Monthly Archives: October 2022

Getting ready for the fall season, plans for the week

food preservation, gardening, homemaking

Last week we were busy getting our yard ready for the rain, which turned into a race against the weather!

I’m so glad we enlarged our goat pen before the holidays, because there was so much to do to get things in the yard waterproofed before the first rain of the year (for about seven consecutive months a year we don’t get rain here in Israel). First and most important was the goat pen: the boys built a roof frame, then lined it with what they were told was a waterproof tarp.

We were rushing to get the hay covered as the rain began. It quickly turned into a downpour, and we were relieved to have finished the goat pen roof in time…until it became clear that the waterproof tarps we used weren’t waterproof after all, when we saw the water was dripping through onto our unhappy goats.

Talk about finding alternative solutions quickly! I suggested grabbing the large blue foam mats that we used under the pool and stapling them up; they did that in the pouring rain and then we all ran for cover.

They took the entire roof off to redo it on a sunny day, but it began raining before it was put back on. They once again ran to get it over the goats, but the pen had gotten soaked and the next day I and one of the boys had to completely clean everything out.

Until now, I’ve been cleaning out the dirty hay by shoveling it into a thirty liter barrel, then carrying to the chicken run and dumping it in. I do a load every two or three days. The chickens love picking out any insect larvae and with their constant scratching and pecking, break down the hay and in essence, compost it. My plan has been to eventually pull all that composted hay out of their coop to use on the garden beds.

With the sudden huge pile of wet hay, it was too much work to take it all to the chicken coop, so I changed direction and after shoveling it all onto the garden beds, suggested to my son he let the chickens out into the yard to work the hay. They’ve been loving free-ranging again, and we’re enjoying our ‘chicken tv’ again, as we sit in the yard watching their antics.

Speaking of the chickens, we need to cover more of their coop area with a waterproof material as well. Since part of their coop is rain-proof, we put our focus on getting the rabbits and goats waterproofed. Then after the downpour I noticed some of them were wet; I suppose they didn’t want to limit themselves to staying in the dry area. So this week my son will extend that for them.

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Today my plans include making a huge pot of compote, then canning it all up so we can enjoy it in the winter.

I’ve done all my winter clothes shopping for the boys, but I still need to organize it all. We’re at the stage of the days being hot but the mornings being cold enough for winter wear. So in the next couple of days I hope to finish getting all the clothes sorted.

Also in the next couple of days I need to figure out how to transport a buck to our home for breeding. I’ve been pushing this off until the pen was enlarged and then rainproofed; now I need to get this done or risk missing the breeding season. (Goats need to be bred to continue to produce milk.) I think we’ll keep him here for a few weeks, and will see how that affects what has been a smooth running daily routine with our three females. Male goats have a reputation for not being fun to have around and their presence supposedly makes the milk taste more ‘goaty’.

When I ordered two bales of hay, it was with the thought it would get me through until the next hay season. Then we got a third goat (it was going to be for my daughter and then ended up a better fit for us), and now with the male goat…we’re going to be needing much more hay than I initially planned for! In a non-shmita year, I would order a bale at a time, but now even though I have a lot left, I need to order more this week while the hay farmer still has non-shmita bales (from the year before last) available.

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When I bought barrels for animal feed from a private seller a few months ago, he offered me a couple of rusty hoes for free (just the head, no handles). Seeing they were heavy duty metal, I accepted them, figuring we could sand them down and get new handles for them. I’ve been very disappointed with how poor the quality of new garden tools are – almost every rake and shovel I’ve bought has broken after less than a year of use. Not heavy duty use, either. The first shovel that I bought seven or eight years ago is still going strong, though, even though it’s seen much more use than all of the new implements put together.

I haven’t gotten to sanding them down these rusty hoes yet (and it’s not on my list of immediate projects to do since they’re usable without sanding) but we did get new handles that fit perfectly at the hardware store. Additionally, I’ve bought a couple new shovels and two hand trowels. The trowels look like excellent quality and if I can keep track of them and not lose them (I tend to put them down and then forget where I put them…) they should last a long time.

After a year of not touching the garden because of shmitta, there has been a lot of work to do – weeding, trimming, pruning. I’ve gotten a lot of garden clean-up done in the last couple of weeks. This week I’d like to get some seeds into the ground and will see if I can get a crop before it gets cold. The vegetables I’m thinking about traditionally are planted in the spring so I don’t know if planting now is being smart by optimizing the planting season or being overly optimistic. We have a warm climate and sometimes even in January it’s warm so it theoretically could work; all I have to lose is some seeds and some time, so I’m willing to experiment.

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There’s lots more to do this week, but these are my ‘discretionary’ projects. I’m conscious of how much these activities add to my day, but I do them to the degree that it works for me, and it’s a nice feeling to be purposefully busy.

