Track your money, budget your money

Intentional Spending

I haven’t been actively budgeting in recent months so I’ve spent some time in the last couple of days remedying that.

Though I haven’t been budgeting, what I have been doing is tracking our expenses. Tracking is knowing what goes in and out of your account, and is something you must do to be a good steward of your money.

Here are a few things I noticed when tracking our expenses:

Last month I noticed that our mortgage payment went up 630 shekels – and our mortgage is fixed so it shouldn’t have gone up at all. I looked into it and for some reason the bank started charging us for home insurance – despite having a different insurance provider since 2023. When our insurance agent checked this for us, it showed that our paperwork was all in order and the necessary notifications had been made to the bank long ago, so we’ll get our money back. But if I didn’t track our expenses, the bank would have continued to automatically deduct this amount every month for years.

This week I noticed that a transfer I made to a different bank didn’t show up. It turns out that there were two account numbers and I sent it to the wrong one – I corrected that and the money is now in the right place.

Two weeks ago I saw that money that was supposed to be reimbursed to us by the health clinic hadn’t come in by the latest date they told me to expect. I went back into their office, and within two days the outstanding 850 shekels was in our account.

Several months ago, the horseback riding stable we had one meeting with charged us for three lessons for two children (ie six total lessons), and one lesson for another – hundreds of shekels for lessons that never took place. I got that refunded as well, and moved the kids to a different ranch for lessons.

A couple of months into the academic year, I noticed one of the tuitions wasn’t being deducted. My husband called the yeshiva and let them know they hadn’t activated the automatic withdrawal plan we had set up. If we hadn’t realized that, at some point they would have realized we weren’t paying and we would have accrued a high outstanding balance.

My husband once ordered an Adobe product. Months later, we were still being charged a monthly fee of 45 shekels for something he had forgotten about and never used – he cancelled it and we’re no longer being charged that fee.

We have another ongoing monthly expense, a charitable donation for a cause that we committed to for a year – I don’t know how long we’ve been donating for but it’s been a lot longer than that. I was glad to contribute initially but now I’d like to shift our giving to a different cause.

This isn’t an exhaustive list of things that I found, but some examples of the kind of things that come up when you track your money. What you learn when you track your expenses can save you a lot of money.

Ideally tracking includes tallying the total spent each month in each area of spending (eg, food, utilities, clothing, health, leisure, etc) so you know what you are spending your money on.

In October we reached the financial goal I shared with you last year, which was to pay off the smaller but higher interest loan of our two mortgages. (When we refinanced the track that was adjustable to a fixed rate, the two tracks of the mortgage were separated into two loans rather than one). It was an ambitious goal and tracking was critical to our success, because I controlled for the expenses that would have otherwise drizzled out with nothing to show for them, and all of that extra money in addition to the savings went to the principal of our mortgage loan.

Now I’m thinking about what I want to set as the next financial goal. It might be paying off the second mortgage loan, it might be putting it towards something more investment oriented. I’m still reflecting on that; there are pluses and minuses and I have to confront my own conservative tendencies and ask myself if that’s serving me as well as possible. Whatever I end up doing, it will benefit our finances for me to tighten up my money management even more and actively budget our money.

Let me share with you what the difference is between the two. Tracking is noting all of your expenses after the money is spent, and knowing how much you spend in each area.

Tracking is a critical preliminary step to getting your finances in order. If you’re not tracking, it’s likely you don’t have an accurate ideal of where your money is going and your money is leaking out.

Once you’ve tracked your spending, budgeting is the next step. Budgeting is looking forward, and determining how much you’ll spend in each area for the coming month. When our finances didn’t have much wiggle room, I had to carefully budget and there was no such thing as not having a budget established in advance. There’s no way we would have avoided going into debt and had an expansive life without being very on top of the details.

Budgeting is when you ask yourself, “Although I’ve spent a certain amount in a category in the past, is this really the amount I need to spend? Can I trim my expenses in that area and funnel the difference into savings? If so, what amount do I choose to allot for each area that will allow me to meet my financial goals?”

Tracking shows that I spend a certain amount of money each month on food. Budgeting is when I decide to spend the amount I want to spend, and to do whatever I need to do to keep my spending limited to that amount.

Budgeting feels very different than tracking; it’s proactive, intentional and powerful. It’s when you commit to yourself, “I’m going to set my goal and I’m going to reach it!” A good budget is a wonderful financial tool. I’m setting some parameters in my budget that will challenge me and am looking forward to seeing if I can jump over what feels like a high bar that I set.

Avivah

Prices are going up but we’re still living in good times

Intentional Spending, Self-Growth

I’ve been thinking a lot about money and frugality lately, particularly with the price increases that went into effect.

The following costs increased in Israel as of January 1, 2025:

  • property tax: 5.29% increase
  • electricity rates: 3.8%
  • water bills: 3.4%
  • Value Added Tax (VAT): 1% increase (this is added to every purchase in Israel, other than produce)
  • National Insurance contributions: rates will increase from 0.4% of income to 1.2%, a 0.8% increase

Tax credits will be frozen, we’ve been told public transportation costs will go up, food will continue to go up – everything is expected to get more expensive. That’s not such a pleasant thought, particularly as we’ve experienced inflation and rising prices in the last few years.

I’ve read a number of articles about the price increases and the message of every single one is that they are going to negatively impact our society. It doesn’t resonate with me to tell people how much worse off they’re going to be, because I don’t like narratives that turn you into victims. It never benefits you.

You have choices in every situation that can improve your situation in some way. Sometimes life is hard, even very hard, but there are still better or worse ways to think about and deal with your situation.

My approach to these increases is to ask myself, and a question I encourage others to ask if they’re concerned about prices going up, how can I make the coming year as good or better than the one that just ended? Is it possible? I think so and that’s my goal for the year to come. For that to happen I’ll need to be more intentional about goal setting, budgeting and spending.

When people complain that things just keep getting worse and never get better, I wonder if they’ve lost sight of the bigger picture, as we live in a time of unprecedented abundance.

You have clean running water and indoor plumbing; chamber pots and outhouses aren’t the norm. You can take a hot shower inside your own home. You dress in clothes washed in a washing machine, you don’t boil huge pots of water to do the laundry or scrub it down at the river’s edge. You turn on your stove and oven with a flick of a dial – my great grandmother had a wood stove and cried with happiness when she got a gas stove. The physical effort you need to expend on a daily basis to provide for your needs is miniscule compared to the past.

