Monthly Archives: April 2022

Thank you all so much for your feedback!

Uncategorized

Though I’ve written responses to all who commented here and privately, I feel I need to tell you how much I appreciate every single one of you taking the time to share your feedback.

It means a lot to me.

Sometimes I’ve wondered if I’m writing into a void, if the time for a blog has long since passed as video channels have become a more popular means of transmitting information, if what I’m writing is helpful, relevant, or of interest. Your responses were reassuring and encouraging for me to continue writing.

Thank you all so much; I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

Avivah

Ds12 putting on tefillin

parenting

Guess who put on tefillin for the first time today?!

After my husband and the boys came home from shul, my husband and I took a walk, and I said, “Remember when we had the bigs, the middles and the littles?” (Our nickname for the groupings of our first nine children – we had three children born in three years (the bigs), then a 2.5 year break, then three children born in 3.5 years (the middles), then a 3.75 year break, then three children born in three years (the littles.)

My long term readers will remember me referencing our children as such.

Well, this is the youngest of the littles. He’s been growing up for a long time :), but now officially that era has ended.

He was the second child born after I started this blog, the only one to have a picture of him posted right after he was born – the first picture of a family member on this blog. He’s grown up to be an amazing, mature, kind, social, connecting person with tremendous natural empathy and understanding of others.

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We had a lovely Pesach with almost all of our married children here for the seder – the only exception was our newest couple, who instead spent the last days of the holiday with us. We are extremely blessed that although we have a lot of people here together at once, they all get along well and it’s harmonious and comfortable.

It’s a lot of work hosting, but it brings me such joy. Watching our three granddaughters (between the ages of 3 – 3 3/4) play together, along with my five year old, is so wonderful. Hopefully the four grandsons (born within a year) will also have that friend-relationship with their cousins.

When we talked about moving here, one big concern was that it would create more distance between us and our married children and grandchildren. My husband said that they would come less frequently but when they did, it would be a different kind of experience for them to visit us. He was so right.

It makes a huge difference having a larger home and a comfortable space to host when family comes. It means a lot to me when my oldest son told me that his wife is the one who initiates their visits, who really enjoys her stays here, that they chose to come for Pesach even though officially this was her parents turn to have them for the seder. My second daughter told me that they never could have stayed with us for a week and a half if we were still in RBS. Our space, though adequate for short visits, wouldn’t have been comfortable for an extended visit.

Now, they can feel like they’re on vacation when they come, since it’s a more country like atmosphere than where they live.

When our grandchildren run through the grass and jump on the trampoline together, when they see the newly hatched chicks and hold a rabbit, when they splash around in the pool together, when the babies swing in the bucket swing that I bought several years ago picturing them using it….I feel so content.

Sometimes I marvel to my husband at how miraculous it seems, how G-d has blessed us with so many special people in our lives, and he agrees and then reminds me how much effort we invested into creating this outcome.

When almost everyone went back home to Jerusalem (we still have two teen boys home from yeshiva break for just two more days), there was a slight bit of wistfulness. I do love having all my chicks in the nest.

It’s nice to know that we’ll have everyone back here in another month for the bar mitzva. I’m hoping to get an updated family photo. The last one was taken three years ago at my sixteen year old’s bar mitzva, and there are five new family members since that picture was taken. I thought we’d get an updated photo at the wedding eight months ago, but due to logistics, we have no family picture that includes our newest daughter-in-law. The photographer said he would photoshop her in, but when the albums came, she was still missing from the picture. The photographer did a beautiful job on all the pictures, and it’s really for the best. The colors and background color of the wedding photos wouldn’t have been a good match for our living room, and two babies were born since then so it’s all good.

Having my oldest daughter living close by is so nice, and then there’s the added bonus that for the bar mitzva she’ll be able to host one couple or family at her house. Last week new bunkbeds arrived for one boys’ room, to make it possible for all the boys at home to double up and free up a bedroom if necessary, thereby making room for another couple. Even though it’s doable, it’s more comfortable to share the hosting with my daughter and son-in-law.

