Avivah Werner

Category: Parenting

  • Buying holiday gifts

    Last year I planned to write about this, but at first it seemed too far ahead of the holidays to write, then it was too close and it seemed it was too late for the suggestions, and then the holidays were over and it seemed way too early to think about the next year.  This year I had the same thing happen, but I’ll share some thoughts on this now.

    We keep things very non commercial.  I really dislike the focus on buying, buying, buying, and feel strongly that having so much attention paid to presents shifts the focus away from the true meaning of the holiday.  I think it’s unfortunate that so many people feel they need to put themselves deeper into debt to fulfill the expectations of those around them.  As I try to do with other holidays throughout the year, I space the extra expenses over time so that it’s not a burden at one time (though Chanuka expenses are quite low in our house, and it’s more of a help in terms of not putting pressure on myself last minute to pull a rabbit out of a hat).

    Another point that I think is important to be aware of, so you can avoid it, is that the more you spend, the more those around you come to expect, so everyone ends up less satisfied all the time.  And it spirals every year as everyone comes to expect more and more.

    To deal with the aspect of not getting caught up in large sudden expenses, I keep my eyes open all year round – if I see something at a great price that will make a nice gift for a family member, I get it.  At the beginning of January tends to be a good time to buy gifts from retail stores, and takes the pressure off for later on in the year because you have what you need by the time the holidays are here!  But you can look at thrift stores, yard sales, wherever – no one outlet has a monopoly on great deals.

    I have a box in the attic where I put all of these finds during the year, and a few weeks before Chanuka go through it and get a sense of what would be appropriate for whom.  But I really don’t spend a lot per person.  And since I’ve too often seen how little use some gifts get, I decided this year to suggest to all of the kids that they think of gifts they can give that are either free or very, very low cost.  My kids like to all get things for each other and for us, and it ends up being a lot of stuff, even when done simply and inexpensively.

    What kind of things do I get my kids?  Well, they have plenty of games and there’s not much to add to in that area.  We haven’t found a large variety of toys useful – though there are some we have in large amounts, like K’nex, so toys are usually only for the younger kids.  For the past couple of years, we gave homemade coupon books, which the kids really like.  The only problem with that is that they like to save their coupons, and all of a sudden now, they’re rushing to redeem them now from a year ago, before they expire!  Dh had fun taking them all out for donuts and hot cocoa this week, one of their coupons!

    I try to get a mix of practical things I know they’ll appreciate, and something a little fun. My ds15 and ds9 have been letting me know they’d LOVE a membership to the JCC, and dh and I decided this will be the big family gift for everyone – a year’s membership, which I know they’ll all get a lot of use out of (we live a five minute walk away).  This year I got them all new gloves, earmuffs, and scarves, but it got cold so early in the year that I gave them the gloves and earmuffs early.  But I put aside the beautiful fleece scarves for my dh and ds15.  I bought hot water bottles ($35 total) for everyone, to keep them toasty on cold nights, which they’ll appreciate since our nights are cold and we keep the house temps low- I’m planning to make individualized covers for each of them sometime in the next week.  Even though it’s something I would have given them anyway (like the JCC membership), by saving it for Chanuka it adds to the fun.

    I bought card games, a couple of board games (for the younger kids), a craft kit, science kits, alef bais cookie cutters, another Gears kit (to add to the collection we already have) and that will be distributed to whoever it’s most appropriate for.  Then I have miscellaneous items – like for my husband, he told me about a video (Seabiscuit) he found inspiring that he saw at someone’s house when he was away – so I got him the book, found at a book exchange (therefore free).  And he mentioned recently that he wanted to try to find some peppermint oil since ten years ago he found it soothing to add to his tea.  I got two small bottles for him, which I know he’ll be quite pleased and surprised that I got.

