Avivah Werner

Category: Homemaking

  • My schedule for next couple of weeks

    I have so many topics that I’ve said I’ll get to and I’m not forgetting about them!  It’s just that there’s a lot going on here so it’s more challenging than usual to find time for computer stuff.

    Here’s a overview of just the bigger things in my schedule for the next two weeks:

    Thurs. Aug. 12 – evening performance at dd14’s camp – she was in drama, dance, and a musical interpretation, we stayed for cast party and got home at 1 am

    Fri. Aug. 13 – did shopping with boys for clothes, tried to get food cooked and house cleaned for Shabbos 🙂

    Tonight, Sat. Aug. 14 – dd15 and ds11 left for a five day trip to Michigan

    Sun. Aug. 15 – hope to attend a morning session at dd’s camp for mothers and daughters, ds14 comes home from camp mid day,  I was asked to speak somewhere at 5 pm

    (This week doesn’t look so full but in addition to activities I have scheduled for kids, need to get house in order and do a couple of biggish house projects)

    Tues. Aug. 17 – full day of shopping in PA

    Wed. Aug. 18 – building berry pergola in garden (ds17 said he wants to do this for me before he leaves)

    Thurs. Aug. 19 – building berry pergola in garden, dd15 and ds11 return home in the evening

    Fri. Aug. 20 – pick up dd15’s friend from bus (coming from NY) mid day to spend five days with us

    Sat. Aug. 21 – last Shabbos with ds before he leaves to yeshiva, make siyum in honor of gemara ds17 finished after two years

    Sun. Aug. 22 – tryouts for baseball travel team for ds11, siyum and swim party for ds11 and ds17 for mishnayos they finished, family dinner bbq afterward

    Mon. Aug. 23 – take dd15 to get fitted for contacts, take dd15 to hairstylist

    Tues. Aug. 24 – early morning – take ds to bus to NY, evening – take dd’s friend to airport

    Sat. Aug. 30 – ds17 taking last bus from Manhattan here, pick him up in early morning hours

    Sun. Aug. 29 – wedding for close family member early afternoon (we’ll be quite involved with the preparing, setting up, etc), upsherin for ds3 in late afternoon, take ds17 to bus back to NY in evening

    Mon. Aug. 30 – dd15 wants to go to MVA to get driver’s permit since you have to be 15 and nine months and this is the first day she can get it (there’s a mandatory six or nine month waiting period between getting the permit and license, so she wants the waiting period to happen while she’s in Israel)

    Tues. Aug. 31 – entire family going to NY to take dd15 to airport, will go to pick up ds from his part of NY so he can go to airport with us – full day trip

    Ds17 is working most days, dd14 is babysitting almost every day (so there are hardly any older kids around during the days), ds17 wants to go get his permit (never ended up getting it when we went in the winter because of a technicality- he never wears his glasses; it’s a light prescription and he doesn’t really need them, but they wouldn’t allow him to take the test without them), dh needs me to pick him up from work a couple of times because the person who he used to carpool with no longer works in the area, and the kids’ piano teacher wants to have a recital before dd15 leaves for the year.

    I didn’t mention any of the activities and trips I have planned with the kids, or that I’m trying to pull together our homeschooling plans for the coming year.   It also doesn’t take into account all the things that need to get done to keep the house running, the shopping and packing for both of the kids going away (they’ve both presented me with lists), or the holiday shopping for the kids who will still be home.    :))

    After this, I’ll have almost a week and a half before Rosh Hashana, and then will be mostly busy with holiday preparations for the entire month of September, in addition to starting our official homeschooling schedule.  I told ds even if he makes the travel baseball team (he’s an excellent player but he would be competing for a spot with boys up to age 15), I don’t know if I’ll allow him to join – it’s a lot to add to an already full schedule.   I’m thinking that sometime mid October things will start to slow down a little.  🙂

    So bear with me if it seems to be taking longer to get posts up.

    Avivah

  • How I do menu planning

    The way I shop is different than the way most people do (ie buying almost everything once a month with just a couple of trips mid month to buy produce), and not surprisingly, the way I menu plan is different as well.  It’s a pretty simple process that works well for me in making meals with a good amount of variety while staying within a fairly strict budget.

    The main difference in my approach to what is typically recommended is, most people make a menu plan and then go shopping for the ingredients. I go shopping, make sure I have basic staples on hand and supplement with whatever is a good price, and then I make a menu plan based on all of that.

    Here’s what I do:

    Step 1 – Make list of available ingredients.

    When I’m ready to write up the weekly menu plan, I first take a look to see what is in the fridge. Are there any leftovers that need to be used up, vegetables that are getting soft? I look in the freezer and see what I have there – is there anything taking up space that needs to be used up?  I make a list of all of these things, and this becomes the basis of my menu plan.

    This week my starter list looked like this:
    fridge – hardboiled eggs, sprouted green lentils, sour milk, beet salad, carrot kugel
    produce – napa, baby bok choy, jicama, apples, carrots
    freezer – 1.5 lb ground meat, sweet potatoes, strawberries, peaches, bananas

    I also look to see if there’s anything in the pantry that I have a large amount of – I try to keep basic supplies in stock and rotate through it regularly. This week I noticed that I have several boxes of rye noodles, so that went on the list.

