Monthly Archives: May 2013

Why am I discouraging people from homeschooling in Israel? I’m not!

aliyah, homeschooling

Yesterday I received the following comment, which I was very disturbed by.  

>>We have never met, but I do want to say that I was disappointed to hear from a number of potential homeschooling olim that were looking into Go North that you had told them NOT to homeschool when they make aliyah. I was told this by a few people, and am baffled as to why you did this.<<

Here was my response:

I would love to know what potential homeschooling families I told not to homeschool! I’m baffled myself to hear this! The only thing I would have done is share my personal reasons for doing what I did, but I’m as positive about homeschooling as always and have never discouraged anyone.  Actually, hardly any homeschoolers making aliyah have contacted me.  Is it possible they read my blog about my personal decisions for my family, and made an assumption based on that?  I speak to very, very few people about aliyah; I just don’t have the phone time.  Please share with me names because I try to be very clear when I communicate. Despite having done what I did (ie sent my kids to school when we moved here), it’s not what I would recommend for most people; I think homeschooling when a family first makes aliyah can make everything much easier for everyone. I’m as passionate about homeschooling as ever, and I’ve told a number of people who asked about our decision to send out kids to school that having kids in school makes it so clear how many advantages homeschooling offers! So you can see why I’m wondering how so many people can say that I told them not to homeschool.  Really, please let me know because I’d like to clear up the source of the misunderstanding – I don’t want my name associated with something that is opposition to my actual position.

Today I received a response:

>>As far as who told me that you discouraged them from homeschooling here, it was all a while back and I did not keep track of names. But it just seemed that at one point anyone NBN told to speak to me about homeschooling here had already heard from you that it was a bad idea. At least 3 people told me that, but I don’t remember their names or any real info about them. Unfortunately, they may have misunderstood you, but you seem to carry a lot of weight with Jewish homeschoolers, as you were one of the first, it seems.<<

I haven’t been in direct contact with even three homeschooling families about aliyah, but I’m taking this opportunity here to clear up my position publicly so there won’t be any further confusion. As I said in my response above, I have a strong feeling that people are confusing my personal choice and my sharing of my reasons for sending my kids to school with recommendations for others. This also ties into another question I wanted to answer, about if I regret having sent the kids to school when we got here.

I chose not to homeschool when we first got here because I felt very pressured.  We got here a week before the school year started and my kids were restless and unsettled, because that’s how you feel when you move to a new country!  They needed the feeling that I was on top of things and was getting a framework in place for them (or so I told myself), but I couldn’t wave my hands and create that framework in a week or two.  My concern wasn’t about my younger kids but mostly about my middle kids, then 12, 10 and 9.

Now, I had spent months thinking about this decision and had planned to homeschool everyone for at least the first year and then decide if sending them to school would be the right thing for them.  I wanted them to have a chance to adjust first to living here, get to know people and learn the language before being suddenly thrown into the Israeli school system.  Then we got here and the facts on the ground looked a lot different than what I was expecting.  I made a very quick – too quick – decision to override my many hours of reflection and put the kids in school to assuage my feelings of pressure.  A relevant factor in this decision was that I had just spent five intense months getting ready to make aliya, and had extended myself so much for so long that I felt worn out.  Of course there was only support for the decision to send to school.   I wrote about these decisions at the time.  I had so much to do when we moved here, and the pressure (that I was putting on myself) about getting the kids feeling good about homeschooling – ie so they wouldn’t feel like it was just our family all alone in our city – was pretty intense.

A long time homeschooler said to me several months ago that she didn’t understood why I felt so much urgency to make the decision about schooling right away.  Her point was valid; I could have taken my time to get used to being here and figured things out along the way.  But I didn’t and my reality was that I did feel a lot of urgency.  One of the strengths of my personality is that I do things quickly; one of the faults of my personality is that I do things quickly!  In this case it was a fault – I jumped too quickly to make a decision without giving myself the time to think things through that I usually invest on issues like this.

Am I sorry that I didn’t homeschool from the beginning?  Knowing how I was feeling then, no.  And I had a lot of good reasons; it wasn’t all fear and moving too fast.  It’s not easy to come into a new community, especially one as conservative as the one I’m part of, and to be visibly different.  Israelis in general seem to have a higher value for conformity than Americans.  When you’re choosing a different path than those around you, you need to feel confident about what you’re doing because you’re going to be questioned very intensely on a regular basis.  I was feeling a lot of self-doubt and pressure.  Time would have changed this picture, but I didn’t give myself time.

