Last night I was feeling very pressured by all the significant things going on in my life in a very short period of time that require my attention.  My husband plays tennis twice a week, draws and plays guitar so he has some really good ways to unwind.  But I don’t do any of those things, and last night I was trying without much success to think of what I enjoy doing that would be relaxing and renewing.  I googled for a list of relaxing things to do to get the brainstorming started but none of the things on the list really spoke to me.

In the middle of feeling all this pressure last night, someone emailed me with an invitation to join her on a trip to Tiverya (Tiberias) today.  My first thought was, that’s the last thing I’m interested right now when I’m much too close to overextended without taking on any additional activities or trips!  But I emailed back and asked  her what she was going for.

This morning I got her response – she was planning a trip to the grave site of the Sheloh Hakadosh because today is erev Rosh Chodesh Sivan and it’s a particularly auspicious time to say a prayer he composed for success in raising your children, and praying his prayer at his gravesite is even more powerful!  She remembered me mentioning having some education related concerns that I was dealing with and thought I would appreciate being able to go.   She was more right than she knew!

As soon as I got this message, I had instant clarity about what would be helpful for me in relieving the pressure I was feeling – to go to this particular grave site today!  I thought how amazing it was that Hashem sent me the answer to what I was looking for the night before through this woman’s email before I even was able to recognize it as what I needed.

Who would have thought a year ago when I posted about this special prayer that this year I would have the amazing merit to be standing next to the grave of the incredibly holy person who composed it?  Not me.  I didn’t even have any idea where he was buried.  I was happy enough just to remember about the prayer in time to say it!  And this year Hashem sent me the opportunity to go, just at a time when I really needed it.

I had a very powerful davening there.  Really powerful.  Sometimes you have to work hard to connect when you’re praying in a formal way, and sometimes everything just flows from your heart.  Raising children takes so much energy in every way and particularly after making aliyah – when all family members simultaneously go through some degree of trauma  – there are so many areas to ask for help with!

I don’t really have people to talk to about all that I’m dealing with – because of the time difference, technological challenges of using Skype and voip phone lines and everyone being busy, I’ve hardly spoken to my closest friends since I moved here, and even if I could, there are things I’d be unable to share because to do so would be a breach of my children’s privacy.  This has been a real loss for me at a time when having good friends who really know me was more important than ever before and being able to talk with them is something I’m very aware of missing.  While I usually keep in mind that G-d is always available to help me, I sometimes forget that He’s there to listen to me as well!  And I really needed that.

I somehow didn’t think that there would be many people there, but there were busloads of people being dropped off and picked up, and the streets around the grave site were closed off to traffic.  It was very full but not so crowded as to be claustrophobic (which would be a big detractor for me since I don’t concentrate well when there are people squeezed in close all around me).  There was a very special atmosphere and I felt so fortunate to be able to experience being there.  This is really the best of what living in Israel is about – feeling tangibly closer to G-d and to the people and history of the Jewish nation.

After we finished our prayers we stopped for something to eat at the boardwalk area – it was supper time by then – and it was really nice to relax outdoors with the pleasant breeze blowing, enjoying delicious freshly made pizza while enjoying adult company.  It was an added dimension of renewal for me, as was the beautiful drive there and home.  The Galilee is a stunning part of Israel, and I especially enjoyed seeing the Kinneret (Sea of the Galilee) – when viewed from up high, it’s even more beautiful and picturesque (what makes it that beautiful shade of blue?).

I hoped to post this earlier in the day so you’d have time to say this prayer if you wanted to, but we went directly from there to our monthly video shiur, and I didn’t get home until 11 pm.  But there’s still a few hours to go for those of you in the US (and that’s where most of you are!), so here’s the link for the prayer in both English and Hebrew  – http://artscroll.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/prayer.pdf.

May we all be blessed with joy in raising our children!

Avivah

Last week, a gunman claiming sympathy with terrorist group Al Quaeda murdered four Jews in front of a Jewish school in France: Yonatan Sandler, with his two children Aryeh (6) and Gavriel (3), in addition to eight year old Miriam Monsonego.  As a particularly tragic aside, I read that three year old Gavriel was named after Rabbi Gavriel Holtzberg, who was murdered by terrorists in Mumbai, India.

As a mother, it’s beyond me the kind of pain the mother of even one child who is killed must be feeling.  To think of losing one’s husband and two children within just minutes is horrifying.  I don’t this woman and in all likelihood never will meet her,  but she’s been on my mind all this past week.  How is she coping?  How will she find the strength to go on?

(The Sandler family earlier this year. From the left Gavriel (6), Rabbi Yonatan, Aryeh (3), and Eva carrying baby daughter.)

Today someone forwarded to me this message from Eva Sandler, and I wanted to share it with all of you.  It’s in difficult times that a person’s true essence shines through, and the strength of this woman’s faith is something we can all learn from.

May no one ever have to endure such pain and suffering.

Because so many of you, my cherished brothers and sisters in France and around the world, are asking what you can do on my behalf, on behalf of my daughter Liora and on behalf of the souls of my dear husband and children, I feel that, difficult though it may be, it is incumbent upon me to answer your entreaties.

My husband’s life was dedicated to teaching Torah. We moved back to the country of his birth to help young people learn about the beauty of Torah. He was truly a good man, loving, giving, and selfless. He was sensitive to all of G‑d’s creatures, always searching for ways to reveal the goodness in others.

He and I raised Aryeh and Gavriel to live the ways of Torah. Who would have known how short would be their time on this Earth, how short would be the time I would be with them as their mother?

I don’t know how I and my husband’s parents and sister will find the consolation and strength to carry on, but I know that the ways of G‑d are good, and He will reveal the path and give us the strength to continue. I know that their holy souls will remain with us forever, and I know that very soon the time will come when we will be together again with the coming of Moshiach (the messiah).

I wholeheartedly believe in the words of the verse: “The L-ord has given, and the L-ord has taken away; blessed be the Name of the L-ord.” I thank the Almighty for the privilege, short though it was, of raising my children together with my husband.  Now the Almighty wants them back with Him.

To all those who wish to bring consolation to our family and contentment to the souls of the departed: Let’s continue their lives on this Earth.

Parents, please kiss your children. Tell them how much you love them, and how dear it is to your heart that they be living examples of our Torah, imbued with the fear of Heaven and with love of their fellow man.

Please increase your study of Torah, whether on your own or with your family and friends. Help others who may find study difficult to achieve alone.

Please bring more light into the world by kindling the Sabbath candles this and every Friday night. (Please do so a bit earlier than the published times as a way to add holiness to our world.)

The holiday of Passover is approaching. Please invite another person into your homes so that all have a place at a Seder to celebrate the holiday of our freedom.

Along with our tearful remembrance of our trials in Egypt so many years ago, we still tell over how “in each and every generation, they have stood against us to destroy us.”  We all will announce in a loud and clear voice: “G‑d saves us from their hands.”

The spirit of the Jewish people can never be extinguished; its connection with Torah and its commandments can never be destroyed.

May it be G‑d’s will that from this moment on, we will all only know happiness.

I send my heartfelt condolences to the Monsonego family for the loss of their daughter Miriam, and I pray for the speedy recovery of Aharon ben Leah, who was injured in the attack.

Thank you for your support and love.<<

May we all be blessed with strength during difficult times, and may we never be faced with tragedies such as these again.  And please, do something, some good deed in the merit of this special family who was suddenly torn apart.

Avivah