Last week I overheard two of my kids discussing their monthly chores. Ds10 was doing the bathrooms for October and did a great job. The other three older kids haven’t liked this job much, and were suggesting that they make that his chore for the year instead of rotating it between the four of them (he liked the idea, but I vetoed it). He explained that the bathrooms are easy because all you have to do is do a quick clean every day (just a few minutes for the three bathrooms they are responsible for), and then it never gets dirty. The reason the other kids dislike it is they wait to clean them every few days and then it takes a real effort.
I was thinking as I listened to their conversation that this concept is true in so many ways. How many times do we mentally build up how long or how hard a project is going to be, and we push it off until it really is a big, time consuming project? Instead, do a little bit towards your goal – whatever it is – on a regular basis. The little chunks of time and effort might not feel like they can make a significant difference, but they add up. Many people asked how I organized the homeschool conference with a newborn – it honestly wasn’t a big deal because I just did one thing at a time and didn’t think about how much more there was to do. (Earlier on I procrastinated about organizing some aspects of the conference because I built it up in my mind and started feeling overwhelmed by all the mental lists I was creating! So I’m not speaking from up there on a pedestal – I’ve worked to overcome this perfectionist mentality on an ongoing basis. :))
Last week I did some deep cleaning chores that I haven’t done since before I was pregnant. I focused my limited energy on keeping the surfaces clear and having basic organizational principles in place, which was fine to keep the house functional and basically in order. But now I’m at the point where I can do some of those neglected jobs, like cleaning the blinds, scrubbing the wood trim on the walls, and taking a toothbrush to the edges of the kitchen floor where the mop doesn’t quite reach to clean out the buildup.
By doing them little bit at a time, none of these jobs took much time, even though they had been pushed off for quite a while. Instead of being a perfectionist and feeling like I had to wait until I had time to do all of the blinds in one morning (time that would have taken months to arrive :)), I did one window a day over the course of a week. I enjoyed the daily difference having done each set of blinds made, instead of looking at those that weren’t done and feeling inadequate. By the time Shabbos came, they were all finished!
I think perfectionism very, very often gets in our way – in keeping our homes in order, in raising our children, in being the kind of people we want to be. We figure if we can’t do it all, right now, perfectly – then it’s not worth it. But that’s totally false, and we end up feeling negatively about ourselves as a result of that kind of thinking. The truth is that whatever little bit we do is better than how it was before we made the effort, and we feel better for making the effort when we give ourselves credit for what we have done rather than all that still needs to be done.
This applies to nutrition and health, too. Sometimes a person feels like they want to make changes to their diet, and they get overwhelmed at all that they think they need to do, so they don’t do anything. Just pick one thing to start with, do it until it’s comfortable, and then take on another new habit when you’re ready!
There’s a saying that is apropos here: ‘By the inch it’s a cinch, by the mile it’s a trial.’ Life is much easier when we just do one small bit at a time, feel good about the effort we’ve made, and keep moving forward!
Avivah
