Category Archives: homeschooling

Great article by Gabor Mate

homeschooling, parenting

Here’s a link to a great article – unlike most articles about parenting, in which I tend to disagree with at least some of what’s written (and often a lot more than just some!), I thought this one was dead on. 

That’s not surprising, I suppose, since the person being interviewed was Dr. Gabor Mate, coauthor of Hold On To Your Kids, whose view on parenting seems quite similar to mine.  This is the best parenting book that I’ve read in the last five or six years, and even though some find it hard to get through, I thought it was excellent and have recommended it to a lot of people.  It was the first  book that I ever read that I felt supported my way of parenting – a foundation of lots of love with clear boundaries, recognizing that parents must be the primary love figure in a child’s life to have any real power to effectively parent.   

This article touches on some very powerful ideas regarding addiction, attachment, ADD, parenting, bullying, the school system – lots of things worth thinking about!

Avivah

Reading readiness activities

homeschooling, parenting

Ds4 is now recognizing the letters of the ABC, knows a lot of the sounds, and is starting to copy the letters on his own.  A week or two ago he brought me a scrap of paper that he had copied letters onto, and asked me what it spelled.  I sounded it out, and then he went off to copy more letters (randomly), bringing them to me each time to ‘read’ it.  He asked me to write different words for him to copy, and after a few days of this, progressed to copying simple sentences.  He wrote a ‘letter’ and left it at the home of a friend nearby; it’s nice to see how naturally this happens with just a little support from me. 

I love seeing how a child progresses through the stages of reading readiness when he’s engaged and interested – it’s so exciting!   I don’t actively teach reading  because I find it works out well for our children to respond to their interests rather than impose my timeline on them, and they’ve each taught themselves to read somewhere between the age of 5 – 8.    I definitely could help them learn earlier by being more actively involved in teaching them, but reading is fun and I don’t think it should become a chore and disconnected from the purpose – the point is to have fun or gain knowledge.  The primary reading readiness that I do is reading lots of books to the kids from the time they are young – ds1.5 has been sitting independently thumbing through books for months.  Once they know reading is a great activity, they’re going to naturally seek to learn to read on their own at some point. 

When ds4 draws a picture, I often ask him to tell me about it and then label significant parts of his picture, and sometimes I transcribe the story of what the picture is about as he describes it to me next to the picture.  (I don’t yet do this with ds3 – I only verbalize what he tells me he’s drawing.)  By doing this, it shows him I’m interested about what’s important to him, it helps me understand what he’s thinking about, and it at the same time it teaches that words mean something, that they relate to the picture on the page.

Last week my husband took this concept further in a way that both he and ds4 enjoyed.  They sat down together and wrote a book!  Ds4 told dh the story, bit by bit.  As ds decided on an idea, they would pause while dh drew a simple illustration, asking ds4 to clarify what was happening and what he should put into the drawing.  (Eg – what was Backpack Bear eating, what did he buy?).  The book is about 6 or 7 pages long, and made simple of 8 x 11 paper folded in half, then taped to keep it all together – not complicated.  On the cover it says that it was written by Daddy and ds4, and on the very back cover, ds4 suggested that they write a summary of what the book was about (I guess he picked that up somewhere, but I don’t know how). 

This was not only a nice bonding activity for them, but ds4 loves this book!  He keeps it in a plastic zippered pouch and a few times a day brings it out and reads it to me.  He of course has the entire thing memorized and feels so special to have written a book!  He loves that his own words and ideas turned into a book – there’s a real sense of ownership and pride.

Avivah

Maintaining sanity on tough days

homeschooling, parenting

>>What do homeschooling parents do when their child or children drive them crazy alot of the time? I don’t want to send my son to school just to give myself a break–but I’m interested to hear suggestions of how other parents give themselves a break within an hsing framework.<<

Some of us have perfectly behaved children so we don’t have to deal with this issue – LOL!

Seriously, this question is one that I think lots of mothers can relate to, whether homeschooling or not.  For me this is an issue that has become much less of an issue over the years – maybe partially because I don’t have negative judgement of myself or my kids when some days are harder than others, and partially because we’re used to being around each other and enjoy each other for the most part.  If I see someone is having a hard time (and this includes me), I try to see where it’s coming from, and address the source. 

For example, an overtired child will be sent to take a nap, or go to sleep early, and I’ll remind myself that the behavior I’m seeing is because of exhaustion.  Sometimes I get busy with all that needs to be done and don’t take enough time to really connect with them at a heart level, and it shows up in what looks like misbehavior.  If our schedule is too busy and overscheduled, then it means pulling back and assessing what is adding value and what isn’t, and making appropriate changes.  It just depends on what is going on, and addressing the root issue vs the symptom is what has worked for me.

