Actually, we just call it our yearly camping trip, because that’s how often it’s supposed to happen, but somehow it has so far worked out to every other year. Dh and I put off planning longer than we usually do, which isn’t a problem if you don’t mind camping at busy times in the season when everyone is there, but since we do mind, I needed to do a lot more research than usual. By mid June, the campgrounds are filling up, and we want to go next week.

    Something we love about camping is the peaceful quiet, and it would really take away from the experience for us to go when there are lots of people around. I heard about a new privately owned campground that’s a few hours away. The thought of spending three hours in the van getting there wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for gas prices being so high (and large passenger vans are notorious for their low mpg!). I called the owner to ask some questions, and although the campsites are very large and one could easily accomodate our two tents, we would still need to pay for two campsites, since the price for one campsite is based on having only four people using it.

    I’ve sometimes felt in situations like these that large families are penalized, because of regardless of how few resources or space you actually use (often less than much smaller families because of the choices we make), you are charged per additional child the adult rate per day. Anyway, once I saw how expensive renting the campsites would be, I started looking at the more expensive options that I wouldn’t usually consider, because they were no longer significantly more. They have two tipis, but they officially only sleep four, and I didn’t feel confident without seeing them that we could comfortably squeeze in to one. (I’ll check it out once we are there for future reference.) Then I looked at the cabins, which are the most expensive options.

    There are only two cabins, one is larger but not as ideally located (right off the main parking lot and there is a light from outside), the other is smaller but in a more woodsy and private area. Since the larger one sleeps 7, we decided to reserve that even though we really like the location of the smaller one more. But when I got online to make reservations, the larger one was taken. That made the decision very easy! I happily reserved the smaller one (sleeps 5 adults), feeling that it’s the one we were obviously meant to have, and it’s the one we would be happier with. The cabin is as close to tent camping as you can get – there is no electricity or running water, and the stove provided is the typical Coleman camping stove. But it will save us the extra set up time when we get there, and save us time preparing since we won’t need to take out the tent equipment ahead of time to be sure it’s all there.

    Here’s how we plan on sleeping everyone – there’s a double futon for dh and I, and above that is a twin bed that ds (5) and dd (6.5) will share. There’s a loft that has two twin beds, and two kids will share each bed, by putting their heads at opposite ends and their feet in the middle. Two boys to one, two girls to the other, and then we’ll bring the port-a-crib for the baby. We’re bringing sleeping bags, and if anyone feels the above sleeping arrangements are too tight (and they ARE on the tight side, though the girls often share a twin bed at home because they like to), they can camp out on the floor. This is the first time going camping without taking tents, and a couple of the kids initially balked at the idea, and still want to know if we can take a tent for them to sleep in if they want. I don’t mind if they do, so I’m happy to accomodate them and bring a tent along.

    This site looks beautiful and seems to have nice water areas – enough for tubing, wading, and swimming, some waterfalls, and lots of boulders for climbing and exploring. There’s a thermal lake nearby that we plan to take everyone to, as well as some caves and hiking areas that I’m trying to convince dh not to take everyone to this time. (I love how peaceful it is when we can just all enjoy being there once we get there, and don’t want to spend too much time leaving the campgrounds.)

    I made the older two girls modest bathing suits that they love and look lovely in, so they can feel comfortable in the water even if there are other non family members around. (They’re very practical, too, since they can wear them to hike in and then keep the same suit on for swimming.) I’ve been feeling tired in the evenings and have been putting off sewing one for myself and my 6.5 dd (who likes her older sisters’ and keeps asking when she will get one), but that’s something I really need to get to this week. Once I get started it shouldn’t take too long, but I’ve put mine off because I’m not sure how to size it so it will fit now and later on in pregnancy, because I really wanted to use it when I’m not pregnant. I’ve been thinking I could add in extra panels on the sides, and then remove them later on. Or I could make a separate pregnancy suit in the material that I like less (I got two different materials to use for the various suits) and make another one later on, which probably makes the most sense. Well, I’ll let you know once I decide. 🙂

    Avivah

  • Rearranging rooms and making space

    My, doesn’t life move quickly sometimes! I often feel like every week around here goes fast and is packed full with much too much to tell. 🙂

    My mom, who’s been living with us for ten months, found a place to live on Thursday morning, so we spent part of Thursday, Friday, and then last night helping her move all her stuff with our nice big van and the arms of many willing helpers. I’m glad we were able to have her for this time, but I think she’ll enjoy her own space, and we will enjoy having the extra space.

