With the weather getting cold, it’s time to start preparing for the seasonal onslaught of jackets, coats, mittens, gloves, hats, earmuffs, and more!  Every time spring comes and I don’t have to keep track of all of this anymore, I give a sigh of relief!

Having been blessed with a large family where everyone is home all day, having a way to keep things under control is crucial.  Otherwise, we’d be swimming in winter paraphenalia around the clock!  I don’t have the luxury of having coats hung or boots lined up somewhere else during the day.  And eleven people make for a lot of winter outerwear!

I recently reorganized our coat closet to get ready for winter.  Our coat closet is extremely tiny (as in almost pointless to have, since it’s not deep enough for a hanger to fit), so we have a freestanding closet that we use instead.  Everyone is allowed to keep one coat or jacket in this closet.  Since most of the kids each have a raincoat, jacket, and Shabbos coat in addition to the main winter coat, this is an important limitation!  I suggest that they keep the one they wear most often in the coat closet where it’s convenient for them, and put anything else downstairs (in the closet under the stairs to the basement).

Then there’s all the extra ‘stuff’ to deal with.  On the top part of the closet, I have two shelves.  On each of these I have two identical plastic bins – one for scarves, one for hats, one for gloves/mittens, and one for miscellaneous (earmuffs, head bands, thin rain ponchos, and single gloves – they wait here until their match is found instead of being mixed into the gloves box).  This year I clearly labelled each of these boxes on the side that faces out.  Last year I didn’t do it, and many times things were put into the wrong bin since some kids didn’t look to see what it was holding before throwing something else in.

I’ve learned that if you want things to be organized, you have to make it easy for people to follow your systems.  Some things are easier to simplify than others – labelling containers is an easy one!  So far this has already helped prevent a number of messes.  Last year they’d dump out two or three entire boxes of whatever it was they wanted, because things would be put in the wrong box.  Now that it’s easy for things to be put where they belong, only one box at a time is taken out, and generally what they need is close to the top.

I’m not rushing for the cold weather to be here, but at least we’re ready for it!

Avivah

Last week I overheard two of my kids discussing their monthly chores.  Ds10 was doing the bathrooms for October and did a great job.  The other three older kids haven’t liked this job much, and were suggesting that they make that his chore for the year instead of rotating it between the four of them (he liked the idea, but I vetoed it).  He explained that the bathrooms are easy because all you have to do is do a quick clean every day (just a few minutes for the three bathrooms they are responsible for), and then it never gets dirty. The reason the other kids dislike it is they wait to clean them every few days and then it takes a real effort.

I was thinking as I listened to their conversation that this concept is true in so many ways.  How many times do we mentally build up how long or how hard a project is going to be, and we push  it off until it really is a big, time consuming project?  Instead, do a little bit towards your goal – whatever it is – on a regular basis.  The little chunks of time and effort might not feel like they can make a significant difference, but they add up.  Many people asked how I organized the homeschool conference with a newborn – it honestly wasn’t a big deal because I just did one thing at a time and didn’t think about how much more there was to do.  (Earlier on I procrastinated about organizing some aspects of the conference because I built it up in my mind and started feeling overwhelmed by all the mental lists I was creating!  So I’m not speaking from up there on a pedestal – I’ve worked to overcome this perfectionist mentality on an ongoing basis. :))

Last week I did some deep cleaning chores that I haven’t done since before I was pregnant.  I focused my limited energy on keeping the surfaces clear and having basic organizational principles in place, which was fine to keep the house functional and basically in order.  But now I’m at the point where I can do some of those neglected jobs, like cleaning the blinds, scrubbing the wood trim on the walls, and taking a toothbrush to the edges of the kitchen floor where the mop doesn’t quite reach to clean out the buildup.

By doing them little bit at a time, none of these jobs took much time, even though they had been pushed off for quite a while.  Instead of being a perfectionist and feeling like I had to wait until I had time to do all of the blinds in one morning (time that would have taken months to arrive :)), I did one window a day over the course of a week.  I enjoyed the daily difference having done each set of blinds made, instead of looking at those that weren’t done and feeling inadequate.  By the time Shabbos came, they were all finished!

I think perfectionism very, very often gets in our way – in keeping our homes in order, in raising our children, in being the kind of people we want to be.  We figure if we can’t do it all, right now, perfectly – then it’s not worth it.  But that’s totally false, and we end up feeling negatively about ourselves as a result of that kind of thinking.  The truth is that whatever little bit we do is better than how it was before we made the effort, and we feel better for making the effort when we give ourselves credit for what we have done rather than all that still needs to be done.

