Avivah Werner

Category: Homemaking

  • More on grocery savings

    What place does processed food have in my budget?

    When I do buy processed food, it’s only when it’s much cheaper to buy it than it would be to make it. An example would be the tacos I buy at a salvage store I stop by from time to time – I stock up when I see them priced at 8 boxes for a dollar (12.5 cents each). I certainly wouldn’t consider buying them on sale at the supermarket for $1.89 a box. It’s little things like this, here and there, that add up and sink a budget. It’s hard for me to think of many other processed foods that I regularly buy, except for canned veggies (lots of tomatoes and canned pumpkin).

    Buying in Bulk
    I also buy lots of foods in bulk, like grains (wheat, oats, dried corn, millet, rice, buckwheat) and coconut oil (as you saw in my recent post!). I buy 50 lb of potatoes for under $6; since the place I buy them is an hour and a half from my home, I buy 150 lb at a time (since it’s cool now, I don’t have a problem with them staying fresh – I don’t buy this many when it’s hot, only 50-100 lb at a time then). Most people don’t feel buying in bulk is practical do to for a smaller family, but if you get together with another friend or two and split it up, it means big savings for all of you! (And if you can find some extra storage places in your house – under the beds, even – you don’t need to split it up with friends to enjoy the bargains.)

    I buy family packs of ground beef when they are on sale; the sale prices I have found locally aren’t very impressive, so I stock up at $2 a lb. I use the meat more as a condiment than a main dish, as a stir fry, in a stew, casserole, etc. It gives everything a great flavor, but I don’t need to use more than 1 – 2 pounds a meal.

    I don’t buy beans in bulk – surprisingly, they cost more at all of the bulk sources I’ve priced out than they do at the supermarket. Several weeks ago a bunch of kinds of beans went on sale at a local supermarket for .51 a pound, so I bought 50 lb, five – ten pounds of each kind. That will keep my pantry stocked for a while.

    Stock up on loss leaders
    I keep my eyes on the specials the stores are running; I check the flyers and don’t make a trip there unless they have something I want. There are a number of items that the stores will offer at great prices, at an actual loss to themselves, to lure you in. Since most people don’t buy just the loss leaders, it’s a profitable strategy for the stores. But I just stock up on what’s on sale – for example, I just noticed that salmon is on sale this week for $1 a can. That’s the price I’ve been waiting for, and I will probably buy about 30 cans (I know I don’t need to buy more than that because the sales are cyclical and this price will come around again). This means even at the regular overpriced supermarket, I regularly have huge savings.

    Don’t tell yourself, “We don’t have prices like that where I live.” I’ve given you some examples of how and what I buy, but it’s taken me time to find these deals. Remember that every locale has it’s own bargains; some things will be more expensive, some things will be less. Some people live in rural areas where farm produce is very cheap, but they need to drive a lot further to a large store than someone living in the heart of a city. Almost 5 years I lived in a city in a totally different part of the country – there I found a source for ground meat at 99 cents a pound, as well as salmon steaks for 99 cents a pound. Amazing, right? Right – those are things that cost a lot more where I am now. But there are plenty of bargains in my area, too – it just takes persistence in finding them. For example, I found a bakery outlet where I can get 3 loaves of bread for 99 cents, the same loaves that are $2 – $3 in the grocery stores. (Though I don’t like to buy bread often anymore because bakery bread is much lower quality than what I can make, even the whole grain loaves.)

    Remember that it takes effort and persistence to find cheap food sources. Don’t worry about doing it all at once; pick one area to work on at a time. Ask other people who seem to be budget conscious for their best tips for shopping, and their favorite stores to frequent. Over time, you will find that you can significantly realize big savings in your food bill.

    Avivah

  • Menu planning

    Since I wrote a couple of days ago about creating structure in your days, I thought it might be helpful to share what I do about meals. Since mealtimes come around with almost frightening regularity, being prepared for them makes all the difference between relaxed family meals and a tense mom rushing around trying to find something to fill everyone up at the last minute. (I’ve been on both sides of dinner time, and really strongly advocate being ready!)

