Category Archives: homeschooling

My poor unsocialized homeschooled child….

homeschooling,

Sometimes I don’t know whether to laugh or shake my head at questions/comments like below.  They aren’t uncommon, so I’m going to answer it here.

>>The only concern I have is the culture shock she will experience from being homeschooled and around you every day, to going away for (a year? how long will it be) a long, long time away from her family, and having this as her first real social experience. Wont it be a huge transition and a huge jump? Instead of local school, which you eschew for personal reasons, she’s jumping all the way to going to another country, away from her family? I’m confused, there’s a dichotomy here.<<

I’m not sure what you mean by dichotomy in this context, but what I think you’re politely saying is that I’m not consistent, correct?  This sentiment reminds me of people who feel I’m hypocritical because I don’t send my kids to school but I allow them to go to summer camp.  Because 12 – 15 years spent daily at school regardless of the child’s interest, and short term experiences at camp when the child chooses to be there, are obviously exactly the same thing.  🙄

The trust people have in schools to build healthy social skills in children is beautiful.  And so well-earned, too, since schools do a magnificent job in developing children with self-acceptance, confidence, and emotional maturity.  That’s why all kids who go to school are so well-balanced and socially adept – it’s because the framework has been thoughtfully created with the deep and sensitive needs of a child in mind, and much study has been done about the most effective way to help each one blossom in his own individual way.  Institutions are known to be deeply concerned about the individual and accomodate them even when it’s inconvenient.

Unfortunately, being the overprotective and shortsighted mother that I am, I keep my child out of school and thereby from any and all social opportunities that would allow her to develop independence and maturity of any sort, preventing her from being able to appropriately function in society.  If only she had the support of the school system instead of actively involved parents, how much better prepared for life she would be.  😆

In all seriousness, the unquestioned assumption that I’m seeing here is that school is where kids develop good social skills.  What support do you have for that position?  I strongly disagree with school as a positive breeding ground for good social skills, and believe that when kids develop good social skills, it’s in spite of being with their equally immature and inexperienced peers all day, not because of it.  Healthy social skills are developed much more effectively by the constant role modeling of adults.  Interesting that gang behavior, teen pregnancies, bullying, etc – are all found in significant numbers in schools – but very few take this path who have close ties with a parent.  Are the schools really getting better results than involved parents?

The next assumption is that schools prepare children for life because they are offered more opportunities to have new experiences.  This is almost breathtaking in its inaccuracy.  The kids in school have an incredibly limited life – dd has sometimes commented that when her schooled friends get together, there’s only one topic of conversation – school, which means talking about the students and teachers.  That’s it. They literally don’t have enough other experiences to draw on to keep the conversation going more than ten minutes or so before it comes back to school.

On the other side is the homeschooled child, who is much less limited in the experiences they can have.  Their learning can be more creative, they can have more trips and outings to interesting places, they can interact with those outside of their immediate peer group.  When dd gets together with friends, she always has plenty to talk about – her first year in camp (I think she was ten), it was a bit unsettling to her when girls would suddenly stop talking to their friends to listen in on her conversations because what she had to say was so much more interesting than the conversations they were having.  I realize this is hard for those who went through the school system to conceptualize, since our lives revolved around school – so it’s very hard to picture anything but a lonely child sitting at a dining room table when thinking of a homeschooled child’s social opportunities.  The inability of adults to picture the possibilities outside of school is a reflection of how stunted our imagination in this area is.

I believe that homeschooled children tend to be much more prepared to effectively interact with others in the real world, because they’ve had so many more chances throughout the years.  The opportunities will be different for different people, but there is always much more than the home itself to draw on if that’s what the family desires.  Outside of school, children learn to value others based on who they are, not how exactly they fit the ‘ideal peer profile’ (ie who’s cool).  They can become friendly with those of all ages – on Weds. when I wrote this, dd13 spent an hour shopping with a 20 year old for a family who needed the help, then babysat for several hours for a 9 year old who was home sick from school, and still had plenty of time to interact with her siblings when she returned.  Our recent Shabbos guest was someone dd introduced herself to in shul and invited over – she is in her mid thirties- and dd was able to have relaxed and friendly conversations with her week after week without either of them ever discussing age.  How many hours in school are spent having meaningful conversations or really getting to know someone?  How many 13 year olds are comfortable socially with a 35 year old – or a 9 year old?  Or their siblings and parents?  Do you think that someone who has more breadth of experience socially will be more prepared for new social situations?  I do.

By the way, I don’t ‘eschew’ schools.  I choose to focus on the positives homeschooling has offered our children rather than to make negative judgments about the educational alternatives.

Avivah

Fun astronomy lesson

homeschooling

A week and a half ago I took my kids to the NASA Goddard visitor center for a trip on Earth day- very appropriate, don’t you think?  🙂  Today was Space Day, and so it seems like a good time to share with you a fun activity we made up last week.

Following the trip to NASA, we were doing some reading on the solar system.  As I was reading about the rotations and revolutions of the planets and moon, I was thinking that understanding what revolved and what rotated was confusing, since we tend to think of those terms as meaning the same thing, but they’re quite different regarding the planetary orbits.  I took out a globe and showed them the axis, and then had them spin it so they could see it rotating.  Then I took the spinning globe and with the globe, walked around one child who I designated as the sun so they could see the rotating Earth revolving.

