After two years of crisis and trauma, I’m grateful we’re finally coming out of the intense pressures that have become our standard daily fare. Yesterday morning I had a long talk with my dh and said we need to consciously recognize that life is getting smoother – finally! – and move out of an urgency paradigm; it has to be conscious since urgency has become habitual due to circumstances. That’s what I was planning to write about today.
This afternoon I took ds4 with me to pick up something from a friend; I wanted to take ds6 but he had fallen asleep and couldn’t be woken up. Ds7 was at a friend and Yirmiyahu had fallen asleep. So I uncharacteristically set out with just one child to this particular friend. After getting the item, I headed towards my mom, planning to surprise her with a short visit.
In Israel, drivers are obligated to stop for pedestrians crossing the street. I’ve been very impressed by how good Israeli drivers are about this and as a result (at least where we live) most people will cross in front of a moving vehicle even before it shows signs of slowing, trusting the driver will stop. Being an experienced driver and knowing drivers can be distracted, I’m very cautious and always pause and make sure the driver has slowed and is looking at me before beginning to cross. That’s what I did today.
The driver had come to a stop but I kept my eye on her as I crossed (another cautious habit of mine) and as I did, I was horrified to see her begin to drive straight toward me. My mind for a fraction of a second couldn’t process that she was looking straight at me and had started driving, but more urgent than understanding why she was doing that, was the knowledge that ds4 was between me and the oncoming car.
My heart froze as I began to turn towards ds4…the car was so close and the time to act was so short….
I turned toward him to yank him away and before I could pull him, the car hit me.
As I fell I couldn’t see ds4 and I had a horrible panicked feeling that he was going to be run over. When I frantically looked in his direction I saw him lying on the street. In a split second I jumped up and began banging on the window of the car to get her to stop driving, screaming at the driver, “What did you do?” She still didn’t realize what had happened – the sun was shining in her eyes and she was still driving after having hit us. Ds4 was terrified and crying and crying; I scooped him up and sat hugging him on the curb, trying to calm him (and myself) down.
People came running to help from all directions. I very composed and calm on the outside, but I knew I was in shock; I was frozen inside. I even calmed down the driver and told her I know it was a mistake, mistakes happen, everything is okay. They asked me if they should call an ambulance but after a few minutes, ds calmed down and I said I thought he was okay. I did agree for them to call Hatzala, which I really appreciated so there would be someone except for me to deal with to deal with the situation.
They told me to go to the emergency center or the hospital, but I didn’t have any id or money on me and I knew that I wouldn’t be seen without that. I also knew I was going to get a big bill that wouldn’t be paid by anyone but me unless I got a doctor’s approval and that wouldn’t happen unless I took legal action. It was just too overwhelming to have to go by myself right then and so I told them I’d go the next day to get checked by a doctor. I wanted to think that I wouldn’t need any medical help because I couldn’t think about dealing with being in the hospital again; the shock thing again. All I wanted to do is curl up in bed and have a good long cry.
Finally the driver drove off and I walked slowly to my mother, thankful that we had escaped what could have been a catastrophe but worried about the pain I was already feeling throughout my body. It was scaring me that the pains were moving fast from one area to another, not localized at all. From my mom’s house, I called my husband and asked him to meet me so we could go to the emergency center together. That was an unpleasant experience, because the impatient doctor on duty spent hardly two minutes with me and ds4 combined. I told him what happened. He told me to move my head up and down, right and left, thumped me hard down my spine in four places, then checked ds4 and told me we were very lucky.
When he came back with the written report a few minutes later, I saw there were several significant errors – he wrote that I said I hadn’t been hit and hadn’t been knocked down and when I brought hit to his attention, he began yelling at me that he’s only writing down what I said. He wrote nothing about the pains throughout my neck, back, hips, and all down the right side of my body where I fell (though he noted that I was walking on a marked crosswalk when this happened – funny the details he felt were important to write). He yelled that I can go file a police report but he’s only writing down what I told him.
There are times you feel more like advocating for yourself and times you feel less like it. This was a time I felt less like it. I had been hit by a car two hours before, was feeling very emotionally shaky and traumatized, had pain throughout my body that was getting worse as time went on and I have to fight with the doctor because he made a careless error and his ego wouldn’t allow him to correct it?