This applies to nutrition and health, too.  Sometimes a person feels like they want to make changes to their diet, and they get overwhelmed at all that they think they need to do, so they don’t do anything.  Just pick one thing to start with, do it until it’s comfortable, and then take on another new habit when you’re ready!

There’s a saying that is apropos here: ‘By the inch it’s a cinch, by the mile it’s a trial.’  Life is much easier when we just do one small bit at a time, feel good about the effort we’ve made, and keep moving forward!

Avivah

This past Shabbos I decided to make a simpler Shabbos menu than usual.  We didn’t have any guests planned, my oldest dd was away in NY, and I just felt like making things a little simpler.  Practically speaking it meant we didn’t make any desserts and made one salad less.

My dh wasn’t aware of this, and spontaneously invited someone after services on Friday night to join us for dinner.  That was fine; we just put out some fresh fruit, sliced almonds, and raisins for dessert.  Then he told me that he also invited someone else for lunch the next day, and my dd13 told me that our green bean salad was almost totally finished (our guest loved it :)) and we didn’t have much in terms of salad for the next day; the vegetable dishes we had wouldn’t serve well cold.

After returning from NY, dd14 told me the families she ate with hardly served any vegetable dishes or salads, so knowing that, we could have just pretended to be one of those families.  But to us the meal feels paltry without some salads at lunch.  We found some defrosted french cut green beans in the fridge (it had been done ‘accidentally’ on Friday afternoon, but we were obviously meant to have it ready to use!) so we added that to the green bean salad.

First of all, dd assembled the odds and ends of vegetables into a delicious fresh salad.  That gave us two fresh salads.   Then we turned to the pantry.  I pulled out a quart of coleslaw.  This is the only thing I have that is like a fresh salad that I canned.  (If anyone is interested, let me know and I’ll explain the process; it’s not hard.)  Then we took out a can of orange cranberry relish (store bought), sweet and sour carrots (home canned), zucchini relish (home canned), and pickled green tomatoes (home canned).  Then we had plenty of vegetables. 🙂

I really recommend that every one stock their pantries.  Not only does it 1) save you money because you can stock up on when items are on sale or buy in bulk, 2) save you time and money because you’ll have what you need in the house instead of running to the store more frequently, but 3) it makes it much easier to be relaxed about having guests over!

Avivah

This morning my ds3 was taking food without permission and my dd9 went into the kitchen to stop him, when she suddenly called out in dismay, “Mommy, E. totally broke the fridge!”  Her voice was very alarmed but I didn’t hear anything fall or smash, and I couldn’t imagine what a three year old could do.  I went into the kitchen and discovered that the fridge door had come totally off the hinges!  Oh, what excitement!

I managed to get it closed to keep the cold air in until dh could fix it.  He went to the hardware store and cobbled it together for now, though I’ll have to lift the bottom of the door with my foot to close it once it’s reopened.  Interestingly, when we spoke afterwards, we had both had the exact same initial response!  We both felt happy and lucky that this happened, because we thought, “Oh, good!  H-shem wants to send us a new and better fridge so He’s putting this one out of order!”

I can’t yet share with you the amazing details of my wonderful new fridge.  But I’m absolutely positive that there’s a beautiful fridge waiting for me – one that will have lots more space, be more attractive, be more energy efficient, and of course it will be a magnificent price. 🙂  Now I just have to wait to see when and how it shows up!

Avivah

I mentioned a few days ago several areas that I want to focus on growing this year, one of them being to not feel that I need to control what happens.  That means to accept when things don’t go my way instead of feeling tense or negative, to let go of the results once I’ve done what I can do to achieve the desired result.  Today I was sent a beautiful opportunity to test my mettle! 

A few days ago someone had called to ask if I could drive her home from a medical procedure this morning.  I agreed, but when it was time for me to leave, dh wasn’t home with the van.  I decided to trust that he remembered I needed to be there and that he’d be home in time instead of feeling annoyed.  But after a half hour, it was time for me to be there and he still wasn’t home.  I called the medical center and asked them to tell her that I’d be late, and they told me she was already waiting since she’d finished early!  

I called my mother and asked her if she could drive me there to pick up this lovely woman, and she was happy to come over on the spur of the moment, putting her plans totally to the side.  Naturally, we got kind of lost on the way there, and when I finally got there, I was an hour late. 

Now you have to know that I’m a punctual person, particularly when other people are counting on me.  I take my commitments seriously and it bothers me very much not to meet those commitments.  So I had a lot of emotion involved in this scenario – I felt terrible to let down someone (who was coming out from under anesthesia), irritated with my dh, and my ego was definitely involved.  Who likes to look like they’re totally irresponsible?  My natural reaction would be to feel annoyed at my husband for causing me to be in this situation.