Since I now have older kids around, I can physically take a break if I need to, which  obviously won’t be a helpful suggestion for a mom with much younger kids.:)  I’ve shared several times here that I think that a daily rest time can be helpful, and this is something I did this until our oldest was 10 or so. They didn’t have to sleep, but they had to be quiet – reading, listening to a cassette, etc – and they had to stay in their room – for an hour.  This gave me a chance to have a breather, and this daily recharging kept me going even during the less pleasant days (and we all have them).  

When a mom is feeling positive and relaxed, she transmits that and the kids tend to be lots more enjoyable to be around in that case.  It’s usually when we’re tired, tense, burnt out, or overwhelmed in general that our kids seem to be the most challenging, and it’s not coincidental!  Our children are super attuned to our emotions and pick up on signals we sometimes don’t even realize we’re projecting!  For that reason, I feel that self-care is a critical part of being able to maintain your emotional equilibrium and be the kind of parent you want to be. 

Also, it was very helpful when I respected my needs as a parent and clarified for my children what acceptable standards of behavior in our home were. When I did this and consistently gave this same message, supporting my words with action, things became much more enjoyable as I didn’t feel myself getting tense about lots of annoying things – if it really bugged me, I dealt with it right away, and made it clear the actions were off limits, even if it wouldn’t bother other moms – and for the most part, the kids stopped doing it (after learning that there would be decisive action if they did).

Here are some starter questions you can ask yourself.  Do you expect too much of your child?  Do you expect too much of yourself?  Is this behavior normal for a child his/her age?  Are you dealing with a lot outside of the homeschooling arena that is affecting your energy?  Everyone will have different answers, but clarifying your answers will help you find the the best solution for you.

Avivah

Chanukah coloring pages for kids

homeschooling

Our Chanukah box has been brought in from the garage, and the climber moved out of the living room and down to the basement to make room for the table that will hold all the menorahs. The menorah table kids has been covered with aluminum foil and placed in front of the living room windows, and all of the kids who are lighting have set up their menorahs. (Tonight we’ll decide if ds4 will get to light this year or wait until next year.)

The kids like to make Chanukah decorations and cover our front door and windows. This afternoon I printed out some pictures for the littles to color so they could be involved in all of the preparations as well.  When I was looking for coloring pages, I also noted some other nice resources available for kids (and their parents!), so I thought I’d share some of them. (Links are to the Chanukah resources rather than the main page.) Most of these sites have games, activities, coloring pages, and more.

Aish 

Akhlah

Torah Tots

Tzivos Hashem – (I enjoyed listening to the selection of Chanukah songs on this site – the kids got a kick out of the Bruce the Chanukah Moose song since that was new to them, but there are traditional songs available as well.)

To add a little more fun to the Chanukah spirit in the house right now, we just got a call from a local restaurant that ds4 won second prize in a coloring contest for his age group (ages 3 – 7)!  Ds11, dd10, and ds8 also entered for their age groups, and are probably more excited for their brother than he is for himself.  (They get a free kids’ meal just for having entered.)  We have to pick up his prize tomorrow: 4 free kids meals, 6 jelly doughnuts, 6 bags Chanukah gelt (chocolate gilt covered coins), 6 large latkes, and a gift certificate to a Judaica store.  Very generous, isn’t it?

Avivah

Using Rosetta Stone for Hebrew language

homeschooling

At the beginning of the school year, I purchased (together with another homeschooler) the complete Rosetta Stone Hebrew language program.  I called support three different times to be sure that it was okay to buy the program together and share it, and was told it was fine.  The program is set up for use on two different computers and each computer can accommodate five different users.  So we each have it registered to one of our computers, and can each use it for up to five children. 

We didn’t get this installed until October, but since then, the kids have been getting so much out of it!  We bought the complete program, which consists of three levels that will supposedly take you through a basic level of conversational fluency.  Dd14 finished level one in ten days, and I was amazed that she could construct basic sentences in such a short time. 

I really like how Rosetta Stone structures their learning – you can click on a sample lesson on their website if you want to try it.  It’s easier to see than to describe, but basically it’s like this:  you’re shown four pictures on the screen, all somewhat similar and somewhat different.  You’ll see the word or phrase describing one of the pictures on the screen and simultaneously hear the pronunciation of each word. Then you’re asked to say the phrase that matches the phrase (and your pronunciation has to be fairly accurate to get it right).

This gets the child immediately immersed in the language, just as if they were living abroad. The phrases and pictures get more complicated, and you can’t progress to a higher level until you’ve reached a certain level of understanding. Each child has their own account and comes back to where they were up to when they sit down to work on this.