    For the 8 and almost 10 year old, who love listening to audio books together in the afternoons, and both have a very high level of comprehension and similar tastes, I’m giving an unabridged recording of the first book of Lord of the Rings (10 cents at the library sale – that’s five cents per child for 20 hours of guaranteed entertainment each!).  Dd14 will get an apron, and a special lip balm (she always borrows mine and says it’s the only one that helps her chapped lips.  Dd12 will get a crafting book and a special box for supplies, ds6 has a beautiful new picture book, the little ones will get that ride on solid wood airplane I mentioned.  I’m thinking of baking each of them a bear bread with a ribbon around it’s neck, just as a fun little thing.

    For our parents, I’ve bought nice moisturizers (that I got for free by shopping wisely and using rebates), and will give them some homemade jam and probably loaves of bread wrapped in a gift basket that they’ll enjoy.  Our parents can spend much more on themselves than we ever could, so I try to think about what I could give them that they can’t buy.  I think that except for the JCC membership and hot water bottles, I spent a total of less than $20 for everyone combined.

    Oh, I almost forgot that all of our kids (ages 5 and up) light their own menorahs – the older kids each have their own special menorah, but the younger ones use the standard cheap ones.  Right after Chanukah last year, I bought the next child in line a beautiful menorah on clearance at Target; I think it was 50% off so $12.50 (that’s not included in the above number).  It’s not like they expect to be given one, because it’s not a standard gift from us, but I know the child I have in mind will be very happy to have his own unique menorah.  Just unpacking the menorahs and preparing them each night is fun!

    None of my kids mind if something was purchased brand new or not, or at top dollar or not – it’s more important to match their interests with the gift, and this takes more thought than just buying the newest and latest gadget.  They are all very appreciative kids, but some things have been harder for them to muster up excitement about than others.  A couple of years ago they received gifts that were costly from a set of relatives, but not suitable at all (like a 12 year old who got a craft kit appropriate for a 6 year old, an almanac for a child who didn’t read much, etc),  and I was glad to see they were able to enthusiastically cover up their disappointment so the givers felt happy the gifts had been well received.  But they told me afterwards they so much would have rather been given ten dollars that they could have spent as they wanted, than to know so much money was spent on things they got no pleasure from and would never use – they felt it was almost worse than getting nothing because they had the feeling of missing the chance to get something they wanted for the money spent.  Fortunately, this is very unusual, and they are almost always happy with whatever they get, from whoever they get it from.

    The kids asked me what I wanted, and I said I would appreciate something that would take me time to do/make, but would be wonderful if someone else could do so I wouldn’t have to.  My oldest son has been building me something, working on it for hours – I’m looking forward to seeing the final results.  I know a couple of kids started sewing something, but then the sewing machine jammed so I don’t know what’s happening with that.  As I already mentioned, I encouraged them to also think in terms of doing for each other rather than buying for one another this year.

    I think the reason we can get so much enjoyment out of such simple presents is that we keep the focus on our time together and on the holiday – it’s about so much more than presents.  Everyone benefits by keeping expectations low – there’s more joy in giving, more joy in receiving, and more joy in just being with each other!

    Avivah

  • Toilet training

    A couple of weeks ago we decided now would be a good time for our 2.5 year old to become independent of diapers during the daytime.  This marks a bit of a departure for us from our traditional approach, which is to wait for warm weather and signs of interest on the child’s part.  All of our girls were trained by this age, but most of our boys we waited until around three.

    But since he’ll be three in April, and it will still be cold, and since we learned with child no. 6 that waiting longer can often result in a significantly more difficult toilet training process (I never realized until then that there’s a window of opportunity that when missed, is missed) so we don’t want to wait until past three to begin, we decided to go ahead at this point and encourage him start the process.  I wasn’t excited about it, to say the least, because of the time and effort I thought it was going to require on my part.  But my husband very clearly remembers what happened last time, even though it’s been three years, and really didn’t want to go through that again, so he scheduled all of the older kids and himself one weekend to be responsible for taking him to the bathroom every two hours.  Three days of that was enough to get E. to get used to going to the bathroom, and after that we didn’t need to schedule anyone.  At that point, whenever I noticed it had been a while, I’d either take him myself, or ask whatever child was available to take him.  He preferred when his siblings took him, since they would sit on the step right outside the bathroom and read him books.  🙂

    I didn’t post anything about this until now, because though he was staying dry most of the time and didn’t have many accidents, I don’t consider a child toilet trained until they take themselves to the bathroom when they need to go, and recognize what they’re doing before they do it.  And though he was going when we took him, he didn’t take himself and would tell us he needed to go as he was wetting himself.  But this week I saw him asking people to help him when he needed to go, or just going himself, so it looks like I can say in all honesty that he’s now toilet trained! 