    I make three meals a day, and almost everything is cooked from scratch. I don’t do anything too fancy, but just knowing ahead of time what is planned makes cooking from scratch much easier. For eg, I can soak and sprout the beans a day before I need to cook them (which maximizes the nutritional value as well as making them more digestible), without needing to spend extra time on it because I see it coming up on the menu. If I’m making turkey pot pie, I will whip up a double recipe of biscuit dough and use half for a breakfast, and the other half to top the pot pie.

    As each week progresses, I often make some changes to my written menu, depending on what leftovers I have, maybe to take advantage of a great sale on something this week, etc. But I still have the basic structure there, I don’t have to plan every meal an hour before dinner. Like this, we have a nice variety, we have meals everyone usually enjoys, and I don’t have the pressure of trying to think about it more than once every three weeks.

    It’s really nice to all sit down together for a cooked meal. It’s just a totally different feeling than everyone scrounging for something of their own. I try to sit down as a family for all three meals every day, though lunch tends to be the weakest – sometimes only half the family is there at a time and others are busy playing outside, or something like that, but I’m okay with it. Soups, casseroles, and one pot dishes are great in terms of ease and limited time.

    Here’s what this week’s menu looks like (many that look vegetarian actually have meat stock or gravy added for flavoring and nutritional value):

    Sunday – b: pancakes (made of freshly ground millet, buckwheat, and rice); l – can’t remember, leftovers, I think; d – chili with cornbread
    Monday – b: farmers casserole (shredded potatoes with eggs, ricotta cheese, and yogurt); l – freshly baked Cuban bread, split pea soup; d – buckwheat with ground beef and veggies
    Tuesday: b – baked oatmeal; l – fresh bread, chickpeas, fried potatoes (my kids asked if they could make this today so I agreed and changed the original plan); d- baked beans and hot dogs
    Wednesday: b- cranberry muffins; l – turkey pot pie; d – pizza
    Thursday: b – pumpkin bread; l – baked potatoes w/ leftover stew ; d – spaghetti squash with meat sauce

    Having meals planned out ahead of time also helps keep the food budget in check, something I will write more about in the future since there seems to be more interest in this aspect of things than I initially expected!

    Avivah

  • My humongous coconut oil order

    For the last year and a half, I’ve been using organic, non hydrogenated coconut oil in place of oil, margarine, shortening – it’s wonderful to make fun foods that are actually good for the kids now! Things like biscuits, cookies, and other things I used to put solidly in the ‘pure junk’ category are now in the ‘pretty healthy’ group.

    When I started using coconut oil about a year and a half ago, I decided I needed to buy it in a big enough amount that it would be reasonably cost effective (since we have so many people to feed!). So I contacted a bunch of coconut oil companies until I found one that sold what I wanted at a price that was somewhat affordable. They didn’t know what to do with an individual who wanted to buy amounts of the oil that only restaurants purchased, and it took a few phone calls for them to figure out where in the computer system my order should go. But we got it worked out and I bought a 5 gallon pail of coconut oil (40 lb), which we go through increasingly fast as time goes on. It took me nine months to go through the first pail; now we are at the bottom of the second pail and it’s been only five months. It does get costly! But I really feel it’s worth it.

    Today I decided to find out if the same company would sell me the virgin organic (has a coconut flavor and smell that the regular organic doesn’t have) in a large amount. For almost two weeks, I have been sticking to my anti-candida diet, and surprisingly, really haven’t been finding it so difficult. The hardest thing has been getting in enough fats; it is really taking a very conscious effort. I was thinking about how to make it easier, and it occurred to me that if I got the higher grade of coconut oil, I could use it as a food instead of just as an ingredient to cook with. When I first called, they of course told me that the largest size is 1 lb containers (which has often been the standard first response of companies), but they passed me on to someone who assured me that I could get this stuff in the 5 gallon size, too (after I told her I was already buying 5 gallon pails of the other stuff).