    Step 2 – Make list of recipes that use available ingredients.

    Next I look for recipes that will use what I have on hand. I have a few recipes that I make somewhat regularly, but nothing that I make week in and week out.  Months can go by before I make the same recipe again!  As I see recipes that look interesting, I write down the name of the recipe, as well as where I found it.  If it’s an online recipe site (eg food.com is the one I usually go to), I note the recipe number, and if it’s in a cookbook, I note the page.  On recipe sites I do a search for the key ingredient that I want to use up (eg green lentils); I also ask myself, ‘what can I do with x ingredient?’  Not infrequently I’ve made up recipes that have turned out very well based on that question!

    Step 3 – Fill in chart with recipes from list.

    On this same paper where all the available ingredients and recipe ideas are listed, I quickly make a graph that will have room for three meals a day, Sunday through Friday.  Once I know what ingredients I have to work with and which recipes will use them, I start filling in the graph. The more perishable something on my list is, the sooner it gets scheduled. Sunday lunch or dinner almost always includes leftovers from the weekend. I don’t like to have things sitting around in my fridge, because the reality is that they’ll get forgotten and turn into interesting science experiments that get tossed at the end of the week. 🙂

    Very often I have a basic framework for my weekly meals that I set up once a year, though I don’t always stick to it.  It will look something like this:

    dinner – Sunday – leftovers (meat); Monday – vegetarian; Tues – dairy; Wed – meat; Thurs. – vegetarian

    Then I match up the main dish I’ve selected with the day that it best fits for (eg, pizza would be written down for Tuesday).

    I don’t usually use all the ideas that I come up with for the week. Some get transferred to the following week, some don’t. This week I had the following listed on my sheet:

    • warm lentil and potato salad
    • roasted garlic quinoa and vegetables
    • baked sweet potatoes and apples
    • curried chickpeas with vegetables
    • spicy peanut sesame noodles
    • jamaican rice and peas
    • braised lentils with sausage

    If you look at my menu plan for this week that I posted yesterday, you’ll see that I didn’t use half of these ideas.  For example, there are two lentil recipes listed though I knew I didn’t need more than one, but I don’t know how the week’s recipes will go together overall until the menu is put together.  I like to have several good options to choose from and then I pick the one that works best in the context of what else we’re having that week – for example, I wouldn’t want to have potatoes every day, so I’d choose the recipes in which the ingredients were more varied.

    A couple of things I also took into account this week: yesterday I was just finishing writing up the menu plan, when my mother walked in and said she had lunch for us! She had attended an event yesterday morning and the hosts asked her to take as much of the leftovers as she could (they know she’s the grandmother of a lot of local grandchildren!), so she brought us a couple dozen bagels, egg salad, and tuna salad. Because I use whatever is prepared first, that became a much enjoyed lunch an hour later.

    Because of the fiasco with all of my milk souring thanks to my forgetfulness, I needed to find ‘sour milk recipes’ (in most quick breads, sour milk/buttermilk is a baking enhancer).  To use some of the milk, I scheduled muffin loaf, biscuits, and cornbread for this week.

    So that’s my basic three step process – once the menu plan is done, it eliminates the ‘what should be we have for dinner’ question, as well as the need to go shopping to pick up some groceries needed for that night’s planned dinner.  Truly, I credit making a menu plan and sticking with it one of the biggest factors in keeping things in the house running smoothly.

    Avivah

  • Looking to the right

    As always, it’s been busy around here! (Does it ever stop being busy??)

    Ds11 and ds17 are preparing for a three day backpacking expedition on the Appalachian Trail, beginning in the Shenandoah Valley in VA on Tuesday morning.  Ds11 asked me to take him shopping for the final items on his list, so we headed to Walmart.  I was surprised to see the entrance blocked by emergency flares and orange safety cones,  so I continued on to Home Depot with the hope they might have what I needed.

    When I went into the store it looked as if they were about to close, so I asked about it and was told there was a major power outage in the area and they were running on an emergency generator.  The dimmed lighting changed the impersonal feel of the big box kind of store it is, particularly when suddenly 50% of the remaining lights went off.  When I asked an associate where something was, he offered to walk me to the appropriate aisle with a flashlight to guide us.  Not your typical experience!

    Rather than wait until the next day to finish up the shopping since the next day was already pretty scheduled and I didn’t want to try to pack in more to an already busy day, we decided to go to the next closest Walmart about five miles away.  Since it was across from the Asian vegetable store, figured I’d stop in to do a little shopping.  I’d been planning to get some fruits and vegetables on the way home but wasn’t sure that store would have power so figured I’d get my groceries purchased right then to be sure I had what I needed.  When I came out a short while later, I was unpleasantly surprised to see a 1/2″ scrape running along the entire length of my 12 passenger van, as well as a dented corner.  (I was wondering how a driver could have been so oblivious to doing so much damage, but I think the music or something he was listening to must have been very loud.)