    So to sum up what we did: recognized he  had cognitive ability for it now, then took him on a regular basis (and it only takes once or twice for them to go in the toilet to understand what to do) for a couple of weeks, and now he goes himself.  He still wears diapers for naps and at night, though he often stays dry during his naps.  We still have the baby in diapers now, but no one misses changing a toddler’s dirty diapers.  🙂

    I’ve never found this process to be a big deal (except for last time), and I think it’s in large part because don’t make a big deal about all of this, or put any pressure on a child for the process to happen at a certain speed.  I trust that they’ll enjoy feeling clean and dry, and will accomplish that when they’re ready.  I think most problems with toileting arise from starting a child before he is ready, and/or the parent having too much of an emotional involvement or vested interest in the process.  When I referred to waiting too long sometimes being a problem, I think it’s because once a child recognizes their body signals, knows what they are doing, and has learned to ignore those signals, it’s much harder to resensitize them to this. 

    Avivah

  • My daughter is home, empowered and tired

    It’s funny how the first question everyone asks regarding homeschooling is, “What about socialization?”  The obvious assumption behind that is that homeschoolers are kept isolated from the rest of humanity, sitting around their dining room table for hours each day, while they pine for the healthy and robust social interactions that other children have. 

    This question has alternately amused and annoyed me, mostly amused me, because it’s so far off the mark.   Most homeschoolers interact with a much wider variety of people of ages and backgrounds than those in school do, in socially healthy situations (ie, not a peer dominated pecking order).  Anyway, I’m not going to write a thesis on this topic even though it’s a big topic that deserves a big answer, but I was inwardly smiling this last week at example in our family of how socially backwards homeschoolers aren’t.

    Within an hour of hearing that her grandparents would be travelling to NY and were willing to take her (with less than five days to make arrangements), my almost 14 year old daughter got onto the computer and started researching buses and routes, to figure out how to see as many friends as possible in the three days she would be there.  Once she figured out some general possibilities, she spent hours last week on the phone, making arrangements to visit various friends in different neighborhoods and cities. 

    After all of her calls – and it took hours of back and forth conversations between a number of people for her to put her trip itinerary together (anyone who tried to call me last week knows that the line was always busy!) – she had an intricate plan put together.  She left here on Thursday morning, and spent the night with an aunt.  The next morning, she met a counselor from camp and spent a while with her;  then she travelled alone to another city an hour and a half away to spend Shabbos (Sabbath) with another camp friend.  We live in an area where public transportation isn’t a common option, so she’s never done anything like this before, let alone by herself.  And fortunately I was taking a nap when the friend who was supposed to pick her up from the bus called to say they couldn’t find her, and what bus stop was she supposed to be at again??  There were 26 in that city and we didn’t know the specifics, and my dd didn’t have a cell phone.  I found out about it when my 2.5 year old told me when I woke up that “T.’s friend found her”, so I didn’t have to worry for even a minute. 🙂 )

    Then she spent Saturday night with another friend from camp in that same city, and traveled the next morning by bus to Brooklyn.  There she spent the day with a friend, and a couple of hours later they went to a mini camp reunion of her bunkmates (though they didn’t call it a bunk reunion – they called it, “Come see T.”)  All of her immediate bunk mates came, which was impressive especially considering the short notice involved for everyone (the idea and organizing for the get together was undertaken by her).  I think they later went bowling and to pizza.  Then she spent the night with another friend, and the next morning left right after breakfast to come back home.  

