Category Archives: homemaking

Wedding plans, post high school plans, birthdays…busy, busy!

June 7, 2017homemaking, homeschooling, marriage, parentingAvivah

Yesterday someone asked me how I find time to write so often. Funny how others can look at the same situation completely differently than me – I feel like I hardly am able to find time to write! It was good to be reminded that there are always two ways to view a situation and that I can choose a more positive interpretation.

It’s a busy, busy season of life right now!

First of all, the wedding! Less than a week to go with a list of things still to do, but it’s all getting done calmly and without stress. After seeing friends whose tension level was seriously racheted up when their children were engaged, my goal for this engagement period was to be emotionally present, calm, and to enjoy the joy of this time. Thankfully that has been the reality and we are so grateful and excited as we prepare for our first wedding. So often I’ve wondered who our children will marry, and it’s beautiful to see how perfectly our daugher-in-love complements ds23; they are a lovely couple!

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Ds18 will be graduating soon, and has spent the last few months considering his post high school plans. Since he’s in a yeshiva high school (that includes a full secular curriculum versus yeshiva ketana where no secular subjects are taught) people say it makes it harder (and even impossible) to get into the selective post high school yeshiva he’s interested in, but I don’t believe that these kind of things need to be issues – yes, it sets the bar to jump over higher but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

He went to visit several yeshivas and it was clear to him that this particular yeshiva was the best fit for him. But they didn’t get back to him quickly about setting up an interview and it looked like it wasn’t going to happen. (They extensively check out the student before inviting them to interview.) It was very exciting when he was invited to test there – they’ve never interviewed a student from his high school and it was significant to be invited. The interview seemed to go well but he was told there was more testing to follow.

I was in the supermarket two days ago when he called. When he told me he was accepted, I got choked up and couldn’t respond. After a minute of silence and no sound on my part he was sure I didn’t hear what he said. “Mommy, did you hear what I said? I was accepted to ‘Blank’ Yeshiva!”

I managed to get out a congratulations through teary eyes. It’s a huge accomplishment and it happened because of the person he’s built himself into and the efforts he’s made day after day. Oh, my, so much emotion. I’d better get some bulletproof makeup for the wedding. 🙂

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Dd16 has been considering her plans for the coming year, and last week told me she’d like to go to seminary next year. While it’s not something we had talked about previously, I completely support her and told her it sounded like it could be a very good choice for her. She has a specific seminary in mind, and called them two days ago for an application – and was told that day was the deadline! She sent it in and went to visit and sat in classes yesterday, which she very much enjoyed. She needs to interview there and it’s preferred that parents come, but I simply can’t go to an interview with her until after the wedding. They have hesitations about accepting a student her age so we’ll see how that goes.

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Since Rafael joined the family three months ago, I’ve been busy working my way through a list of medical appointments for him. Yesterday I spent hours in Jerusalem at a hospital having his hearing tested. It was a very unpleasant test for him and he screamed for 45 minutes before falling asleep when his response to sound stimulation could finally be monitored, but I was very grateful to learn that his hearing is good!

Another project that has taken ongoing effort is getting mother’s milk for him. I am so grateful to the many women who have donated to him! He was obviously reacting badly to dairy formula when in the hospital and mother’s milk has been very important in building up his immune system. He’s been almost exclusively on mother’s milk for the last 14 weeks, which is a huge amount of donor milk that we’ve had to get. For the times that we’ve run out, we’re fortunate that our pediatrician generously gave us sample boxes of a hypoallergenic formula. I’m in the process of having him officially approved for a different formula (since he’s reacting even to the hypoallergenic formula he’s been getting) and once that happens we’ll be able to purchase it ourselves; hopefully that will be completed this week.

I’ve also been in the process of getting Rafael evaluated for early child development services. My experience in Karmiel with this for Yirmi wasn’t pleasant and I was dreading going through this process again. Just reading through paperwork for Yirmi (which I needed because we are opening a new file for him here and they needed it) gave me a sick feeling in my stomach.

