Last night I did something I’ve never done before – I went to a shiva of a family I didn’t know at all. When I saw on the funeral notice that the parents of one of the young men murdered at the music festival was sitting shiva fifteen minutes away, it was important to me to go.

My children asked me what I was going to do at a shiva where I didn’t know the family? The victims of last week’s terrible tragedies were mostly not outwardly religious, and it was important to me as an individual and also as a representative of the charedi community to share that all of us are crying over the loss of their children – we are one people and their loss is our loss.

So I went. I couldn’t tell who was sitting shiva when I went in, as I didn’t see anyone sitting in a low chair or wearing a torn garment. The atmosphere was different than shiva houses I’ve been to in the past, and I didn’t see the mother at first. Finally I asked someone where she was and went inside to speak with her for a few minutes.

Before leaving I said the sentence traditionally recited before leaving a shiva house:
Hamakom yenakhem etekhem betokh shaar avelay tziyon viyrushalayim – May the Omnipresent comfort you among the rest of the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. She looked quizzical when I said it, and I wondered if I was saying something unfamiliar, even though shiva began several days ago. I had presumed until this visit that shiva customs were universally observed. In the future I would preface the phrase with a one sentence explanation.

This is a family and group of friends that identify as ‘leftists’, as I heard one of them say as I walked out. I’m not a political person and don’t like definitions that separate people but we live in a world where these identities can too easily obscure the person himself. While I did look and feel out of place, I’m nonetheless glad that I went and would encourage others to do the same. Unfortunately there are hundreds of shiva houses around the country right now and if you live in Israel, one is going to be in your proximity. The Jewish people is one family, and when one of us is hurt, all of us cry. I think there is some comfort in knowing that even those outside of one’s immediate sphere shares their loss.

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There are 164 199 (edited: higher number reported later in the day) Jewish hostages that were taken by terrorists into Gaza, including infants, young children and the elderly. We hope that more people will not be added to that number. Until today I was saying my own generic prayer for protection and safety for them all. When I saw this list with the name of each person listed, I was glad to have it so that I can pray for each of them individually.

Edited to add: I don’t know the source of this list; I don’t know how it was compiled and undoubtedly there are errors. There are people who may be listed who have since been found killed; there are hostages whose names are not listed. This seems to have been compiled last week and every day we are learning more and more. I’m sure there are errors – no one should consider this definitive. It’s what I’ve seen available at this point and it’s what I’m using until I see something different. My thought is that if I pray for someone who was killed, or someone who was hurt and later found, those prayers will still benefit them/their souls. My intention is to be of service in some small way by suggesting prayers are offered for these people; please don’t be upset at the lack of accuracy.

There is nothing- nothing – nothing – more powerful any of us can do than pray for the safety of all of these hostages.

If you prefer to pray for them in Hebrew, the list of names is below. I printed out a page of names for each of our family members to keep in their siddurim/prayer books.

At a time when we feel powerless and our ability to help seems almost non-existent, know that you can pick up this paper, ask Hashem/G-d to help these people, and read their names. It will take just a few minutes but the spiritual impact is enormous. No prayer is ever wasted, even if we don’t see the immediate desired result.

Avivah