After over an hour we finally we got the new report. He changed it to say ‘she says she thinks she was hit by a car’ instead of ‘she says she wasn’t hit by a car’. He left it that I didn’t get knocked over. He wouldn’t put into the original report all the pains I told him about but added in that after an hour I had told him about pain in my neck. (I don’t know why my back, hips and right and arm got left out.) I showed him my torn shirt but he didn’t seem to be interested. I was told I’ll need the medical report for further legal proceedings and the last thing I need is it to be written that nothing happened.
It was a very unpleasant experience on top of a very hard experience.
Now I’m home. My husband is taking off of work tomorrow to be here; I hope I’ll feel better when I wake up in the morning but the people we’ve spoken to have told us to expect it to be worse and he wants to be here to make things as easy as possible for me. I put in a call to our osteopath and though you usually have to wait two months for an appointment, I’m hopeful she’ll find room for me sooner.
Right after this happened, I was walking to my mom’s and focusing on my feelings of gratitude when suddenly I felt almost angry at God. Like, why do You have to give me messages like this? Am I so difficult that You can’t get me to take notice and grow as a person unless you put these kinds of things in front of me? I had this feeling very, very strongly after Yirmiyahu almost died when he was eight months old, which came on the heels of dd18 being in critical condition and close to death less than two weeks before, both of these things coming on top of other significant difficulties. Intellectually I believe that everything that God does is for our good but it’s not always easy to see or feel that in the heat of difficulties.
I can’t yet see the good in this accident. I don’t know why this happened. And I don’t know why anything that looks negative to me has happened. But I’ve been able to see glimmers of good that have emerged from our most traumatic experiences so it makes it easier to trust that this time, good is also going to come from this.
Avivah
Hashem help! B”H that you are both ok. I was breathless reading this. No words…but I send you much love and brochos for only REVEALED good from now on. Refuah sheleima
Refuah Shleima!! So sorry this happened to you!! ((hugs))
refua shlaima, to you and your son.
So scary … I pray you both have a refuah shlemah and continued strength. Besurot tovot!
Refuah Shleimah!
Dear Avivah,
I am only one of many many readers who read your posts because of the incredible encouragement, strength, hope and clarity you give over. I certainly see you on a higher level and I think you are blessed to be there, that is your station in life and you are an inspiration to many people. It is an age old question, why do bad things happen to good people? Why would G-d test his trusted servant Abraham? And then you come out with a “normy” question like how could G-d test you like this! I hope and pray that these frightening and horrific situations (tests) will not keep occurring! Well, guess what Avivah, the forces of evil don’t like do-gooders! None the less you have handled each of these excruciating situations with amazing fortitude. Your sharing these things with us allows us, your readers to grow in our own ways along with you as we are strengthened by your responses. I don’t know where the saying comes from that bad things happen in threes, but if it’s true you passed, all done! Please, G-d, could You please give Avivah a break from the testing and replenish her with wonderful good things?!
Sending you virtual (gentle) hugs and praying that HKB”H will just skip on the ‘pain the day after’ thing!
best wishes!
Shoshana
Shoshana, that is an incredibly kind thing to say and I really appreciate it – it brought tears to my eyes.
Would it be a good idea to have someone organized to go to the location of the incident tomorrow – at the same time of today’s incident … and ask about witnesses? If you have further problems, you may need them. Hopefully not, but if you DO, you’ll have them. May you soon find comfort and solace.
Hi Avivah,
I just wanted you to know how thankful I am that you’re both ok.
Big hugs to you,
Kelly
Thank Hashem you were both ok. A refuah sheleima to you both!
B”H, Avivah. I”m so sorry this happened and so glad it wasn’t worse. May you and your son have an easy recovery from this…..
Refuah Shleimah!
Oy! Wishing you refuah shleimah!
Thank Gd, you walked away from this! Refuah sheleimah! OY!
Avivah…
So happy that you and your son are alright. Praying that tomorrow you will not be feeling any pain or stiffness.
It’s been a year and a half of trials and tribulations for us here. Started with my hubby being in a car accident that could have taken his life yet he managed to walk away from it. The 3 weeks later…he starts getting chest pains and is rushed to emergency room….the air bag impact crushed his aorta to his heart and he underwent heart surgery with a stent put in….it has been one thing after another since…. so…I know the feeling and your asking Why Me?….I have done the same.