What I gained by putting the kids in school was time, time to think and make a decision about homeschooling from a position of strength.  Time to address my fears and think about how to fill in the gaps that concerned me.  Time for people to get to know our family and realize that we’re normal before doing something so different that they would have automatically written us off before knowing who we are.  Time to get our home furnished, to figure out where to do my shopping, for my husband to find work and have a wife who had more emotional energy to support him during the process.  Time for me to see my kids having difficulties in school that I would have blamed myself and homeschooling for if they were at home.   Time to get perspective and re-center myself, to clarify for myself what my values are and what actions would best support that.

So this experience was valuable for me, though I wouldn’t recommend it for other committed homeschoolers.  That’s the sketchy background of my decision.  Here’s where I’ll give a pointer from my hard earned experience: be very cautious about spontaneously overriding a decision that you’ve made with much thought and deliberation.

If you want to homeschool, there’s no reason to stop just because you’re moving to Israel.  There are some issues that you’ll want to address – the primary concern to me was acquisition of language and integration into the greater culture.  I think these bear thinking about for anyone moving here whose children won’t be in school, but I also think these points bear thinking about if your children are in school – these are both things I’ll share my thoughts on at a different time.

I’ve written loads about the many benefits in homeschooling, for the individual children and for the family.  I didn’t stop believing in this when I sent my kids to school.  There may be even more benefits in homeschooling your children through major life changes than when life is routine and stable.  Every change in family situation requires reassessment and finding ways to address the changes, but changes don’t automatically mean that homeschooling won’t continue to be successful.  It just means you need to be flexible and open to addressing new issues that may arise.

Avivah

Update on dd18

health

I’ve gotten a couple of emails this week asking about how dd18 is doing, asking if they should continue saying tehillim for her.

I’m very grateful to share that dd18 is doing much, much better.  Her full recovery will take time and it is currently anticipated that she will remain in the US for an extended period, but we are optimistic that she will continue to improve with time, and believe that a complete recovery is not only possible but probable.

For all of you who have been saying tehillim for her, thank you so much!  There’s no question in my mind that your prayers and concern for her have had an impact in her recovery process, and I am so grateful to you all.  The tehillim circle that was begun is officially now over.  However, knowing the power of prayer we would be grateful if you would continue to keep her in your thoughts.

At this time in which I’m sharing my gratitude with you for our daughter’s progress, I’d like to request your prayers for two others who are going through difficult health situations right now: Yonatan Simcha ben Leah Rivka, an eleven year old boy in my community just diagnosed with lymphoma, and Chaim Dovid Reuven ben Chana Rochel, a father of several children who has stage 4 lung cancer.

May all those in need of healing have a full recovery in every way!

Avivah

Formula fiasco

health

I told you about how Yirmiyahu now has a special formula that is dairy and soy free.  What I didn’t tell you about is what a pain in the neck it is to buy this, but I’ll tell you now since it’s directly related to what happened on Shabbos.

In order to initially buy this formula, we needed a doctor’s note saying Yirmiyahu couldn’t eat anything else.  But our regular doctor couldn’t give it to us; she said we needed testing by a pediatric allergist.  When I called, I was given an appointment two months later.  In the meantime, he continued having the formula that was clearly causing him to be sick – I explained the situation to the allergist’s secretary and told her it was urgent that he get an appointment right away but she told me there’s no such thing as urgent in their office, everyone waits for the appointment they are given.  In the end, I missed this appointment since it was the day I was flying home from the US, but since he was immediately hospitalized after arriving, the hospital ended up being able to provide us with the necessary paperwork.

So that was the first obstacle overcome.  We  bought his formula and was doing relatively well on it.  However, you need to get a new prescription to buy it every three weeks.  That means you need to stay on top of how much you have and plan ahead. (You would think with all of this tight control that they’re giving it away, but in fact we pay over 800 shekels a month – over $200 – with no reimbursement from the health insurance company.  It’s really frustrating that they act like this is gold and make it so difficult to purchase but there’s no other way to get it here.)  Planning ahead is something I tend to do pretty naturally, but this time despite my efforts it didn’t happen.  I called for an appointment with the pediatrician on Weds. when I still had a full container of formula, but that day they told me they were closing at noon and it was too late for me to come in. The next day Yirmiyahu went to Jerusalem for therapies and we got home after they closed.  Friday she wasn’t there.  So the first appointment I could get was Sunday.