    Giving a child room to have new experiences, to trust them to stretch themselves and handle themselves without us being right there to take care of everything, can be a scary thing for parents.  But it is so important for our children’s emotional growth – it builds confidence and self esteem to successfully navigate new situations.  It is empowering for a child to see new strengths and abilities in themselves, and to actualize a vision that they’ve created.  (I wrote an article for Home Education Magazine in November 2002 on this topic, when my kids were much younger – this is a principle has always been one that I’ve felt strongly about – here’s the link if you’re interested: http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/196/ndtrust.html.)

    I’m so glad she went, I’m glad she had a great time, and I’m really glad she’s back home!

    Avivah

  • Alternatives to watching videos for little kids

    So if I don’t let my little ones watch videos, how do I manage to get anything done, and what do they do instead of watching videos?

    First of all, now my kids are older so that changes the picture somewhat, because I’m not the only one able to do things that need to be done.  But for the many years when everyone was little and I didn’t have that hard earned luxury, what I personally found helpful was: defining reasonable standards for myself, getting enough sleep so that I had energy to be with them when they were up, using part of the toddler and baby’s nap time for me to rest to refresh myself (you get so much more done when you take a little time to recharge!), getting up in the morning before they woke up or staying up a bit later after they were asleep (you can do a lot in a small amount of focused time with no disruptions), and cooking/preparing when they were asleep or busy playing. It’s easy to get caught up in getting things accomplished, and it helped (and still helps) me to remember what my priorities are.

    Practically speaking, it’s useful to have some toys/games/crafts that they enjoy and can do safely and independently even if you’re not watching every minute. Sometimes, stopping for ten minutes and doing something quick with them, like reading a short story, can engage them, give them the feeling you’re involved with them, and then you can get back to your cooking or whatever.

    Also, I involved my kids in cleaning and cooking from the time they were very young – it took longer than it would have for me to do it myself, but faster than leaving them making a mess in another room and having to keep stopping to clean up or redirect them. 

    Avivah

  • Video watching for young children

     have a bunch of homeschooling and parenting thoughts to share, I need to get our homeschooling schedules up for you to all see, and a question waiting in the wings about homeschooling with a newborn.  I’ll get to it, it just won’t all be today!

    For now, I want to share my personal position on video watching for young children.  I’ve mentioned to you that we didn’t watch videos (that included religious videos, home videos, or computer dvds) at all until three years ago, for any of our kids.  Then I was chose to accept the gift of a dvd player and began using it to supplement our homeschooling for science and social studies, andn I’ve continued to be very careful to limit it.  I have seen this become a very slippery slope for most families, and I wanted to consistently use it as the tool we intended it to be.  Since we do have the dvd player now, you might be wondering what my position is for my baby and toddler. 

    My baby and toddler are sometimes awake part of the time when we watch our monthly family video, so they do sometimes sit with (on!) us then, but otherwise they have no screen time.  (Unless you count my toddler standing next to me when I’m on the computer and asking about the little graphics that appear on the side of the screen sometimes. :))  If the kids occasionally watch an educational program, it’s usually something the older four kids watch or when the little ones are napping or otherwise occupied. 

     I don’t agree with using a computer or dvd player as a regular babysitter, no matter how clean the material is (and by using it as a babysitter, I mean for significant amounts of time daily, ie, more than an hour).  And if we were going to be very honest about it, that’s what it’s used for most of the time.  However wonderful the content is, it’s not good for developing brains of children to sit passively and be entertained for so long.  The medium is the problem (I think Jane Healy wrote about this, don’t remember the name of the book since I read it years ago). 

    They need activity, they need to think and create, and be.  Sitting and passively watching isn’t the same and sitting and doing nothing.  It’s worse than doing nothing, as far as their brains are concerned.  Don’t fool yourself by telling yourself about all the wonderful things he’s learning as he sits there. 