You have stores filled with a variety of food products unimaginable to past generations and can find just about everything, regardless of seasonality. You have large quantities of inexpensive foods in every store in your country. You don’t have to stand on food lines waiting for hours for your one allotted loaf of bread, only to find out that there’s none left and then you need to stand on the next line for your allotment of potatoes for the week. You can buy whatever quantity that you want.

Clothing and household goods have never been less expensive and more easily acquired. You often don’t even have to leave your home – click on the computer to order and it arrives at your door a day or a week later. I have a clothing order that’s supposed to come today that I ordered from overseas less than three weeks ago; in the past my orders came within a week and I feel as if something’s not right for it to have taken so long to get here! When we get used to luxuries, we take them for granted.

Thrift and second hand stores are filled with items that are in excellent condition, often unused. My daughter volunteered at a clothing gemach and told me the quality and quantity of donations is so high that they don’t keep anything missing a button, needing any kind of repair or not in perfect condition or out of date. That reflects a level of material abundance that didn’t exist thirty years ago.

So being grateful will make you a happier person. Being more content and positive about life is worthy of the effort on its own. But when it comes to money, it’s not putting more money in your pocket, is it?

Maybe it can. When you feel grateful for what you have, you feel less entitled and more willing to consider different options. When you focus on all that you have, you need less. When you recognized you need less, you buy less. When you buy less, you have more money to put into savings. And that happens without feeling deprived and unhappy.

Avivah

Our family Chanuka party

Parenting

It’s customary for families to have a family party on Chanuka and since we have several married children who will be having family parties on the side of their spouse (and those families have more married children who will be having parties for their families…), it’s a logistics issue to find an evening that everyone can come to. I didn’t want to wait until the last minute and not have an evening everyone was available, so six weeks ago I connected with my daughter in Jerusalem who usually does the hosting to plan a date.

Happily, all of the other family parties coordinated with our date – one son had one on Saturday night, one son and one daughter had a party on Sunday night, we had our party Monday night, and one son has a party on Wednesday night.

When children get married, the relationship with them changes and that continues to shift with time. Every family will have their own dynamic – ours includes living far from all of our married children, and having a wide range of ages that include children who still need a lot of supervision. Our married children visit periodically for Shabbos, but as time goes on and their families grow, naturally they come less frequently.

My husband and I discussed what we want our relationship with our married children to look like, and agreed that we don’t want to rely on them coming to visit as the only time we see them. For us to visit each family individually is right now not realistic, due to distance and work/school scheduling for everyone. Sometimes our married children get together and my husband and I agreed when they do this we’d like to make the effort to attend.

Last year attending the family Chanuka party was impossible, as the twins were so much in emotional transition that being in a group of people would have been overwhelming and been stressful for all of us. This year we’re in a different place and really wanted to be there, to spend time with our grandchildren and married children.

One daughter is in the US with her family, one son stayed at yeshiva and one daughter-in-law wasn’t feeling well, but otherwise everyone was there. And it was so, so nice to be together with them all.

It was low key and pleasant. We had a shared meal and everyone contributed something (except us, unfortunately the main dish I prepared was forgotten at home).

My husband planned an activity to do with the younger children, and exclaimed to me afterwards about how engaging all of our grandchildren are, and and how much he enjoyed spending this time with them.

We were pleasantly surprised that our younger four children were calm and engaged appropriately the entire time with hardly any need for input from us. That’s a Chanuka miracle of its own – that could never have happened even six months ago.

My youngest married daughter is a career coach and coordinated in advance with my husband a Chanuka-themed guided expressive drawing activity for the adults that she did at the end of the evening. When asked about it in advance I said I didn’t think this was the best venue for an activity like this because parents would need to be busy with their children, but I was completely wrong about that. The kids were busily and constructively occupied with the craft materials we brought while we did this activity. It was interesting to see as each person shared their drawing afterwards how reflective of their inner selves and aspirations each was.

It’s a lot of driving for us to get there – three and a half hours in driving rain on the way there, over two hours on the way back; we spent four hours in Jerusalem and got home at 2:30 in the morning. Today will be a day that I anticipate a lot of tiredness in the younger children that are likely to result in behaviours they’ll need guidance managing.

But it was worth being together with all of these amazing human beings who are our family. I’m so proud of each and every one of them, and my husband and I never stop feeling amazed and humbled by them all.

Avivah

My thoughts on cancer screening

Healthy Living

I’ve had kids home the last couple of weeks almost every day for one reason or another so it’s taken me time to get this post out to you.

Before I get into the topic, since it’s the first day of Chanuka and every year people ask me for my recipe for doughnuts, I’m linking it here for you so you don’t need to search. It’s heartwarming to know that some of you have been making this recipe since I first posted my recipe here thirteen years ago!

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I’m going to continue to respond to questions asked about doing screenings for cancer. I’d like to start by addressing an underlying attitude towards screenings that you may not have considered.

The thought behind the need to do screenings, is that there are all of these scary things that can happen to us, to any of us, any time, randomly, and we need to take every precaution to catch them before they bring us down. Inherently, that leads you to think of yourself as a potential problem waiting to happen.

For me, thinking in this way would lead me to living in a perpetual state of low grade anxiety and fear, worrying that something could be wrong with me and running to get tested to reassure myself that I’m okay. Instead, I choose the baseline position that I’m a healthy person. This is not from a place of denial, but I actively choose to view myself as strong, healthy and capable; it’s empowering and psychologically healthy .

>> sometimes it is important to do preventive testing. My 40-year-old sister-in-law decided to go for a mammogram only because her close friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and it scared her. My SIL had no symptoms whatsoever and was healthy and energetic. Sadly, she was also diagnosed with breast cancer. Boruch Hashem after chemo and double mastectomy and oophorectomy, she is in remission, but had she not done that mammogram, things could have been very different. <<

I am so glad to hear that your sister-in-law is doing well, and I’m not questioning in any way if this was the right decision for her to make.

I’m going to share some thoughts for you to consider – I’m asking you to not reflexively respond but to let the points sit with you for a moment.

I’ll begin with briefly referencing a summary by the American Cancer Society of concerns with the effectiveness and accuracy of mammograms that include false negatives, false positives, overdiagnosis and overtreatment.

You can read the link, but I’ll sum it up more briefly here: One in eight breast cancers aren’t picked up by the mammogram, leading to a false negative. That means there are women who have done the testing who think they’re fine who actually have cancer.