    So I ordered a bucket of each, which is 80 lb of coconut oil, half the regular for cooking, the other half the expensive stuff. I hope this will get us through at least the next six months without needing to place another order. As expensive as it is, it is still a third of the price that the retail buyer pays in the health food store. I tend to keep a pretty tight food budget, and this would seem to be outside the limits that I’ve established, but I look at it like this: I am careful with what I spend on food so we can eat plenty (quantity), and eat well (quality). I save in lots of other areas, which helps create enough financial room to make large orders like this.

    After I made my order, I learned something interesting. The representative said that the oil will be processed specifically for my order – I assumed that they just had buckets of this oil sitting around, but actually, this is considered a custom order, so I will be getting very freshly processed coconut oil. That was a nice thought!

    I am really, really looking forward to getting the virgin organic coconut oil. If you don’t know about the many fantastic benefits of coconut oil, do some quick searching on Google. I was amazed at what I learned about something I had always assumed was bad (because it was a saturated fat). It is really great stuff – and unlike lots of things that entail major changes to improve our nutrition, this is really easy. Just use coconut oil to replace all the bad fats in your diet (and it is even good for frying with, since unlike other oils, it remains stable at high temps).

    Avivah

  • Creating structure in the home

    Tonight I was thinking about a recent conversation I had with a woman who is also a mother of 7 kids. She mentioned that her oldest son, 14 years old, didn’t enjoy being at home. I asked her why, and she said that he feels it’s too loud and chaotic, that there’s always someone yelling or screaming, and that things are always a mess. Then she kind of laughed, assuming that as a mother of a family of the same size and virtually the same age kids I shared her experience, and said, “Well, when he gets older he’ll appreciate it and love it.”

    My response (she is a good friend or I would have kept my thoughts to myself) was that it was possible he would look back at it all with a warm feeling, but it was more likely he would become determined not to duplicate that environment for his children later on, and would probably want a small family. I told her that I thought it was reasonable for him to want some peace and quiet, and that being part of a big family didn’t mean that he should forgo his need for some space. (I also told her that kids shouldn’t be screaming and yelling all the time, but that’s a topic for another post. 🙂

    This person felt that chaos was a natural part of having a large family. She is an extremely loving mother, but organization is a very weak point for her. Does having a family of any size mean chaos is inevitable? Are only born neatniks able to create a pleasant home environment with young children around, who are constantly undoing our work? It’s true that there can be lots of action, especially in a larger family, and often lots of noise, but a parent has to be able to channel it and keep it within a healthy limit for their family. I felt it was crucial for this mother to recognize that she needed to make an effort to learn new skills that would help her make her home a special place for all of her children, including this son. I told her it was very reasonable for her son to want some quiet space and privacy, and I thought it would be an important deposit of love to try to give him that.

    Now I know that some of you who aren’t naturally organized are starting to feel defensive about all of this. I don’t doubt that you are loving mothers and I’m not implying that they are going to suffer long term damage if you don’t get your home together. Don’t think that I live in a house that is pristine and sparkling at any given moment – actually, if I ever achieve pristine and sparkling, it lasts about two minutes. I’m not talking about becoming insistent that your home looks like children don’t live there. I don’t think that’s healthy or realistic. But it is beneficial to everyone to have a basic structure to your lives – regular mealtimes, bedtimes, and a home that is functionally neat (how you define that is up to you!). It is so much more pleasant for all of us to live in a home that is cared for. Most people enjoy the security of a predictable and reliable daily routine – eg, meals at basically the same time each day. Having a routine makes a lot of daily decision making unnecessary, or at the very least, not urgent. Piles of things everywhere you look, and clutter and mess all around lead most people to feel stressed and like they want to escape.