I’ve been very happy with this program and have been meaning to write about it since it’s such a great way to learn.  It’s so easy and fun for everyone.  It’s pretty pricey, but I bought it with a friend when it was on sale, so the amount we each paid for all three levels was about what we would have on our own paid for just the first level.   

I just got an email that for Cyber Monday (today), they’re having a great sale on all of their programs (they have probably just about every language that you’d want to learn!), so I thought I’d pass the information on for anyone interested so you can save some money!   The promo code I was sent is nfcyb (I don’t know if you need the code or not, and this is not in any way linked to me) and it’s good until midnight tonight.

Avivah

Don’t kill their curiosity!

homeschooling

What is about adults that makes them so quick to say things that totally kill a child’s interest and motivation??

Today we had our second class at the homeschool co-op we’re signed up for this year.  The classes are taught by homeschooling parents, but there are a lot of ways to homeschool, and the classes reflect the approach of the teacher, obviously.

My ds told me last time he asked a question in one of his classes, and he was told, “What a good question!”  And then given the assignment as homework to look up the answer.  Right after he said this, dd14 exclaimed, “I know!  Someone in my class asked a question last time and was told to find out the answer and do a report to the class on it.  I’m not asking any questions!!”

You would think homeschooling parents would know better than to fall into this trap, wouldn’t you?  After all, isn’t it pretty obvious that no child is going to want to ask for more information if they’re given lots of work as a reward for their curiosity?

It reminds me of when a child asks how to spell something, and they’re told to go look it up.  (I’ve been guilty of that.  :))  In the real world, if someone wants to know how to spell something, they ask the people around them, and look it up on their own only as a last resort.  So why not directly answer the child asking so they can learn the proper spelling and go ahead and use it for whatever purpose they had in mind?

It’s when we don’t trust the natural desire of a child to learn and seek mastery that we feel we have to jump on every possibly educational opportunity and force the learning down their throats.

Less is more!

Avivah

My homeschool goals

homeschooling

I just came across something I wrote back in May 2005 about my homeschooling goals in response to a question of “what keeps you motivated; what are your goals & philosophies?” It was really interesting to read over five years later; I was surprised to see how similar what I wrote then was to what I would write now. So I thought I’d share it here with you.

“My philosophy could be summarized as follows: no one knows, loves, understands, and cares about my children and their successful development the way that I do. I want to be directly involved in their lives, and want us all to share significant experiences as a family. I want learning to be a lifelong pursuit that is filled with joy, and feel that it can be when children are treated as the individuals that they are, and taught when their minds are developmentally ready for the material presented.

Goals:
I’m not sure if you are asking about academic goals or what I consider the more important substantive goals.

  • Firstly, for me, would be helping them build good character, including a strong internal moral compass and the willingness to do what is right( even when it isn’t popular), kindness, and respect for others;
  • a healthy sense of self-worth and value, to be responsible members of family and society, to be hard working, responsible, independent and able to be interdependent;
  • to be able to think critically, have strong basic academic skills (which for me means, fluency in reading, writing, math, and the ability to navigate Torah texts) which are precursors to more advanced learning;
  • to have strong bonds with their parents and siblings, to imbue them with a strong sense of our values as pertains to Torah philosophy and behavior, and to have the interpersonal skills necessary to form healthy relationships as adults which result in a healthy marriage and family;

There are many more things I could write, but I think most of them would fall somewhere into the above goals. For example, they have time to develop their interests and have more relaxed and balanced lives. They avoid a bunch of negatives, such as peer dependency from a young age, unhealthy competition, etc. They learn to navigate the world more effectively from a young age (eg, managing money and interacting with people of different ages).

I don’t think it is necessary to be able to pin down exactly what your reasons and goals are, just to have a strong feeling for what they are. As your kids get older, your goals will become more specific. So much of why we do what we do comes from an instinctive sense of what is right, that it often can’t easily be defined.

I formed my goals based on who I am, what is important to me and feel will be important skills for my children in the future, and by doing lots and lots of reading and thinking. I read many things I disagreed with, but forced myself to think through why I disagreed with those positions. Many, many, many hours of thought have gone into my philosophy as it developed, and into the specific decisions I have made as a result. I have adapted along the way, finding that what I sometimes thought the best way to do things changed depending on my children’s personalities and their ages.

As far as staying motivated, I personally haven’t found that a challenge. When you continually see your goals being achieved, and there so many validations of your approach (both internal and external), there is nothing more motivating than that. I love who I see my children becoming, and am incredibly grateful for the quality of life we have.