Someone asked me about what our plans for the bar mitzva are. When I told her: a kiddush on Shabbos morning, meals for the family all together for Shabbos, and then on Saturday night a party at our home for men and boys, she told me how fortunate we are to be able to keep things simple. It’s true. I’m appreciative of living in a place where there isn’t a high material standard to be pressured by.

Avivah

Has my tone been fearful in recent posts?

personal development

Some time ago, a long time reader sent a private message to me and commented that she felt that my posts have recently have a tone of fear that she didn’t see in the past.

I was bothered by this comment, very bothered. I especially value the feedback of those reading here for a long time and take it seriously, and have taken a long break from blogging while I contemplated the various aspects of this comment, the possible intentions, my intentions, etc.

Blogging is a challenging thing. A blogger chooses to open up and share about his thoughts, his life, his interpretations of events….and obviously it’s not possible for everyone reading to accurately sense the emotion that is behind the writing. And even if they could, everyone isn’t going to agree with all that they read.

That’s fine. As nice as it is to get positive feedback and to know that I’m writing in a way that resonates with others, it’s unrealistic to expect that others will always like and agree with everything I say.

I’ve mentioned in the past that it’s become emotionally constraining for me to communicate in the technologically censored world we have shifted to in the last two years. So many things can no longer be said, or no longer feel safe to say, that I tend to close up and don’t write about many, many things on my mind.

I was fortunate to encounter the internet in its earlier days, when it was a much more open place than it is now, and in hindsight I can see how unique a time it was. For me, the loss of that space and the freedom to connect with others in a deeply authentic way is something I mourn. Mainstream media has always been censored to some degree, and perhaps it’s to be expected that the censorship has caught up on the internet. Whether I should be bothered by it or not, the reality is it’s a very, very different climate than what existed when I began blogging almost 16 years ago. I can say with absolute certainty that I would never have begun blogging at this time in history.

How to continue to communicate amidst this shift has been an internal struggle; it’s a hard thing for someone who perceives transparency and truth as paramount values, to stay silent about important issues.

When so little is being said in the mainstream media about a topic, I’m aware that I may be seen as creating an issue that doesn’t exist by mentioning it. I’m not a gloom and doomer; I don’t enjoy talking about negative things and that’s not where I want to focus my energies. I prefer to focus on the good things in the world, which is part of my decades long gratitude practice.

However, I also don’t want to practice toxic positivity. There’s a spiritual principle that by putting our attention on something, we can cause it to increase or be drawn to us, and naturally one doesn’t want to draw negativity to one’s self. To many that means not acknowledging when negative things are happening, instead trying to ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist.

For me, that doesn’t work. What does work is to acknowledge the situation that is triggering fear, recognizing what aspect makes me fearful, then taking steps so that I don’t feel fearful. The steps can be spiritual or physical, and for me usually are both.

If I write about those topics here, it’s usually after doing this work inside myself. For example, I didn’t write about food shortages until I felt inner calm about it. When I did bring up that topic, it was with the intention to encourage others to take a concrete and positive action and thereby create a buffer for themselves.

Am I creating fear by mentioning a topic of concern? Possibly. Who wants to hear someone say that the world isn’t rainbows and unicorns? Honestly, I shy away from bad news and prefer not to hear it, so I understand anyone else who does the same. However, it was because I felt so concerned over a year ago that I began to look more deeply into economics and other related topics. I choose to look current world events in the eyes because I prefer not to cower under my emotional covers by pretending the bogeyman isn’t there. And talking about the reality that I see doesn’t mean that I’m fearful.

If I’m sharing something that feels alarming to you, please share in the comments what it is and why. I’ll be glad to share how I found my own inner quiet if I also felt those concerns (chances are high that I did!). And if you’d rather not read that topic, that’s also fine.

Although for the most part I don’t feel fearful and actually am quite positive overall, I can see that my efforts to write in a more roundabout way than in the past on potentially sensitive topics could come across as fearful, because it’s not my usual tone. I think what may have come across wasn’t fear of the topic itself, but hesitancy about how to share about it in this climate that is coming through.

Please continue to share your sincere feedback with me. It’s not always comfortable but that’s how we all grow.

Avivah