    But what do you do if you just aren’t a naturally organized person? Don’t feel this means that you are doomed, and you don’t need to bother trying to improve in this area. I think lots of us like to excuse ourselves for not making the effort to improve by telling ourselves, “I can’t, this is just the way I am.” Recognize that a person can learn new strategies if they are motivated to invest the time and effort. I have a very close friend who was a disaster organizationally, when she was first married; she was a free spirit by nature. Someone entering her home now would never guess that she struggled with this for years, since it always looks lovely when you drop in, and the home environment is calm and loving. I recently asked her what her incentive was to overcome the way she had been doing things all her life, because obviously, change that goes against how you’ve grown up is really hard. She told me that her husband was so unhappy with the mess that she committed to learning how to keep her home neat, because she wanted him to be happy in his home. Because she loved her husband so deeply, his happiness was a huge incentive to her.

    The first step to making a change is recognizing that what we are doing isn’t working, and being honest with ourselves about it, however hard it is to do. Don’t give away your power by telling yourself there’s nothing you can do that will make a difference. That will hold you back and keep you where you are right now. There are lots of strategies out there for developing home maintenance skills; many books on home organization have been written by reformed slobs who feel a sense of mission to help others who have struggled the way they did. Next time you are at the library, check out some books on the topic – I find that I often learn new and better ways to do things. Each thing may only be a small detail or tiny improvement (or it might not!), but every little step enhances the home environment, as well as our internal environment.

    Avivah

  • Schedule getting back to normal

    I’m back! I’ve really missed blogging these last few days; I feel like I have so much I want to write about!

    So why wasn’t I blogging if I wanted to? Well, two weeks ago, I was asked to be a contestant in a motivational speech contest being held at my Toastmasters club, which was scheduled for tonight. I told him I really didn’t have any interest in competition, but I would be happy to speak – but also that I was really, really busy, and didn’t know when I would make the time to prepare. (Not that I usually prepare much before I speak, but for a contest I felt I should.)

    Anyway, the first week and a half was so busy that I couldn’t even think about it. These last few days, I have been feeling really pressured at the idea of speaking, getting more and more pressured as the contest was coming closer, and my opportunities to prepare were quickly disappearing. And every time I thought about writing something on my blog, I felt guilty that I wasn’t using the time instead to prepare my speech, so I didn’t blog or prepare. 🙂 Finally, I thought of what I wanted to speak about at 5 pm today – and the contest started at 7. No, that’s really not ideal. 🙂 Anyway, I quickly typed out some thoughts, and tried to put them together into something coherent. The goal I had for myself was to give a good speech that would offer value to the audience, it wasn’t about winning at all – just not humiliating myself next to the other two speakers, who put weeks of preparation and practice into their speeches. I’m glad to say the speech was quite good, even though I didn’t win; I was pleased with how well it went over. I got some very nice feedback from a professional speaker in the audience.

    And I’m even more glad that the contest is over and I can go back to blogging and other things without any feelings of guilt!

    To update you:

    We reupholstered all seven chairs (we got eight, but in the business of bringing them all in from the van to the house, as well as all the groceries from our huge shopping trip, it apparently was left outside – and someone driving by must have thought it was being given away), and then went on to reupholster a three piece bench set in matching fabric. We were working on them Wed/Thurs. nights, and then on Friday. It was a very big job, but they all look great (dh insisted on taking before and after pics of the benches, he was really sorry I hadn’t taken of the chairs before they were done because it was such a huge difference). It was very empowering for the kids to see how their effort resulted in something that substantially enhanced the look of the room. I would love to post the pics for you to vicariously enjoy, but haven’t yet learned how to post pics on a blog. Probably like everything else computer related, not a big deal when you can have someone show you, but since there’s no one to show me, and figuring it out for myself hasn’t yet made it’s way onto the list of things I want to spend time on, you’ll just have to take my word for it that the chairs and benches all look very nice! It works out well that one chair was taken, actually, since otherwise it would be too crowded around the table. As I said, it is a large table, but the new chairs are 1.5 the width of the old ones, so we don’t gain as much seating space as we would have if we kept all the old chairs. The benches are great – they really maximize space. We have a bench that will fit three youngish kids, and one that fits two kids or one adult, so that compensates for the wider chairs and leaves us with the same amount of seating we would have had with the narrower.