Looking at how much we had left, I realized we might run out before his appointment.  But I had a container of soy formula that our chiropractor muscle tested on him while we were in the US – we went to Target and tested every single formula, and bought the one that tested best. So although I didn’t think this would be as good as what he usually gets, I thought it would be very tolerable.  I hadn’t used it since he had gotten the specialty formula but figured it was a good backup.

I was so, so wrong.  An hour after having six ounces on Shabbos morning, Yirmiyahu began massively throwing up.  Then he had these horrible diapers that are unlike anything I’ve ever seen.  As the day went on – and it wasn’t that many hours – he was looking weak and apathetic.  And I really didn’t know what to do since the answer was to give him his special formula but there’s nowhere to buy this formula except from the health clinic’s pharmacy and only then with a prescription that I didn’t yet have.  That wouldn’t be open until the next day.  It’s not the kind of thing people have around in their kitchen that you can borrow.  He wouldn’t drink the soup I gave him in a bottle, wouldn’t eat any food, and took hours to drink four ounces of juice.

I was getting very, very worried because how he looked reminded me of what happened in the beginning when he got sick in the US, except then it was triggered by a virus and this was an allergic reaction.  Although all the health clinics are closed, we found out that there is an after hours clinic just a five minute walk from my house and I immediately took Yirmiyahu there. This was very strange for me since I had to pay them and give them his insurance card on Shabbos – but we asked how to handle this before I left and I acted according to the rabbinic guidelines I was given.

The doctor there told me to immediately take him to the hospital ER; by this time it was the late afternoon. I wanted to go home before leaving to the hospital to let the kids know what was happening so they wouldn’t be anxious.  When I got back the house was silent – ds14 was with my mother at the hospital in Haifa for all of Shabbos, dd16 was studying with a friend in a different neighborhood for her yahadut matriculation exam, and all of the other kids had left to the park.  I called the ambulance and asked a neighbor to give the kids a message about what happened, but dd12 came running from the park when she saw the ambulance drive by with flashing lights since she realized it must be for Yirmiyahu so I was able to tell her where we were going and not to worry.

We were admitted to the hospital and after a couple of hours, Yirmiyahu was finally given what he needed – this specialty formula.  He still was weak but we were told he had stabilized and could be released the next day.

The next day – this morning – I spent over two hours trying to contact the pharmacy to be sure that they had this formula in stock.  We had ordered it several weeks ago so it should have been there, but I didn’t want Yirmiyahu released until I was positive I would be able to get formula for him. When I finally got the pharmacist on the phone, she told me the order was never placed and there was nothing in stock.  I was so frustrated – why is it so hard to get my baby the formula he needs?!?  I asked her if she could check the closest location that had it, and though at first she told me she was too busy and to call back, I told her that I had been calling for two hours and already called back once since someone else said she was too busy to check if the formula was in stock – and I needed that information right then to determine if he needed to stay in the hospital another day where he would have something to eat.  She checked the computer system and said there might be three cans in a different pharmacy in Karmiel.

I requested the doctor write up the prescription and leave it at the front desk so that I could pick it up later in the day when we got home from the hospital.  When I got there, I was told that it had been entered into the computer.  Using the computerized prescription I was able to buy the three cans in Karmiel and order enough for the rest of the month.

This computerized prescription option is very, very new – and will be extremely helpful and important to us in avoiding a scenario like the one above in the future.  From now on, we’ll be able to request the new prescription by phone every three weeks and since it can be directly entered into the computer, there’s no longer a need for me to pick it up.  It’s still annoying to me to have to get a new prescription so often, but if this had been an option a few days ago (or if I had known it was an option – I’m not sure what day this new policy began- several weeks ago they told us they wouldn’t accept it faxed in, only the original), we wouldn’t have gotten into the situation we did – they could have inputted the prescription the day I called and within an hour I would have bought the formula  and had it in the house, before we came close to running out.

Thankfully, Yirmiyahu is doing much better though he’s still under the weather.  I had been wondering before this if this formula was really worth the money, since he’s still reacting to the corn syrup in it, and it’s aggravating to spend so much on something that still isn’t allergen free for him.  But this has made it really clear that even if it’s not ideal, it’s still really important that he get this.