Over a ten year period, half of women having mammograms will get a false positive – they will be told they have abnormal results when they don’t have any cancer whatsoever. That leads to further testing and treatment, as well as stress and anxiety.

Finding a cancer that wouldn’t cause problems is referred to as ‘overdiagnosis’. There are cancers that wouldn’t be found and wouldn’t grow or spread if there hadn’t been a screening for them; they will not become life-threatening. It is possible to be completely unaware of the presence of the cancer, and live a long and healthy life, untreated.

Treating cancers that wouldn’t cause any problems is called ‘overtreatment’. When a cancer is found, a doctor can’t know which will cause problems and which won’t, so he will advise treatment for all of them. That means that a lot of women will unnecessarily undergo cancer treatment.

And finally, just because they find a cancer when it’s small doesn’t mean it can be treated successfully.

Mammograms also expose women to radiation. While the phrasing that is consistently used for all sorts of medical procedure is ‘the benefits far outweigh any risks’, there are a number of reasons for a woman may question if this is a screening that is actually to her benefit to participate in.

If you’re interested, here’s an article from the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine: Mammography is dangerous and should be abandoned.

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Let’s say that you do testing that shows you have cancer, and now you have to do something about it. Now what?

The standard of care is chemotherapy and radiation, and this is what doctors are obligated to recommend. It’s considered malpractice for them not to suggest that.

Chemotherapy is poison. The goal is for the chemotherapy to be more toxic to the cancer cells than the human receiving it, and kill the cancer cells before it kills the human. That’s how it works. It’s brutal, and the person who is ‘cured’ is one who can survive chemo. One day we’ll look back with horror on this barbaric treatment but currently this is our standard of care.

Another aspect of standard care is radiation therapy. According to the American Cancer Society, radiation therapy used to treat cancer is linked to the further development of cancer. So it’s a treatment that contributes in the long term to what it’s supposed to be eliminating in the short term.

Here’s an emotionally charged point to consider: When a person is diagnosed, treated for cancer and then dies, we make the presumption that it’s the cancer that killed them. We don’t question if the treatment contributed to their death, and if they would have lived longer and with less suffering without the chemo and radiation.

According to the genetic disease model, there’s not much to do in the way of prevention other than screening and preemptively removing body parts. People do what they feel they need to do to save their lives, and if this is the best option presented to them, then of course they’re going to do that.

Are the only ways to treat cancer with chemotherapy, radiation and the removal of affected body parts? Is there anything more effective and less toxic that can be done? Are there any preventative steps that can be taken?

Cancer researcher Dr. Thomas Seyfried has written extensively about cancer being a metabolic disease. This is counter to the prevailing view of cancer as a genetic disease. Metabolic therapies that lower blood glucose and elevate ketones will quickly reduce tumor growth, extend lifespan and in some cases cause complete remission.

Several years ago I was on a group hike with a bunch of women, and got to chatting with someone I hadn’t met before, who mentioned she doesn’t give her children sugar. Naturally, I asked her why. She told me as a lab researcher she’s seen what happens to cancer cells in a petri dish when they are given sugar- the cancer explodes. And she just can’t give that to her children to eat.

What fuels cancer cells? Glucose and glutamine. That’s sugar. Glucose immediately goes into blood stream and into the tumor cell. A tumor cell is one that has out of control division. The only way to shut down growth of these cells is to get rid of their fuel and transition the body to a fuel that the cancer cells can’t use to grow. Starve the cell and the cancer can’t continue to grow.

Unfortunately, cancer patients are generally told they can eat anything they want, and cancer wards tend to be filled with sugary foods. It’s interesting to consider the ethics of giving a patient chemo to kill the cancer cells, giving them no dietary guidance to reduce or eliminate sugar, and then following up their treatment with a hospital tray of sugary foods.

The highest risk factor for cancer are processed carbohydrates in your diet; the constant barrage of these foods is the highest risk factor for all of the most common diseases. Elevated blood sugar leads to systemic inflammation. Yet not only is that the standard diet, the dietary pyramid recommends high carbohydrate consumption as the foundation of a healthy diet.

***Edited to add – I am not suggesting that if someone is diagnosed with cancer, all that is necessary to treat it is a dietary approach. Not at all. There are other alternative therapies that I would personally look at in that case. What I am stating is that prevention is better than the cure and it would be wise to take a preventative and preemptive approach to minimize the development of systemic inflammation in our bodies that leads to all kinds of diseases. As such, diet is an important preventative factor to be aware of.***

Massive amounts of money have been spent on the ‘war on cancer’ but it doesn’t seem to me that it’s doing much good. Cancer rates are steadily rising – right now it’s predicted that one of every two people will develop cancer by the time he is 85. That’s downright scary, and if you believe it’s screening that will save your life, those statistics will probably send you running to do some testing to be assured you’re not one of those two people.

Though previous generations of my family had a high cancer rate and that would seemingly dictate that genetically I’m at high risk, I take a different approach. We live in a world of toxins and eating well won’t eliminate the poisons in our foods, air, and all the products that are part of our every day lives (for example, microplastics in just about everything). However, if I can change my diet and eliminate the highest risk factor, it makes sense to me to do that.

I’m not a passive victim waiting for cancer to strike me. There are things I can do to make myself less of a likely target, and I’d rather do them than participate in screenings and the follow-up treatments with all of the risks they entail.

Avivah



More about preventative health screenings

Healthy Living

In this post I’m going to give a broader view of my perspective, my reasoning and thinking behind my decision to decline routine health exams at this stage of my life.

The first reaction to me choosing not to do routine health screenings may be to think that’s somewhat reckless and irresponsible.

What I think is irresponsible is handing over your health and the quality of your life to someone else. I want to use resources thoughtfully and judiciously, not just because someone from the doctor’s office calls and tells me because of my age it’s time to do something.

I’m not giving medical advice to anyone else. I’m certainly not denying the value of accessing those with more experience and knowledge as partners in your health. I advocate and practice a preventative lifestyle in which education and knowledge are central, and don’t believe in being oblivious to or ignoring issues.

If you have a concern, go get it checked out. Then if a health concern is revealed that you need to address, research and make a decision based on all of that knowledge as to what is best in your situation.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to take responsibility for your own health. That is part and parcel of my mindset and how I live. I appreciate any and all help from others, but try not to expect others to save me from myself.