    Ds11 and dd13 were both with me and each separately told me, “The good thing about having a used van is it matters less if something is damaged.”  They’re definitely right. But though my vehicle may be older, I want it to look presentable, and this doesn’t positively enhance the visual image of my van!  I understand why someone didn’t leave a note about it – a repair like this isn’t small pocket change.  (Months ago we grazed about 3 or 4 inches of a neighbor’s car – it was an expensive model, unfortunately for us, and the repair cost was $700.  And that was much less extensive than this.)

    As I was standing there observing the van, I glanced up and saw the most gorgeous sky.  It was breathtaking – the setting sun was coming through the clouds in beautiful shading and lighting, with everything golden and pink and glowing.   When you looked to the right, all you could see was astounding natural beauty.  But when I looked to the left, all I saw was a plain gray sky. And at that moment, I thought to myself, life is like that. You get to choose which direction you look at when something happens.  There’s always something beautiful to focus on or something to be unhappy about, even when you’re standing in the exact same spot .

    As I was driving home and thinking about the damage, I was surprised that my only feeling was minor irritation.  Some people don’t care about how things look, but I’m not one of them, and something that bothers me intensely is irresponsible people who don’t take responsibility for their actions.  But whenever I thought about the scraped up van, I couldn’t help but think about the beautiful sky at the same time.

    You know how when there are times of intense emotion the imprinting process takes place?  Well, I think G-d wanted to soften the blow of the experience for me and made sure there was something so powerfully beautiful for me to look at that I would have to notice it when I was noticing something else not so pleasant, and imprinted me with a positive experience to counter what would be a very challenging thing for me to accept otherwise.

    Sometimes I feel so grateful for all that G-d does for me, and at times like today, it’s obvious how much He’s taking care of me in even the little things!

    Avivah

  • I’m not perfect and don’t belong on a pedestal!

    I am so grateful to and appreciative of all of you who shared your feedback with me about the blog in response to my request, either in the comments section or via email.  It was very touching to me and I was choked up reading all of your supportive comments.  It really renewed my positivity about continuing to share here and I thank you all for taking time out of your busy lives to comment.  Amazingly, that’s all it took to for me to again feel enjoyment in writing here!

    Practically, a number of good points were made as well. They were helpful in restoring perspective for me, reminding me that I need to do what feels right to me and not worry about those who don’t like what I write, and helped me stop feeling pressured by not having the time to post as often as I’d like.  As of now, I’ll continue posting as time allows, which will probably become less frequent with time but won’t stop altogether.

    I received only one email that was slightly negative, though the writer was very sensitive and respectful in sharing her thoughts, which I appreciated.  I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating – I’m so impressed with the quality of the visitors to this blog!  I’d like to respond to her point here, because I think she raised an issue worth commenting on.

    >>Here’s the constructive criticism part, and I want to say explicitly that I am only saying this because I have so much respect for you and really admire you, and because I feel that you are my role model in certain areas of life. So — I don’t think you’re fully accomplishing what you set out to accomplish, which is helping young mothers. Young mothers these days feel lost and disempowered. They are definitely looking for guidance. But your posts are too far out of reach for them. You come out as this perfect, all-knowing mother, and I know this is not your intention, but they might feel intimidated and maybe even criticized. I was once telling a younger friend about something I read on your blog, and she told me she read it and felt put off because you said that a child should always listen to the mother and she felt she was nowhere near that, so she ended up feeling incompetent…… I’m just bringing this up because I think it would help young mothers more if you were more aware of their reality and maybe more empathetic …..<<

    About five years ago, I was gifted with the opportunity to stumble onto a private blog that significantly improved my life.  This woman had a very large family (I think she had about 15 or 16 – don’t remember the total because she had three children in the short time I read her blog), was homeschooling, and when she shared about her life, hearing the joy she experienced with her children inspired me – I had never met or heard from someone like her.  Even though I had six children at the time (was newly pregnant with no. 7) and I was a pretty good parent, I still felt incredibly inadequate next to her- she seemed to do everything – and I mean everything! – better than I could even imagine doing it.

    At the time there were things that my children did that were acceptable to me because it never occurred to me there was anything lacking in the way it was.  For example, when my oldest was 12, he once got angry and said, “I hate you!”  I didn’t react to it – in fact I felt almost amused hearing such a stereotypical comment, and patted myself on the back because I didn’t overreact or become negative.  But when I happened to mention it at a parenting class I was attending at that time and the instructor said, “Well, that’s fine if you don’t mind your child speaking to you in that way,” I didn’t understand why he didn’t share my positive view of how I handled the situation.  Any of my peers I would have talked to would have thought I dealt with the situation well and said it was normal for a child to talk like that.  Now that wouldn’t be acceptable to me at all and the intent of the instructor’s comment is crystal clear. But I couldn’t recognize that there was something lacking there until I saw the example of someone who had a different standard for ‘normal’ than I did.  And it was this woman who took time to share about her life who changed my view of what family life could look like, to show me that there was room for improvement in how I was doing things.