I am far from perfect, but am raising kids who are better than those I ever could have raised if they were in school for most of their waking hours. I love seeing how they don’t make distinctions between learning and fun; for example, doing mind benders (deductive reasoning exercises) for fun late at night, begging me to read more of our historical read aloud, doing lots of lessons at a time in math or grammar, just because they enjoy it. I appreciate having a positive, stimulating, and loving home environment.

And I really, really love having a very strong relationship with them, which gets us through many situations that I don’t know how parents navigate without that relationship.

Avivah

Beach trip, history class, PA shopping

homeschooling

I’ve had a few lovely and busy days!

On Monday we had a trip to the beach.  I planned this for May for our homeschooling group but the weather didn’t cooperate so I had to cancel.  I rescheduled it for this week to take advantage of the off season rates while the weather was still warm, and this time the weather was perfect – it was a beautiful day and I enjoyed it so much!  We had five families there with less than 25 kids, so it was a nice group but not huge.  We had the beach to ourselves and I found it soooo relaxing – the sun, the water, the wind – ahhh.  Perfect for kids and adults after the inside energy of a three day holiday.  I was feeling a little uptight when we left the house at the thought of all I had to do this week, and within a few minutes of getting there that had just disappeared.  And as a beautiful bonus, I was able to do tashlich while there, which to quote another mother “totally elevated” the beach outing.

Then on Tuesday we left the house early in the morning for the first history class of the year.  It’s an hour away (without traffic) and I was a little apprehensive about how much longer it would take with traffic, since the highway I take gets majorly backed up right around where I’d be. But we seemed to pretty much miss most of the traffic.  Ds8, dd9, ds11, and dd14 went to the class while I took the littles to the library.  Once there we participated in two different story hours, which helped pass the time (the history class is 2.5 hours).

Just as we were leaving, the librarian gave me coupons for free donuts at Dunkin Donuts.  She said that they were sent as a prize for the summer reading club but they were significantly delayed and only arrived that day, and they were only valid until the next day.  When she explained  she was giving them out because she didn’t want them to go to waste, I asked if I could have coupons for the older four kids; she said dd14 would be too old for the reading club and they only wanted to give to kids who would technically be old enough, so she very generously gave us 6 total.

Then we headed back to pick up the other kids, and spent about forty minutes talking with the historian.  He offers a writing option for kids who are interested, and dd14 discussed this with him.  She is excited about doing this, as she really wants to improve her writing skills, and it’s very apparent that this will be challenging – “the goal of the program is to improve the student’s ability to write substantive, coherent, and precise historical papers. Depending on the student’s initial capabilities, this may include short, medium, and long papers that are informative, analytical, and thesis-based. ” He stresses that each student work to his own ability, strive to improve, and that there’s no competition between any of the students.

While we were driving to the next place, the kids were all talking about how interesting the class was and sharing lots of information they learned.  I’m looking forward to sitting in on the class next week – I don’t know how he simultaneously kept my 8 year old and high schooler interested for 2.5 hours, with only a five minute break!  It seems almost inaccurate to call it a class since that conjures up mental images of forced boredom and note taking, and this was all about engaged learning.   He told the kids that if they need to walk out, just to leave, not to worry about asking permission, very different from school-type rules.  He treats them like they want to be there, and they do!  It’s very gratifying for me that the kids enjoyed this so much – though I expected that they would and I signed them up because I felt it would be a fantastic learning experience, I can’t say they were initially very enthusiastic about it.  Not at all.  So it’s really nice that they now share my positivity about it and look forward to future classes, rather than feeling like I was dragging them to something they’d find boring and hard to sit through.

From there we were only 20 minutes from my dh’s workplace, but since it was too early to pick him up, I took the kids to a fantastic park just a few minutes from him.  I’d never been there and the kids really liked it – it was huge and had lots of different play structures – they felt we didn’t stay long enough to explore them much so I told them we’ll go back soon.  Then we picked up dh from work, stopped at the library on the way home to pick up some books I had on hold, and the kids piled out to look for books.  Dd14 and ds11 both wanted to get books that were mentioned in passing in their history class, Robinson Crusoe and Treasure Island.

Close to our home there is a kosher Dunkin Donuts and we stopped there for a free treat before finally heading home for dinner – the six coupons were perfect since the oldest five kids each got one and the littlest two shared one.  It was a very busy day and it was the substantial planning I did the night before that made it a day that everyone (including me!) enjoyed from start to finish.  (Yes, I’m patting my own back but it was a lot of work and it’s good to acknowledge when your efforts make a difference – and you can’t always wait for others to tell you how valuable what you did was!)