>>As for having health checks such as blood tests, mammogram over age 40, blood pressure and more, unfortunately they are vital and save millions of lives daily. It would have been so easy and ideal if health was all about how we feel, though many illnesses begin silently and erupt suddenly, without the person ever having previous noticeable health issues or discomforts. If those tests are available and don’t provide side effects, we should be grateful for them…<<

Please don’t think I’m picking on the person whose question I am responding but since people often make statements like this – are you certain that millions of lives are saved daily as a result of these checks? Statistically it’s hard for me to believe that claim is true.

Here are some questions I would suggest you consider:

  • Is it possible that sometimes these tests are inaccurate or flawed?
  • Is it possible that these tests/or treatments have side effects?
  • Is is possible that the treatment for whatever has been diagnosed may cause a worse outcome than taking a different approach?
  • Do you assume that if the doctors are doing it, it must be right, it must be documentably the best course of action, and it must lead to the best results?

Perhaps some of your presumptions as to the benefit of widespread allopathic testing and treatment may be flawed.

The third leading cause of death in the United States is medical error. It is preceded by cancer and heart disease, both strongly impacted by diet. Based on those brief facts, doesn’t it make sense to: 1) invest a lot more time learning about and implementing proper nutrition so you can take a preventative approach and minimize the chances of dying of cancer and heart disease, and 2) stop using the medical system as the first stop for every question or concern so as to minimize the danger of medical error and prescription drug misdiagnosis or contraindication?

When it comes to routine tests, I want to know what the purpose of the screening is, how it works, what the accuracy rate is, and then consider what steps will be taken if a health condition is uncovered.

The screenings are generally for signs of cancer, heart disease and diabetes.

Here are more questions: What leads to cancer? What leads to heart disease? What leads to diabetes? None of them suddenly or randomly pop up, even if a sudden diagnosis may lead us to believe that.

Are any of those things you can control? Are there any things you can change about what you’re doing to lower your likelihood of getting them? What are those changes? Can you proactively make those changes before getting a hard diagnosis?

There is so, so much that you can do to improve each area of your health. You can participate in testing, or preempt the testing and take proactive actions before there’s a reason for concern, which is what I do.

I believe you can pay attention to how you feel and you don’t need to rely on someone else to tell you how you’re feeling, any more than a woman in labor needs someone else looking at the monitor to tell her she’s having a contraction.

>> I am not sure that not going to health care clinic just because we feel good and healthy. I did not know I had high blood pressure until I had to go to doctor. So how safe, by not going, will be?? I prefer to be checked as I’m getting closer to 60’s. <<

If you feel comfortable doing these screenings, then by all means, do them! Again, I’m not telling anyone not to do something they think is important.

I’ll address the point about not knowing you had high blood pressure, but first, some things to consider.

Here are questions I would ask about high blood pressure/hypertension: What causes high blood pressure? What are symptoms of high blood pressure? How can you treat high blood pressure? What happens if you don’t treat high blood pressure?

I’ll help you out and save you some research time 🙂 -primary hypertension is caused by hyperinsulinemia, the excess of insulin in your blood stream.

Here’s a link to a typical cardiologist’s recommendations for lifestyle changes if you have high blood pressure. What does it say?

“Avoid smoking.
Eat a heart-healthy diet, especially one that is low in salt.
Exercise under the directions of your doctor.
If you’re overweight, talk to your doctor about weight loss options.
Limiting alcohol consumption to 1 drink per day for women and 2 drinks per day for men.
Manage stress.”

These are standard guidelines that are telling you, if you don’t smoke, drink alcohol in larger quantities, if you move your body, manage your stress and eat a nutritious diet (important to note that the diet recommended in the link on that site will not improve high blood pressure so obviously all ‘healthy’ diets aren’t created equal and in my opinion avoiding salt isn’t a good idea), then it’s highly unlikely you’re going to have high blood pressure.

As someone who follows those healthy lifestyle recommendations, is it irresponsible for me to not regularly get my blood pressure tested? (In case you’re wondering, my blood pressure has always been on the low side of normal.)

Back to not knowing you had high blood pressure – eventually, a person with high blood pressure will show symptoms. That goes back to my comment in my last post about being in touch with yourself and noticing if something changes in the state of your health.

Now that you know you have high blood pressure, what are you going to do with that information to empower yourself and become a healthier version of you?

>>I have the same question. Aren’t there health conditions that are easier to treat if caught early, and that don’t present symptoms at early stages? I’m curious to understand your perspective<<

Absolutely it’s easier to treat something if you learn about it sooner than rather than when it’s more advanced. I am one hundred percent a proponent of being proactive and not waiting for issues to show up, or treating something when it’s small rather than waiting for it to get bigger.

The question might better be asked, is screening the only way to be proactive and careful about your health? Is screening really the best way to be careful about your health?

Let’s think about diabetes (which is reversable), for which we do screening. What are some subtle signs of blood sugar that’s getting too high? Weight gain, moodiness/anxiety, rising blood pressure, cavities/dental infections, frequent infections. There are signs that something isn’t right before you get diabetes. It doesn’t suddenly happen.

If I stop eating foods that raise blood sugar, is it irresponsible of me to not screen for pre-diabetes? If I rarely get sick, have stable moods, no dental issues or infections of any kind – am I being neglectful not to do this screening? Or am I doing something that others can also be doing to take meaningful preventative action?

Is there something that concerns you about your health, something that is a low-grade worry but not something serious enough to check out? Pay attention to that. Don’t ignore that inner voice. Ignoring things doesn’t make it go away. What are you worried about?

You’ve seen me share the kind of questions I ask to get clarity about what steps to take. You can ask yourself those same questions, and then do something proactive to improve your health. I want you to feel empowered to take action to help yourselves, not to put the power onto a health provider or a test and certainly not to pretend everything is fine and ignore symptoms you may be experiencing.

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Now the final question that I listed in the beginning is, what if a health issue is revealed? What will you do?

Hopefully all your scans and testing will come out just fine. But there’s a possibility that they won’t at some point in your life. Then what?

Then you’ll really need to take the time to ask some questions and learn, because the traditional allopathic choices will be medication that invariably comes with side effects or a medical procedure that you might want to avoid. These are valid options if you’re comfortable with them, but since my goal is health and wellness and not the management of disease, those aren’t the first line strategies that I would adopt.

That doesn’t mean declining treatment and wasting away. Fortunately there is always more than one way to treat a health issue, and some will be more effective and less toxic than others.

However, to be able to say, ‘thank you for the information and I’ve chosen a different way to address my health concern’ isn’t easy to do. Not at all. You’ll really need to be confident in the information and resources you’ve gathered to stand your ground, and at the core, you need to believe in yourself as a competent and capable person. You need to be able to trust yourself as able to make good choices for yourself.

