Category: Self-Growth

Today’s my fifty second birthday, and I feel incredibly blessed to live the life I do. It has everything in it that’s important to me and I am so thankful; I am a wealthy woman. As I look back over the years, thinking about what I did well and what I didn’t do as well, I want to share my thoughts with you.

I never want to convey – not about money or parenting or health or anything else that I write about – that I have all the answers. I don’t. I want to share what has been helpful for me, but I don’t want to give the idea that I know it all – because I absolutely don’t.

I also don’t want to give the message that any success I’ve had in any area is all thanks to me. It’s not.

When seeing others who are struggling in areas that I’m doing well in, I remind myself, “There but for the grace of G-d go I.” I don’t assume I did everything right and they did everything wrong. I have a lot of gratitude and recognition that any area I’ve done well in has come from G-d, and that if something happened differently along the way, my life could have looked very different.

At the same time, we aren’t passive actors in our lives. We are given the circumstances we have, and what we do with those circumstances is a huge part of the outcome.

That’s why I have a negative reaction to hearing someone say how lucky someone else is, because it’s a way to deflect responsibility from himself. All of us have good fortune that others don’t have in some way and at some time in our life. All of us have challenges. I very much agree with the statement of the ancient Seneca: “Luck is what happens when preparation and opportunity meet.”

It’s wrong to be excessively ‘humble’ and insist that you don’t know anything about anything when you’ve experienced success in some area. It isn’t honest or kind or helpful to others.

People need the guidance of those who have successfully walked a path to share their experience and wisdom. Success leaves clues; it’s never purely a matter of luck. There are similar ways that people become successful in every arena, and we cheat ourselves and others by saying or implying that the lives people end up living are the luck of the draw. They aren’t.

Let’s look at marriage. Most people with happy marriages will tell you very similar things they’ve done to have a good relationship. Choose wisely, value and respect yourself and your partner, continually invest in your relationship. Adapting specifics for your own relationship, if you do the same, you’re likely to see your relationship grow in a positive way as well.

Parenting. Every family is different, and yet there are universal things that benefit families. Spend time with your children, listen to them, value each as an individual. Learn to manage your own emotions. Get on the same page as your spouse. It builds over time to a wonderful family culture. I write about a lot of this.

Health. Make wholesome unprocessed foods the foundation of your diet, get out into the sunshine, move, think positively. Do it imperfectly and you’ll still benefit; the results build over time. When people are younger they think it’s uncessary and you’re a health nut if you care about these things. But by my age, many are are suffering from chronic ailments and unwellness; in Israel the majority of people in my age group are taking prescription drugs on a regular basis. I’m grateful to need no medications of any sort and have never taken any, not for physical or mental health.

Acquiring wealth. Rich people have a different way of doing things; you see that people who lose their wealth very, very often make a lot of money again, because of who they are and how they interact in the world. I don’t look at them with envy; I don’t have their mindset and I don’t take those kind of actions.

Achieving financial stability and abundance. This is a different mindset and skillset than the very wealthy. A person can slowly and steadily build their financial resources; thoughtful and intentional spending is a critical part of this. This is the opposite of the ‘get rich quick’ approach; it can take years to see the plus side on the balance sheet adding up.

We’ve lived on a modest income most of our married lives and faced major financial challenges; frugality has been my path up and out of extremely constrained finances. I write a lot about this, too.

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Not all advice is equally valuable; some things sound good but they don’t pan out well in reality. Look at the life of the person you’re taking advice from; do they or their role models have long term results? If you see someone who has accomplished something you value, ask them what they did. If you take similar actions, you’re likely to see things get better for you, too. It often takes time to see results, but slow and steady really does win the race.

Don’t assume someone got lucky. Don’t dismiss him as an outlier or minimize him down for having done something no one else could or should do. Don’t give away your own personal agency, because when you do, you’re giving away your power to change and make your life better. Think about how you can apply those principles in your life, and take action.

Avivah

Yesterday my husband and I took our first walk together in three months. As often happens, our dog followed us.