Then I thought it would be fun for the kids to all be the ‘bodies in motion’.  😆  I chose one child to be the sun, one to be the Earth, and one to be the moon.  This is where things got fun.  Earth rotates once every 24 hours on its axis, and revolves around the sun once a year.  So the child who was ‘Earth’ walked around the sun once to show the revolution cycle.

Now, the moon rotates and revolves around earth at the same pace – once a month.  So at the same time the ‘Earth’ child was slowly revolving around the sun, I had the ‘moon’ child revolving around Earth.  This was a lot of choreography!  The moon had to circle the Earth twelve times in the time it took for the ‘Earth’ to circle the sun once.  A lot of laughing and fun.

Then I had them change positions so they could each experience being the moon and the earth.  I explained to them that the planets would be rotating at the same time they were revolving, but that it would be too much for us to try to demonstrate all it combined.  Instead, I had the Earth child rotate on her ‘axis’ thirty times to demonstrate the monthly rotation of the Earth (I felt a month was enough to demonstrate, as rotating 365 times to show a yearly rotation schedule would be way too nauseating!).  She quickly understood why it would be hard to rotate 365 times while revolving once around the sun!

I involved three children in this, but you can do this activity even if you have only one child.  Choose a stationary object to be the sun, and you and your child can each represent the moon and the Earth.  One you start your real life demonstrations of revolutions, you’ll see other ways to take the same principle and apply it to more parts of the solar system, if you and your child/ren are still having fun!

(This post is part of the Carnival of Homeschooling.)

Avivah

More about Israel high school option

homeschooling, parenting,

I’ve had some questions about the program I mentioned considering for my daughter – I’d be engaging in wishful thinking if I said the response of most people to this idea has been positive. There seems to be widespread disbelief that I would consider this option, and I think part of this is because I haven’t addressed some understandable concerns so people think that I haven’t considered them.

First of all, I want to be clear that nothing has been decided.  She hasn’t been accepted yet and we haven’t decided if we’ll definitely let her go if she is accepted.  It’s possible I’ll learn new information that will totally change our current view and shift our decision in the opposite direction, but at this point it’s heavily leaning toward sending her.

>>I don’t understand why you would send your child to high school when she’s already graduating this year.  She doesn’t need it and it seems like a waste of her time.<<

Not only have I been asked this several times, but this is definitely the response dd is getting from all her friends.  This response underscores a major difference in how I look at education and how most people look at it.  Dd will have her high school diploma in 2 months.  She doesn’t NEED to go to more school to earn credits.  However, we see learning more as a positive, as something more than just transcripts, credits, and tests.  Although this is definitely a high school program, dd sees it more like a post-high school option for her, a chance to experience a different culture, learn a new language, meet new people – very much like a foreign exchange or transfer student.  She sees the value of the learning itself and the inherent gain in becoming a better educated person, and loves the idea of getting to travel and have new experiences.  She was planning to attend community college in the fall and this is a nice time to take a break without setting herself back significantly with her college plans.

>>Isn’t she going to be bored ?<<

No, because high schools across the world (and this country!) have different curricula; they’re not all teaching the same information.  I expect that most of what she is taught will be new to her.  History and geography will be of a different country, writing skills can always use improvement, and she’ll be doing intensive language studies for Hebrew.  The science and math classes are supposedly at a higher level than here in the US; if the testing she did last week at her screening is an accurate indication, then she feels it will be very challenging.  Additionally, math is taught using the spiral approach rather than the strictly linear approach that we have.  To my understanding, she’ll also be taking math class in Hebrew, which in and of itself will be challenging since she doesn’t yet have much experience with conversational Hebrew.  There are also three options regarding the difficulty of the classes that she can choose from.  And of course there’s the experience of being in a new country, going on trips, meeting new people – it’s not all about academics by any means!

>>And about your daughter…Bnei Akiva is also different…talk about future values…come on, you protected your kids until now….from all that I have gathered about you and your family, this is not what I would have thought you would choose for your kids…<<

You don’t use the same tool in every situation – a hammer is a great tool, but sometimes you need a screwdriver.  Different goals necessitate different choices; we view this as primarily an academic experience with spiritual possibilities, not a spiritual experience with academic possibilities, and are discussing it and preparing her for this accordingly. As an academic choice in a religious girls setting I feel that this program has the potential to be a very positive experience for her on a number of levels.  While it’s true that there are differences in worldview between us and those running this program, I don’t believe they’re inherently as significant as they they may seem.  (I’m not naive and I lived in Israel for ten years; I think I have a fairly accurate sense of what the differences in perspective are.)

I also feel that you can learn and grow from all people.  The people running this program have solid values; they’re good people.   I’m not afraid of the differences – I think learning to embrace differences and respect others who make different choices, while maintaining your sense of who you are, is a sign of maturity; at least for me it has been.  This is something that has been part of how I’ve raised my kids; that you can and should have strong beliefs but that shouldn’t mean looking down on others.