Then this morning we had another fairly early start.  We headed to PA for some shopping with the littles in tow (the last few times they’ve stayed with their grandparents for the day, which they all enjoy, but my inlaws aren’t around for a couple of weeks so that wasn’t an option).  I made sure to leave time at each stop for the littles to run around and play – they especially enjoyed when we bought our eggs.  They went down to the pond to watch the geese, played with the 11 week old puppy, went to the barn to see the turkeys (dd9 tried to catch and hold one – she managed to almost get a hold on it before it escaped – she is really good with animals, which is probably obvious since turkeys are kind of intimidating to think of holding :lol:), and then looked at the thirty cows they bought since our last visit.   Our stop to buy eggs took 45 minutes because of all of this!

Ds16months is an easy going little boy but has always had a very hard time with car travel, which was my initial incentive to ask my mother-in-law if she could babysit him when I do my monthly shopping, which involves hours of driving  But today he did great – enjoyed his awake time, slept, and in each directions woke up and started to cry just a few minutes from our destination. And remarkably we accomplished everything I set out to do and were home by 5 pm, which is amazing!  I was even able to be in time for my public speaking group a couple of hours later, something I wasn’t confident would be doable.

Tomorrow we have another full day planned, since our first co-op classes begin.  That won’t be until after lunch, though, so we’ll have the morning to have some quiet inside time.  Which we’ll especially enjoy after three days out of the house!

Avivah

Not Back To School

homeschooling

It seems that this week that the last of the schools have begun!  And me?

Today I took the kids to a Not Back to School picnic with the co-op that I’m joining this year.   Most of the kids had a great time but dd14 was bored most of the time and ds11 was bored after the boy he was playing catch with had to leave.  It really isn’t interesting when you don’t know anyone and are waiting around for your mother to finish shmoozing.  After eight years of homeschooling in this area, I’ve bumped into a number of moms in various venues over the years so I had a chance to get reaquainted.

We’ve never been part of a co-op before but one thing that is constant about home education is that nothing stays the same!  Kids get older, have different needs, interests, abilities, and what was appropriate in the past needs to adapt.  That’s what home education is about, isn’t it?  Personalizing according to what your children need.

The co-op meets once a week and there’s an option to take as few as one or as many as four classes on that day.  ‘Classes’ sounds formal and academic, but there’s quite a variety of classes – everything from belly dancing, sewing, and baking to more traditional type classes, with close to 40 different options for kids ranging from 2.5 through high school.  The classes are given by other homeschooling parents so while the approach varies from parent to parent, in general they seem to be more hands on and concerned about enjoyable and engaging learning.

I’ve signed all the kids up for last two classes of the day, which will allow us to spend the morning at home and hopefully give ds1 a chance to take a nap before we leave.  My goal in choosing classes was to find something that I didn’t do much of at home or that the kids showed a special interest in.  It took a bit of finessing to figure out the schedule for everyone, but I’m happy with it and mostly confident that all the kids will enjoy it.

Here’s what I’m doing:  in the first time slot, the littles will all take a music class, “a lively, fun class involving rhythm games, singing, dancing and exploring musical instruments”.  While they’re doing that (I’ll be with them), ds8 will be taking a multi-sensory language arts class (this is for beginning readers and he’s definitely beyond that, but I think it will be fun and encouraging for him to see how easy it is for him and the other language arts class at that time is more formal, with a grammar focus – not my thing), dd9 and ds11 are signed up for improv and drama games (though ds told me he doesn’t think he’ll want to participate, so he might end up bringing a book to read if he makes that choice), and dd14 will be doing a class based on the Trisms curriculum, a cross curricular exploration of early history that is heavily research and writing based.   This is a two period class so it’s the only class she’ll be taking; she wants to work more intensively on her writing skills rather than do a ‘fun’ class and this was the option that seemed most suited to her.

Then for the second slot, ds4 will be doing an art class for 4-6 year olds, ds8 will be doing an art class for 7 -9 year olds, and dd9 and ds11 will be doing ‘Mapping the world with Art’, a geography class that integrates history and art.   I wanted to put dd9 and ds11 into a botany class with lots of hands on activities instead of geography, since they already will be participating twice a month in geography club (this will be their third year in geography club, but in the past it was only once a month) and I thought they’d enjoy the science as something interesting and different.  But the botany class was full and the geography one was the only other choice for their age during that time.  I didn’t have to sign them up for anything but I thought they’d enjoy it – it will be different than the geography they do with their club, so I don’t anticipate much overlap.  (I’ll be with ds1 and ds3 in the nursery during this time.)