    While my mom was living in the basement, we used one of the bedrooms as a playroom. Contrary to popular expectations, big families don’t necessarily have or need much bigger houses than everyone else. Our house is a pretty modest size, though I’m very happy with the layout and it works well for us. We have three bedrooms, plus the new bedroom that we just finished making in the attic (ds13 painted most of it yesterday, and will hopefully paint the ceilings today).

    You may be wondering how everyone fits in (I’ve been asked before :)), so here’s how we do it: the 3 older boys are in one room, the 3 girls in the other – we have two bunk beds in each kids’ room, so there is still room in each of those two bedrooms for another child. We’re in the attic bedroom, and ds14 months just moved to the third bedroom/playroom a week or so ago. That bedroom is the smallest and has all the toys, books, dress up clothes – you know, everything. 🙂 Last night we started moving stuff down to the basement, and it’s wonderful how roomy both the basement and third bedroom now feel!

    I’m so glad that my mom moved in with us a couple of weeks after we bought this house, before we ever got used to having the basement as a living space. That way, it wasn’t something we were giving up to have her using, and now, it’s like a new house almost to have more space! We’re doing a lot of shifting things around. We moved all the board games and a bunch of toys down, as well as the foosball table. Mom is leaving her futon, so we will continue being able to have her as a weekend guest, or have other people stay down there. It’s important to me to be able to have guests able to stay overnight, which is why when I bought our living room furniture, I made to sure to get a sleeper sofa. Then when we needed more seating space, I got another sleeper sofa, this one with two separate twins beds. So technically we could sleep four people in the living room, but there’s no privacy so it’s nice to have the basement for them to stay in. (The kids love to sleep there, though, on weekend nights it’s a special privilege that we often allow.) Until about a month ago, we also had a full sized futon in the playroom (for potential guests), but that was given away when we decided we’d rather use the space for a foosball table, and then last week, we moved ds’s portacrib in there. So it was getting a little squishy in that room.

    Are you wondering what we will do what that third bedroom now? Don’t worry, the space won’t be wasted! We still have all the bookshelves in there (for now – when we finish the attic bathroom, I’m thinking of moving them where they can line the hallway that leads to the attic), and the dressers. The current baby will continue to stay in there until he’s ready to move into the boys’ room (at least that was my plan until recently, and haven’t decided on a new course of action yet), and then we will move the new babies in when they are old enough to leave our room. (We usually move our babies out of our room around at a year old.)

    It’s just amazing how much space this relatively small house has for us all when we use it well!

    Avivah

  • Shopping, bargains, and compliments on ds

    I’ve noticed that super busy days around here are usually followed by slow days, and today was no exception. Yesterday was very full – we started with an orthodontist appointment for my 12 year old dd, who had her braces taken off. Now she has to wear a retainer for the next six months, and since it’s something that takes adjusting to (it’s not easy to speak normally with it in), she’s not looking forward to it.

    Directly from there we went to PA for our big shopping day. We stocked up on bulk grains, fresh milk, canned goods, and lots more, but our big bargain of the day was free range eggs! We stopped in at the bulk foods place for our usual items, and they had a sale of 79 cents a dozen for brown free range eggs! (This was an especially good price, since around here regular eggs are $1.39 dz.) I took all the cartons that were out (just 9) and asked if she had more. Turns out they had lots more – so I got a case of thirty dozen in addition to the 9 I had in my cart. I asked why they were so cheap, and she told me that a local farmer had a bunch of laying hens and made an error in estimating how much he would have to sell. He had lots more than he could sell and asked this store if they could sell some. So I relieved them of some of their overflow. 🙂

    I met a lovely lady months ago at one of the stores I visited yesterday, and we’ve stayed in sporadic email contact, so we arranged to meet there again. I also met another mom of seven kids in the store. She was in line right behind me, but I was busy with my zillion things that I was putting on the conveyer belt, so I didn’t notice her. My daughter whispered to me that there was someone with seven kids behind us – we’ve noticed before that though seven seems to us like a small family, when we see others with a similarly sized family, it looks really big! It helps me remember what other people must see when they look at us! I turned around and said hi, and started chatting with her. It turns out we’re both due with number 8 around the same time – she’s due two weeks before me. I left the store, but while I was loading my van, she came out and thanked me for my comments, and we continued chatting a bit longer. Her kids were waiting in the van for her, though, and we all know how hard it is to talk at leisure when we know the kids are feeling impatient! I took her number so maybe we’ll have the chance to connect another time in the future.