The meeting with the physical therapist and social worker was very pleasant, completely different than my past experience. The physical therapist said Rafael’s development is impressive and that it’s obvious that we’ve been working with him. Yes, we do invest time and effort into supporting his development but in line with my educational approach, it’s integrated into daily living rather than therapies that we stop our lives to do. Rafael is delicious and we just love him to pieces!

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Can you believe Yirmi will be turning five soon!? He’s doing wonderfully and I’ll update on him closer to his birthday. We’ve been given an appointment with a developmental doctor so he can be evaluated comprehensively as part of the process to get speech therapy services. Since he has apraxia, a clear and obvious speech delay, I hope services will be easily approved. We’ve worked on his speech extensively at home and it’s exciting to see how beautifully it’s coming along. He’s such a cute and smart little guy!

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We are in the middle of birthday season here. We started the season with ds11 in April, followed by ds8 and then dh in May. Ds14 will have a birthday the day after the wedding, then Yirmi two weeks later opens July, ds23 two days after that, dd20 a month later and now our lovely daughter-in-love joins the birthday line-up for August!

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Everyone is growing up so quickly! Time seems to speed up more as the years go by. As I feel the days flying by I have such a strong desire to be emotionally present for every moment (which isn’t possible but it’s a direction to shoot for!). Life is so full and it’s easy to get caught up in what needs to be done on a daily basis, so it’s really a conscious choice that I’m trying to make each day.

Avivah

Kids enjoying outdoor time without gadgets

June 1, 2017health, homemaking, homeschoolingAvivah

Over three years after first hearing about it, I’ve just read the book, Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv.

There were a number of points made, but the overall message that I appreciated being reminded of was that nature is an important contributor to the quality of life to a child, and something to consciously nurture.

I also appreciated when the author pointed out that being in nature isn’t about taking your kids to a distant national park or walking through a forest, which is what you might mentally picture when reading the title (I did!). Nature is all around us, every day and everywhere we go.

My kids who were raised in the US had different opportunities than my children do now, but they’ve all had a lot of nature/outdoor experiences in their lives. Volunteering at a sheep farm for several years, trips and classes at the nature center, hikes with a naturalist, enrollment in Junior Rangers summer programs at a state park, sailing lessons, bee keeping, treehouse building…

When I got into gardening, my kids joined in. We incubated duck eggs and raised the ducks. We did family projects that were mostly done by the kids – outdoor renovations like building a platform deck, a brick patio, raised garden beds and a wooden six foot security fence. They participated in 4H activities for years.

Our yearly family camping trips were such special times for us all – activities included hiking, fishing and boating but mostly was about just enjoying being in nature together. There is something so centering about being outdoors, hearing the birds begin to chirp as the sun rises, sitting around a campfire at night…

Even our monthly shopping trips were an opportunity to experience nature, as we shopped in Amish and Mennonite farming communities. At one supermarket I would park our van right next to the horses in the field, and when we bought our raw milk from the farmer we would sometimes go into the barn to see the cows. When I got our free range eggs, we visited yet another farm where we got to see their horses, dogs, turkeys, chickens and ducks.

When they went to sleepaway summer camps, we sent to programs with an outdoor focus where they learned canoeing and archery along with other activities. Membership in Girl Scouts included hiking the Appalachian Trail (and coming upon a rattlesnake) and a yearly group camping trip.

Now we’re living in a different part of the world with different opportunities. The specifics look different – we don’t have a car and that has drastically cut down on going places like national parks and campgrounds. But wherever we’ve lived there have been opportunities to get outside.

Something I really appreciate about living here in Israel is that It’s a culture in which it’s safer and more accepted for kids to be out without adult supervision. In the US I closely supervised my kids when they were outside, and wouldn’t have been comfortable with things that I now routinely allow.

Our boys spend lots of time riding bikes and scooters, rollerblading, creating hideouts in bushes in the public parks, and playing with friends outside. Two of our boys participate in a weekly survival/fire/knives/hiking group and that allows them to explore areas beyond our residential neighborhood.