    I took the kids on a tour of the State House yesterday, where we got to sit in on a session of the Senate, and were able to see where the House of Representatives meet. It was a lot of interesting info, but something that’s I’ve noticed that is unfortunately very common is this: the tour guides, who know they are talking to children and presumably are used to talking to children (especially since in the 4th grade in our state is when these topics come up in public schools and a lot of groups that age come through), don’t speak appropriately for their audience. There are very interesting things to learn, but they speak too fast, use vocabulary that is too high, and try to cram too much information into the tour instead of giving the kids more time to look around and absorb what they are learning. My kids have a very strong vocabulary, and they are interested in lots of things, but a tour like this is, frankly, a turn off to learning. To my kids’ massive gratitude, I told the tour guide that I wouldn’t be staying for the entire program- after an hour and thirty minutes, I felt I had enough (and I knew they had)! I told her that they needed a chance to take in some of what they learned and that we would have to come back at a separate time to do the second part.

    Then an hour after getting home from the above, we spent the afternoon at a homeschooling gathering, getting home late in the afternoon and rushed to get dinner on time. First thing this morning, two dds went to a class at the science center, which they enjoyed. Every week used to be filled with days like this, doing trips, activities, lessons, getting together with friends – but now it’s an exception. Personally, I’m glad everyone has enjoyed what we’ve done in the last two days, but I really enjoy the days more when everyone is home together and there isn’t such a fractured, rush-from-here-to-there feel about it all. I used to do a lot of trips and activities for the kids, and every year, I gear down. And every year just gets better and better, as I cut out more and more of the extraneous stuff that doesn’t contribute much to the quality of our days. It’s simply more sane. The pace of life today is so fast that I think parents need to make a very conscious effort to change that, or they will get swept up by it all.

    I ended up writing most of this and then interrupted myself because I had a chance to talk with my mom (for quite a while), which was very nice. But now I’m really ready for some sleep and I’ll have to get back with all of you tomorrow. 🙂

    Avivah

  • Buying grain mill, treating candida

    It’s snowing!! After a winter that hasn’t felt like winter, snow has finally appeared. Just a few days ago it was so warm that it felt like spring, and I was wondering why I wasted money at the beginning of winter buying everyone boots. It’s now cold enough that even my child who insists he’s never cold just told me that his ears are painfully cold, and actually took my advice when I mentioned that hats are made for this kind of weather. The kids are so excited!

    Today has been a mellow kind of day so far. I’m preparing my order for the bulk foods distributor that I go to every few months. I found a huge place that sells to the stores, but was also willing to sell to me as an individual. It’s a 2.5 hour drive to get there, but the prices are so much cheaper than the health food store, and I buy such large amounts that it’s worth it (I buy 50 pound bags). I found another potential source that is in the same small town as a surplus store that I also like to go on the days that I do this shopping in a neighboring state; I will give them a call tomorrow and see if I can order grains from them. I would love it if I could consolidate my shopping to a smaller radius than I currently now have to travel to, but I will have to wait for tomorrow to give them a call.

    After thinking about it for a year, I finally ordered a grain mill on Friday (it should be here at the end of this week), so for the first time I will be getting 50 lb of hard red wheat, 50 lb of hard white wheat, and 50 lb of soft white wheat, to make fresh bread with. I also ordered 25 pounds of buckwheat and 50 lb of millet, as well as the usual 50 lb of oats and cornmeal. I buy brown rice closer to home, only 20 lb at a time. My kids like buckwheat (kasha) as a side dish for lunch or dinner with coconut oil and salt, and for breakfast with milk and sweetener, but since I usually buy only five pounds or so at a time at the health food store, I end up not having it around for long, so I finally decided to just buy a big amount so I won’t have to think about it so often. Also, my oldest son is sensitive to gluten, so I’m planning to grind the millet and buckwheat and make fresh gluten free flour to bake with for him.