It’s been five years since my schedule was so full of homeschool activities out of the house.  In the past I found it was very easy to schedule lots of activities but that being out so often left me feeling like I wanted to homeschool – but I wasn’t home enough.  It was at that point that I chose to simplify by saying ‘no’ to a lot of things and I think that was a great choice; it kept our life sane and balanced, and we still had plenty of trips and activities.

While this year will have more regular outside activities than in the past, I’ve been careful not to schedule anything until after lunch (with one exception), to allow us to keep our routine in place.  That way, the activities will be supplementing our home life, not replacing it.

The exception that I referenced is a 30 week history class for everyone in the family ages 8 and up that I’ve literally been waiting three years for, given by an incredibly knowledgeable and entertaining historian.  The class is 2.5 hours long, with 30 minutes at the beginning is actually a viewing period since he brings in period weapons, artifacts, tools, etc to look at and explore, and supposedly he keeps even kids of all ages riveted.  It will mean an hour drive in each direction every Tuesday morning, but I feel it will be worth it.  My only regret is that I couldn’t do this class when dd15 and ds17 were still homeschooling – four years ago I wanted to register when my oldest was in eighth grade, but a friend suggested I wait until the following year so ds could use it as a high school credit.  I took that advice but the opportunity didn’t come around again until now!  I’m hoping my inlaws will watch the littles each week at this time, since I really would like to sit in on the class, too.  Otherwise, I’ll keep them occupied during the class, something I’ve spent many hours doing in the past with my middles when they were little and my bigs were at the class taking stage, but it’s not something I especially find relaxing.  The littles will be much happier with their grandparents, too!

Wednesday will remain our day for activities with our local homeschool support group.  Two of these are geography club for ds8, dd9, and ds11 – one meeting is going to be more information based, the second meeting will be a trip related to the learning they did.  Two years ago in geography club they learned about the world, then last year they did the US, and this year they’ll be doing our state.  The kids really enjoy doing this with a long term home educating mom who enjoys it and makes it lots of fun for the kids.  They have friends in the group, too, so that also adds to the enjoyment.  Since these are close by, it doesn’t mean much of my time, only 10 minutes to drop off and then another 10 when it’s pick up time.  I’ll probably be accompanying them on trips, though, when it works for our schedule.

Then another Weds. is our monthly homeschool gathering, and the final Weds. will be a Lamed Tes melachos (39 categories of work) class for ds4, with projects relating to three of the melachos at each meeting.  All of these will be in the afternoons, so again, they won’t supplant our regular schedule.  I do usually do my monthly shopping on Wednesday, and I’ll have to decide how to handle that if I need to be in this area mid day on those days – with Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays spoken for, it doesn’t leave me a lot of options!

Dd14 has had a number of steady babysitting job requests in the last couple of weeks for the coming year but has only accepted two jobs – one for 5 hours every Tuesday afternoon (so she’ll babysit very soon after we return from our history class), and one for the mornings from 7:15- 8:30.  She likes this because she finds it breaks up the flow of her day to babysit for a couple of hours midday, and she likes to go to sleep early and get up early so late night jobs are hard for her.  She’ll be home in time for breakfast, and it will allow her to continue with her regular schedule undisturbed.  I think she’ll also be tutoring some younger homeschooled girls in Judaics on Monday mornings, but she’s waiting to finalize that.  She also practices piano for 1 – 1.5 hours a day (the other three kids don’t practice more than 30 minutes daily), so her schedule is comfortably full right now, and she’s feeling very good about how it’s come together.

I was considering registering dd14 for a college class but made the decision to include the co-op classes for everyone instead.  I told her I’ll consider it again for the spring semester, but I don’t like squeezing a schedule too tight and neither does she, so we’ll see how we’re feeling about things at that point.  I reminded her that she can go together in the coming year to college classes with dd15, which I think that will be the best option.

So these are some of the plans I’ve been busy organizing recently, in addition to sending off ds17 to yeshiva and dd15 to Israel.  (I always do my planning for the coming year before the year begins, and then only have to make minor adjustments during the year.)  I’ve also been thinking about how to approach different areas of Jewish learning with various children, as well as making plans for ds3 and ds4, who are both ready and desirous of having something ‘big’ (ie official) to do.  I don’t have it all decided on – the biggest remaining question is about ds11, who was learning daily with ds17 and would like more learning time than just with my dh.  All of this has taken a lot of time and brain space, and it’s definitely been expensive, with the fees for all of these classes coming due right now, the same time as the expenses to get the older two kids taken care of.  It helps to remind myself how lucky I am to be able to afford these opportunities.