    So what about if a mom uses it selectively and wisely?  Then that’s great!  I wouldn’t say to never ever let your child watch a dvd.  I’m don’t judge anyone for how often they use a computer/dvd program for their kids, and I don’t judge what the right balance is for each family.  The challenge that I see is that once we moms use a crutch to make our lives easier, it’s all too easy to use it more, and more, and more, until it’s often being abused.  And before we know it, our littlest kids are vegging out daily while we use the quiet time to do what we want. 

    I passionately believe that it’s critical for every mom to have time to herself, to recharge and rejuvenate herself, on a daily basis.  At the same time, I think it’s important to look at what we do with all the time we gain when our kids are watching the video.  Are we doing something that can’t be done with our little ones around, that will give us more time and head space to be with them later?  Are we using the time wisely, so that we feel refreshed and energized?  Please be honest with yourself about how you’re using it.   Is it possible that when we sometimes pop a dvd in, that it makes us feel less guilty for being inattentive to our young children for significant amounts of time?  

    If you feel fine with how often you’re using it, great.  If you’re feeling uncomfortable about how much you’re using it, then pay attention to that niggling feeling.  Your gut might be trying to tell you something.  (And be careful that you’re not a dedicated mom using this post or any other to beat herself up for not being ‘enough’, feeling guilty in an area where there’s no place or benefit from guilt.)

    Avivah

  • Happy first birthday!

    Oooh, I almost forgot to share with you – my cutie tootie baby is a year old today!  Doesn’t time fly?  (I know, I know, I’m embarrassed that I still haven’t posted a new picture – but we did take one two weeks ago, so we’re getting closer!)

    Over breakfast, we all shared our memories surrounding his birth and all of the things that led up to it which were memorable (we had a lot of anticipation due to the twins mistake, the breaking of water 5 weeks early, then breaking water again three days before he was born, not to mention wondering and wondering if we would have a girl!).  It was really nice, and I can hardly believe it’s been a year – it’s all so fresh in my mind.

    One daughter keeps saying how little this baby is (D.), compared to how his brother (E.) was at the same age, who is 17 months older.  I pointed out that by the time E. was a year old, I was four months pregnant, and everyone was comparing anything he did to a future newborn, so he seemed bigger and more advanced.  They compare D. to an older brother so he naturally seems younger and less accomplished!

    I feel very grateful to watch our children grow.  Every day is a blessing, and a year is an especially special blessing.

    Avivah

  • Ahh, the joy of teenagers!

    Ever since my kids came back from camp, I feel like I need to make a rotation for the phone and computer so that we all get a chance to use it.  The 15 and 13 year olds both want to talk to friends, 13 yod has lots of friends to email, ds15 has his paper account for learning stock options that he monitors and studies daily.

    Tonight, ds’s options mentor called to tell him about a relevant online seminar.  But our computer speakers weren’t working, so out I went to Staples to buy new ones in time for his seminar.  (While I was there I got some free folders, which was a nice bonus, and picked up some of their super cheap school supplies.)  Back home, he installed the speakers, 8 minutes before the seminar was to start. 

    Well, I have no idea what he did, but he wasn’t able to get onto his seminar, so he left to view it at his mentor’s home.  I grabbed my opportunity so I could post here, and I couldn’t get into my account, or in two other places I usually have no problem with.  Fun, fun.  I finally got on, but it took a bit of time since I don’t do it often enough to remember any of the passwords and usernames.  He must have deleted all the cookies or something. 

    Teenagers are amazing.  I love, love, love having teenagers.  They are so enjoyable to spend time with, and are mature and old enough to see the wisdom of a lot of things their parents do, so there are very few disagreements.  Most people give you the impression that teenagers are hard to live with because of personality clashes, but for me, the hard part of having teenagers around is things like this.  I guess I can’t really complain, can I? 🙂

    Avivah

  • A day of mourning

    Yesterday afternoon I received the horrible news that the 16 year old son of a friend was terribly injured in a car accident.  It was the kind of memory I’ll never forget; it’s etched in my mind’s eye like a videotape playing in slow motion, the moment that I heard that news. 