    I really need to get a separate freezer. I somehow make do with the top of the fridge freezer, but it doesn’t allow me to bake or cook in bulk like I used to, which was a big time saver. (It’s so nice at the end of a busy day to be able to reach in to your freezer and pull out a delicious dish!) And on big shopping days like yesterday, I really push the freezer to it’s absolute max. That’s being careful not to buy all that I would like to buy, knowing how limited space is. I would love to buy more milk so I could put it in the freezer, but I really can’t make room for more than four gallons. The fresh milk is the main reason we go so far for shopping (it’s not available in our state because of ridiculous legal restrictions), but I don’t like to go more often than once a month, which means that for two weeks we have plenty of milk, and for two weeks we have none. Feast or famine. 🙂

    I got home just in time to see a friend’s husband getting in to his car. He was delivering some of their overflow food, since people are making food for them following the birth of their baby (this is the friend I wrote about in my last post) and they can’t eat all of it and don’t want it to go to waste. We certainly enjoyed having a nice meal at the end of a busy day that I didn’t have to do anything to prepare! We quickly unpacked all the groceries, and made it in time for my older son’s baseball game, only ten minutes late (he went ahead of us). We took the food with us, because everyone was starving by the time we got home – it was really, really nice to be able to just dish out something filling and tasty for everyone in the short time we were at home.

    Ds is a really good baseball player, and this seasonal league is something he looks forward to all year. I was talking to the wife of one of the dads who coaches for my son’s team, who told me her husband said he is ‘awesome’. She went on to tell me that her husband isn’t one to give compliments out lightly, and was really impressed by his character. It’s always nice to hear things like that, isn’t it? To me, character is the most important thing, and if he were a terrific ball player who was selfish and disrespectful, it wouldn’t be worth two cents to me. It’s a constant conscious effort to help our kids work on their character, but it is so rewarding to see them grow up as mature and self aware.

    Avivah

  • Progress on the attic and new learning experiences…

    I’ve been busy this week looking into local high school options for ds13 for the coming year (private schools – the local public schools are some of the worst in the country), wanting to know what the options were without summarily dismissing them in favor of homeschooling. After all of my research, homeschooling has never looked better! It’s taken a good amount of time and emotional energy, but I feel even more committed to educating our children at home after considering all of the input and feedback with an open mind.

    On the home front, after two weeks of dh not really working on our attic, I realized he was very understandably feeling a bit overwhelmed at how much work there was to do, especially in light of how little time he had at home to do it in. I was planning to do a bunch of work, too, but was waiting for him to finish some preliminary things that needed to be done before I could do my part. To take the pressure off of my wonderful husband, I asked my ds13 if he felt comfortable doing some of the work, to which he agreed.

    I really think teenagers need and appreciate meaningful outlets for their energies, and this project has been very satisfying and gratifying for my son. He can really see a visible difference before and after he does work, and he knows what a huge help it is to dh and I that he’s getting so involved. I just wanted ds to hang some drywall, but he went well beyond that. After drywalling the knee wall on one side of the attic, he decided to frame the inner concrete wall himself, which was more complicated than a typical wall framing project because of the slant of the roof on each side. Then he went on to begin hanging dry wall on that same wall, which also was a lot more work because of the drywall needing to be cut at an exact slant to fit the interior roofline. And, it’s right next to the stairs so he had to build a kind of scaffold with dh so he would have a place to get the footing for sufficient leverage to drill. The attic is actually beginning to look like it will be a really nice living space – reality is starting to show glimpses of matching the vision in my mind’s eye. I can really see the light at the end of the tunnel. The plumbing and electric work for the bathroom has been done, so a lot of that work is in place. We need to build a custom shower stall, cover all the walls, lay a tile floor, and put the door in for the bathroom, and then the plumber will be back to put in the fixtures, and the electricians will be back to put in the light and venting fan. Though there’s still lots of work to do, both for the bathroom and the attic itself, it’s exciting to see it all come together.