I still love gardening and am grateful to have a yard (albeit much, much smaller than in the US!) where my kids plant alongside me.

We don’t have family camping trips (due to not having a car to get there) but for the last two summers, we’ve set up our large family sized tent on our porch and the kids spent weeks sleeping there in the summer. My husband has found some local hikes that are accessible by bus and has taken the kids there – one of their favorite hikes happened when they didn’t quite find the place they set out to get to. But on the way they found animal bones and picked almonds from trees they discovered and had a great time – they plan to go back this year when the almonds are in season and do some serious picking!

It’s really about awareness and looking for opportunities even in the small moments – seeing the interesting bug or bird and taking the time to observe it, sitting quietly on the grass together and listening to the trees rustle in the wind…you don’t have to go far from home for your child to be able to experience nature.

While parents will sometimes say that kids need to invest in their technological skills so that they aren’t left behind, I feel that’s very overrated. Kids today are inside much more than in the past, on screens and devices and that takes away from the time that they’re outdoors. Kids need to be outside, to move their bodies, to feel sun on their faces.

I enjoyed these photos taken by a mom of four children who has chosen to limit her children’s access to television and electronic gadgets – she beautifully captured the ability of kids to just be in the moment, to entertain themselves, to enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

You know what motivated me to buy this book? I wanted to read something inspiring, something affirming, something that focused on something that isn’t achievement oriented but is about letting your kids have room to grow and just be.

That’s a big value for me – to give our children the space and time to be kids, to grow at their own pace, to have a sane and enjoyable pace of life. It’s something that I sometimes feel is getting lost in our society’s ever increasing pace of life, the drive to accomplish and get things done…as people are getting more disconnected from one another and from themselves.

Nature and outdoor time is part of the answer to shifting away from that driving pace and getting recentered with yourself and your family. It can be intimidating for parents to get their kids away from screens but it’s worth the effort – there are so many benefits to the individual and to the family!

Avivah

Pesach is coming – are you taking care of yourself?

April 19, 2016homemaking, parenting, PesachAvivah

As soon as Purim ended, there was a palpable sense in the air that Pesach was on its way. Going into a major supermarket just a few days later, one could already sense the atmosphere shift and as Pesach gets closer, you can feel the tension and stress and anxiety building.

A couple of weeks ago I co-led a workshop on how to go into Pesach without stressing yourself out. The point about planning ahead won’t be of much value now, a few days before Pesach. But the other ideas are still applicable.

1) Perspective – what does Pesach mean to you? What kind of atmosphere do you want to have in your house? A person can get so busy doing the preparatory work that they don’t even think about why they’re doing it all!

My goal is to go into Pesach calmly and pleasantly. I want my family members to have positive associations for this time of year. I want to be awake and fully able to enjoy the seder along with every other person in my family. I want to remember the spiritual messages of this time of year and feel inspired and connected to myself and to G-d.

2) Know what is chometz – Differentiate between spring cleaning and Pesach cleaning. Dirt is not chometz. I’ll repeat that. Dirt is not chometz. Here in Israel it’s beautiful to see families everywhere getting ready for Pesach but seeing others doing things you don’t do can easily lead you to feel inadequate if you’re not doing the same things on the same schedule. Remember your goals and choose what to do accordingly.

3) Sleep – don’t think that you’re getting ahead by sleeping less to get more cleaning done. No, no, no. At the most potentially stressful times it’s more important than ever to get enough sleep. Everything in life looks better and more manageable with adequate sleep. When I start to feel negative, it’s almost always related to being overtired and I need to get myself into bed, pronto!

I’m trying to drum this into my older kids in their late teens and early twenties, who are all very busy right now with work and school. I remind them that when they’re rested they can get much more done the next day. Do they take my advice? Well, they tell me theoretically they agree with it! 🙂 And they also tell me they appreciate my encouragement to take it easy, do less and sleep more.

It’s so much easier to be a nice person to live with when you’re rested. My priority for this week is to get to sleep at a regular time every day, take a nap daily, and to eat well. I schedule it into my planner at the beginning of each day and make these things a priority before anything else. Really.