    I chose to be grateful for exposure to a more effective way of looking at homemaking and parenthood rather than get sucked into feeling inadequate.  Sometimes I was really perplexed about how she got certain results since they seemed so intimidatingly remote from where I was at as a parent – but she gave me a lot of food for thought.  And those thoughts led to improvements in how I parented and ran my home, and the understanding that while I couldn’t be her, I could certainly be a better me.

    A challenge of the internet is that because we don’t see someone in person, there’s a tendency to forget that the person writing is a real person with human failings, and them on a pedestal.  Being aware of that possibility, I’ve been careful not to set myself up as the perfect parent.  I’ve never pretended to have all the answers, to respond to every situation with perfect calm or with the right answers.  Just like everyone, sometimes I’m tired, tense, irritable, and disappointed with my very imperfect responses, and I’ve shared that here!  I have ideals as a parent that I don’t always live up to myself!  But there is a saying, “Shoot for the moon, and at least you’ll reach the stars” – having goals gives me a target to shoot for and even if I fall short, I’m better off than with no target at all.

    This blog is a place where I share about what works for me and respond to questions about how our family navigates different situations.  I’m sympathetic to young mothers and having stood in their shoes, and in many ways continuing to be in a place that’s not so different from them, of often facing new situations that I don’t yet know how to handle (that’s the reality of kids growing older and new stages, as well as every child having their own personality!). While I believe I’m aware of their challenges (I speak to many people in real life in exactly this stage), I accept (reluctantly, sometimes!) that you can never make everyone happy and that people ‘hear’ what I’ve written in different ways.   I can only be who I am, and write from my ‘voice’.  I’d love it if every single person who read here sensed the concern and support I feel for mothers who are doing the best they can, and the understanding I have for their struggles.  But of course that’s not possible.

    I’ve tried to be as honest and accurate as I could be when posting – it would be foolish to pretend to be more than I am since so many readers have met or will one day meet me in person!  I’m not apologetic for not filling up posts with my fears, doubts, inadequacies, or struggles.  I don’t even want to fill my own mind with that negativity!  Though I sometimes mention frustrations or difficult situations I’m experiencing, sharing that on a regular basis instead of sharing the growth and gains wouldn’t be helpful or inspiring – not for me or for my readers.

    On a side note, if any of you are wondering what blog it was that I was so inspired by, it sadly no longer exists.  It was shut down after about a year and the entire blog was erased.  Despite a huge base of appreciative readers, the woman blogging evoked hostility from those who were threatened by her.  They mocked and attacked her, saying she was too ‘perfect’, accused her of making things up and even lying, since ‘clearly’ it was impossible for her to be so organized, or happy, or for her kids to really all get along that well, be so well-behaved, etc.   I think she finally decided she’d rather enjoy living her life without sharing since sharing put her under unexpected fire.  One day I visited the blog, and every single post had been deleted.   I was really sad when this happened and for years hoped that somehow she’d start blogging and I’d rediscover her.  As disappointed as I still feel to this day that I no longer can access her experience, I really believe G-d knew I craved inspiration to grow as a parent and sent it to me via this woman and her blog at a time when I couldn’t find it anywhere.  And because this woman whom I never met was such a help to me, it was her example that was my motivation to start this blog four years ago!

    Avivah

  • An early start to the morning

    This morning my baby woke up at 5 am, and after nursing him he still wasn’t interested in going back to sleep.  At times like these I figure I’m being sent an opportunity to get an early start on my day – no use bemoaning not being able sleep as much as I’d like!

    I got up with him and we sat outside on the front porch for a little bit, enjoying the quiet of the early morning. We got a little damp while sitting there since yesterday (naturally soon after posting about how hot and dry it’s been) we had a fantastically wonderful day of rain, rain, rain!  It was quite a downpour and within a half hour, all three of my empty 50 gallon rain barrels were full.  My plants have gotten a wonderful soaking, which they really needed.  So my porch seats were damp, too.  But I didn’t mind a bit – I was so glad to enjoy the beautiful morning!

    Then we went inside and I set the table for breakfast, then started making pancakes – ds11 made the batter last night before he went to sleep so it could soak overnight.  I thought I’d feed the baby some pancakes, make enough for everyone else for breakfast, and go back to sleep with him before either of the other littles woke up, but things didn’t work out quite like that. The boys woke up and went to shul, dd9 woke up and chatted with me a while and helped me make pancakes, and then ds4 woke up.  That was the end of my thoughts of going back to sleep!

    He came downstairs and earnestly told me, “We have to do something about my sheet – it keeps making my clothes wet!!”  He’s usually dry at night but a couple of times in the last week he hasn’t been, and he really thought it was the sheet that was doing it!  When I explained to him that he‘s making the sheet wet, he indignantly told me, “Nah uh!  I hold it in!”  😆  I asked dd9 to keep an eye on the pancakes while I gave him a quick shower and dressed him.

    We headed back downstairs together and ds4 helped me flip the pancakes and remove them from the pan when they were done.  Little opportunities like this make kids feel like a big help while building competence. A sense of accomplishment helps build self-esteem, too.