    Well, after working together with dh most of Friday on the attic, they were both ready for a break, when we discovered the sewer main had backed up and the contents of my garbage disposal from the kitchen sink were coming up in my utility sink in the basement. We quickly called the plumber, who told us to call a sewer service. Unfortunately, it was 5:30 and they were closed, so there was no help on that end. Feeling a very real sense of urgency and not having any professionals available to come out and take care of it, dh ran out to Home Depot (which is beginning to feel like our second home) and rented an electric snake. He did a fantastic job of snaking out the sewer line (there’s a first time for everything – the joys of home ownership!), and took a quick shower while ds put the pipes back together.

    Then in the middle of the night, I woke up to the sounds of crying, and found my two middle sons throwing up. My dds (10 and 12) were taking care of them, and said they hadn’t wanted to wake me up, but fortunately I heard them anyway. There must be a virus going around, since the baby was sick on Thursday and Friday, also the same kinds of symptoms – lethargy and vomiting. The 4 yo seemed to be feeling fine when he woke up, but ds8 still isn’t over it. I hope in the morning when he wakes up it will have worked its way out of his system.

    Our guests today were wonderful, just filled with a positive energy and upbeat attitude that I especially love and appreciate. I had considered canceling when we had the sewer main problem because I wasn’t sure what the state of the house would be like, but I’m so glad I didn’t, especially since we made plans with them over a month ago. They are a couple in their sixties, and we had a marvelous lunch conversation that went on for three hours and spanned a wide variety of topics. The older three kids were all interested in the conversation, and participated as well, and the younger kids flitted from the table to their games during the meal.

    My older two dds started a baking business several weeks ago, and just got a few large orders. It’s really exciting for them, since they didn’t know what kind of response they would get (and there may still be orders that will come in, since customers have until Monday to place their orders). So I’m organizing my time so that the kitchen will be available exclusively for their use for Tues/Weds/Thurs, and then again on Sunday. I feel it’s really a wonderful project that they’ve taken on, and though I won’t do the work for them, and willing to support them in whatever way I can. Basically, this has meant taking them shopping for supplies and to distribute their flyers. I really feel that nothing builds self-confidence like success, and regardless of how much money they make, this has already been a very good experience for them.

    Avivah

  • Keeping the house in order – with kids around

    “Have you managed to train your kids to keep the house tidy as they go? ”

    The house stays in reasonable condition if I stay on top of things and make sure everyone does what they’re supposed to do when they’re supposed to do it. The last couple of weeks I’ve been mentally very preoccupied with a business project I’ve been working on, and when I don’t actively manage, things don’t run as well as usual. So things don’t look as good in that scenario as they should.

    I don’t spend much time daily on regular cleaning. I aim for a generally orderly home, not spotless, and your standards might be much higher than mine. Usually if someone were to come in to my house, they would find most of the main floor (living room, dining room, kitchen) in process, because those are constantly in use, since that’s where we spend our time all day long.

    What I do is the following: morning chores for 15 minutes – this means wiping down the breakfast table and washing dishes for the child whose turn it is, and three times a week the kids do the bathrooms, 2 kids for each bathroom. There is also a quick pickup of the main floor, I usually have my 4 yo or 6 yo sweep all of the main floor. Whoever I feel like nabbing takes out the garbage.

    Sporadically, I give them rags and have the younger kids wipe down the walls, which can get grimy over time with fingerprints. I expect them to pick up their bedrooms before they come downstairs in the morning (but honestly, what isn’t regularly inspected isn’t regularly done – so I often send them back up to finish what should have been done earlier:)) Before dinner, I usually have another quick pick up. The kids take turns during the week doing breakfast and dinner dishes (I cook and do lunch dishes, also Saturday and Sunday dishes). I do picking up and putting away through the day, I don’t really schedule that in or think about it – for example, if I see the stove top needs to be wiped down, I just do it. Some people find it more helpful to have schedules for all of the necessary tasks, but I tend to feel overly burdened by lots of schedules.