As you can see, I don’t reflexively say ‘no’ and refuse to participate in standard medical screenings. Seeing myself, rather than my doctor, as responsible for my health puts the onus of responsibility on me. A lot of people feel that that’s too heavy a responsibility for them to take on, but whether you actively accept the responsibility or not, it’s your life and it’s therefore your responsibility.

Avivah

PS – I’ll address some other questions asked relating to cancer in my next post.

You as the expert in you

Self-Growth

I had a fascinating conversation yesterday.

A woman I spoke to shared that she been struggling in a certain area and was looking for resources to help her. As she looked in depth at different programs available, she began to feel concerned about the meta message inherent in the various products she was looking at. That message was, you can’t improve or grow or figure out an issue you’re having without a professional telling you how to do it.

In the end, through a lot of introspection and conversation with a trusted family member, she was able to work through it on her own. She found it very empowering to come to a positive resolution on her own, and after getting clarity on what the real issue was, is confident that the program she was considering enrolling in wouldn’t have helped her deal with it. She would have missed out on all that personal development if she had gone the route of enrolling in a course.

Obviously, there are lots of great courses out there that can enrich someone’s life. And since effective marketing is often about telling people how badly off they are without your product and why you’ll be better with it, there’s going to be a message of ‘buy this for your life to be better’.

She wasn’t questioning if these courses can be valuable at times, and obviously there are times that you can benefit by turning to professionals for targeted assistance. She was expressing concern that the overall message is disempowering and leads people to stop tuning in to and trusting themselves.

Someone else recently shared with me that she’s taking yet another personal development course and she ‘hopes this one will be everything I want it to be’. ‘Of course it won’t,’ I told her with a smile.

How do I know that? Because she has a lot of things to deal with in her life and there’s no course that will give her the results she’s hoping for. The answers she’s looking for are inside of her, and she’s not going to find them by taking one more course and one more and one more and one more.

There are two different components in this message of disempowerment:

  1. You need professionals to help you improve your life and can’t trust your own instincts and thoughts, because you aren’t a professional.
  3. You start looking for the answers outside of yourself and stop seeing yourself as the locus of control. If something isn’t working, then you need to find a different resource, a different advisor – it’s about them, not about you.

This is an incredibly disempowering attitude to adopt, but it’s one that is becoming more prevalent and we don’t even realize the subliminal messages coming from all directions that lead us to think like this.

As a special needs and foster mom I regularly speak with therapists, psychologists and social workers who express surprise at my understanding of human psychology and child development, and ask me how I know what I know.

Here’s something mind bending to consider: Did you know that you can learn a lot about a topic, even acquiring a high level of knowledge in an area, without getting a degree in it?

While we may intellectually believe this, we somehow still tend to believe that the average person needs an ‘expert’ to tell him how to best live his life.

I got a call a month ago from my health clinic letting me know that the tests I haven’t done that they recommend for someone my age are building up and strongly encouraging me to come in to have them done. I told the nurse calling that I’m concerned about my health, take appropriate steps to care for my health, and if I feel in need of testing in any area of concern, I’ll come in.

Then she asked me, “But how can you know you’re healthy if you don’t do the testing?”

Her response is a perfect example of the ‘expert is outside of you’ paradigm. It’s irrelevant how I feel or what I know after a half a century as to what living in my body feels like – if I haven’t taken a test to tell me I’m okay, I can’t be okay.

In my view, how do I know I’m healthy? I look at myself in the mirror, I see myself, I live in my body – if I’m free of pain, if everything works well, if I think clearly, if I have energy – I’m healthy. There are symptoms that indicate that imbalances are beginning to present in one’s health; disease doesn’t occur overnight. If you’re paying attention you’ll generally notice when something isn’t feeling right, when something is changing.

It’s unfortunate when we accept what others tell us about ourselves as more valuable than what we think or know. Even when you turn to the experts, a doctor can’t make you healthy, a therapist can’t heal your childhood traumas, a coach or course can’t give you self-esteem- they can only support you in taking care of yourself. They would be the first to tell you that you have to do the heavy lifting yourself; you have to make the effort and invest in yourself.

Often you can make those same or better efforts for yourself with your own insight and your own research, as the woman I referenced at the start did. Your success is in your hands; don’t discount who you are and what you know.

When you selectively turn to someone for assistance in furthering your development in any given area, remember that the magic is in what you do with the knowledge they share.

Avivah

Why I changed my diet to zero carb/carnivore

Healthy Living, nutrition

A couple of weeks ago I shared about the health improvements I’ve seen since upgrading my nutrition, and naturally a number of you asked me to share what I’ve changed.

Eight years ago, I encountered a dietary approach that was new to me. I did some brief reading on a personal website of someone sharing her experience, and while I appreciated it was beneficial to the individual sharing about it, I didn’t read more deeply with the intent to understand.

A year later, I came across information about this same approach, but this time I was intellectually curious enough to do a LOT of reading. After a deep dive, I was intrigued by the level of healing I had never seen before on any eating plan I had investigated – not whole foods, vegetarian, vegan, keto, WAP (Weston A. Price) – all of which I’ve experimented with personally at length.

What was most fascinating and surprising to me was seeing the healing of significant mental health issues that are assumed to be treatable only with medication. I had never seen testimonials of people with issues like these healed by any other diet. I also saw a tremendous amount of physical healing of many issues that generally aren’t considered dietically related (everything, everything, everything about your health is impacted by what you eat!!!). It was just amazing.

My husband has a much more sensitive digestive system than I do and as a result, has to be very careful about what he eats. I told my husband about the many testimonials of physical healing I read about, and it was about seven years ago that I suggested he consider following these guidelines.

My husband has a lot of faith in my research, and began immediately without even reading any more about it. I began with him and felt great for the five weeks I did it but budgetarily it was a strain for us and since I wasn’t suffering any health issues or discomfort in any way, wanted to direct our food budget resources to him. He stayed with it for two and a half years before shifting back into GAPS due to finances.

Since then I’ve continued learning and reading about this approach. When I first came across it, it was known about by a relatively small group of people who had tried everything else to heal and were desperate enough to do something different. I came to believe this was an ideal way of eating but almost never spoke of what I learned: I wasn’t doing it myself, and secondly because it was completely opposite all mainstream nutrition advice so there’s so much to explain. I expected it would remain far outside of the social norms forever.