>>AND, at 15 years old???  Really young and vulnerable to send away.. Please – rethink this!  The(y) have totally different tznius (Avivah’s translation – modesty) standards…can she keep to hers withstanding peer pressure?<<

I went to Israel to study for a  year when I was 16, but because I graduated 12th grade along with my (older) peers, not one person ever commented to my mother with any concern about my age.  I agree that 15 is very young, but I also don’t think that there’s a magic number when a child is ready.  I was a dorm counselor in a girls seminary abroad, and I saw how many 18 and 19 year olds were immature and not ready to appropriately handle the independence from their families.  It’s not about the number, it’s about the readiness of the person to handle the experience.  Dd will be almost 16 when she goes; we wouldn’t consider sending a child of any age who hadn’t already demonstrated the necessary maturity and levelheadedness, but dd has proven she has these qualities time and again.

We’ve discussed some challenges that will probably be part of her experience, and part of that is that we have different expectations for her than what some of her peers may be allowed, particularly regarding level of immersion in secular culture and mores of dressing.  However, she’s also experienced this in camp for the last three summers – she’s been very grounded in her response and handled it gracefully.  I realize that there’s a difference between being away for four weeks and for ten months – but as parents, after we’ve done the best we can to inculcate them with our values, we have to gradually let them try out their wings. Trusting our kids is more than lip service; to trust them means we give them opportunities to make choices.  That can be scary for a parent because there’s no guarantee that they’ll choose what you want, but this is part of the growing up process.

In my opinion, peer dependence is the biggest concern for any parent in an environment in which kids are surrounded by same age peers all day – including your average local schools.  Dd not only hasn’t been immersed in a culture that pressures kids to conform to whatever their peers are doing for the last ten years (thereby making her less susceptible to doing things just because her peers do), but will be one of the oldest in her class and tends to be socially confident.  The combination means that I’m significantly less concerned about peer pressure/dependence than I’d be if she were one of the youngest.   She knows that you can be a fun and well-liked person without compromising your values.  Again, she’s been in this role before and is comfortable with it.

>>I know the free schooling is enticing but at what price???<<

Important decisions can’t be made based primarily on the dollars involved, even for a super frugal person like me.  There are things you do not because it’s cheaper, but because it has a value to you.   For example, I spend much more on alternative doctors, herbs, supplements rather than take my kids to the doctors/give them medications covered by my insurance.   I also spend a lot more on food than I would if health weren’t a priority to me.  We pay for homebirths out of pocket though I could have my entire pregnancy and hospital stay paid for by insurance.  So obviously getting something for free isn’t the most important criteria to me, since I’ve repeatedly demonstrated with other choices that our decisions are made based on if it matches our goals.

Not only that, free tuition in and of itself isn’t necessarily a significant savings over the alternative for dd.  I’ve successfully homeschooled for almost a decade now and spent less than $7000 on all six of the school age kids during that time ($5500 of which was for religious studies tutoring for my oldest ds).   So you can see that the costs of homeschooling aren’t exactly breaking me financially – it’s cost me less than $50 this past year for her academic costs.

In fact, sending dd to this program will be more expensive than keeping her here.  Thanks to financial aid and scholarship money (just got a message a couple of days ago about a $500 scholarship she needs to claim in the next two weeks before it goes to someone else),  community college tuition and books will be entirely covered if she stays home for the coming year.   Just the ticket and passport expenses necessary for travel overseas will run about $1500, and she’ll certainly need some kind of spending money for the year!  I overheard a couple of parents at the screening talking about how they could use the money they’re saving on tuition for a family trip to Israel to visit their child, or to buy the child a laptop with Skype so they can easily keep in touch – but that’s not my reality.  I’m considering this in spite of the costs to me, because technically the more frugal thing to do would be to keep her home.

I have so many, many thoughts on aspects of this decision and there are a number of points that could be discussed in depth (certainly I’ve thought about them in depth!).  One crucial factor in making this decision is that we know our daughter – and we have a lot of confidence in her.

Avivah

Egg incubation update

homeschooling

It’s been two weeks since we began incubating the duck eggs, and one week since we started the chicken eggs (we staggered when we put them in since chickens and ducks have different lengths of time to incubate and we want them to all hatch the same time).  I expected that thanks to little hands that think it’s fun to turn the knob and adjust the heat in the incubator without us being aware of it for hours, we’d end up not having any hatch.  And though I expected it to be a boring process of just waiting until the last day or two when there is sign that they’re ready to hatch, I was wrong!

I read somewhere that you can actually shine a light on the egg if you’re in a dark room and see the developing bird inside.  My kids did this with the duck eggs by shining a flashlight directly on them, and this was very exciting for them!  Thanks to their observations, it  so far looks like 12 of the 15 eggs we started with are developing, contrary to my expectations that we wouldn’t get any.  You can actually see along the shell that there’s a vein-like pattern on those that are growing, and see the tiny developing embryo moving.  It’s quite remarkable.

They tried to take a video so I could put it here on my blog, because they said it was so interesting that all of you would want to see it, too.  But because it has to be done in a dark room, it was too hard to clearly video it since with the necessary light for the picture to be clear, you can’t see what’s happening inside the eggs.  So those of you who are interested will just have to rent an incubator and get your own eggs started. 🙂

Seeing this development on their own has motivated them to closely read the books I got out from the library.  Dd13 is trying to figure out exactly what body parts she’s seeing develop.  I suggested that they regularly journal their observations, but whether they do this or not, I already think it’s a valuable learning opportunity.

Two more weeks to go until the hatching should be complete!

Avivah

Interesting educational option for dd15

homeschooling, , ,

Last week I mentioned that dh and I would be going to New York City on Sunday together with dd15, and now I’ll share with you what we were doing there!