    I don’t do laundry daily. This doesn’t work for me, since it seems there’s always laundry waiting to be put away in that situation. All the laundry is done on Sunday (though often it drags through to Monday if the loads aren’t moved through promptly enough). My two oldest (ds13, dd12) alternate weeks for doing laundry, the younger kids are responsible for bringing the dirty clothes to the basement. I sort the clean stuff into piles (often grabbing a work buddy but just as often not). Then for several hours on Sunday evening, there is a pile of clothes on the couch that steadily grows, and I send each child to their room two or three times with their stuff to put away. (I put it on the couch because I won’t allow it to stay there; the problem with clean laundry is it’s very easy to just shove it to the side and it builds up in clean piles in the spare room.)

    When I feel more serious attention is needed to their rooms, on occasional Sunday mornings I gather everyone and tell them we need to get things back in order – I find that things tend to pile up over time. I hate clutter. Hate, hate, hate. I take a garbage bag or two of things to the Goodwill almost every week – yesterday I took four bags. I can’t figure out how I regularly have so many things to pass on, since I’m not an excessive shopper or accumulator in any way. I have seven kids and limited space, and don’t feel I can afford the luxury of keeping things around that aren’t being used, if I want to keep a reasonably tidy house. Cleaning around lots of stuff is just too hard, and there’s plenty of stuff left to clean around even with my constant decluttering. For me, decluttering is an ongoing process.

    So to sum up, I spend maybe half an hour daily on home maintenance; what’s most important for me is to use the systems I’ve put into place and remembering that it’s because I have those systems that things run smoothly. Sometimes things seem to just happen on their own, and I forget to give myself credit for creating and maintaining that environment, and then I lapse and don’t do the necessary maintenance. Times like that are actually helpful, though, because it reminds me that the house running smoothly is happening because I’m there to make sure it happens.

    Avivah

  • The Myth of Doing it All

    Very often, people ask me how ‘I do it all’. And I tell them, I don’t do it all, no one does. People make comments to me like, “You’re superwoman” or other nonsense, which I really dislike. Why? Because there is no such thing as superwoman, and any time someone says that, it means they aren’t seeing who you really are. The reason I think that people say things like that is they see something that a person does, and they then superimpose their life onto that person, so they imagine that another mom not only does everything they themselves need to do in their own lives, but all of the other things that they see her accomplishing as well. The danger in seeing things from a distance is it isn’t accurate or realistic.

    But that doesn’t mean you need to give up your dream of what you want to accomplish or who you want to be. Not at all. What it does mean is that you need to clarify for yourself what it is that you really want. I accomplish many things in the course of a week that are meaningful to me, which leaves me with a great sense of accomplishment. If I were trying to do what I thought I was “supposed” to do, instead of what really mattered to me, I’d probably feel I was always running behind, feeling I’d never be able to keep up or be good enough.

    You can’t do everything, but you can do all of the things that are important to you, and do them well, if you are honest about what you really want, and then prioritize your time accordingly. For example, my main priorities are homeschooling my children, parenting them well, making my home a nurturing place for us all, having a great relationship with my husband, and running my business. These are all things that I block out time for, because they are priorities to me.

    Here are a couple of examples of how these things play out for me. Homeschooling my children means putting time into my schedule first thing in the day, time to work with them on academics. If I didn’t prioritize this, I could easily end up often not getting around to it, since there are so many other things that need to be done. I don’t take or make phone calls until early afternoon, my time before then is just for my kids. It doesn’t mean that we don’t spend time together during the later part of the day, but we can all relax later in the day, knowing we’ve accomplished our academic goals and they aren’t being compromised by anything else. Later in the day is the time for other activities, errands, work on the house, or trips.

    Making my home a nurturing place means that I take the time to think about what a nurturing home means to me, and then plan the steps to accomplish that. For me, that means that things are basically orderly most of the time, there are tasty meals on a regular schedule, and there is a relaxed atmosphere in the home. So I make sure I have a weekly menu plan, have regular chores assigned to my children, and we work together when it’s time for chores. In this way, everything gets done without it all falling on one person, and there isn’t a feeling of one person having to work while everyone else does what they want. I keep this goal in mind when I spend all day out of the home on a trip, and try to plan accordingly. For example, tomorrow I will be going to a neighboring state for my big shopping day. So today I will think about how to be sure that we have appropriate food to take for lunch, and how to have a hot meal ready (or quickly readied) when I get home. Otherwise, a day like that would be a big stress for us all and affect my primary goals.