Avivah

Local supermarket no longer selling foods from Osem conglomerate

frugal strategies

A month ago, I was at the supermarket and chatting with the checkout clerk, who commented that all the customers have been talking about how the prices have been going up.

When I returned ten days ago to the same large (chain) supermarket, I saw the following sign.

Translation: As the leading supermarket for the charedi population, we are doing all we can to bring our customers products at fair prices.

The change in prices by the Osem supplier has translated to a sharp increase in pricing that harms our clientele. As a result, it is expected that there will be a shortage of products by Osem, Materna, Nestle, Tzabar, Tivol and others.

As I continued through the store, I saw more and more signs like these, all in front of mostly empty shelves. Interesting, I mused – and somewhat concerning.

A few days later I was back at the same supermarket, and couldn’t help but overhear a very agitated customer complaining to a staff member about the foods that are in short supply. She said that it’s been six months with the prices rising and more and more products missing, and that if the management is going to stop selling items by these suppliers, they’re obligated to find other products to replace them. They can’t leave the customers without anything in that category.

It was an interesting conversation, and when they finished, I went over to the same staff member. I heard her say she’s been working there for 14 years and had some questions about what I heard and what I was seeing in the store.

She explained that prices have gone up so much by these suppliers that the management has made the decision not to carry them because their customers can’t afford it. Where they can, they replace the product with something similar made by a generic company, and are able to sell it at a price similar to what the product was previously sold for. However, since they only offer products that have a particular kosher certification, they are limited in what substitute products they can offer. This is a challenge unique to them, as the other supermarket chains can use off brands with any minimal kosher certification (or none) to replace the more expensive products.

What’s going to happen to the availability of these foods that they haven’t found a substitute for? There seem to be only three choices: the suppliers will drop their prices and the store will begin to sell them again; the suppliers will not drop their prices and the store will decide to sell them since they can’t get anything else; or the store will not carry these products and they will not be replaced by anything – in which case they will stay missing until the bigger economic picture sees an upturn.

The option of prices going down would be welcome, but unlikely. Are the products made by these brand name companies rising due to sudden price gouging? I doubt it. They need to stay in business and make their profit; they are selling it at the price they need to get to cover all their supply/production/storage/packaging/delivery expenses, all of which have gone up.

Neither of the other two options are encouraging – one means much higher prices and the other an absence of a number of products.

I don’t know which way things will go, but as I’ve been noticing these trends in rising food prices, over recent months I’ve been gradually recalibrating my shopping and cooking habits to continue to stay within my budget and make meals that everyone enjoys!

Avivah

The shul is not a playground – increasing supervision of children at synagogue

parenting

For many, many years, my policy regarding synagogue attendance has been as follows:

The shul/synagogue is a place for prayer, not a playground. To instill this message, we don’t allow our children to accompany their father to shul until they are old enough to sit next to him and daven for the entire service. We start with short services and gradually allow them to go for the longer ones.

For years, I met my husband at the end of the Shabbos day davening with all of the kids who were too young to go to shul (ie almost all of them). They could go in to shul at the very end (obviously only if they stood quietly), then enjoy the socialization after it ended – but they absolutely could not be running around and playing during davening time. Obviously not inside the shul, but not outside either.

I had zero tolerance for my kids running around at shul, and was very clear with our children: If you’re old enough to be at shul, you’re old enough to be davening, and if you don’t want to daven, you shouldn’t be at shul. That wasn’t just talk – that was consistently reinforced by action on my part. It’s worked quite well for our children to realize that going to shul is a privilege, and that prayer is something to value.

At some point in the last year and a half, we slowly shifted away from this without realizing it. My ten year old loves going to shul, and initially sat next to my husband most of the time. But gradually he noticed other kids playing outside and began to spend more and more time playing outside, too.

I’m not usually at shul, so it was only recently when I became saw how much time wasn’t being spent inside. Though I feel very strongly that the shul isn’t a place for children to run around without supervision while their fathers are praying, that was exactly our situation! (I must add that my husband frequently checks on our son, and my older sons also keep an eye out for him. But as much as they did, he still needs more than that.)

So he’s gotten used to a certain degree of unsupervised time. It’s so tempting to let a situation that has developed continue to slide, to turn a blind eye and convince yourself that it’s really not a big deal. But a seemingly unrelated situation inspired me to take some actions on this front.

A little dog came to visit us during Sukkos. It was cute and absolutely adored my dog, following him everywhere and doing everything he did. (That means he spent a lot of time sitting right next to me or following me since our dog likes to stay close to me.) This new dog truly thought this was his home and we were his new family, as evidenced by his strong guarding behavior of our home and our dog after less than a day.

I was relieved when we found the owner after three days, but the dog kept coming back to us. I began to feel trapped and resentful of this animal that insisted on making our home his own, and the owner who was happy to let him hang out with us rather than make any effort to keep him at home.

