Sorry I haven’t been posting much lately – I’ve started giving a weekly class on the Torah portion of the week (initially I didn’t intend to give this more than once a month but am really enjoying it) and have three older kids that need help in finding a different educational framework for the coming year (which honestly I’m not making much progress on yet).  I’m also planning to start a new parenting workshop here in Karmiel next week.  So though I have many things to share about, there’s not much time to do it!

This week right after my class ended, my husband brought the littles to meet me at the park near where the class was held.  It was a very crowded time, but that’s the main reason I wanted to be there, since I knew there would be people I’d enjoy speaking to that I don’t usually get to see.  The littles set off to the playground equipment to play, but ds4 soon came to me in tears.

He told me that it wasn’t fun to play there, that there were big girls (a group of ten year olds) who were taking over the play equipment.  I know he prefers to go to quiet parks where he can enjoy himself without older children racing through the play structures, pushing the little kids to the side, and I generally take him at times and places that we’ll all enjoy ourselves.  After all, it’s pretty reasonable for a child to want to have fun when they go somewhere to have fun, don’t you think?

Interestingly, I was talking to a preschool teacher when he came over to me, and she right away said, “That’s how life is, he has to get used to it now.”  It’s interesting because he didn’t ask me to do anything, to take him home – all he said was it wasn’t fun for him because of the older kids playing at the same time.  All he needed was a little bit of validation and understanding that this wasn’t a framework that he felt good in.  Sometimes it seems adults are so resistant (afraid?) of giving children any room to experience their emotions.  In this situation, I realized there wasn’t anything to be gained at that moment by discussion, so I agreed with her that children need to learn how to deal with difficult situations.  I didn’t say that I thought that it would be harmful for them to learn it at that time and in that way!

Anyway, I take ds2 and ds4 to the park pretty regularly, at least a few times a week.  And generally it’s a very positive experience for all of us!  We regularly spend two and even three hours at a park where there’s no one there but us (sometimes ds6 is there, also), and I always love watching the emergent learning process in action.  We usually go to what we call ‘the corner park’, a park just a couple of buildings away from us.  It’s a very simple playground, nothing that you would think could hold the attention of young children for long.  It had a climbing structure with one swing, a couple of slides, and a huge sand pit – and usually they don’t play with any of the playground equipment.

Last week when I took them, I was watching them play while listening to children in a private gan (playgroup) a couple of houses away, and it was so interesting to contrast the type of experiences children approximately the same age were having, especially since so many people think that children in a home framework are unstimulated.

During our most recent visit to the park, I sat on the bench the entire time – ie, I wasn’t involved in initiating or structuring any of their activities.  Most of the time ds2 (almost three) and ds4 were interacting, sometimes they were playing independently of one another and having their own experience.  (It’s important for children to have time of their own to just be without having to interact with others, even siblings.)  While we were at this simple little park for a couple of hours a few days ago, here’s some of what they experienced:

• dug in the sand
• found and collected rocks
• wrote letters on the brick sidewalk with chalkstone they found in the sandpit
• experimented with chunks of concrete with little pebbles cemented to it how to get the little pebbles separated from the concrete, throwing it until they broke apart and had little pieces (they had a strong feeling of accomplishment with this!)
• climbed a tree
• rode scooters
• blew a recorder (one of them brought it to the park)
• found dried seed pods that fell from the tree, opened them up, collected and counted the seeds
• chased butterflies
• stopped to listen to the birds singing, speculated about what they might be saying
• gathered plastic containers from the recycling container nearby to use as sand toys
• filled the recycled bottles with water from the fountain
• made sand structures with wet sand
• watched an airplane go by, talked about the difference between helicopters and airplanes and what they are used for
• swung on the swing
• picked flowers and blew on the petals to see if they would fly away
• were given a couple of small boxes by a man going by, and used them to make molds for their sand ‘chocolate’
• watched the ants working and carrying small bits of food and leaves to their homes

This is just a sampling of a typical visit to the playground, and it’s filled with so many discoveries and exciting things for small children.  (And if you want to be academic about it, there was science, social studies, math, writing, language arts and physical education happening.  :))  I love taking them to outdoor spaces when there aren’t loads of people around – there’s something about the outdoor air and the general sense of quiet that absorbs excess energy and allows children to center themselves, when they aren’t distracted by other people.  For children to really be able to learn, they have to  have their attachment needs fulfilled so that they have the extra emotional energy available to explore.

Conversely, you can go to the same park when crowded with children, and the experience will drastically shift.  Instead of allowing a child to discover inner quiet and make special discoveries, his energy becomes focused on navigating the inevitable social situations that arise.  That’s not to say that there isn’t a value in that – particularly if a parent is actively involved in guiding new social situations and limits the interactions when they see the child is past the point of gaining anything, it can be positive.  Sometimes a child will find or make a friend and it can be a great time for them!  But you can see how, for example, for ds4 above, he was in a situation of trying to protect his boundaries (emotionally and physically), having to compete with others for space or attention, and not only was there no space for learning to happen, there was no space for him to even have fun.

I’m in no way suggesting that there’s only a value in going outside when no on else is there!  What I do want to share is how for meaningful emotional, social or academic growth to happen, a child has to be in a place where he feels secure and connected to the adults in charge, and has to have space for independent experiences that aren’t orchestrated and controlled by adults.  This is so easily accomplished in a relaxed outdoor setting.

How can you know when a child is primed for learning?  When we pay attention to and respect our children’s cues, it becomes very obvious when this is happening, by watching their body language and listening to what they tell us.

Avivah