We walked a new route, through the fields and came to the end where it met the main road that leads into town. Our dog meandered at his own pace through the fields. We crossed the road so we could walk on the side with the a larger shoulder.

Soon our dog joined us. A few minutes later, he crossed to the other side of the street, walking on the narrow shoulder. Less than two minutes later he was struck by a large van; the driver paused for a brief instant, presumably glanced in his mirror to see our dog lying on the side of the road, then continued without stopping.

We ran across the street to him, and he seemed to have died on impact. My husband pulled his body away from the street so he was on the opposite side of the guardrail, and I sat down next to him, stroking his neck. After a few minutes he returned to consciousness, breathing very shallowly.

We agreed that I would stay with him while my husband left to get the car so we could get him medical help. During that fifteen minute period, I stroked him and spoke to him. By that time I could tell his injuries were serious and to my plans for the vet shifted to having him put down so he wouldn’t suffer.

When my husband arrived, he gently lifted him into the car to go to the vet. Sheleg died a few minutes later, before we left to the clinic. He was thirteeen years old and had been a constant presence in our family for five and a half years.

We got a dog at the request of one of my sons, but at some point it became obvious to everyone that he chose me as ‘his person’. My daughter once told me, “He looks at you with love in his eyes.” He followed me everywhere I went; even to the bathroom – no matter how short a time I was there, when I came out he would be curled up outside the bathroom door.

When I put the kids to sleep each night, Sheleg would follow me into their rooms and lay down. The kids would ask, “Why is Sheleg here?” And then they would answer their own question: “Because you’re here.” They would try to get him to stay with them, but he wouldn’t stay once I went out.

Last week I went to the beach, and on the spur of the moment I took Sheleg with me. When I got there, I was the only one there, so I didn’t put him on a leash. He enjoyed being there, and wandered around, coming back to where I was twice. When I was ready to leave, I waited for him but he didn’t come back. He must have gotten lost. I spent the next hour and a half searching for him, finally finding him laying under a bench at a bus stop, trusting I would find him.

I thought to myself, in the future it will be more relaxing to go myself. A week later, he’s no longer alive to go with me, so it’s not a choice I get to make. Now it gives me comfort that he had the experience of being at the beach that day.

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Together with the feelings of loss come gratitude. Appreciation of what we had, that he was healthy until the end, that we saw the accident (as traumatic as that was for us) and were with him immediately, that he died without drawn out suffering.

There’s a tendency to look at what you could have done differently and to say, “If only I had done something differently there would have been a different outcome.” But there’s no purpose in that.

Everything is as G-d wants it to be, and everything is for our good, even when we can’t see it. Nothing that happens is a mistake or because we didn’t do something we should have done. I told my oldest son last night, we don’t know the calculations that G-d makes. Who knows what we were meant to lose or experience, and in His compassion our dog was taken instead.

The next morning, I was speaking with another son, who told me that there’s a concept in Judaism that when a person accepts what happens to him with faith in G-d, it averts worse suffering.

He also told me that an hour after Sheleg died, there was a terrorist attack in Jerusalem. It was on a packed bus leaving his neighborhood. Terrorists dressed as bus inspectors got on with machine guns and began shooting (this is what I heard, these details may not be fully accurate). Six people were killed and at least 21 injured before the terrorists were shot.

Israel is a very small country, but this attack hits closer to home for me than most of the news. Yes, I’m sad about the loss of my dog and I’ve spoken with all of our children about giving themselves room to feel the sadness and not to minimize it because ‘he was just a dog’, but there are so many horrible things that happen in the world and I’m grateful that our family didn’t experience a much more serious loss.

May we see revealed blessing for us all.

Avivah

I like to listen to podcasts while I go about my day and I’ve almost never stopped to take notes on any of them because I have things I need to do. However, when I was halfway through a talk by Chase Hughes, a trainer for the US Army Psychological Operations Operators, I pulled out my pen to take notes.

