Though I periodically ask G-d to please help me appreciate what I have and to grow closer to Him from a place of abundance and gratitude rather than pain and scarcity, I know I’m asking for the impossible. Because honestly, there’s nothing like experiencing pain, either big or small, to force you to grow in ways you wouldn’t otherwise.

Believe me, I’m not idealizing pain. I’ve gone through situations that were so gut wrenchingly agonizing that I shudder at the mere thought of having to experience anything like that again. Yes, I grew a lot from those challenges that were more difficult than I thought I had the capacity to deal with.

Looking back I can appreciate that. But I can’t and won’t idealize pain.

Various people have shared their overwhelming feelings of challenge with me recently, and feeling alone and unsupported has made each situation many times worse. I can only share several beliefs that have been helpful for me to lean on in tough times:

• Everything comes from G-d.

• G-d loves me more than I can imagine.

• Everything G-d does is for my ultimate good and it is good right now even though I can’t see it.

Knowing that G-d is behind it all and is there for me keeps me from feeling alone even in situations where people aren’t showing up in the way I would like, whether in my personal life or in the wider global community.

Someone told me that it’s a struggle for her to hear any mention of G-d, and I understand that. Don’t think I was smilingly thanking G-d for my big challenges! I actually had a tremendous amount of anger that I suppressed and it wasn’t until several years later that I realized that I had pushed this under the metaphorical carpet rather than confront my feelings of abandonment by G-d.

It wasn’t until I was able to be honest with myself about later on and express that anger, that I could move on to the next stage of resolution. (Guess what? G-d is big enough to handle your anger.) When I let the feelings of betrayal out, I made room for the positive feelings of trust to come in.

Now it’s much easier for me to feel in my heart, not just think in my head, that G-d loves me and wants me to have an awesome life. (This isn’t a static awareness – I constantly come back to these above points and remind myself of them!)

For me, to feel that life is randomly throwing curve balls at me seems senseless and cruel. Knowing there’s a purpose in whatever happens and that everything comes from a place of love is reassuring and something I come back to again and again when I feel troubled.

Avivah