However, there were some high profile individuals who shared about their success eating like this. As a result, interest in this approach has grown and particularly in the last couple of years it has really gained traction.

This way of eating has become popularly known as the carnivore diet, though the term I originally heard used and still prefer is zero carb. I follow the guidelines of the original group where it’s kept really simple: meat, chicken, eggs, fish, beef fat and butter. I stay away from dairy for the most part (the hardest thing for me to give up was our own raw goat dairy, and why I took a very long time to commit to trying this).

I’ve been eating this way for ten months. Despite my reticence to share about this, this is something that can help with so many health issues and it would be selfish to keep it to myself.

Unfortunately our public nutritional guidelines are so completely corrupted that there’s no way for a person to achieve good health long term by following those guidelines. The official guidelines will lead to the doctor’s office and long term medications for physical and psychological diagnoses.

In contrast, zero carb eating can reverse many chronic conditions and keep a person healthy with minimal input from the medical system in most cases.

When I began researching this topic, there was very little available online. Most of the information was in Facebook groups. But now you can find so many people with lots of experience with this way of eating talking about it at length, including medical doctors from all disciplines.

If you want to know about why not vegetables (Dr. Anthony Chaffee), or what about cholesterol/ won’t this give you a heart attack (heart surgeon Dr. Philip Ovadia), or how does it affect your mental health (pyschiatrist Dr. Georgia Eades), how to eat for fertility (Dr. Robert Kiltz), how it affects your eye health (Dr. Lisa Wiedeman), or every aspect of general health (Dr. Ken Berry, Dr. Shawn Baker) you have so much information available. I have listened to hundreds of interviews of people sharing their personal health transformations (No Carb Life has eight hundred so far; a number of other Youtube channels have many great interviews as well).

I believe this is the way of eating that will give the most health benefits to the average human, and though it’s not necessary for everyone, in that vast majority of people it will be very beneficial. I was in pretty good health but still have seen improvements in hormone balancing, joint pain, metabolism, energy and mental clarity.

It’s wonderful that something so simple can make such a big difference, and maybe that’s the hardest part about it. We’ve been conditioned to believe that achieving good health is complicated and difficult, when actually our bodies are intended to be healthy and move towards healing and wellness when given the nutritional building blocks it needs.

Avivah

Eliminating joint pain by cleaning up my diet

Healthy Living, nutrition

Nine months ago I sat down and made a list of health concerns, however small they seemed.

The main thing that concerned me was a pain in my hip. I’ve written here about going to the osteopath for that and getting relief from it. He said it was caused by misalignment, and I noticed it happened whenever I was very busy. So I would rest more often. Then it started happening more often. To compensate, when standing I would shift my weight to my other leg.

As a result of my compensation, I began getting discomfort in my left knee, which then travelled to the bottom of the left foot and manifested as a tightness of the muscles. When the osteopath worked on my foot, he said something about the plantar fascia, and then I realized it was the beginning of plantar fasciitis. Oy.

I asked him what I was supposed to do to stay in alignment, but I was doing everything suggested and I still needed regular appointments (about every 4 – 6 weeks). Then I heard an interview with a doctor who was asked how she chose her specialty of endocrinology, and she said she had been an osteopath and began noticing how many of her patients in their forties and fifties were coming for weekly appointments because their bodies couldn’t hold the alignment. She wanted to study hormones to help women stay in good health.

I don’t remember what she said after that, but realizing that me not being able to stay in alignment was something others in my age range were experiencing was a jolt and got me thinking.

(I also felt stiffness when standing up after sitting for a while, and mild soreness in the joints of my hands periodically. It seemed minor but I included this in my list. )

It occurred to me that the pain I was having might be caused by internal inflammation rather than the localized muscle discomfort I was assuming it to be. If so, I was making a mistake by treating the symptoms of pain rather than addressing the underlying cause.

Along with my thoughts about the possible physical causes, I reflected on my expectations of what it means to get older. I didn’t want to internalize the societal belief that getting older means more pain and less mobility, and I was ready to actively challenge that belief. I wanted to create a new expectation for myself, that as I get older I will be active and energetic, flexible and healthy.

Once I was honest with myself about what I was feeling, I resolved to do something different. If it was possible my hip pain was caused by inflammation, then I needed to reduce the inflammation. How could I do that?

By changing my diet.

I resisted this for a long time because my diet was pretty good; most people would say it was very good. But once I was willing to be honest with myself, I knew I needed to make some changes.

I eliminated every possible source of inflammation, and soon began feeling more energy. I began losing some of the weight I put on after the car accident that had left me completely sedentary. But the hip pain didn’t go away as quickly as I expected.

In the first three weeks the plantar fasciitis disappeared, then the pain in my left knee, but I still had some periodic discomfort in my right hip. But I began noticing my overall movement became much more comfortable and fluid; I easily and quickly shifted from sitting or laying down to standing up. I got up and down from the floor without thinking about it. My hands never felt any soreness.

The pain in my hip faded and I don’t know when it completely disappeared because I stopped being aware of it. It might have been a month or even six weeks until it was completely gone.

One day my husband and I took the kids for a walk and he lagged behind me with one of them. When he caught up to me, he asked me if I was aware that I was walking differently. Again, changes happen over time and he hadn’t noticed my gait had changed as a result of the pain until he saw me walking without pain. He commented on it again a week later, marvelling and saying the difference was miraculous, that I walk with the same fluidity I had in my twenties.

Recently over the two weeks of holidays, I ate some foods I don’t usually eat – things you would call ‘healthy’. I had some moussaka – with eggplant, ground beef, homemade tomato sauce and a coconut cream ‘cheese’ topping. I ate some halva ice cream – made with dates, coconut cream and tahini. I had some fresh fruit and some compote, some slices of cheese, three small pieces of potato. These were the only changes to my usual way of eating, all seemingly small quantities over a two week period.

The homemade ice cream was clearly a sugar overload for me – I napped afterward as if I had taken a sleeping pill. As far as the other foods, my digestion wasn’t as perfect as it usually is.

What took a little longer was for my hip to begin hurting again.

It didn’t happen immediately after I ate a peach or a slice of cheese. But the pain is a powerful reminder of what I used to feel and I’m so glad for the reminder. It’s remarkably easy to forget the negatives when they’re no longer part of your life and to take good health for granted. I didn’t intend this to be a test of what I’m sensitive to, but that’s what it’s been.