We’re gradually easing out of our summer schedule towards our ‘school’ year schedule.  With Rosh Hashana just a week away, I don’t anticipate doing very much outside of getting ready for the holidays.  We’ll start a bit of official stuff in the coming week, along with beginning new read alouds with the middles at that time.  The real focus will on Rosh Hashana (started baking yesterday), with plans to start academic type work in earnest at the beginning of October.  That’s one wonderful thing about homeschooling – you can do what works for you, regardless of what everyone else is doing!

I always enjoy seeing everything coming together,  and I’m looking forward to another wonderful year of learning with our family!

Avivah

Dd’s departure to overseas program

homeschooling, parenting

Well, dd15 is now in Israel.

Yesterday was a somewhat grueling day.  I’d been pretty sick the day before – I’m not going to waste time on details but I was feeling really, really horrible.  The thought even flitted through my mind not to go with the rest of the family to the airport – I was physically in a lot of pain and didn’t know how I’d manage sitting for hours in a car (the airport is in NY) when even lying down was difficult.  But there are times that you go beyond your physical capacity, and I think having children regularly pushes you beyond these capacities!  🙂  It honestly wasn’t an easy day for me but it was very important for me to be present.

We left about 9:30 in the morning, but after stopping at a friend’s house so dd could say goodbye, and then to pick up some school supplies, it wasn’t until 10:30 that we were on the highway.  Dh and I switched off driving, which gave both of us a chance to rest and helped distract me from how terrible I felt.  We drove to pick up ds17 from yeshiva and got there at the end of the afternoon break, which was great timing.

As we drove up, one of the kids exclaimed in excitement, “This is the picture from the website!”  It felt more amazing to them since they had seen pictures online and now were able to be there in person.  We went into the office to wait for ds and everybody gave him a big hug when he came in, which is typical for our family; if someone is gone for even a day they get big hugs when they come back!   The secretary was lovely and told us how nice our family was and offered the kids peppermints, which they were happy to accept.  Ds took the boys and dh to his dorm to show them around; I would have loved to have seen his room and if it was during the learning session I would have felt comfortable to go in but during breaks you have guys walking in and out of showers, stuff like that, so not a place for females.

It was so perfect that his yeshiva is only 15 minutes from the airport, so after our short visit at his campus we turned back around and got dd15 to the airport at the designated check-in time.  After checking in, we went to a different terminal for the planned reception.  It was a long trek from one terminal to another and kind of challenging for me so what usually would have been a normal walk felt like a marathon.

We finally got to the other terminal and it was so nice that they had arranged for real food and vegetable platters to be served in addition to some cookies.  Dh had packed for our trip and  the food that was brought wasn’t quite what I would have chosen, and I was concerned that hunger was going to become a real issue by the afternoon.  This allayed that concern.

The speaker for the reception started right on time, which was a pleasant surprise, and the entire thing was quite short.  It was scheduled for 1 1/2 hours, but after 30 minutes they announced that the organizer was leading the group back to the terminal.  When they made this announcement, my dh had taken the younger half of the family to the bathroom and I didn’t see any reason to rush everyone when: a) I could find my way back to the original terminal just fine, someone leading the group there in the first place would have been more helpful!; b) I had no interest in being with a large group of people in a small area where there would be no room to sit and nothing to do.  I wanted a little time and space with dd before she left and it seemed the room we were in was a much better place for that.  And it was.

I hoped we’d have time to be together a little, but between dh going to mincha, dd davening mincha (praying afternoon service), various kids going to the bathroom and needing to be taken to the water fountain, it wasn’t exactly focused family bonding time since someone was doing something the entire time!   To have proactively pulled everyone together would have required a lot of effort and energy that I generally can command but had to accept at this time that as much as I wanted to do it, I couldn’t.

Before the group left the area, I checked with both representatives separately, told them that we weren’t accompanying them right then but would meet the group for boarding, and asked when we should be there for boarding.  6:30 pm they both said.  That confirmed what the schedule which had been emailed several times had said, so we left the reception terminal 40 minutes before boarding time to give ourselves plenty of time to get there.  I like to be places on time and don’t like cutting things short, and particularly for dd’s sake, wanted to get there earlier than the scheduled time so she wouldn’t feel anxious about not being with everyone.

However, this wasn’t helpful since dd ended up feeling like we were late even though we got there early!  The representatives apparently made the decision to board the group an hour early after getting the group back to the terminal.  I can understand why.  What do you do with a large group of people when there’s nothing for them to do, and not more than 10 seats in the entire area, than expedite your schedule?  I didn’t mind the change in plans.  What I minded was that it bothered dd, who started thinking we did something wrong and were very late on schedule, and started feeling very pressured.