Just over two weeks ago we learned about an intriguing educational possibility and despite it being a very drastic change in the direction dd was planning for next year, we decided to look into it with her.  The program is called Elite Academy, and has several schools associated with it.  One of those schools is a religious girls’ high school in Israel, and each of the schools affiliated with Elite Academy have a program specifically geared towards English speakers.  It’s intended for teens about 15 – 16 years old, and the program includes intensive ulpan/Hebrew language study (about thirteen hours a week), in addition to Torah classes and math/English/etc.  The program is fully subsidized for those who are accepted, and not only are tuition, room and board covered, but students are also provided with a stipend to cover transportation costs while in Israel, and the flight to Israel is paid for as well (not the return flight, though).  (You can get more info here.)

After first hearing about it, we scoured the internet for more information, I spoke to the US representative for 45 minutes, emailed the director of the girls’ school with a list of questions, and then waited another week to listen in on the conference call in which the school principals for the girls’ and boys’ programs answered questions posed by interested parents.  The next day was a Monday, and we sent in the application with the hope that we could be included in the screening to be held in NYC six days later.  On Wednesday morning we received the confirmation about the screening, and 5:30 am Sunday morning we were on our way!

We got there at 9:30, and had time to get a little bit to eat (they provided a very nice breakfast spread) and say ‘hello’ to a long term online friend who I’d never yet met in person before the program started.  Dd15 managed to talk to two girls she knew casually and introduce herself to three other girls she didn’t know at all within fifteen minutes.  The program then began with an explanation of the program to the parents and teens as well as what to expect of the day with regards to the extensive testing they would be doing.  Then they split us up so that the kids could do a group social activity together while the parents went over the contracts in detail.

Then the teens had 2.5 hours of testing, academic as well as psychological, then a break for lunch (which they also provided), then another 1.5 hours of testing for the kids.  Meanwhile, we parents were being interviewed by a psychologist.  There were three psychologists, so three interviews were being done simultaneously.  The interview took a little over 45 minutes, and was not a bit homeschool friendly.  My position regarding answering questions about homeschooling is that I won’t allow myself to be put on the defense, and this was seriously tested by my interviewer.

Not that he wasn’t a nice person – he was.  But besides asking lots of detailed questions about family history, he asked questions in a way that left me feeling he expected something to be wrong.  And then he got into questions about homeschooling.  But right after asking the first question (about why I chose to homeschool dd), before I had a chance to even open my mouth, he said that homeschooling was antithetical to Judaism.   He added: “I’m not saying this just for myself.  I’m saying this as a parent, a psychologist, as a professional – this is the opposite of what Judaism is about.  Judaism is about community, not just staying to yourself and doing what you want.”

So I had to politely let him know he was making judgments about an issue he didn’t know anything about – I’m serious about doing that politely but I’m also serious that I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. Then I had to clarify what the question really should be, so I could then answer the real question.  Then he wanted to know how dd could possibly cope with the structure of a program like this since she’s been allowed to do whatever she wants and have no structure in her life.   Comments like this are chock full of idiocy false assumptions about homeschooling.  It was almost like he wasn’t really listening to my response before moving on to the next question.  Good thing questions like this don’t faze me.

Then there were questions about how we raised our kids.  And we kept answering, ‘yes, she’s healthy; no, she’s never been seen/treated by a psychologist; no, she doesn’t take any medication; no, she doesn’t suffer from depression’.  He asked me about punishment and I looked at him blankly.  I asked him what he meant, and he asked how I punish her.  I told him I don’t have any need to punish her, and in any case, I don’t really think in terms of punishment.

Then he asked us to assess the quality of our relationship with dd, and wanted us to describe our conflict with her.  I really didn’t want to answer this last question honestly, since I was thinking that by now we sounded a little too perfect, and he’d think we were hiding something if I told him the truth.  But what can you do?  After a brief pause, I told him I was reluctant to say we don’t have conflicts with her because he won’t believe me.  After all, she’s a teenager and everyone knows that teenagers are difficult and obnoxious and trying.  But it’s really true – we enjoy her; she’s really a pleasure to have around.   Despite the uncomfortableness with the negative slant towards homeschooling, all in all the interview went well.  I was glad that we had this interviewer so that dd didn’t have to (their policy is that different psychologists interview the applicant and her parents).

Her interviewer and she got along great, and when dd was asked about conflict with us, she later described to me her thoughts.  She felt if she responded that she didn’t have any conflict with us, they’d think she was hiding something.  So she told them she didn’t like when I used to remind her to do the dishes when it was her turn, and she asked me not to do that.  “So what happened then?” the interviewer wanted to know.  “She stopped asking me and I did them without being asked.”   “Oh.”  Not exactly the example of conflict they were searching for, but it was all she could think of.

I was glad dh had been able to take off of work to come with us, since most applicants had both parents with them.  It was nice to get to see the other girls and parents, and since we spent hours together that day (I left at 7:15 pm), there was plenty of time to chat with them and get a sense of what kind of people they were.  Generally my feeling about the families was positive.

It will be another two weeks until we find out if dd’s been accepted.  To determine if someone is accepted, they gather the result of all the testing, the notes on the parents’ interview, notes on the applicant’s interview, and then the team of three psychologists goes over it together to do a complete assessment of each person (for 1.5 hours per applicant) to be sure that she’s suitable and meets all their criteria.