I have been blessed for many months now to consistently feel very good physically and emotionally, and have taken that for granted. Now it’s easy for me to see when something I eat detracts from that, and I’m glad for the motivating nudge to recommit to giving my body the fuel it needs to feel its best.

Avivah

Not giving up but letting go and renewing a sense of purpose

Foster Care, Parenting

I’ve been deeply reflective and feeling pensive about the foster care system for the last few days.

I shared with my social worker earlier this week how difficult it’s been for the last several months; I’m constantly dealing with emotional outbursts and one particular child who is seemingly oblivious to boundaries; it’s very draining and demands enormous patience. Ds7’s behavior has gotten quite obnoxious and all of us are finding it hard to be around him. (The therapist was happy to hear about this and told me they usually hope to see these behaviors at 2 – 3 years after placement so he’s ahead of schedule at less than a year and a half; I laughed and told her she’ll be even happier to know that dd7 is doing the same kind of things but less often.) It’s challenged me because there are things I have no tolerance for – specifically disrespect to parents – and his behaviors trip over that.

With the schools being closed and no other outlets outside of the home available due to the war, I’ve been stretched thin emotionally.

Usually I’m allotted additional babysitting hours during the summer or holiday months from the foster care agency. Since the kids can’t go to school because of the war, I requested additional hours, but this time was told I could have only a minimal number of hours, with the explanation that implied that I didn’t deserve more. I told the social worker I understand if they don’t have the funding now because everyone wants extra hours, but it’s very frustrating and invalidating to get the response I did, and I wonder if they understand the reality of living with emotionally needy and intense children.

I reminded her that we committed to what we were told would be involved, but more and more continues to be demanded of us without any additional support or even understanding of the difficulty of what we’re being asked to do being recognized.

She responded that she genuinely understands and any time it’s too much for us, I can tell her and they’ll rehome the twins (the likely placement would be to an institution).

I don’t know if the intention was to be reassuring – this is the second time I was told this, the first was after the harassment from the guardian ad litem – but I really wasn’t happy with this response.

I said very sharply, I’ve never said I want to find a new home for them, that’s not at all my intention and that’s not the point of anything I’ve said. Don’t you see the absurdity of spending 10 – 20,000 shekels a month on a dormitory school per child, but there’s not enough funding for even a few hundred shekels a month for respite for foster families, especially when everyone knows the outcome will be much better with a family than for children placed in institutions??

I’ve come to the realization that as well-intended as some in the foster care system are, the system itself is not there to help or support me as a foster parent – and that’s not the primary goal for foster children, either; in fact, their policies can work against the wellbeing of children. I see this again and again, that in the focus on minutiae the big picture is lost.

Here’s an example. The above conversation began when I was notified a couple of days ago that ds7 and dd7 won’t be getting therapy in school due to a shortage of in-school providers, despite the expectation that would be available for them. I was informed that as a result of this, I need to take them privately. To do that, I need to take each child to therapy, then drive them afterward to school, which is an hour away, and then come back home. That would be one entire morning every week of my time spent on one therapy appointment, for just one child.

But there are two children, so it’s not one morning, it’s two mornings. My schedule is already filled with commitments (like weekly speech therapy for ds7 and ds12 that takes one full morning, therapeutic horseback riding two afternoons a week and regular orthodontist appointments for two children). I have to go to parenting sessions as a foster parent because of the challenging situation we’re in so as to document our case and protect ourselves. That’s also hour away, every other week. Every other week I take the kids for visitation with their parents in the morning because there are no longer after school hours available at the mediation center, and then have to drive them to school. That’s four hours each time, so two more mornings gone.

I don’t have two mornings a week to dedicate to therapy. It’s not a question of unwillingness. I simply can’t. I told her I only have Friday mornings available – this isn’t exactly a free day; it’s the only day that my husband and I have that we don’t have commitments other than Shabbos preparations. Last year dd7 stayed home from school every Friday because I had to take her to therapy, and I’ve been really, really looking forward to some relief from that. While I offered to take them both on Fridays, which will take up my entire Friday morning and necessitate making all of my Shabbos preparations the day before, I can’t take two children to two different therapists in two different areas at the same time and the working hours on that day are limited. (Currently dd’s therapist is reaching out to other therapists in her area to see if anyone has availability so I could coordinate them both at a similar hour.)

There’s no possibility of anyone agreeing to them not having weekly therapy, because the law says the kids need to get it, and this is a good thing. It really is. They deserve every bit of support they can get.

What’s not good is that the system loses sight of the forest for the trees – if I can’t get them to their appointments, then I’m not fulfilling the necessary requirements as a foster parent. It isn’t relevant that we are a home that provides much more therapeutic emotional support than is usually available for foster children, and as a result, the children have been doing much, much better than the norm. In order for them to get a weekly 45 minute session of play or art therapy, they would be placed somewhere else if we can’t take them to these appointments – and this is intended to benefit the child. But when looking at the whole picture, it brings up the question if that really is to their benefit?

I can twist myself more and more into a pretzel to do all the things I’m told I need to do, none of which are unreasonable but have become very burdensome for me when taken as a whole. It’s hard to add these things in when the schedule for the year was planned and committed to, each activity having been considered for the value it brings and the price it will exact, before I was told about the changes for therapy and visitation that necessitate at least an additional ten hours a week of my active involvement.

Or I can tell them to take the kids and I’ll go back to living my more peaceful life that was quite full but had more white space.

But there’s no point in talking to anyone in the system, in sharing my thoughts or opinions or experience about anything. I thought that communicating would have some benefit, that some adjustments could be made, there would be some understanding or willingness to adapt or find solutions, but now it’s clear that they really have no help to offer except to rehome the twins. They aren’t being callous or unfeeling to offer that – it’s literally the only way they can offer support. It would devastate the kids and everyone knows that, but nonetheless that’s the only offer.

I’ve felt disappointed that due to the extremely full days with the kids home I haven’t had time to do a yearly cheshbon hanefesh, a spiritual review of the past year and make a plan for the areas I want to work on in coming year. But working through so much to move past the compassion fatigue and burnout, to remind myself why I’m doing this, and to renew my commitment to be the best parent I can to all of our children is my spiritual process at this time.

G-d knows I’m doing my best in a challenging situation. There’s so much I want to be doing that I can’t do, and I’ve had to work on letting go and putting to the side what I wanted to be doing at this time. I’m accepting that G-d has different plans for me than what I planned for myself. I can fight it and be frustrated and annoyed that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, this isn’t what I committed to, this isn’t how I want to be using my time. Or I can go with the flow and consider that there are new ways to grow and learn that will benefit me on this path that I’m surrendering to.