Avivah

Straw sorting game

frugal strategies, homeschooling

Here’s a fun and easy game that I recently made that ds3 has been enjoying.

straw game 2

straw game

I used an empty formula can as the basic container.  Ds14 drilled six holes in the top (I tried to cut the holes with a knife but ruined the first lid, also tried a hole puncher but what I had didn’t allow me to reach into the center of the lid).  Once the lid had holes in it, we cut colored stickers around each hole.  Then I cut a bunch of colored straws into thirds, enough to almost fill the inside container.   The idea is to put the colored straws into the hole with a matching color.

Ds enjoyed playing with this even before I put the colored stickers on to make it a sorting game (as you can see in the top picture); he found it fun just to push the straws through the holes!  Ds5 played with this also, and the two of them told me it’s like putting money into the pushke (charity box).  This game is not only good for classifying skills, it’s also great for fine motor skill development.

This basic idea can easily be adapted based on what you have in your house and the age of your children.  You can use whatever smallish recycled container you have around that has a lid; the holes should be made bigger if you have younger children.  You can use beans or small pebbles to push through the larger holes.  You can also make the holes different sizes and then cut dowels of different diameters to match the hole sizes. You get the basic idea – it’s pretty easy to adapt.

This was a fun and easy game to make, and it’s gratifying to make something fun out of free or inexpensive materials that you already have in the house!

Avivah

Getting army exemption for dd16

aliyah

Last week my mom had her second hip replacement surgery, so I spent a couple of nights at the hospital with her.  It’s a difficult surgery with a long recuperation period, and when you don’t speak Hebrew and the nurses ignore you when you ask for assistance, it’s very, very difficult.  Horrible, really.

I was so happy I could be with her and wish I could have stayed with her more since I saw it made a huge difference to her.  My mother asks for very little and didn’t even ask me to be at the hospital because she knows I have so much on my plate with dh away.  If you’re wondering who took care of bedtime and getting everyone out in the morning when I was gone, it was dd16.  She’e extremely busy with studying for her Israeli matriculation exams and so it was especially generous of her to encourage me to sleep overnight at the hospital, particularly since Yirmiyahu wakes up in the middle of the night and needs a bottle then.

This week we added another bit of busyness to dd16’s already overflowing schedule. A couple of months ago, dd16 got her first notice from the army.  It seems they send it before the 17th birthday, and it was very interesting to read the material enclosed.  As someone who didn’t grow up here, I don’t know much about different army programs and so I learned something!  However, none of it is relevant for her as she won’t be going to the army. Religious girls have an automatic exemption upon providing proof that they’re religious.

So dd and I went to the rabbinical court in Haifa to get this authorization.  She had a day off early in the week and wanted to go then, but despite repeatedly calling to check their hours, no one answered the phone.  We decided to take a chance and go to Haifa with the hopes it would be open when we got there.  It wasn’t – they closed half an hour before we arrived.  The good part was that we found out how to get there, so when she went the next day on her own, she knew where to go.  And the other good part is that since my mother is hospitalized in Haifa we were able to visit her afterward so it wasn’t as if the trip there was wasted.

Now we have to find out where to send this authorization and send it in, after which she’s receive her exemption from army service.  It’s nice when something is straightforward and relatively simple to take care of!

Avivah

Yirmiyahu – ten months old today!

Trisomy 21

How time is flying – it’s hard to believe that Yirmiyahu is ten months old today!

Yirmiyahu was playing happily on the floor for quite a while this morning, when ds5 came to tell me he fell asleep there.  It was so cute that I went to get the camera to get a picture.  Instead of a picture of him sleeping, we got this shot instead, as he sleepily opened his eyes and smiled at me before falling right back asleep.

 

Yirmi - ten months

How we love this boy!

Avivah

Application for homeschooling permit in Israel – English version

aliyah, homeschooling

>>I’m curious to read your letter, especially due to your friend’s comment – would it be something you’d be willing to post?<<

Below is the English version of what I submitted to the Israeli Ministry of Education.  This is only the first part of the application, which is about our homeschooling philosophy.  The remaining part of the application is supposed to include our planned curriculum, methods of teaching, and methods of evaluation – this should be much shorter than the first part.  Since time was of the essence, I didn’t write that up now but will submit it to them later when it’s asked for.  So this doesn’t include what subjects will be covered, how, materials used or anything like that.  I called them and asked if they need anything else, and they told me they’ll be in touch if and when they do.