    The nurses said they couldn’t understand how someone with vital signs so low could stay alive.  He was unconscious from the time the accident occurred, but something deeper in him kept him holding on for a day and a half until his brothers and sisters could all be there to say goodbye.   He died at 1 am, right after they left the room, before they even reached the elevator.

    He was my 15 year old son’s first friend when we moved here 6 years ago, and for the first three years we were here, was his closest friend.  They grew apart when we moved to a different neighborhood, but they continued to have warm feelings towards one another.

    His older sister was our babysitter, very much beloved by all my kids.  His younger sister is a good friend of my 13 year old daughter (the boys introduced them).  His 8 year old brother is a good friend of my 9 year old.  And his mother is a friend of mine.  But it all started with their friendship.

    We’ve celebrated the births and bar/bas mitzvas of each other’s children, hosted each other for holiday meals, and today we were there as they buried their oldest son.  There were hundreds of people who came for the eulogies – this was a shocking communal tragedy (it wasn’t a simple accident) and many people who didn’t know them came to share their pain and pay their respects.  We (me and my 15 yo son and 13 yo daughter) continued on to the cemetary after the service.  It was a very difficult funeral.  Many of the people there were teenagers who were his peer group, and it was emotional and heartrending.  His closest friends were chosen to carry the coffin; a third of them were boys in my carpool.  I can’t tell you how painful it was to watch them placing him in the ground and to see their faces.

     About an hour after we returned from the cemetary, I went to their home to be with his mother.  We sat together for over an hour as we talked.  I have so very many thoughts on many aspects of this tragedy; I’m worn out and raw with emotion. But one thing that was striking to me how much comfort there is to a parent in the small things they did for their child.   The small things that showed how much they cared about him, supported him, and loved him.  For example, they bought him an electric guitar just a few weeks before that he was very excited about.  What a gift that was, that they know they expressed their love for him in a way that he really felt it.

    Hug your children, and make sure they always know how much you love them – even if they get older and go through things that make them harder to love.   

    Avivah

  • Do you have to lower your standards as your family grows?

    “Can you really continue to uphold your standards as your family grows? Or do you find yourself lowering your standards with each baby?”

    It’s an interesting question – I guess it depends how you define your standards. I think in lots of ways my standards and expectations have gone up as I have had more kids, in things that are really important. I’m a much better parent since I’ve gotten over a lot of ambivalence and uncertainty about how to deal with issues that come up and am a much more confident mom. I’ve been able to let go of less important things as I get better at focusing on what is really most important, not defining myself as a good mom because I can check off lots of things on a certain kind of parenting checklist.

    I spend a lot more time really being with my kids and enjoying them than I used to. I don’t use a sling much anymore, something that was very valuable particularly with baby no. 3, mostly because all my kids love holding the baby so much that someone’s arms are always available. I found that I was developing lots of back pain when the baby was in bed with me, and it’s worked out great for us both to have him in a bassinet/crib right next to my bed. I am not into the specifics of trying to practice things according to a particular method of parenting as much as the general approach of creating a nurturing, loving relationship with my children.

    It’s very possible to be a very diligent parent (for some, this would mean cloth diapers, family bed, extended nursing, for others it would be defined totally differently) and not really enjoy your kids, and there is something really wrong when that is the case. I think kids are better off in that case with a mom who loves being with them and shows it than with one who does all the things she thinks she is ‘supposed’ to but doesn’t enjoy her family.

    I’ve gone a little off track with the question, but to summarize, no, I haven’t lowered my standards. I’ve just adjusted my priorities to reflect what is really important! smile.gif

    Avivah

  • New chore chart

    It’s that time of year again, when I pull out some paper and a pen and start making up our schedules for the coming year.  You might think that entering our ninth year of homeschooling, that our schedule is all worked out and doesn’t change much.  But you’d be wrong. 🙂

    Every year I reevaluate.  This includes, what I feel is important for them to learn, what’s been been working for each child and what could use improvement, how to keep the house running as smoothly as possible with as little possible unnecessary stress on my part, etc.  I look at what’s working and put more of that in, look at what wasn’t as effective as I wanted and take that out.