The therapist gave me a gift today, a book called The Man Who Planted Trees. She said since the first time she met me she’s been continually reminded of this story when speaking to me. (Here’s a free pdf of the book – it’s a short and inspiring story.) It’s about planting seeds for the future at a time that those efforts seem small and unlikely to effect change, while holding on to the vision of the future results you want to have; small and consistent effort in the direction of your goal will yield beautiful results.

May we individually and collectively experience the coming year as one of peace and abundance of all sorts.

Avivah

The war is on and the kids are home

Parenting

As residents of the north we are affected by the war with Lebanon, though thankfully here in Yavneel not too dramatically so.

I’m grateful we haven’t had any sirens, though we do hear and see the missile interceptions. (**Edit at end of post) I feel like we live in a cocoon of safety; the adjoining towns have had sirens and even missiles landing, but we’re in a blessed island of safety. At the store today I chatted briefly with a woman who lives a twenty minute drive from me, who told me a missile fell on her next door neighbor’s home. But for us, our involvement has been limited to hearing the interceptions.

Here are more interceptions again as I’m writing this – three, four, five, six, seven, eight…nine. It sounds like that’s it for this round. I’ve only counted nine or ten at a time but on this same day my son heard and saw twenty two in one round. It’s miraculous that there have been so few injuries and I feel Hashem’s protective hand over us all.

I wasn’t talking to my children about the war because I didn’t think it’s necessary at that point but then a neighbor’s child was here when the booms of the interceptions happened, and he started excitedly exclaiming, “They’re shooting missiles!” The twins ran after him and repeated what he said very excitedly. Then ds7 stopped and asked me, “What does ‘shooting’ mean?” I wasn’t appreciative to have this concept introduced to them but now that it’s been said, it had to be addressed.

Before the kids weren’t aware of what the loud noises were – a new home began being built right across from us on the Sunday morning that the war began, and since since the machinery was so very loud, they didn’t realize that the sounds in the sky were something different from the heavy equipment. But now they’ve become aware of the interceptions, which in Hebrew are called ‘boomim'(booms).

I explained the booms by telling them, “Those are the sounds of Hashem protecting us.” Whenever we talk about anything related to the war, I keep it very low key. My message is, everything is okay and we’re not going to get excited about it. Kids take their cues from the adults around them, so it’s important not to project anxiety because they pick up on it and internalize it.

School hasn’t been in session in the north for the last week and a half, and no one has any idea when the kids will be returning to school. Three of the younger four kids have Zoom classes set up but I’m not interested in having our children participate. I don’t have any positive feelings about young children using Zoom as a substitute for school. Zoom is a decent option for adults who are very interested and motivated in their learning, though nothing compares to in person learning. But for kids, particularly in the earlier grades? I can immediately see their energy become more frenetic and disorganized when they get on a Zoom call.

Ds7.5’s teacher set up a phone line where she leaves a recording each day for the students, and they can call in and listen at their convenience. I like that much more. A couple of times I called for ds7.5, and he enjoyed hearing his teacher greet each child individually and then he davened out loud with the recording. I’ve only called in twice, and each time he listened for under ten minutes before he asked to hang up.

The kids have asked why they aren’t going to school, and I explained that there are children who would be scared if they were far away from their parents when they heard the booms, so all the children are staying home until there are no more booms. That was easy for them to understand.

After my posts about my appreciation of my schedule, now that’s all changing. It’s not only school that is cancelled. Our speech sessions are in an area where they are having a lot of sirens, and the therapist told me it’s not safe for us to come. I thought we’d be able to continue with horseback riding since it’s just a ten minute drive from here, but they are acting in accordance with the security recommendations for the north and also cancelled.

A couple of weeks ago I decided I wanted to dissemble the pool since the weather is getting cooler, and my son finished taking it down first thing last Sunday morning – yes, the first morning of the war. Now the kids are home, the temperatures are close to 100 degrees and they are so irritable. When we took the pool down, I thought that if the weather shifted and got hot again, I’d take the kids to the Kinneret. But now the beaches are closed because of the war, so that’s not an option.

During covid I embraced everyone being home for an extended time and deeply appreciated that period. That’s not my experience now.

Last year was very challenging for a number of reasons and most days at least one child stayed home with me. That was followed by a long summer with everyone home that demanded a lot of patience on my part. It wasn’t an easy year and it wasn’t an easy summer. I’ve gotten through it all with a good attitude but have very much looked forward to everyone being in school and having time to myself.

When the cancellation of school was announced, I couldn’t find any feelings of positivity about it, and I didn’t want to try to be positive. I was frustrated and resentful that my long awaited time was being stolen from me. After a couple of days I realized I needed to let myself feel the disappointment and everything else that was flooding me, before I could move into acceptance of the reality.

I’ve done some journaling about my concerns about losing this time, my distress about of losing my momentum and even my motivation to pursue my other goals, my fear that I’ll never do those things. I let myself be with that for a couple of days, and every day have been more able to be with the kids without thinking about what I should be doing instead percolating in the back of my mind.

At this point I’m in a place of acceptance. I’m letting go of expectations for myself and what I thought I would do, and also for the return to school. Maybe after Rosh Hashana the kids will go back to school. Maybe this will be a long term situation. No one knows. I’m able to honestly say I’m okay with that now.

Am I embracing having them home? Not yet. I’m at a stage that parenting is demanding and intensive, and takes a lot of emotional and physical energy. One child in particular is challenging from the minute he wakes up and it takes a lot of conscious effort to stay loving towards him. Right now he’s having a time-in with me, sitting in my room with me as I write this, stroking the dog as I have relaxing music playing in the background. It’s been twenty minutes so far and he’s finally moving from defiant and obnoxious to calming down and becoming sweet again. At 8 am, this is the first intervention for him of the morning, but it won’t be the last.

Acceptance is a good place to be for now.

** Edited to add – Ten hours after writing this, numerous ballistic missiles were sent from Iran. As I got home from errands, I saw them in the sky and heard them exploding before I the warning siren sounded to go to a safe room. Thank G-d, we continue to witness unfathomable miracles – how can there be so few deaths after a countrywide barrage like we just experienced? I will be going into Rosh Hashana with heightened appreciation and gratitude for Hashem’s overwhelming kindness. May we all have a good, safe year of many blessings!!**

Avivah