 No, I wouldn’t yell at him or even be nasty when he finally got home, but I would ask him if he remembered that I had needed the van because I had to be there.  Of course that would leave him feeling terrible to have forgotten, and I still would have felt annoyed.  I really didn’t want to open my mouth or do anything nonverbal that would indicate my frustration.  And especially since I felt my feelings were reasonable and justified, I needed to work hard to overcome them.

I spent a lot of time reminding myself what a wonderful husband I had, giving him the benefit of the doubt for being late.  I told myself he was probably so focused on getting all the yom tov errands done early in the day – to make me happy – that my plans slipped his mind. 

I’m happy to say by the time I got home, I felt totally calm and accepting of the situation, and loving and appreciative towards my husband.  When my dh answered the door, he immediately began to apologize for forgetting, but I was honestly able to tell him not to feel badly, that it all worked out fine, and thanked him for taking care of everything. 

It wasn’t easy for me to keep my mouth shut, and to focus on feeling love and acceptance of him instead of feeling justified in my annoyance for being inconvenienced.  But it made our erev yom tov so much more pleasant – I’m sure that’s a big part of why he so readily agreed when I said I wanted to go to the library to post here – on a busy erev yom tov, when we have so much left to do! 

Change isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it!

Avivah

I  hope everyone had a meaningful Yom Kippur!  For us it was great – my older four kids spent all day at shul (except when dh sent dd13 home in the late afternoon to check on me, and then sent ds10 home around 6 pm for the same reason).  Dd8 and ds7 were amazing – they kept everything running beautifully and I basically sat in the recliner and nursed the baby all day!

(Note – my home computer is down so I might not be able to post as regularly until it’s fixed – hopefully it will be quickly and easily taken care of.  I’ll also have to delay announcing and setting up the new blog, but it won’t be long!)

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this last week about personal growth.  My breathing difficulties have been a wonderful health opportunity, and I’m looking at changing how I’m spending my time in several ways. 

I’m coming to think that most physical problems begin with an energetic/emotional block.  I read a book by Louise Hay called You Can Heal Your Life, and she correlates various physical problems with the emotional blocks.  Interestingly, what she wrote was what my chiro said about the breathing issues.

What I’d like to work on regarding this ties in with a lot of what I’ve been thinking about – where my energies are best spent and where they’re frittered away.  I recognize that in the name of being responsible, I’ve spent too much time reading the (negative) news online, and that’s making me less positive, less trusting, and more fearful.  That’s not the kind of person I want to be but if I keep spending my time reading negative things, it’s going to continue to influence me.  So first of all, I’m not going to be frequenting a couple of my daily sites that I get news from. 

Secondly, I don’t leave enough space in my life for quiet time for myself, where I can meditate, think deeply, or just breathe.  I tend to feel like I have to DO something.  Yes, I rest, but it’s not a purposeful connect with myself kind of resting.  So the next thing is to consciously take time to spiritually and emotionally ground myself.  During that time, I plan to do affirmations, writing, and reading, in addition to whatever else I do.  I’d like to do this is the early morning but will do it before bed if that’s when I find the time – I’m not making rules about this.

Lastly, I’m going to try to emotionally release the need to be in control.  That’s a much more subtle thing and it can even look positive on the outside, but it’s not good for me.  I can’t control the world, other people, or my family members.  I can just work on myself, and that’s where I want to stay focused.

What are your thoughts/plans on how to make this year even better than the past?

Avivah

>>So I see you make almost all food from scratch. Now I see that you are making a deck from scratch. What else do you make from scratch? Do you build any furniture from scrach? Sew your own things? Just curious in which other ways you can be self sufficient.<<

This is an interesting question. I answered it briefly in the comments section when it was asked, but I was thinking a lot about what is meant by self sufficiency.

To me, the root of self sufficiency is being willing and able to think for yourself and finding solutions to the needs that come up in your life. It’s not just about making clothes or growing vegetables – that can be part of it for some people – but being able to take care of yourself in a variety of areas. That means for us that I actively take responsibility for my family’s needs. Yes, that includes their clothing and food, but also includes areas like education and health that many leave to the government or other institutions.

To do that you have to believe in your ability to provide for those needs. As a nation, we’ve become overly dependent on the experts to tell us what to do and how to do everything. Unfortunately we live in a time where an attitude of disempowerment is very prevalent.  Most people really believe that the ‘experts’ have all the answers and trust them more than themselves. While I respect the knowledge and skills of those who have aquired certification in their areas of specialty and would certainly take very seriously their opinions if I consulted with them, that doesn’t preclude me aquiring knowledge that will be valuable to my family.  There are never ending areas to explore if you’re really searching for self sufficiency, but  fortunately, there’s very little that a person can’t learn about if they have the desire to pursue it!

Avivah