    Today I finished the yearly chore schedule, set to begin in a few days, in August.  It is written out for through the end of July, and will go on the fridge tomorrow.  I won’t make another chore chart for a year.  What I did last year was break the jobs up into more frequent changes from child to child, because I was concerned that they might feel overwhelmed.  For example, one child would do the dishes for the day.  We do laundry three times a week, and each day, a different child would do that laundry.  We clean the bathrooms three times a week, and each time a different pair of children was responsible for one of the bathrooms, with all the bathrooms rotated so each team cleaned every bathroom once a week.

    Well, I’ve decided that this has required too much of my energy to monitor.  And it’s annoying when someone tells me that so and so didn’t wash all of their dishes and left it for them, and they shouldn’t have to do it.  Or something along those lines.

    So my new plan is this:  jobs will rotate monthly for most of the kids, twice a month for the 6 and 7 year olds.  I seriously considered making each job a year long commitment, but it seemed too long to me, and this feels like the right balance for this year.  I include only the chores that I think need to be regularly done to keep the house running smoothly, but there are jobs like nightly cleanups, which aren’t listed because we all do them together before dinner.

    – bathrooms (clean three – I clean mine) – one child will do this all month, three times a week

    – laundry (wash, hang outside, bring it in when it’s dry) – one child for the month, three times a week

    – dishes – this is a pretty intensive job because we eat three home cooked meals daily and don’t use disposable dishes, so I’m only making it a two week commitment, meaning two kids a month share this job

    So these four jobs are rotated between the oldest four (9.5, 12, 13, 15), scheduled so that each child has one job each month (this doesn’t include cleaning their rooms, which every child is supposed to do each morning).  Obviously some months will be easier for one than another, but that’s okay, since everyone will rotate evenly through all the jobs so they’ll each get their easier months.

    – sweep (living room and kitchen once a day, dining room after each meal) – this is for the 6 and 7 year olds – they will share this job, each doing it for two weeks.

    – clear table after meals – this job goes to the child doing the sweeping for the two week duration.  I saw last year that sometimes the person clearing the table swept the crumbs onto the floor and made more work for the person sweeping, so now one person will do both and we’ll eliminate that potential conflict.

    – Set table – this is a two week job that alternates between the 6 and 7 year olds on the weeks they aren’t doing the sweep/clear table combo.

    Part of assigning chores to kids is teaching them how to do the job right.  I don’t expect them to know how to do their jobs.  My 6 year old is really not good at sweeping.  I think he likes to act like he can’t do it so he won’t have to do it.  Guess what?  I tell him he’s going to learn to do it well because if he can’t do it well, it shows he needs lots of practice.  Said with love, of course.  🙂

    Teaching the jobs can be time intensive at first, but it’s crucial to spend the time upfront clarifying your expectations and showing them how to do it.  On Friday my 9 year old was baking bread, and I thought to myself that people who tell me how ‘lucky’ I am that my kids are so helpful and competent should have seen what my kitchen looked like.  It was a disaster, with flour covering the counters, floors, some of the dishes in the cabinets above, and my son.  Sometimes even I can hardly believe how big a mess a child who doesn’t yet know how to do something can make.  But it’s all part of the learning process, and if you aren’t willing to let them do a job badly, they’ll never learn to do it well.

    So that’s the new chore chart.  Don’t think my kids greeted my comments about the change in how we’ll be doing chores this year with shrieks of delight.  They didn’t, particularly the 7 and 9 year olds.  (The two older girls will be back from camp tomorrow so they don’t yet know the fun that awaits them.  :))  It takes a lot of thought to figure out a system that will be fair and effective, and I’m glad to have this done.  Now I can move on to finishing up their yearly academic schedules, which I’m in the middle of.

    Avivah