The airline representative didn’t make it any better – have you noticed the people lowest on the totem pole often inflate their own importance by acting like they have more power than they do?    I know this and having traveled internationally a number of times, I also am quite familiar with flight protocols, boarding times, etc.  When the rep told us with disdain that dd should have boarded an hour earlier with her group, I knew this was more about power than about anything else.  But dd didn’t.  Grrrr.  I almost wanted to smack this woman because dd started crying at this point.  As a parent you want to do what you can to make things easier for your child, and it’s frustrating when your efforts seem to backfire.  Dd isn’t emotionally overreactive as a rule, but this was an understandable exception.

Everyone got teary eyed when dd hugged them goodbye, except me since I went with her up until the security line.  Officially only passengers are supposed to go in this line, but until they checked her boarding pass I wanted to be with her.  Before we got in line I introduced myself to a family who had a daughter going to the same program who had gotten to the terminal within the listed time for the scheduled reception but after the early departure of the group.  So I told the mother to send her daughter over to mine after they said their goodbyes so they could board together.

While we were in line, I explained all that was left in the boarding process was to walk through the security line that was directly in front of us, then to make an immediate left (I was able to clearly p0int this out since it was only about 15 yards away) and walk to the gate labeled 6.  But she was already feeling nervous and uncertain about not having gone through with the group, and I’m glad she was able to go through it with someone else, because being with someone else really does drastically lower anxiety in a situation like this.  I hugged her goodbye and thankfully didn’t start crying even though I’d been warning my family that I’d be crying buckets so to come prepared with lots of tissues for me.  🙂  (Afterward dh told me that when I accompanied dd a little further past the point where everyone else waited, he said to the kids, “Hey, it’s no fair, we’re going to miss seeing Mommy get all emotional!”)  I say thankfully because there was enough emotion for dd without me adding more, not because I’m advocating denying one’s emotions!

As soon as they entered the security line the other mother called the representative in charge and told her where our girls were at, and the rep said she’d be watching for them on the other side.  I wish I could have told dd this so she would have known that people were looking out for her since I think she would have felt reassured – there was only a walk of a couple of minutes from where I could see her go to where someone else would be waiting.   I  waited there for a while until dd got through security (it took a half hour since the other girl was delayed – her mother was guessing it was her bangles she couldn’t remove), after which they immediately turned a corner so I couldn’t see her anymore.

I was a little disappointed not to be able to see any of the other parents, who I anticipated being able to chat with after the boarding.  Some I had met several months ago in NYC for the day long screening and it would have been nice to have touched base again.   Another set of parents I saw in the airport briefly who used to live in my area but moved to AL – they have a son going to the boys’ program so I had no idea they were going and it would have been nice to catch up with them.  And the lovely long term email pal who is the one who turned me on to this program – thanks, E! – I would have loved to have talked once the girls had boarded and all of us parents were feeling more relaxed.  But everything works out as it’s meant to be.

We finally left and drove ds17 back to yeshiva, arriving in time for his evening learning session – he only missed the afternoon session. He and dd are very close and it was important to have him there with the rest of us to see her off, but I was glad we were able to minimize the interruptions to his schedule. A couple of people made comments that implied how difficult it would be to take everyone for such a long day of driving (particularly for the littles), but to us it wasn’t even a consideration to leave anyone behind.  It’s just how our family does things.

After dropping ds off, we then headed back home, arriving at 12:30 am.  Thankfully everyone transferred to their beds pretty smoothly and I woke up knowing that dd was already in Israel!  Isn’t incredible that we live in times when major travel can be completed so quickly and easily?!

Dd15 called dh at work to tell him the cell phone and special card for Israel calls we bought weren’t compatible and since she was borrowing a phone, literally didn’t talk for more than a minute.  So that was the extent of the call.  Very disappointing since all day long everyone was waiting for her call with every ring of the phone!  Fortunately she emailed me later in the day to say that she wrote a post on her blog that we could read – I don’t generally read her blog since it’s a vehicle for communicating with her friends and I feel it would be a violation of her privacy.  (For her year in Israel we’ll be reading regularly.)  I read her post out loud to the kids during dinner, since that was when I saw her message come through.  (I almost started crying the first two times I started trying to read it out loud, though.)

She sounds really happy and really tired.  Really, really tired.  Seriously, all of these kids must be going on fumes because it sounded like most of them didn’t sleep during the flight and probably didn’t sleep much the night before they left, either!  Hopefully we’ll get to talk to her tomorrow, but for now I’m just happy to know that she’s arrived safely and things are going well so far.  Dd is a great girl with a wonderful energy and attitude toward people and life, and I’m optimistic that this year will be an incredible experience for her.

As far as how I feel about having the oldest two gone, that’s another topic…..

Avivah