Dd enjoyed meeting the other applicants, and feels even more comfortable about the idea of attending this program now that she’s seen a sample of the girls applying.  I’m really glad we got this done now, since the next screening isn’t until June, and we’d all like to know if she’s accepted as soon as possible!

Avivah

Homeschool Do’s and Don’ts

homeschooling,

Last night this question was sent to a homeschooling list that I’m on, and since I was told my response was helpful am sharing it here.

>>I was hoping to find out some more information about how some of the veteran homeschooling parents have done things in the past, and if there is an umbrella program? My mother homeschooled my siter for a year using the Calvert School system. Is this a good route to take or is there something better? Just looking for some pointers and maybe some Dos and Don’ts. Also, are there any good resources / curriculums that are available for 1st grade and on?<<
There are loads of great curriculums out there – the question is which one is a good fit for you and your child. Something can work great for one family and be a disaster for another. Calvert is highly structured and school-like; if that’s the kind of thing you’re looking for, it might be a good fit for you. Programs like this tend to have a high burnout rate.

However, I’d encourage you to consider why you want to homeschool and what you want to achieve. It’s easy to fall into the automatic mode of doing things at home in a school-like manner, which tends to not work with the goals most parents have in homeschooling.

Do and don’ts:

Don’t: spend a lot of money on curriculum when you’re starting out – you’ll probably end up regretting most of them.
Don’t: use whatever program someone else you know is doing without taking time to evaluate it on its own merit.
Don’t: kill the joy of learning by pushing too hard, too soon.
Don’t: take yourself or homeschooling too seriously.

Do: take lots of time to read and reflect on what your goals are
Do: remember the joy is in the journey, and if you and your child are enjoying yourselves, you’re on the right track.
Do: realize that it doesn’t matter what everyone else does and what works for them – it only matters what is right for you and your child/ren.
Do: follow your child’s lead; support them in their interests.
Do: attend the fabulous homeschooling conference in June that will be a way to get all of these questions and lots more answered in person by veteran homeschool parents.

**************

When I shared this it was off the top of my head, literally written in five minutes.  So it’s far from a comprehensive list.  Please share other do’s and don’ts that you’ve found valuable in your homeschooling journey!

Avivah

Starting incubating project

homeschooling,

After ten years of homeschooling, I’m finally taking on the hands on project of incubating eggs!

Last night we went to a local farm to pick up fertile eggs and rent an incubator.  Weeks ago when I first talked to the kids about doing this, we went back and forth on whether we wanted to hatch duck eggs or chicken eggs.  I was leaning towards chicks, the kids were leaning towards ducklings – they said ducklings are much cuter.  So duck eggs it was.

We turned the incubator on last night so the heat would be up and stabilized by this morning, when we planned to place the eggs in it.  But it was only at 80 degrees, and we realized that there were two plugs that needed to be plugged in, and we’d only plugged in one of them.  We plugged in the second one and after a relatively short while, the incubator was up to 120 degrees – it’s supposed to be at 100.

There’s a thermometer inside the incubator, but nothing to indicate how high the heat is on the knob – it just says ‘increase’ and ‘decrease’.  But how are you supposed to know how much to increase or decrease it?!  I haven’t yet figured it out.  I’m hoping in the morning it will have decreased to 100 degrees, because I really want to get the eggs started.

Along with the eggs and incubator, I ordered some books from the library as well as a dvd.  The books all have a hatching eggs theme, though some are much more scientific and others are whimsical.   All of these were recommended to me by the person who we rented the incubator from and the comments following about the books are hers.  She is very knowledgeable and I found her list helpful as well as her comments, so I’m sharing both here with you.

  • Rechenka’s Eggs Patricia Polacco – this is really about a goose and decorated eggs and the surprise of a hatchling.  The story could lead to a discussion of Russian culture or an art activity of decorating eggs in the Pysanky style or Ukrainian Easter Eggs
  • The Talking Eggs by Robert San Souci, illustrated by Jerry Pinkney – beautifully illustrated book set in the Creole South. This is a folktale or a fable with a point about beauty and obedience.
  • I Lost My Tooth in Africa by Penda Diakite – this book is based on a real life experience and follows the tradition of getting a chicken for loosing a tooth along with the hen laying eggs and sitting them.
  • The Chicken Chasing Queen of Lamar County by Janice Harrington – the artist has used collage materials to make the chickens. Using a simple body shape and wing shapes, one could follow up this story with scrapbooking paper to make your own colorful flock.
  • Chickens Aren’t the Only Ones by Ruth Heller – an Easy book that presents a variety of egg laying animals and how the eggs are hatched.
  • An Extraordinary Egg by Leo Lionni – the fun part of this book is that it points up the idea presented in Chickens Aren’t The Only Ones. It also teaches something about how far a ‘know it all’s’ perception and misinformation can lead you down the wrong path.
  • Dora’s Eggs by Julie Sykes – a brightly colored book that takes you through the hen’s finding value in her eggs, and then finding value in becoming a mother.
  • The Chicken or the Egg—Rookie Read About Science – illustrated with photographs, this book has an emphasis on vocabulary building.
  • Where Do Chicks Come From? Let’s Read and Find Out Science Amy Sklansky – really nicely illustrated ‘inside the egg’ progression of incubation.