    When you think you see someone who is just amazing as to how she does everything, she may in fact be really good about organizing her time. And it would be a good idea to ask her how she does it, and see if the principles she uses are ones you can effectively adapt for yourself. I love hearing the tips effective people use in their lives. But don’t make the mistake of putting her on a pedestal. We can (and should) respect others who are living the kind of lives they want to live, but never let it affect how you view yourself. What other people do doesn’t make you more or less than the person you are. There’s no benefit in comparing yourself to anyone.

    Remember – doing it all is simply a myth.

    Avivah

  • DIY renovations progressing

    We’re busy with some remodeling now. We want to finish our attic and put in a bathroom, and make the remaining space into two small rooms. We decided to be our own contractors and just hire out the plumbing and electric work, and do everything else ourselves so we could stay within a very modest budget and still do a major upgrade to the house. We’ve done some preparatory work, primarily demolishing a wall, creating a new doorway, and building a new wall through the master bedroom in order to create a separate entrance to the attic. I didn’t want people going through one of the bedrooms that is being used by our family every time they came in to do work, which is why I wanted to do this first.

    (In case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t know how to do all of this stuff before I started. But the library has great books, and I checked out a bunch of them and read and read until I started to understand some of the things I was reading. I started by putting in a kitchenette in the basement for my mom, with my ds13 as my working buddy. That turned out well, so we were empowered to go onto the above described new attic entrance. And so it continues…)

    Finally, we are up to the bathroom itself. Dh framed most of the bathroom so the plumber could do the rough-in, and the plumber spent the last couple of days here doing that. He’ll be back on Sunday to finish putting in the water lines. He is a terrific plumber, and I have a lot of confidence in him. Unfortunately, with all the noise in the house, my baby has not been able to nap at all. So the last couple of days have been hard on him, and everyone else, too, since he spends most of the day needing to be held and very out of sorts.

    Ds13 has been a huge help to dh in doing the framing, and was a big help to me yesterday. Dh didn’t totally complete the framing, though most of it is done. He left some things undone that he felt could wait until after the rough ins. Well, ds was watching the plumber, and came down to tell me it was going to be a problem to complete the framing after the pipes were in, and took me upstairs to show me what he meant. He was right – the pipes were being put in differently than dh had expected, so there was going to be a major problem if it weren’t addressed right away. I asked him if he thought he could complete the necessary framing, since dh wouldn’t be home in time; it needed to be done right away. I felt very fortunate that ds knew what to do, though I quite honestly get very nervous about him using a power saw – even though I sat there and watched him cut every board. Something about the sound of it, or just the thought of it, I don’t know, but I get really nervous about power saws.

    Today the electricians came to do the electrical rough-in. Let me tell you, I’m much less thrilled with the electricians than I am with the plumber. When the electrician first came to give an estimate, I was quite impressed by him. The problem is that he sends out plumbers he hires to do the work, but they have nowhere near his experience. It never occurred to me to ask about that when we spoke about all the things I wanted done. After clearing my schedule for the morning, they arrived three hours late (and when I clear my schedule, it’s not just a manner of speaking – I literally had to postpone a bunch of things). Then they didn’t know what work they were supposed to do. Then they told me they would need to reopen the ceilings, after I already repaired the holes from the prior work they did – “Oh, we didn’t realize we would need those holes to stay open.” Then after less than 2 hours, they decided to leave for the day because they had a question and I had gone out for ten minutes to drop off my son at his tutor. They said it will take at least three days (and based on their past work, which was all part of this same contract, I’m wondering how many days more it will take them to actually get it done right). They plan to be here 7:30 in the morning to get started again. The only good thing I could say about the day was that thanks to their delay, I was able to put the baby in for two naps before they arrived, and because they left so soon, he was able to sleep right after they left. And that’s no small thing to be grateful for. We all really appreciated the difference between him today and yesterday – everyone had fun with him again! He really is a very happy natured baby, and I hate seeing him so miserable.