*************************************

Date: xxx

Notification of Intent to Homeschool

Attached is a photocopy of the teudat zehut for the following children to be homeschooled:

1) xxx- t.z. xxx
2) xxx – t.z. xxx
3) xxx – t.z.xxx
4) xxx – t.z. xxx

We have homeschooled our children for eleven years in the United States, including graduating two children from high school. We have been gratified to note their interest and knowledge about the world they live in, their ability to communicate effectively with people much younger or older than them, and their healthy self-esteem. All of these qualities were a direct result of homeschooling, and it is our goal to give our younger children the opportunity to develop the many aspects of themselves as fully as their older siblings have.

Educational Philosophy

– As parents, there is no one more committed our children’s success in every area of life than we are.  Teachers have classes with a large number of children and limited time and ability to get to know each one as an individual. As parents, we know each child’s needs and abilities, we know his learning style and interests, and we are able to tailor their education to them specifically. This means that they benefit from individualized education versus institutionalized education. They can be taught according to their unique needs. We accelerate the learning for a child who is learning more quickly than average, and spend more time on areas in which a child is struggling in order to ensure mastery. We do not allow a child to advance to the next subject without understanding what he is already working on, and this allows for a solid understanding of the material. The homeschooling environment allows us to build on strengths and supplement weaknesses, and this allows a child to learn more and learn better than if he were in school.

– Our goal is for our children to maintain the intrinsic love of learning that every young child has. We want them to continue to be curious about the world, to be inspired to inquire and ask questions, and to pursue their interests. For success in learning in both the short and long term, a child needs to have a love of learning, and this is something that is stamped out in the school environment. External motivators like prizes are demotivating to a child in the long run, teaching them that prizes are more important than the learning.  Homeschooling allows a child to pursue many interests in addition to the core curriculum, as there is flexibility in when and how things are learned.

We also want our children to learn how to learn. Our approach to education is one in which we stress critical thinking skills and teach our children to be independent learners.  In school, children are passive recipients of a teacher’s lesson.  They wait to open books or take notes until they are told and take very little initiative or responsibility for their learning. Our children learn that they are responsible for their education – how much they achieve is based on their desire.

– One of the most important benefits of homeschooling is that children are provided with a healthy framework for socialization. It is important in life to know how to get along with those of different ages, outside of our religious or academic circles, and those who have different life experience than ourselves. Children who are homeschooled have many opportunities outside of the school framework to interact with people from a variety of backgrounds and ages. Our children have friends whom they spend time with every day outside of school, and this will continue when they are homeschooling.

– Character development – We would like our children to grow into mature and responsible adults with good character, and recognize that this is a goal that takes constant encouragement and development over a period of years. While it’s unreasonable to expect a teacher to be aware of most of the interactions that go on throughout the day between children, a parent with just a few children to supervise can, and is therefore in the ideal position to actively model desired behavior as well as to moderate interactions while teaching appropriate responses to various situations.

– Health – We want our children to be both emotionally and physically healthy. Children grow and learn best when in an environment in which they feel safe and cared about. This security is very hard for a school to provide, since students experience regular assaults on their self-esteem from peers and sometimes even from teachers. Children who are mocked and made fun of internalize the assessments of their peers as to their self-worth. Teasing and bullying are unfortunately common, and often lead to short and long term issues for the victim. Childhood is the time for children to learn to value who they are, as they are – when they are secure in this they will have an effective foundation for later interacting with others who may be unkind or difficult without it affecting their intrinsic sense of self-worth. In the home environment, a child can be appreciated for who he is and given the opportunity to develop at his natural pace without excessive pressure or comparisons to others. They can learn to recognize their unique strengths and abilities, which often do not find expression in the school environment.

Physical health includes regular and adequate sleep, regular and nutritious meals, plenty of sunlight and lots of exercise. All of these are better supported in the home environment. We limit sugar and non-nutritive foods, in order to best support the growing brains and bodies of our children and allow them to focus and learn most effectively. There is also time and opportunity on a daily basis for regular physical exercise.

Father: xxx – t.z. xxx
Mother: xxx – t.z. xxx
(address)  (phone)

************************************

So that’s the letter!  I don’t love it but I was trying to consolidate a lot of information without being excessive, while proactively addressing potential concerns that might be raised.

Avivah