    I was thinking what a funny juxtaposition it is, in buying all of this grain right now, while also trying to decide what to do about eliminating grains altogether from my diet. I have been on what most people would call a fairly restrictive food plan for over a year and a half. No flour, sugar, wheat, sweeteners of any kind, fruit juice, sweet fruits…but I’ve gotten used to eating like that and I don’t find it restrictive anymore. When I started eating like this, I had hopes that the fungal toenail infection I’ve had for ages would be helped (that wasn’t the reason I did it, but I hoped it would be a side benefit). Although there were lots of other benefits, that wasn’t one of them. Years ago, I asked both a naturopath and an acupuncturist who I was seeing how to deal with the toenail issue. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but both of them told me it’s difficult to treat, because it’s caused by an overgrowth of yeast internally.

    Recently, I tried the Maker’s Diet, stage one, which wasn’t a big deal for me since I don’t eat most of the stuff that needs to be eliminated, so it just meant replacing all my current carbs with squash and having kefir instead of milk. I thought that would address the yeast issue, but no luck. Dh told me that he thinks I did it for too short a time (the book recommended 2 weeks, but the purpose was to realign the body’s sugar levels, not expressly for this issue). I’ve been somewhat reluctantly researching how to seriously address the candida, which I’m sure is the source of the problem, and at this point, I’m pretty sure how to deal with it. Why am I reluctant? Because I don’t yet feel willing to follow the advice on how to take care of the problem. Basically, it means eating only proteins (no beans, dairy), non starchy veg (no carrots, beets, squash, sweet potatoes), and no fruits except for lemons and limes in moderation – and it will be probably 3 – 6 months until I see results, possibly longer. I know it will do the job, but I am very intimidated by the idea of taking on a food plan like this for such a long time.

    If all of this were just about the toenail, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I believe that problem is a sign that something is internally imbalanced, and imbalances left unresolved get worse over time and start manifesting themselves as disease. So I’m trying to work up the internal resolve to commit myself to following a candida program; I’ve given myself the deadline of Tuesday night to make a decision by so that I don’t draw the decision out for so long. I think I will do it, I just need some time for my mind to get used to the idea!

    Now I need to get back to the big fun of researching algebra textbooks for oldest ds!

  • Preparing for birthdays

    Food prepared with love has an amazing power to give a special message, to say I love you and I care about you. Home cooking really is better lots better than store bought stuff, and it doesn’t take nearly as long as people think to cook from scratch, especially when you are organized. And you don’t need to cook with lots of sugar and unhealthy fats to make things taste good!

    Today we are getting ready for my mom’s birthday. Our family custom is to make a special meal for the person having a birthday, and this will be her first birthday she is spending with us. Sometimes we make a breakfast, sometimes a dinner, sometimes a cake – it depends on the kind of food that the person we are surprising likes.

    We will be making creamy vegetable soup, biscuits, baked fish, salad, and lemon meringue pie for a family dinner together. She is dieting so we don’t want to make food she wouldn’t want to have. Not that lemon meringue pie is exactly dieter’s fare, but it’s something that she will enjoy enough to make it worth her ‘points’ (she does Weight Watchers). A friend from overseas will be in town for a couple of days, and is making time in his busy schedule to come by, so we should have some yummy leftovers to serve him when he gets here.

    We actually have some other good leftovers from oldest dd’s bas mitzva party on Sunday night. We don’t make yearly parties, and this was a very special event for her – it was a huge success and everyone had a great time. Dd really felt loved and was so happy about how it all went. She spent hours with me in the kitchen preparing for it – we made macaroni and cheese (I have a recipe that her Girl Scout troop raved over several years ago), lasagna, veg. platter with dips, and garlic bread. We made more desserts than we really needed, just to have a nice selection – the visual centerpiece was a chocolate cherry trifle, then pumpkin doodles, peanut butter diamonds (tastes like peanut butter cups), chocolate truffles, and a huge bowl of fresh strawberries. We also had a drink section with flavored seltzers, sparkling juices and a couple of kinds of punch. Actually, everyone helped with getting ready – the cooking, cleaning the room, decorating (she chose a purple and white theme). I love watching my kids work together to do something nice for each other.