    Then we needed to take the ducklings out of the hay-lined box where we keep them at night and put them in the yard; ds8 woke up and helped me with that since dd9 was busy feeding the baby bird we found (feeding baby birds is very intensive – they have to hand feed him frequently) and then had to daven (pray).  The kids have been teaching the baby bird to fly and are really enjoying having it as a pet.  We borrowed a cage for it yesterday but it seems to be sitting on someone’s finger most of the day, so it doesn’t spend too much time in the cage.

    Once we were outside and finished getting the ducks set up with fresh food and water, I took the opportunity to do some much needed weeding in the garden beds.  Since the ground was so moist it was easy to do.  I had to pull up the spaghetti squash plant (that yesterday I mentioned getting two large squash from) since it was the first casualty of the season from the dreaded squash borer.  I saw another squash plant this morning that will be dead in the next couple of days because of this bug, and decided to just be happy to get anything from my squash plants before they’re wiped out by the squash borers.  It would be nice, if as the ducks get bigger, they eat these bugs before they wreak havoc on my garden!

    Ds2 woke up around now and came out, and he helped me plant some onion bulbs, which he enjoyed.  I have about fifty tomato plants that I didn’t get around to planting a few weeks ago when I planted the bulk of them, so I planted a few of them today (only four or five).  Then I pulled up a few plantain plants by the roots, which grow wild and are considered a weed – probably about three pounds of it.  I never thought to eat these until a year ago, when someone here on the blog commented about it when I mentioned harvesting it for medicinal use.  Today I’ll prepare them as a cooked vegetable for lunch, chopped and sauteed with butter- it’s packed with nutrition and is tasty prepared like that.

    By the time I came back in at 8:30 am for breakfast, I had gotten lots done!  While I’d love to be able to get up this early on a regular basis, that’s not something I’m currently able to do, so I’m grateful that I was able to enjoy the opportunity today.

    Avivah

  • Beating the heat with our new pool!

    We’re having a huge heat wave here – over 100 with a heat index of 110. Yesterday afternoon the girls called the weather and the report was 108 degrees. It didn’t feel that bad outside in the shade, but I think it’s because the humidity wasn’t so bad. Today the humidity is much higher and it’s really not very comfortable inside.

    Fortunately, we bought a pool and put it up just in time! Two years ago a family member gave us a baby gift of $100 to use for the family. When I asked the kids what they wanted, they said a pool. Because we didn’t have a place to put it or a private yard, I couldn’t get one right away. But last summer we put in the brick patio, so we have a firm base to place the pool on. And thanks to the new fence, we have privacy and don’t have to worry about the security issues involved with an unattended pool in an open yard that neighboring children might get into.

    I grew up with a pool in the backyard as something only the very well-off had. To me it’s incredible that we can enjoy the luxury of our own pool to relax in! Thanks to relatively new ways of engineering above ground pools, you can buy a pool at a relatively inexpensive price that can be assembled at the beginning of the season and then stored away after the season is over.

    I bought a 16′ pool that had been used for one season for $50, but it didn’t have a working motor so the motor was an additional cost. (The retail price for the pool with the motor is $400-500.) Dh did the research on it and ordered the pump; it was about $200 with the filters. After it arrived ds saw it and within five minutes of getting online found the exact same thing for about $50! You can tell my kids have been trained by me. 😆 Then the two of them figured out the cost of the water to fill it – $63. So for a one time purchase price of $250 (which could have been significantly less if we’d known about the less expensive source for the pump), and a seasonal cost of $63, we can enjoy swimming daily in the convenience of our own yard.

    The new pool in use

    I included a picture so you can see how large it is – in this picture are dd9, dd13, and ds17. (The girls are wearing modest bathing suits that I made.) You can see there’s plenty of room for all the kids! It’s only 4 feet deep, but that’s deep enough for them to swim and have a lot of fun. The littles can swim with someone older if someone older is willing (you can see a little in his high SPF wetsuit on the ladder getting ready to come in), but the ladder goes in the pool when it’s not in use so that the littles can’t get in when they’re alone.

    The first day the pool was up was Sunday, so we celebrated ds17’s birthday with an almost 7 pound cheesecake (his favorite dessert), followed by a swim and a bbq. The kids had an amazing time but the floors inside got so wet with everyone running in and out! So I made a new policy: after you get out of the pool, you can’t come in until you swing for two minutes on the swingset. That helps them dry off enough so that they aren’t dripping – it’s been very helpful. 🙂

    Here’s a picture of the playset, for the person who requested to see it. 🙂

    View of swings (kiddie wading pool and picnic table are under fort)
    playset from the opposite slide – slide and fort

    Here are our ducklings taking a swim yesterday for the first time. (Soon after these pictures were taken, four of them were sold, so we have just four ducklings now.) We wanted them to stay cool, too!

    Ducklings wondering what to do with water
    They figured it out!

