This week I had a very frustrating meeting with the staff at my two year old son’s daycare. For thirty minutes, we all discussed his poor outcome for this past year and all agreed  he needs something very different for the coming year.

What upset me was a concluding statement.

Even though he hasn’t done well in this framework, I was strongly urged to send him for the rest of the summer because ‘it’s better than nothing’.

Putting aside the implication that being at home is the same as doing nothing, and also putting aside the clearly demonstrated fact that he did much better when exclusively at home – why is there so much resistance to allowing a two year old a summer break to do nothing?

Our society is losing its way. We are moving towards non-stop movement, faster and harder and do more, at younger and younger ages. As we adults do this to ourselves, we’re doing the same to our kids and the biggest problem is that we think it’s not only okay but desirable.

A couple of weeks ago, I spent two days at the Sea of Galilee. It takes time when getting to a quiet spot to let the stillness seep inside, but if you give it enough time you’ll gradually feel your inner wrinkles unfolding and smoothing out. I cherish these long blocks of unscheduled time to recenter, to get in touch with what matters most to me, in order to build my best, most meaningful life.

When I came back from the two day retreat, I shared some of the thoughts that gelled during my time away with my husband. That led to a really long, thoughtful conversation. My husband commented, “I’m always amazed when we have enough quiet time to talk at the things we can get clarity on!”

That’s the power of inner quiet for one’s self. Followed by quiet space for a couple.

But what about our kids?

It’s getting progressively more difficult to find quiet in our world of non-stop stimulation. Especially for kids, whose lives are becoming packed with school and extracurricular activities.

Maybe it’s because we can’t see all that is happening inside when a child is bored that we don’t appreciate it. We want to see and quantify the benefits our children experience, but the benefits of boredom aren’t immediately apparent.

When we take away the space for our children to be unscheduled, we also take away the opportunity for them to find the quiet inside themselves.

Boredom is where intrinsic motivation begins.

Boredom is first base for discovering interests that may – or may not – turn into passion.

Boredom is the seed that creativity sprouts from.

Daydreaming, staring into space, lying in bed gazing at the ceiling – something is happening inside even if we don’t see it.

They start thinking more deeply. They start feeling more deeply. They start getting in touch with themselves, with their likes and dislikes, with their internal worlds.  They develop their imaginations. They build confidence as they are allowed agency over important parts of their lives.

The more you entertain your kids to keep them from feeling bored, the less able they become to manage themselves. They will need more and more outside support to keep themselves busy as they get older, not less.

I want my children to take responsibility for filling their own time – I’m around and available to talk and interact with, but I’m not the activity director. My child’s boredom isn’t my problem to solve – it’s his.

In my house, if you tell me you’re bored chances are I will very quickly offer you something to do – sweeping the floor or washing dishes is usually my first offer. I don’t usually make many other suggestions. Amazing how quickly they decide they can find something that will interest them more!

Now is when I’m supposed to wow you with the impressive list of accomplishments of my kids thanks to their boredom. You know, the businesses they built, the money they earned, the prodigies they became. Um, no.

Because even if they did all that (they didn’t), that’s not the point. The reason to let your kids be bored isn’t because they’ll do lots of awesome things once they start to direct their own time. Maybe they will and maybe they won’t.

The reason to let your kids be bored is to give them a chance to just be, without any pressure or obligation. Lots of good things flow from ‘nothing’!

Give your child the gift of boredom. He deserves it.

Avivah