4) Nutrition – if you’re keeping yourself going on caffeine and grabbing whatever quick carbs you can to get through the day, your blood sugar is going to be all over the place and you’re not going to feel emotionally stable. You’re going to crash. Make time to physically refuel with good quality foods. I know, you don’t have time for this, right? You deserve to make time for this because you are worthy of being taken care of lovingly. And it doesn’t have to take a long time. An egg with butter and vegetables will keep your keep you full and your blood sugar stable.

For kids, too, make sure they’re getting protein at every meal and at snack time. So much misbehavior is because kids get too hungry and out of sorts. Don’t fall prey to the Pesach snacks that are everywhere – this will almost guarantee that your kids will be more reactive and less responsive to your requests. Sandwiches with sweet spreads, cookies and chips won’t give your child’s brain the building blocks they need to stay calm and positive.

Keep it simple – hard boiled eggs, some carrot sticks and hummus makes an easy lunch. Peanut butter on celery sticks, cheese or nuts make easy snacks. I keep lots of vegetables and some fruits on hand for the kids to snack on as well.

5) Music – music is your ally in creating a cheerful and upbeat atmosphere! There is so much great Pesach music that will enhance your home environment while getting your kids prepared for the seder by knowing the songs that are sung that night.

6) Connect – Take time to connect with your kids before they misbehave. Being proactive on this front will make a big difference. Again, I know it seems like there’s not enough time but believe me, your children will make themselves heard and you will need to take time to deal with whatever behavior and conflicts come up. Investing the time upfront to preempt the issues is a very wise use of your time.

Most of all – be kind to yourself. Don’t set high standards that will lead you to feel inadequate. Keep it simple. If your house doesn’t sparkle, your home can still be ready for Pesach. If your menus are simple, your family can still enjoy. When you treat yourself kindly, it transfers to how you treat everyone around you.

Taking care of yourself is the absolute highest priority at this time. Give yourself the emotional and physical support that you need to feel good. A happy mother is a gift to the entire family!

Avivah

Increasing the relaxation and fun in my life – coloring for adults

February 19, 2016homemaking, parenting, personal developmentAvivah

In the last year I’ve been consciously increasing my level of self-care. Putting yourself first is something that intellectually I’ve believed in but not put enough focus on in the busyness of day to day living and taking care of all of those around me.

As a result of my increased focus on self-care, my life feels more sane and balanced. This is despite my week being more full than ever teaching parenting classes and working with private clients, in addition to homeschooling five children and my other responsibilities.

I continue to look for ways to increase my self-nurturing, and when someone mentioned the idea of coloring books for adults, I was intrigued. Coloring has been found to help people unwind, destress and get into a meditative state that accesses the right side of the brain. I frequently attach my shaded doodles to whatever scrap of paper happens to be in front of me when I’m on the phone so coloring in detailed artistic scenes sounded enjoyable to me.

It’s interesting to me that coloring for adults has become so popular and yet for children there are many voices who maintain that coloring blocks creativity! While telling a child what and how to color can be constraining, letting him color as he wants isn’t the same thing. I see it as a nice way to be quietly mindful and focused on what is in front of you without having your mind racing with thoughts about other things you need to do. Most kids can benefit from some time to calm down and do a focused activity just as much as adults.

My kids have been watching me color three different pages of mandalas and it’s piquing their interest to do something similar. This morning ds8 told me it looked fun and when I asked if it looked like something he would enjoy, he nodded with an eager smile. I’ll keep my eyes open for something detailed but simpler than what they have for adults.

I purchased a basic set of colored pencils but these didn’t give a strong enough color for me to feel satisfied with the result. Then I got a set of markers and colored pens, and so far like the colored pens best. The markers would be great if the tip was finer. Ideally I’d like a wide range of colors to use but only the artist quality colored pencil sets had that, and I’m not yet ready to invest $100 on them!