    We had also put a lot of thought into what activity they girls would do at the party. We wanted something fun but something that would channel all of their energy into doing something productive. I put out a request for suggestions on a homeschooling board I’m on, and someone emailed me offlist with the idea that we used – washcloth bunnies. They were simple to make, but there were lots of potential ways to decorate them, and the girls loved knowing that they will be donated to a local children’s hospital, for the kids to use as toys and for bathing. I have to make some calls to the hospitals this week to set up a time for the kids and I to go and deliver them in person.

    We have another birthday for ds coming up in a few days, so we won’t have much of a breather before beginning to prepare for him! Isn’t it nice that there are built in times of the year that we can focus on one person exclusively for a day?

    Avivah

  • Resolutions for the new year

    There probably isn’t a person on the planet who hasn’t noticed that around this time of year, every one gets busy thinking of all the improvements they want to make in their lives. I tend towards self-reflection a lot of the time, but this year, my musings on what I could do to improve the quality of my family’s life coincided with everyone else!

    In making resolutions, don’t bite off more than you can chew. Take one small step – as the saying goes, ‘By the mile it’s a trial, by the inch it’s a cinch’. Just do it for today, or for an hour. This is the approach that I took when I stopped eating sugar, flour, wheat, or sweeteners of any kind over 18 months ago. At first, I couldn’t imagine going for even a day without it. I didn’t think about a lifetime without doughnuts, I just focused on one meal at a time. And then the meals turned into days, which turned into weeks, and then months. And now eating the way I do is just normal to me – it’s become a habit.

    There are lots of things that I could work on now, but I know that by committing to just one area, I can focus my energy on that and have a chance to really change my habits. If I make a long list of things to work on, my energies will get scattered, I’ll lose my focus, and end up discouraged because I haven’t been successful across the board. But one positive change can make a real difference to lots of other areas. The area that I am currently working on is becoming more disciplined about my sleep. I tend to stay up late to get things done when the house is quiet, and very often, stay up way too late! It’s challenging to wake up perky and positive when you just want to turn back over and sleep for a couple more hours before facing the day. On the other hand, when I get to bed early, I wake up feeling energetic and on top of the day. By the time I go to wake up the kids, I’ve had time for reflection and prayer, breakfast is ready, and I feel relaxed and upbeat.

    Despite knowing what a huge qualitative difference this makes for me throughout my entire day, I really struggle in maintaining an early bedtime. In the past, I’ve usually lasted for about a short while, and bit by bit, I go to sleep later each night (always staying up to take care of something important). And after a month or two, I’m back to my late nights. I decided that this time, instead of trying to go straight to an early bedtime (which was probably too extreme a change for me), I’ll try to get to bed a little earlier each night, so that over the course of a few weeks, I’ll be getting to sleep much earlier than I do now. Hopefully, it will be easier for me to maintain something like that.

    I have a tendency to beat myself up if when I don’t live up to my plans that I think lots of us share, and since we often set the bar so hight, falling short sometimes is inevitable. I have to remind myself that any progress in this area is also good; even if I’m not in bed at my ideal time, midnight is still better than 1:30 am, and 11 pm is even better!

    Bad habits can be broken, good habits can be changed – so don’t get discouraged if you aren’t 100% successful. Pat yourself on the back for the progress you’ve made, and get back on track when you see yourself slipping. When it’s hard, think about the difference establishing this new habit will make in your life. Experts say that it takes about 3 weeks to establish a habit, so be persistent and don’t give up!

    Avivah

  • Great gift idea – coupons!

    I thought some of you might find it interesting to hear what a poular gift in our home is for our kids. Coupons!