The talk was called, “How to Spot a Psy-op: Separating Manipulation from Genuine News.” I found so much value in it that a few days later I wanted to relisten to take notes on the entire talk – but it was gone.

It was far from an obscure talk – it had two million views when I listened to it on Youtube – and because I had taken notes, I was able to search for the exact title. The only thing I found was someone else who had clipped part of the talk and reposted it on his small channel – now that is also gone.

I have no idea why this was removed – maybe the speaker decided to take it down – but the information was very valuable. It benefits each of us to be a critical analyst of news, rather than a passive consumer of whatever is presented to us, so I’m sharing my notes with you. This isn’t specific to this moment in time; I listened to it several months ago and only now am getting around to sharing the information with you, but it’s relevant to any time.

I regret that when I listened the first time I didn’t make a note of the historical examples he listed with each point he made; that was the main thing I wanted to listen for the second time. Some of the examples were well-known to me, but others I hadn’t heard of and would have liked to look into more.

This talk was given by someone whose expertise was to train military professionals who create psychological operations for the general public in whatever country they operate in. Psyops are a reality, not a conspiracy theory. Understanding that psyops are periodically taking up space in the news, how can you spot them and filter out truth from propaganda?

Below I’m sharing my notes with you – I haven’t added any comments of my own.

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Analyze the source: – is the source credible? If you see sensationalized headlines, leave it. Psyops thrive on sensation and hype. Ask yourself – who owns the media company? Are there connections with pharma, political entities, defense contractors?

Question the timing: does the story I’m looking at right now appear during a major crisis or scandal or upcoming election? Psyops will distract you from bigger issues. This is a huge red flag.

Follow the narrative: are multiple outlets parroting the same language? Psyops use coordinated messaging to reinforce their narrative. Copy/paste phrases – “unprecedented threat”, “undeniable evidence” – if you hear this, be afraid. Something is going in your brain that doesn’t belong there.

Look for emotional triggers: Psyops thrive on pushing your buttons – fear, anger, amazement – if a story feels designed to make you react emotionally, avoid. Don’t finish reading. (FATE model – focus, authority, tribe, emotion)

Check the evidence: are they providing evidence of what is being promoted? Relying on vague claims or anonymous sources?

Ask yourself: with all that is going on, is this going to expand government control or justify new laws?

Analyze coverage patterns – psyops dominate news and drown out other stories. Real news coexists with other reports. If one topic is everywhere while major global events get ignored, you’re in a psyop.

Look for follow ups: real news evolves with more updates. Psyops fade once they serve their purpose. When inflated and sensationalized stories vanish without a follow-up, that is called a distraction.

Look for patterns in how media and government communicate about things. Do they focus on fear, or do they offer solutions that entail giving up freedom or increasing government power? Try to diversify where you get news from.

Ask yourself: 1) who benefits from this narrative? 2) What evidence is being shown and is it verifiable? 3) Why now?

Trust your gut. Does it feel scripted? Does something feel off? Trust your instincts, and follow them up with research.

If you do all of these at once, you will never be manipulated.

The most important thing is to cultivate critical thinking skills. Learn to spot propaganda.

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This was a fascinating talk for me and it helped me understand myself better.

I never had heard of psyops until a few years ago, when someone used the term and I didn’t know what it meant. At times I’ve been very uncomfortable when questioning news that seems off to me while seemingly everyone else was going along with the official version of events.

I didn’t know why I sometimes came to conflicting conclusions about different news events I heard about. I knew I wasn’t a negative or suspicious or paranoid person – sometimes I wonder if I’m too optimistic about human nature – but sometimes I felt like I must be inherently a cynical person to see things as I did.

After hearing this talk, I realized that without having ever heard of psyops or hearing tips like these, over time I’ve employed most of these strategies when listening to or reading news. It’s really just a list of how to be a critical thinker. Do you use any of these tips to analyze the news you see?

Try using these tips as you listen to news, and you’ll empower yourself by developing better critical thinking skills, while increasing your confidence in your own inner voice.

Avivah