    I finally got to the end of the day (after coming home with all of the kids very late from a lovely family party we were invited to), and thought I would post something here. But Blogger has updated something and I couldn’t get into my account. I kept at it until finally I was able to log in, and honestly, I just felt lucky that it finally happened. I really dislike these system wide upgrades that mean everyone has to re-register, nothing works the way it’s supposed to, etc. Have you ever noticed how these things never happen when you are feeling energetic and eager to face some challenges? LOL . Life on life’s terms, as the saying goes. 🙂

    Avivah

  • More on grocery savings

    What place does processed food have in my budget?

    When I do buy processed food, it’s only when it’s much cheaper to buy it than it would be to make it. An example would be the tacos I buy at a salvage store I stop by from time to time – I stock up when I see them priced at 8 boxes for a dollar (12.5 cents each). I certainly wouldn’t consider buying them on sale at the supermarket for $1.89 a box. It’s little things like this, here and there, that add up and sink a budget. It’s hard for me to think of many other processed foods that I regularly buy, except for canned veggies (lots of tomatoes and canned pumpkin).

    Buying in Bulk
    I also buy lots of foods in bulk, like grains (wheat, oats, dried corn, millet, rice, buckwheat) and coconut oil (as you saw in my recent post!). I buy 50 lb of potatoes for under $6; since the place I buy them is an hour and a half from my home, I buy 150 lb at a time (since it’s cool now, I don’t have a problem with them staying fresh – I don’t buy this many when it’s hot, only 50-100 lb at a time then). Most people don’t feel buying in bulk is practical do to for a smaller family, but if you get together with another friend or two and split it up, it means big savings for all of you! (And if you can find some extra storage places in your house – under the beds, even – you don’t need to split it up with friends to enjoy the bargains.)

    I buy family packs of ground beef when they are on sale; the sale prices I have found locally aren’t very impressive, so I stock up at $2 a lb. I use the meat more as a condiment than a main dish, as a stir fry, in a stew, casserole, etc. It gives everything a great flavor, but I don’t need to use more than 1 – 2 pounds a meal.

    I don’t buy beans in bulk – surprisingly, they cost more at all of the bulk sources I’ve priced out than they do at the supermarket. Several weeks ago a bunch of kinds of beans went on sale at a local supermarket for .51 a pound, so I bought 50 lb, five – ten pounds of each kind. That will keep my pantry stocked for a while.

    Stock up on loss leaders
    I keep my eyes on the specials the stores are running; I check the flyers and don’t make a trip there unless they have something I want. There are a number of items that the stores will offer at great prices, at an actual loss to themselves, to lure you in. Since most people don’t buy just the loss leaders, it’s a profitable strategy for the stores. But I just stock up on what’s on sale – for example, I just noticed that salmon is on sale this week for $1 a can. That’s the price I’ve been waiting for, and I will probably buy about 30 cans (I know I don’t need to buy more than that because the sales are cyclical and this price will come around again). This means even at the regular overpriced supermarket, I regularly have huge savings.

    Don’t tell yourself, “We don’t have prices like that where I live.” I’ve given you some examples of how and what I buy, but it’s taken me time to find these deals. Remember that every locale has it’s own bargains; some things will be more expensive, some things will be less. Some people live in rural areas where farm produce is very cheap, but they need to drive a lot further to a large store than someone living in the heart of a city. Almost 5 years I lived in a city in a totally different part of the country – there I found a source for ground meat at 99 cents a pound, as well as salmon steaks for 99 cents a pound. Amazing, right? Right – those are things that cost a lot more where I am now. But there are plenty of bargains in my area, too – it just takes persistence in finding them. For example, I found a bakery outlet where I can get 3 loaves of bread for 99 cents, the same loaves that are $2 – $3 in the grocery stores. (Though I don’t like to buy bread often anymore because bakery bread is much lower quality than what I can make, even the whole grain loaves.)

    Remember that it takes effort and persistence to find cheap food sources. Don’t worry about doing it all at once; pick one area to work on at a time. Ask other people who seem to be budget conscious for their best tips for shopping, and their favorite stores to frequent. Over time, you will find that you can significantly realize big savings in your food bill.

    Avivah