    When I was a kid, I remember giving my mom coupons for services or a certain amount of kisses and hugs, redeemable by me. She always loved them, but never redeemed them! Much more recently, I thought about how to give our kids coupons, something that they would love and something they would use. Here’s what I do:

    I spend some time thinking about the kind of thing each child enjoys doing, in order to make each coupon something that will really be appreciated. I make about 10 – 12 coupons for each child, and compile them into a coupon book. Most of the coupons are for small things that I know they will appreciate, with one bigger coupon for the older kids. Some of the small coupons are for things like: 1/2 staying up late after bedtime (or an hour, for older kids), picking a favorite video, playing a game with me or dh, reading an extra story, a trip to the dollar store (to pick up one item for the youngers, two for the olders), a trip for pizza or doughnuts and cocoa (we eat a pretty healthy diet, so something like this is a rare treat :)) with one parent. I find that the idea of a special outing with just one child and one parent is really appreciated by the kids. The one on one time makes whatever outing that much more special. One child may love swimming, so a coupon for her would be a swimming trip to the local pool with mommy. Another child will enjoy raquetball or a catch with daddy, or a mother-daughter workout at the gym, so that’s what they get. For the older kids, the coupons included a concert ticket to a favorite singer (accompanied by dad), a series of weight training classes given at our community center that enables kids under 16 to have access to the workout area without a parent’s supervision, and a session at a local pottery studio (which includes buying a ceramic piece and then several hours of studio time).

    Then I type up each list in a nice font (a different font for each child), with it written twice on each line. I photocopy the list onto a sheet of colored paper (bright, so it doesn’t easily get lost!), then cut the list into long strips and staple all the strips together at the end. When a child wants to redeem a coupon, he rips off the half of the coupon on the right, leaving him with a copy of what it was he did. That way, even once the coupon has been used, they still have a printed stub as a reminder of what they received.

    It is amazing how much the kids love these. They look forward to seeing what not only each of them gets, but what all of their siblings get. It’s a unassuming looking gift, but they each love getting so many ‘presents’ all at once, and love being able to control when they use the coupons.

    Get creative, and you’ll find you can think of some pretty fun stuff for your kids, too!

    Avivah

  • Joy in the holiday season

    I love this time of year- the music, the sense of family, and the building of memories. I also see a lot of tension in families as they try to find the get all of the presents bought and wrapped in time, create and build on past family traditions, and manage the zillion details that come up. What can we do to feel joy in the season, and not be overwhelmed by all the stuff that needs to be done?

    I think it’s really important to have realistic expectations of yourself and your family. It’s nice to picture everyone gathered together, smiles on all faces, but overtired kids (and adults!) is normal, so is the less than perfect behavior can come along with overstimulation. Do what you can to take the pressure off of yourself and your family, by realizing that it’s just fine to be imperfect! Even better, think about what leads to those stressful situations, and do what you can to eliminate them – eg, make sure the kids eat on their schedule – don’t make them wait for the adult meal, everyone can rest in the afternoon if you know it will be a late night.

    Practically speaking, don’t wait until the last minute to take care of all the details you need to tend to. That is a recipe for major stress! Take care of as many things as you can ahead of time. Making a detailed list can be very helpful; a simple checklist can work just as well. Do not wait until the last minute to do your shopping – you will be battling the crowds of people who also all waited until the last minute, have longer lines, more tension and pressure, and generally just lose the joy of what it is you are doing. Ideally, the best time to buy gifts is months in advance – I like to buy things that I think my family will enjoy and stockpile them throughout the year. I do the vast majority of my shopping off season, when the stores are empty, the prices are low, and I am feeling relaxed about what I’m doing. (Thegift of doing things in advance is that it is accompanied by a sense of inner peace.)

    Lots of the food preparation can also be done ahead of time. Right around Thanksgiving is the best time to buy baking ingredients at sale prices. Bake with your kids, and pop it all into the freezer – you will enjoy not only getting the things done that you want to get done, but have the double bonus of spending fun time with your kids.

    Don’t forget, this time of year is called the holiday season for a reason. It’s not about one week or even one day – make the entire month a process leading up to the holiday itself, by sharing holiday books and stories, baking, and special activities.

    Avivah