I didn’t get all of these books to start off, but I did get four or five, and so far I find them to be complementary of one another, not redundant at all.  It takes four weeks to incubate duck eggs, three weeks for chicken eggs, so I have some more time to get the rest of the books while we’re still engaged with this project.

The dvd I got is called Fly Away Home, about a girl who finds a bunch of goose eggs and incubates them herself.  They imprint on her and the movie is in large part about her and her flock of geese.  Totally fiction, but I thought it would tie in nicely.  I find the best time to introduce information is when it ties in with what we’re already learning about, since it’s all naturally being reinforced.  There are two very brief scenes in this that I’ll need to forward past (I preview most movies before I show them to my kids and sit with a remote in my hand whenever we watch something), but otherwise it looks fine.

I’m planning to get fertile chicken eggs on Thursday, and will put them in to incubate a week after the duck eggs go in (the incubator can hold up to 40 eggs)- whenever that will be.  That way they’ll all be hatching about the same time.  I’ll keep you posted!

(This post is part of the Carnival of Homeschooling.)

Avivah

Torah home education and conversion

homeschooling,

I received the following two questions within a few days of each other – since they deal with very similar concerns, I’ll respond to them both here.  (I apologize that I wasn’t able to answer these before Pesach, as I intended.)

a) >>I’m writing to ask what the general Orthodox Jewish opinion is on homeschooling. You see, since starting to read your blog, and meeting a homeschooling family in person last year, I’m really interested in the possibility of homeschooling my future children. However, I’m in the process of converting to Judaism, and most people with whom I’ve talked about it tell me that at the time of conversion I’ll have to commit to sending my children to day school and homeschooling will thus not be an option. I was wondering if you knew anything about converts and homeschooling or if you had any any advice or reading material or knew anyone I could talk to about this.<<

b)  I am curious about home schooling as a frum (my translation:Orthodox) family. We are frum and I am actually in the process of conversion. We used to homeschool before we started the conversion process and we miss it terribly. My daughter is doing well academically but she just wasn’t designed for “school.” I guess I am wondering how you deal with the people who think that you MUST send your children to a religious day school. Also are you part of a frum community, are there others that homeschool as well?<<

The Jewish Orthodox community has more to gain potentially than any other community in this country by embracing home education, in my opinion.  I believe that the single biggest stressor on the community is paying tuition for children to attend religious schools, schools which are viewed as an absolute necessity to raising children with Torah values.  However, despite the potential gains in many, many ways, there generally is a negative view of homeschooling in the Orthodox community.  This isn’t reflective of the results homeschooling families have had – the mindset comes from ignorance for the most part – but it does reflect how important the schools are in our communities.

Someone who is converting to Judaism will be asked to commit to living a Torah life and educating their children according to Torah guidelines.  When potential converts are asked to commit to sending their children to yeshivas, I believe it’s important to understand the intent and spirit of the request.  They can ask about other ways that they can honor that intent, such as by home educating.  The rabbis involved in conversion recognize the huge changes the convert is willing to make in his life, and also recognize that a parent who hasn’t grown up with certain knowledge will have a hard time conveying that to a child without outside support, regardless of his level of commitment or desire.  Sending a child to a yeshiva is widely considered the way all children in our community can best be educated in the Torah way.

Now, I obviously don’t agree that it’s the only or best way, and I also believe that educating one’s child/ren at home is fully in accord with a Torah world view.  There are rabbis spoke at last year’s Torah Home Education Conference, and others who will speak at this year’s conference.  I’d strongly encourage you to attend if it’s at all feasible – all of the speakers are Orthodox and you’ll be able to hear rabbis strongly promoting home education.  You can also approach those speaking or in attendance and get feedback about your personal situation.  It will be hugely encouraging to you to meet families who have made this choice and hear how they deal with the concerns of making a non-mainstream choice that tends to be frowned upon.

It is very, very important to have a solid relationship with a rabbinical advisor, someone who knows you well.  This is because if your rabbi understands who you are, what your motivations are, your level of commitment to a Torah life, and knows you are sincere in all of this, he is more likely to be open to dialogue with you about home education.   The rabbis simply want to ensure that your children will be learning what they need in order to feel like members of the community and later give that over to their own children.

I know personally an instance in which a family had been homeschooling their  children for a number of years and one parent wanted to convert (the other was Jewish and had become more observant).  They were philosophically committed to homeschooling and didn’t want to send their children to school as a proof of their commitment to live a Torah life.  This was somewhat a deterrent to the conversion, but the rabbis took lots of time to ascertain the intentions and sincerity of the parents and eventually agreed.  They had the support of their rabbi, which was critical. (To the person who asked question A – email me at avivahwerner AT yahoo DOT com and I can send you the name and number of the rabbi who guided them.)

As far as my personal experience: yes, I do live in a large religious community.  There are other home educating families here, which is part of why I chose this community when we moved here eight years ago.  However, we are very much in the minority and homeschooling still is widely misunderstood.

How do I deal with people who believe you have to send your children to school?  Pretty easily :lol:.  It’s helpful to learn to be an advocate for yourself and that means being able to effectively communicate your position – or choose not to engage in conversation when it will be unproductive.  Though I generally get a lot of positive feedback regarding our choice to educate our children at home, not all homeschoolers share my experience.  It depends a lot on your confidence, and honestly, how you and your kids present.