    The three older ducks get to swim in the kiddie pool- someone forgot to put the lid on so the ducks hopped in! (That will obviously be emptied and thoroughly cleaned out before the littles use it again – but right now they’re enamored with the big pool.) No pics of them, but they’re pretty happy out there in the 105 degree weather right now.

    Hope everyone else is enjoying the summer and staying cool!

    Avivah

  • Our fence is going up!

    I’ve been living in this house for almost four years now, and seriously feeling the need for a fence for over two years.  But having a fence installed is very expensive – to enclose our yard would cost about $7000.  And two years ago my wonderful dh agreed to put one in because he loves me and knew how important it was to me, but it honestly was too big of a project for him to take on in his limited time, so it never got done.

    Finally this year I decided if I wanted a fence, I was going to have to spearhead the project myself.  So I did, but lest you think that means I did a lot of work, I’ll clarify- it means that my kids got on board with the idea and were very motivated to get one put in.  I did all the shopping and getting supplies from the store to home, and said what I wanted. They’re doing all the rest.

    Almost two weeks ago we rented a two person power auger to facilitate digging the post holes.  My dh started off doing it with ds16, but he was feeling under the weather so then dd15, dd13, and ds11 took turns with one another. They really enjoyed that!  Too bad our camera wasn’t working – it would have been a great picture!  Theoretically all of the holes we needed to have dug could have been dug in the 4 hour rental period.  But it required preparation which hadn’t been done and it took some time to figure out the auger, so a number of holes still had to be dug manually afterwards.

    Then a week later (when it was again dh’s day off of work), the kids started setting the posts in concrete.  I think dh did the first few with them, then they continued on their own in the afternoons when their academic work was done.  This week dd13 and ds16 have been hard at work digging the remaining holes with a manual post hole digger, then cementing in the poles.  It’s not only very physical work, but exacting to get things lined up exactly right, and they’ve done a great job.

    Today I went with a friend to pick up the fencing panels, but was told my credit card was declined when I tried to pay.  I was very surprised since I use only a small part of my available balance each month, and it’s always paid off in full on time, so I couldn’t even guess what the problem could be.  My friend offered to use her credit card to pay for the purchase, and after realizing that for Memorial Day weekend there was a 10% discount for military (which she is), I agreed!  (Turns out the card was declined because my company flagged it as a fraud alert – four hours later they called to tell me and said, “Are you still in the store?  If you’d like to complete your purchase now, you can go ahead.” :roll:)  So it worked out well that I couldn’t use my card since it saved me $75. 🙂

    So late this afternoon the supplies were all finally here and the fence started going up!  It’s really, really exciting to see it happening.  All the other work was preparatory, but now I can already begin to get a feeling of privacy when I’m outside – ahh!!  I love privacy!  I enjoy people, but I really like having my own clearly defined space.

    My kids are really hard workers and the bulk of the credit for this particular project goes to dd13 and ds16.  Right now (11 pm) there are thunderstorms, but assuming that they clear somewhat by tomorrow and it’s dry enough to work outside, they’re hoping the bulk of it will be up by Shabbos!

    (Of course, my frugal price analysis will come soon. :))

    Avivah

  • Busy, busy, busy!

    Have you ever had this feeling that all it took was one thing to move you from comfortably busy to feeling like your plate is overflowing? Today I had that feeling!

    We’ve been busy in the last week and a half exploring an educational option for my dd15 for next year that we just learned about (will share about it next week if she’s accepted).  I got her application in on Monday, which was good to have out of the way so I could enjoy a somewhat relaxed week that was comfortably scheduled, I thought.  Baseball season has just started for my boys, which means that every Sunday afternoon, as well as Tuesday and Thursday nights they’re out – along with the rest of the family, who like to be there to watch and cheer them on.

    Last night coming home from baseball I ran over a curb when I turned a corner and punctured my tire, so my planned relaxed morning (just cook, clean, and work with the kids on their educational stuff) today then became busy with getting the tire taken care of.  Which was really much easier than it would have been if not for the amazing Chaveirim volunteer organization we have here.  I really should write a post on them – it’s a wonderful group.

    Then I took dd13 and ds11 shoe shopping, and when I got home canned 6 quarts of berries that didn’t seal yesterday (I’m experimenting with new lids and missed a detail on instructions for using them – will share about that also if these all seal properly!).  Then on to my kitchen, which absent my attention all day, was piled up with lots of dirty dishes and pots and mess needing to be taken care of.

    Anyway, I had two hours to get it all done and eat dinner before I needed to leave the house to give a speech at my Toastmasters club, but 45 minutes before I was due to leave, I got a call from the synagogue representative that I left a message with this morning (in between getting the tire repaired and shoe shopping :).  I had inquired about sponsoring the shalosh seudos (traditional third meal late Saturday afternoon) next Shabbos (Sabbath) in honor of the tenth anniversary of a bus accident involving my ds16.  She told me that the rabbi will be away next week, and the following week is tentatively reserved – which left me the choice of doing it this week, or doing it three weeks after the actual anniversary.

