Yesterday was ds12’s birthday, so we enjoy a nice birthday dinner and then a special home movie. Everyone got to sleep late, but somehow, I woke up much earlier than usual today! I love the idea of going to sleep early and getting up early, but it doesn’t seem to work well for me at this stage of life. So even though my early rising was prompted by concern I was feeling about dd16, I appreciated being able to have an early morning today.
On Thursday night my dd16 slipped, fell down five steps, and her head slammed into the wall. It was a serious fall, though she didn’t pass out, and was loud enough that it brought people running from all over who heard. It was, as she put it, one of the scariest things that ever happened to her, and her friend who was with her said the same thing, that just seeing it was incredibly scary.
As soon as I learned about this (she mentioned it on her blog), I was concerned that she had suffered a concussion, even though she insisted she was fine when I called her. (She always plays down any pain or discomfort she has.) I told her I wanted her to get arnica and start taking it every few hours, and find an osteopath who could do cranio-sacral work to deal with the blow to her head. She agreed to find out about where to buy arnica and to look for an osteopath but I could tell it was because I said so, not because she was concerned.
Yesterday morning I was surprised by an early morning call, letting me know she was on her way to the doctor since she was having so a lot of nausea and bad headaches. Knowing how much she dislikes doctors and her tendency to tell me everything is fine, it was obvious she was worried about her symptoms, which in an of itself concerned me. By this time, I was absolutely positive that she had a concussion, and though I didn’t have much confidence in this doctor, because I’d already heard that the feedback from students who have been there a couple of years is that the diagnostic ability/competence isn’t very high, I told dd that at least it would be valuable for assessment purposes.
When I called her back later in the day to find out how the visit was, she told me the doctor said she couldn’t have a concussion since she wasn’t vomiting, and that her symptoms were from stress. Right. She was perfectly healthy two days before but she got so stressed out over her relaxing and enjoyable Shabbos with friends that she starts having intense head pain and nausea, and there’s absolutely no connection to a major blow to the head the day before her symptoms began- makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?!? This isn’t the kind of thing that instills confidence in the medical profession.
Dd16 realized based on the reading she did about this before going that it wasn’t accurate, but the other girls in her program accepted the stress diagnosis, even though all of them are skeptical about this doctor. Dd couldn’t understand how they were willing to accept feedback that made no sense, especially since they know her and that she’s not a person to make things up, and they know that the doctor doesn’t have a reputation for being competent. (If you’re wondering why she went, it’s because this is the doctor the school sends the girls to.) She found the unquestioning confidence in medical authority somewhat disturbing.
I think it was harder for her to feel invalidated than to experience the pain and discomfort she was having, to have what she was feeling to be minimized since it must just be ‘stress’. I said to dd that it must be hard to be in a situation where there’s not much understanding or validation for the physical symptoms she was having. And she said, “Yes, but I’m lucky I have a mother like you to talk to.” I really love her! And I feel pretty lucky myself to have such a wonderful daughter.
Thank G-d we’re not dependent on this doctor to be her primary care physician, and I’m very, very grateful that her dorm counselor has an interest in alternative health so she is a great resource person for dd. Otherwise I don’t know where she’d start trying to get the information and help that she really needs. Her counselor even offered to lend her money for the visit to the osteopath. I’m also grateful that we know about options to the ‘let her suffer and wait it out’ approach, and have the resources to pay for this, since private doctors are outside of the coverage of the school insurance plan.
I was glad to speak to her early today and hear she has an appointment this Thursday with an osteopath. She’ll have to take the day off from school to travel over 2.5 hours in each direction to get there, but the main thing is that she has an appointment! And she was glad to tell me that a friend called her grandmother, a doctor here in the US, and told her what the doctor dd had gone to said, and the grandmother doctor said it was inaccuate information and it definitely sounds like a concussion. Now another friend of hers in the school is planning to call her parent who is a doctor about dd, and dd is feeling better just knowing that someone else in her school knows that it’s not all in her head! (Or should I say, that it literally is all in her head? :P)
Even though dd didn’t have a stress component regarding her concussion, I did :), and I’m also feeling much better knowing that she’ll be seeing someone who has the possibility of offering her concrete help.
Avivah