Just tonight someone called me who I haven’t spoken to for a couple of years.  She told me she recently saw my oldest son (age 16) and he made such a good impression – she “can’t believe a homeschooler looks like that”, and went on to detail some positives about him.  🙄  Yes, this kind of comment reveals the perspective towards home education of the person speaking.  This particular woman is a teacher in a local high school and as she was speaking recognized how close-minded she sounded, and told me that people like her are very skeptical about homeschooling.  But when people see home educated kids who are friendly, well-behaved, and well-educated, it starts to change their perspective.  (This particular person even said she wants to get parenting lessons from me, lol!)

So to sum up, if you really feel that home education is a path you’d like to explore for your family now or in the future, I don’t think that conversion necessitates giving that up.  It will be challenging – very challenging – to pursue homeschooling in the context of conversion, but it’s possible.

Avivah

The crowd isn’t where you want to be

homeschooling, parenting,

Last night I took three of my older children to a magnificent recital by Leon Fleisher.  The story of Fleisher is very inspiring – he was a child prodigy and at age 16 was singled out as by a famous conductor as being ‘the pianist find of the century’.  But in 1965 he was struck with a neurological affliction known as focal dystonia and lost the use of two fingers on his right hand; he was told he would never regain use of this hand.

He mastered a number of difficult piano pieces using only his left hand (one of which he performed last night), and after four decades, regained the use of his right hand.  He is now 82 years old.  Can you imagine what it must be like after so many years to regain the use of your hand – particularly for someone whose life passion was the piano? A film was made about him called Two Hands, which was nominated for an Oscar and an Emmy.  I’m going to see if we can find it at the library, since I’m sure the kids would enjoy seeing it after hearing him play.  We also stayed for the question and answer session with him afterward, which added more perspective to our view of him – it’s nice to see people who have accomplished great things and remember that they are simply people.

On our way out of the packed parking lot, there were many cars waiting in line to exit.  We noticed that despite the efforts of the man who was directing the traffic out of the lot, all of the dozens of the drivers were turning right, though the attendant was vigorously indicating they needed to turn left.  When it was finally my turn, I broke with ‘tradition’ and turned left.  After a couple of minutes as I tried to figure out where I was going, I saw this allowed me to quickly get to the main street, rapidly bypassing all of those who had turned right and were backed up, still waiting to get onto the main street from the second exit.  Right after we got onto the main street, one of the kids glanced behind us and were shocked to find that there was a long stream of cars who followed me.  I explained to them the proven psychological phenomena they were witnessing.

People take their social cues from those around them, regardless of the evidence to the contrary.  The social reasoning is, if everyone else is doing it, it must be right.  The attendant couldn’t have been more clear about what direction they should go in, and intellectually it’s reasonable to assume he’s been hired to make your life easier by keeping traffic going smoothly.  But when people see all of those in front of them doing one thing, it’s very difficult not to follow – you start to think there must be something that everyone is aware of and are appropriately responding to, though you don’t see it.

But I was willing to take a chance going in a different direction, since I couldn’t see how it could negatively affect me – after all, this person’s job is to make my experience there pleasant!  And once I was willing to go in a different direction, the cars behind me were willing to follow my cues.  Had anything else changed? No – it was the same parking lot, same attendant, doing the same thing. The only thing that was different was the reaction of the driver in front of them.  All it took was one person willing to turn in a different direction, and suddenly the drivers behind me were willing to pay attention to the energetic efforts of the parking lot attendant and go in the direction he indicated.

As I pointed out to my kids last night, “you can see what happens to those who follow the crowd without thinking”.  Following the crowd generally isn’t what you want to do in life.  Happiness isn’t there, peace of mind isn’t there, meaning and joy aren’t there.  Conformity and social approval are there, though – and in a society that values conformity more than critical thinking skills, that’s of primary value to many people.

Many things I believed to be facts have been turned upside down after significant research (birthing practices; parenting; nutrition – many, many aspects; health – eg role of vaccinations; education).  Despite being a conservative person by nature who doesn’t like to stand out or make waves, I’ll make what is a very strong statement, but over the years I’ve become increasingly convinced it’s true.  If you’re following the crowd, it’s a good clue that you may be going in the wrong direction, and need to closely examine what you’re doing to be sure it’s in alignment with your true values. The crowd is heavily peer dependent and doesn’t make choices based on individual needs or intelligent though, and group think is a reality in almost every area of life.

Life lessons can be found everywhere, can’t they? 😆

Avivah

2nd Annual Torah Home Education Conference schedule

homeschooling,
The Second Annual Torah Home Education Conference will take place on June 13, 2010 from 8 am – 5 pm in Baltimore, MD.  There are childcare options for infants – age 3, a day camp for children ages 4 – 10, and a teen girls get together for ages 11 – 17. This is the only event of its kind taking place anywhere in the country, and will be just one day, so don’t miss your chance!

The schedule and brief bios of speakers are below, and if you want more info you can visit http://jewishhomeschooling.wordpress.com or be in touch with one of the contact people listed at the bottom. Please share this with anyone you know who may be interested!

Second Annual Torah Home Education Conference Schedule

8:15 registration

9 – 9:15 – Introduction – Mrs. Avivah Werner– “The Road Less Traveled”

9:15 – 10:15 –

keynote speaker – Rabbi Daniel Lapin– “And You Shall Teach Them to Your Children – Does it really mean what it says?”