Try to keep your thoughts on the positive things…. 🙂
Blessed B – I’m so sorry to hear about all the difficulties your family has been undergoing. I know from our own experiences that when someone shares something like what you did, it’s just the very tip of the iceberg. I hope that things get better for you soon.
By the way, do you know our sons with T21 share the same name? Yirmiyahu is Hebrew for Jeremiah. 🙂
Thank you for sharing, and welcome to my blog! Hugs to you.
Dear Avivah,
I just wanted to repeat what Shoshana wrote so beautifully above, and to wish you a very speedy Refuah Shleima. Know that your words inspire and help so many of us and I pray Hashem blesses you and your family with only joy and simchas from now on. All the best to you and thank you for everything you do.
I hope you heal both physically and emotionally from this tramautic accident. The back end of one of my children’s bicycles were hit too while he was on it a couple of months ago. I too, remember the frozen shock I was in and how HaShem sent all the right schluchim to the scene to help calm us all down and take the necessary information down in which we needed. So sorry you had to go through all the trials with the medical staff to top it off…really can not believe how much we do not understand the “langugage/cultural” deviations from the Emes. May you continue to heal all around!
Refuah Sheleima!
Sounds like you are going to need some time and help to get through this.
May Hashem send you what you need.
refuah shleimah to you and you son!
How terrifying, I am so glad to know you’re ok. I hope you are kind to yourself, physically and emotionally. Sending hugs.
refuah shlemah b’karov and may you be able to access your network of heatlhcare providers (especially the osteopath) very soon.
Two more weeks until my appointment with the osteo. 🙂
Oy. So sorry that you had to go through another challenge, but thankful to Hashem that you ds are healthy and were not badly hurt B”H. May you have a refua shleima and recover easily.
refuah shlaima! Have you checked your mezuzos and your husband’s tefilin?
We checked these a few months ago, in light of everything we were experiencing. They were fine.
Refuah sheleimah. may you speedily return to your daily activities of caring for you family and inspiring your communitypain free!!
Thankful neither of you are badly hurt.
Refuah Sheleimah to you both. I hope you have contacted a lawyer.
I hope you remember the post you wrote a while ago about allowing the acknowledgment of feeling bad rather than just pushing to move on. You probably do need a good cry! Sending hugs and tefillas for a refuah shleimah.
Avivah, I am so sorry for what you just went through. I remember similar feelings of frustrations with docs… My family went for a walk and a 15 year old on an illegal motorcycle nearly ran over my 4 year old niece, and instead rammed into my husband’s leg and threw him into a thorn bush. Baruch Hashem he walked away from that not too seriously injured, but I remember how disgusting it was when we went to the ER doc who wouldnt write down what we told us, even when we told him he got it wrong, and the frustration of going to the police and them saying “Well, the medical report here doesn’t say that xyz”!!!!@!@@#$!@@! And then “Well, we can’t report that he nearly ran over a 4 year old, because he didn’t” and all sorts of craziness like that…
Thank God my husband was feeling all recovered from the accident, no side effects left, within a week or two…. I give you a bracha that you recover just as quickly, and this soon becomes but a distant memory…
Oh, I just want to tell you some advice that we got after the fact, and hopefully you’ll never need this advice again, but maybe it can help someone else who is reading this— if there ever is a car accident, go in an ambulance. Don’t go on your own to the doc/police afterward. They dont take you seriously, either at the doc or at the police, if you don’t come in an ambulance. So even if you dont need it, never say no to an ambulance after an accident. It’ll help a lot in the long run if you want to pursue anything legally.
Avivah, i’m hope today, we can Skype! Arnica and Rescue Remedy for now. As for why this happened, think of it as a metaphor. “call” me. let’s talk.
Thank you all for your concern and warm wishes! I really appreciate them. I’m feeling anxious and victimized right now and it’s taking a lot of energy to try to stay in a good head place.
It seems so ironic that this should come right after your talk with DH! Refuah shleimah, and may this resolve calmly, smoothly, easily.
One thought. It might be valuable to spend extra time with your ds4 helping him write out his feelings and memories of the incident. When my son was 6 a massive tree limb fell on him. BH, I think HaShem’s hand went between the limb and my son, because he barely had a scratch. But emotionally, he felt guilty. I had recently told home that his stripping bark damages the tree. So he thought it was his fault. But this only came out through extensive talking and writing.
..How scary and terrifying. Refuah sheleima to you and your DS.