    Hmm, I thought.  I have to give a speech in one hour that I haven’t yet prepared.  I have a trip scheduled to the NASA visitor center tomorrow in the early afternoon (Thursday) that is over an hour away which will take most of the afternoon, and as soon as I come home, ds11 needs to be taken to his baseball game (along with everyone else, which requires putting together a quickie dinner for them to take with them).  And while they’re all at baseball, I have a phone conference with the head of the homeschool umbrella program we’re registered with scheduled.  I have press releases and articles that need to be written for the Torah Home Education Conference.   So I would need to plan for, shop, and cook for this event of 80 – 120 people (to be held about 7 pm Saturday) all on Friday – and all of the cooking would have to be done at the synagogue, so I can’t do a little here and there when it’s quiet around here.

    Oh – did I mention that I also have a family of 9 coming for Shabbos (Saturday) lunch, and that it would be prudent not to have everyone getting home from the shalosh seudos after 9 pm Saturday night, since together with dh, I’m leaving 5:30 am Sunday morning on a bus to New York City for a full day of interviews and evaluations for my dd15 (returning 5 am Monday morning)?    And of course I still have my house to clean and food to cook for Shabbos?  Would you think it would be a good idea to agree to do this at the last minute this week, in addition to all that I have going on already?

    No, right?  That’s the reasonable and balanced thing to do. But on the other hand, we never made an official seuda (meal) to show our appreciation for the miracle that our son walked away from an accident that should have killed him.  Last year I wanted to do it but the anniversary date was the same time as my due date (and I obviously didn’t know I’d end up being three weeks overdue! :)).  Last year I said, “Next year we’ll make the seudas hodaah (meal of gratitude) to mark the tenth anniversary”.  And it was really important to me that this not be pushed off for three more weeks, just because I’m kind of busy right now.  It’s been pushed off for ten years, and if we’re going to do it, it’s going to be done on time.

    So surely you understood why I told the woman I would call her back because I needed to think about it, and then fifteen minutes later was rushing to get the announcement into the synagogue newsletter before the deadline.  Yes, I decided to do it.  Then I went out and gave my speech with ten minutes to compose my thoughts.  It was fine.

    I came home and made out a list of foods that we’ll need to make for the shalosh seudos (there’s a basic fee to sponsor it that only includes rolls, crackers, and tuna salad) – my kids really want me to buy soda.  I agreed to bake cookies and cake so it wouldn’t be too healthy, but buying and serving soda is really pushing my comfort zone.  😆  Seriously, I don’t know if I can bring myself to put it in my shopping cart.  All in attendance will just have to suffer, I suppose.  🙂

    My dear friend called tonight to let me know that there will be meteor shower tonight between 1 – 3 am, and it can be seen if you drive somewhere dark (we have too many street lights around).  In case you’re wondering – I do know what my limits are, and I’m going to sleep instead.  Despite the busyness the extra commitment of making the communal meal at the last minute entails, I feel it’s a really good decision and feel balanced and sane about it all.  Now I just have to tell my husband. 😆

    Avivah

  • What’s obvious to you isn’t obvious to everyone else!

    This morning I went back to the farm to exchange the incubator I got for another one – it was running way too hot and nothing we did was getting it back down.  She couldn’t believe it was possible for it to be at 120 degrees – she said she’s never seen any of them go above 110.  So I repeatedly checked and rechecked, but I still kept getting the same reading, no matter what I did.  It turns out that the heating element got jammed at the highest heat (she thinks it might have happened in transport) and wasn’t budging even though we were adjusting the heating dial.

    When I exchanged the incubator, I asked a bunch of questions that I could tell seemed unintelligent to the person we got it from, but I really didn’t get how the incubator worked and wanted to be sure we didn’t have any further problems.  She responded with brief statements about the incubator as if it was the easiest and most obvious thing to operate – and to her it was – but I kept feeling like I was missing some piece of information that would help me understand clearly what she was talking about.   After one comment she made that she probably thought was so obvious she didn’t even need to say it when I picked up the incubator the first time (or more likely she said it and I didn’t have a framework to process it), the light in my brain clicked on and I finally understood what was going on.

    As I was thinking about this experience this morning, suddenly I thought about the friend who came by yesterday.  When she left I handed her some beef fat and bones to make broth with, and quickly mentioned that the fat had to be rendered and to use the bones for broth.  When she asked what rendering means, I realized that I was so used to doing certain things and referencing them in a casual way (or thinking that every post I’ve written on these topics has been read, lol!), that I might have left her feeling inadequate, thanks to my quick instructions that might not have included the right balance of details.  Just like the incubator lady and me.  In actuality, making broth and rendering fat are a big process until you get it figured out!

    When something is second nature to you, it’s so easy to forget that it might not be familiar to another person at all.  It might even be really intimidating to them!  My personal lesson from today is that I need to gauge the knowledge level of the person asking before making assumptions about what she knows that might leave her feeling foolish (today in response to one of my comments, the woman responded, “that’s why homeschool moms shouldn’t give coop classes” – I definitely felt foolish).  That means being balancing the response with the appropriate amount of detail, given at an appropriate pace.  That can be a tough balance, particularly for someone like me who speaks quickly!:)  But I think it’s important to be aware of so that people don’t emerge from an interaction feeling judged or minimized.