10:25 – 11:15 –

a) Mrs. Susan Lapin – “Life After Homeschooling – What does it look like?”

b) Mrs. Yehudis Eagle – “Teaching Tefilla (Prayer): More than Technicalities”

11:25 – 12:15 – general session – Rabbi Yosef Benzion Bamberger– “The Challenges In Our Yeshivos”

12:20 – 1:50 Lunch (enjoy fellowship over lunch in the Eating Together Room, browse curriculums in Center for Jewish Education)

1:55 – 2:45 pm –

a) Mrs. Avivah Werner – Home Education on a Shoestring

b) Mrs. Chana Lazaroff – Home Education for the Special Needs Child

2:55 -3:45 –

a) Dr. Russell Hendel – Teaching Chumash and Rashi

b) Mrs. Malky Adler – Minimizing Outsider Syndrome (women only)

3:55 – 4:45 – general session –

Rabbi Simcha Feuerman – Home Education: The Way of the Future

4:45 – closing

In alphabetical order is a brief bio of our speakers:

Mrs. Malky Adler is the mother of nine children living in Detroit, MI and has been home educating for six years.  Her children range in age from infant through high schoolers.  She will talk about the challenges of homeschooling when living in a community that views you as an outsider because of your unusual education choices and how to effectively deal with that.

Rabbi Yosef Bentzion Bamberger is an experienced educator with over 25 years of experience and has taught every grade from third to Beis Medrash, as well as Girls in Seminary.  He has served for five years as a high school principal, is currently the Mashgiach Ruchanni and 9th grade Maggid shiur at Yeshivas Ohr Reuven in Monsey, and the Rav of Kehilla Kedosha Yad Halevi of Wesley Hills.  He has spoken nationally about various aspects of chinuch.  He is now homeschooling his youngest child, and will speak from his experience inside the yeshiva system for two and a half decades about the challenges our schools are facing.

Mrs. Yehudis Eagle is the mother of 11 children, several of whom are grown, and has been homeschooling for over 15 years.  She has an integrated and holistic approach to home education, and will speak abouthow to approach tefilla as a home educator.

Dr. Russell Hendel, Ph.D, A.S.A., has taught chumash to homeschooled children from the ages of 5 – 11 and produced over 400 worksheets.  He has developed a unique and effective approach to teaching Rashi, is creator of www.rashiyomi.com website, and will give an interactive presentation to help parents teach chumash and Rashi.

Rabbi Daniel Lapin, known world-wide as America’s Rabbi, is a noted rabbinic scholar, best-selling author and host of the Rabbi Daniel Lapin Show on San Francisco’s KSFO. He is one of America’s most eloquent speakers and his ability to extract life principles from the Bible and transmit them in an entertaining manner has brought countless numbers of Jews and Christians closer to their respective faiths.   In 2007 Newsweek magazine included him in its list of America’s fifty most influential rabbis.  Rabbi Lapin will be our keynote speaker for the conference and will talk about the Torah view of home education.

Mrs. Susan Lapin now is involved full-time in the her husband in his business and writing endeavors, after years of homeschooling their seven children.  She is a wealth of practical knowledge regarding home education and family life, and is now the grandmother of children who are being home educated.  She will be traveling from Seattle, WA, to share with us her experience and long term perspective on transitioning from home education to schools, yeshivos, seminaries, and college.

Mrs. Chana Lazaroff is the mother of two married daughters and two sons with Down’s Syndrome.  She has been home educating them from birth, drawing on her background as an occupational therapist but even more from her ongoing learning about how to help her children reach their potential.  She will speak to us about home education for the special needs child.

Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R maintains a private practice specializing in high conflict couples and families.  In addition, he serves as Director of Community Mental Health Services at Ohel, and as President of Nefesh International.  He is the author of 2 books, numerous professional articles, and along with his wife, a weekly column in the Jewish Press on matters of family relationships, religion, education and psychology.  He has also home educated two of his children and will share about creating a dynamic limudei kodesh curriculum and his belief that home education is the way of the future.

Mrs. Avivah Werner is the founder of the Torah Home Education Conference, founder of J-LIFT, a Baltimore area homeschool group, moderator of Torch-d, international listserve for Orthodox homeschoolers, and frequently blogs about home education at www.oceansofjoy.wordpress.com.  She has written about home education for national and local publication, and has been home educating for ten years.  The oldest of her nine children will be graduating from homeschooling this June.  She will share about how to make homeschooling effective without breaking the bank.

For registration – Alisa –  apmandel@yahoo (dot) com, or 410-963-2977; or Sara – srayvy@yahoo (dot) com.  The advance registration fee is $25 per person, $40 per couple until May 1, 2010.  After that, the regular pricing of $50 per person, $90 per couple will apply.  So don’t get so busy with Pesach preparations that you miss your chance to save big by registering in advance!  You can go to http://jewishhomeschooling.wordpress.com for more details.

**We are incredibly fortunate to have the speakers of the caliber we do, and realize that there will be interest in attending from those who aren’t Jewish or interested in homeschooling. As much as I hate to disappoint anyone, this conference is open only for Jewish homeschooling families, or Jewish families interested in homeschooling.**

Avivah