I took a mental step back when I felt my energy getting negative, and recognized it was time for me to take matters into my own hands instead of waiting for the owner to deal with it. I determined that this dog would no longer get the gratification of interacting with my dog, and as soon as he came, I would put him on a leash outside my gate. Then the owner, who kept saying she was unwilling to tie her dog up or restrain him in any way, would be notified each time that he was waiting to be picked up.

I felt very calm and relaxed once I decided upon a plan of action, and I consistently carried through. The first day, he came in the morning and evening. I immediately picked him up and tied him up outside; then I notified his owner. The next day, he came two times again. I did the same thing. The third day he came once. Each time his owner took her sweet time getting here – she lives less than a five minute drive from me but it generally took 2 – 3 hours each time to get him. After the third day, he didn’t show up anymore.

I don’t know if the dog got the message he was no longer going to be able to interact with my dog, or his owner realized it wasn’t going to be fun for her to get called every time he came and have to pick him up, so she decided to supervise/restrain him more rather than letting him run free. But either way, it worked and it reminded me of the power of clear, decisive boundaries that are enforced with calm and kindness.

It inspired me to take similarly focused actions with my ten year old. His boundaries at shul have gotten too loosely defined and it’s time to redefine them for him. That requires me to clarify for myself what boundaries I’m comfortable with, and then to communicate and reinforce them consistently to him.

The power of clarity is that it makes it possible to summon the energy to take actions you previously felt too unfocused and consequently worn out to do anything about.

In the last few days I’ve made the decision to go to shul in order to supervise much more closely when he’s there. The second part of the plan is to preempt his shul attendance by making it more fun and engaging to be home than at shul. That’s much easier said than done! Thinking about it feels daunting in terms of the physical and emotional energy it requires. But being clear on how important this is for him is very helpful.

I’m hopeful that when he realizes that he’s not getting the gratification that he’s used to, and experiences the consistency of my response, that he will soon get used to and accept the new boundaries.

Avivah

Celebrating our youngest daughter, the value of birthday circles

parenting

What a busy and enjoyable holiday season it’s been!

Our youngest daughter was born during Sukkos. This year on the day of her birthday, my second daughter (who was visiting with her family for the week) spontaneously suggested we make a special party for her sister, knowing it would mean a lot to her. I told her I thought it was a good idea but I was maxxed out with the nonstop cooking for all the holiday meals and wouldn’t have time to make something on short notice.

My daughter whipped up a three layer cake with filling and frosting, while my oldest daughter and sixteen year old son composed a grammen (rhyming poem recited aloud to a specific tune). That night after dinner, our birthday girl was surprised when my son performed the grammen, followed by birthday cake.

My older daughter also prepared a skit for that evening, but the skit participants didn’t feel they had enough time to prepare. We had chosen to make the party the night of her birthday, rather than waiting until the next night when all of our married children would be there with their families. We thought she would appreciate the quieter and more intimate setting, which she did.

However, with the change in plans with the skit, we decided to push the skit and birthday circle off to the next night, when all of our children would be there.

The next night, we began by repeating the grammen, since a number of people weren’t present the night before. Then the skit was performed, which was very funny; I was almost crying with laughter!

Finally, we had our traditional birthday circle, in which each person present shares something they appreciate about the birthday celebrant. My daughter had told me she doesn’t appreciate the joking that sometimes accompanies the circle, so I made an announcement to please not make any comments about anything someone else says and everyone respected that. She afterwards told us how meaningful and special it was for her.

About birthday circles – as nice as it is to hear people saying good things about you, it can also feel uncomfortable. I think it’s very important to learn to accept positive feedback, to recognize that you’re appreciated, to allow yourself to feel loved and valued, and to sit with the discomfort of listening to all the feedback in the presence of others, without making any comments to minimize what was said, or deflecting the praise.

For those giving the positive feedback, it’s important to practice seeing the good in others. To learn to express that in an honest and straightforward way is also an unfamiliar skill for many people; there’s a societal discomfort in straightforwardly letting people know that we like them or how they do things.

Having a yearly opportunity to honor each sibling gives everyone opportunities to practice these skills. We instituted birthday circles when our younger boys were very young, at least twelve years ago. Their early shares were very simple and sometimes silly. As time has gone on, they have evolved into being able to express meaningful and thoughtful feedback for someone else. The older siblings have commented on the quality of their younger brother’s feedback, saying that they didn’t have such well-thought out comments at that age. But they also hadn’t grown up with it for years like their younger siblings!

I don’t remember exactly when we began this custom and I don’t remember why, but I’m so glad it’s become part of our family culture. When you do something sporadically, it takes a lot of effort to remember to do it and then draft the cooperation of all participants. Since birthday circles are well-entrenched in our family routines, it takes minimal effort; everyone knows what to expect and what their part is. And of course, every person appreciates the opportunity to be the recipient of appreciation each year.

I encourage you to consider introducing a family tradition that will give family members a regular opportunity to express their appreciation for one another. It’s such a nice thing to be part of.

Avivah