    (This post is part of Real Food Wednesdays.)

    Avivah

    PS – edited to add that the woman wasn’t intending to be hurtful and I wasn’t insulted; it’s just a different communication style and as I said, when people are comfortable with something, they just don’t realize it’s foreign to someone else.  I don’t want anyone thinking negatively even about an anonymous person that I reference!

  • Environmental violations and justice – finally.

    Several months ago we received a citations notice for two violations because: a) our outdoor garbage cans didn’t have the lids on, and b) the greenery along our back fence was ‘obstructing’ the alley and therefore presented a safety hazard to the public.

    Months ago a big deal was made in our city when new rules regarding garbage came out, and there was a lot of community resistance.   A community official was quoted in a local publication explaining that because too many people put out bags of garbage (ie not in cans) and it attracts rodents, they’re going to be very strict about any garbage left out without a can, but that new rules about garbage cans without lids and quantity of garbage aren’t the focus and won’t be prosecuted.

    I have lids for my garbage cans and never, never have left any garbage outside of a can.  I also recycle more than everyone on the block put together (literally – and that doesn’t include all the food scraps I compost), so even though I have a much larger family than just about everyone, I don’t generate a huge amount of waste and I can still fit our garbage into the new smaller requirements.  But I found the clarification of the official reassuring since it’s hard to keep the lids on all the time – in the evening I usually send a child out to be sure the lids are on, but during the day they are often off.  Maybe a child takes garbage out and doesn’t put the lid on firmly after he puts the bag in, sometimes a wind blows and it flies down the alley – that kind of stuff.    When the lid of one garbage can disappeared, I made sure the garbage can was covered each night with a board so that it wasn’t open to cats or rodents.  It was upsetting to get a fine for something technical when we’re not contributing to the problem that the fine is supposed to be addressing.

    To add to that was a second fine for vines that had been substantially trimmed less than a month before and couldn’t possibly obstruct the alley.  When I got this in the mail, it left me feeling like there was no way to avoid some kind of fine for something, no matter how hard you try.  I was quite frustrated since it often feels like the city officials are looking for technicalities to catch people on, small violations in the letter of the law even when the spirit of the law is being respected.  It reminds me of when policemen sit at quiet streets with obscured stop signs to ticket people so they can meet their quotas – technically the drivers are in the wrong but it’s not stopping dangerous driving or purposeful wrongdoing.

    There is an appeals process, but our past experience didn’t leave us with an optimistic feeling about it. Nevertheless, I wasn’t discouraged enough to pay the fines without trying to appeal them, so I asked dh to file the appeals (something he was reluctant to waste time with after seeing the inner workings of the process two years ago).  Once you file an appeal, all action on your case is supposed to be halted until your case is heard.  Months went by and our case was finally scheduled for today (though we never got the official letter notifying us about it – it’s good dh was on top of it and kept calling them).  In the last months, we repeatedly received reminders about our fines (when dh called the official told him to ignore these since they didn’t apply to us- so why did they continue sending them??), got a threatening letter telling us we were in contempt of something or other since we ignored three reminder letters (called again and official told us to ignore that also, that it didn’t apply to us).  You know the saying ‘the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand does’?  It must have been written with these government offices in mind.

    Last night dh told me he had very little hope for the appeals process, since the facts don’t really seem to matter nor how you present your case.  This morning he waited two hours for his hearing, and listened to all the other people there talk about what they were fined for and why.  Everyone seemed to be there for ‘overgrown grass’ and garbage can lids.  Like the person who was cited for ‘overgrown grass’ when the yard was covered with five inches of snow and no grass was visible, another woman whose small yard was covered with gravel and flowers and cited for overgrown grass, and yet another person cited for overgrown grass (it was 4″ long and has to be 8″ or 8.5″ to be legally a problem).  At least I’m not the only one who got fined for things that make no sense (like the game table we had in the backyard that was the source of our fine two years ago).  And the overall sentiment was that no matter what you do, the appeals process in our city almost never works in favor of the person appealing.  Not encouraging.

    Anyway, dh finally got in and was shown the first picture of our violation – they take pictures at the time they note the violation and then later show it on a large screen to you.  As the judge read off the citation, she realized the officer who cited us wrote the wrong citation number, so she dismissed that violation.  That was a technicality that worked in our favor and I’m grateful for it!  Then she went on to the next citation, and as she read it and looked at picture of our fence with the ivy growing out about two inches, it was very obvious to even the most casual glance that there was no danger or even anything unattractive or unkempt.  The judge immediately said ‘photograph fails to show danger to public’ and dismissed that also.  Yippee!

    We’re so grateful that it worked out so well.  I think it really is dependent on the judge – I don’t think all judges would have responded as this one did.  Almost everyone we’ve spoken to has said they’ve never had a fine waived, and I feel very fortunate.  I’m glad to have a reason to be more hopeful about how our city government operates!

    Avivah