This is an inexpensive activity that can take as much or as little time as you have, and I’m enjoying it. It’s gratifying that instead of my scratching covering little scraps of paper, I end up with lovely pictures instead.

The only downside I can think of is if you feel pressured to finish a picture in one setting and then push yourself to spend more time than you have available to complete it. But that’s the same issue that comes up with many other hobbies and activities.

Avivah

Making gratitude and forgiveness a daily habit

July 27, 2015homemaking, marriage, parenting, personal developmentahavas chinam, how to forgiveAvivah

Lately there has been a lot of focus on the importance of healing our world through love for others.

Last night we were discussing why this love was so important and also why it is so challenging. I believe it’s because our generation struggles on a massive scale with lack of self-knowledge and self-love, and you can’t love others when you don’t love yourself.

The following process that I’m going to share with you is one that has helped me to be more loving toward myself and others.

1) Gratitude list – First thing in the morning you write five things you’re grateful for.

I’ve been writing gratitude lists for over twenty years on a regular basis and this is a wonderful practice for keeping your mind in a good place. There are so many wonderful things even on the worst day but you don’t notice them unless you make a habit of it.

Learning to recognize the good makes life much more easier and more enjoyable.

2) Forgiveness list – Next you write down five people/things/situations you forgive; it can be for something small or big. I determine what goes on the list based on my feelings of resentment. It doesn’t matter how minor these resentments are; if I keep them inside they’re toxic to me and I need to practice forgiveness for every single one.

Don’t say you don’t have resentments; we all do but we often bury them inside and don’t recognize them for what they are. I used to think as a pretty positive person that didn’t have many resentments. That was until I learned to recognize those twinges of frustration, irritation and upset for what they were! Resentments. Get the resentments out of you and down on paper.

Sometimes I put people down repeatedly on my forgiveness list because if I feel resentment or tension when I think of them after having put them on a prior list, I know I still have negative energy to release. Sometimes I need to put myself down on the list – to forgive myself for not doing something in the way I wanted to do it. I think we all have to forgive ourselves for being imperfect in the many ways we tell ourselves we’re not enough.

3) After you write these two lists, read your forgiveness list out loud to yourself.

4) Then you read your gratitude list out loud.

5) Finally, follow the reading of these lists with an enthusiastic verbal declaration, “And that’s why I’m having/going to have a great day!”

This process starts your day by focusing on the good, releasing the negative and giving your mind a powerful message of positivity.

What I’m experiencing as a result of this daily practice is that I’m moving through irritations much faster, even before actively releasing them the next morning! For example, a few days ago I was loading my groceries into the taxi to go home. When I had loaded half the groceries in the car (it was half of a full shopping cart), the driver informed me he was going to charge me extra above the set fee since I had more than one shopping cart. I told him I had just one cart and that the cart next to mine was someone else’s but he started yelling at me that I had two. So I unloaded all my things and got a different taxi to take me home.

By the time I was driving away from this scene with taxi driver no. 2, I was already thinking, “I’m going to put this driver (and the driver of the taxi in front of me that yelled at someone with young children for not getting in fast enough) on my forgiveness list tomorrow” and it took away so much negative emotion. It’s empowering to have a tool to actively let go of negativity toward someone/something.

This technique is so simple but very powerful – I highly recommend it if you want to become a happier, more peaceful and more appreciative person. (If you try this, I’d love to hear what your experience is after a couple of weeks.)

When it comes to feeling love for others – it’s so much easier to feel positively towards others when you make appreciating and forgiving them a regular part of your life.

Avivah

The busy summer season is in full swing at our house!

June 17, 2015homemaking, parenting, personal developmentAvivah

It’s a busy season of life now and I haven’t done a personal update for a while so here goes!

Dd20 moved back home several weeks after we moved to RBS while she continues to work in Jerusalem. Dd18 graduated seminary last week (I’m not supposed to embarrass her and say how she was honored so I won’t) and moved back home this week. She’s finishing her second year of industrial design and has one year remaining of her college studies. We now have three girls in the girls’ room and had to add closet space and additional shelving to accommodate the increase in storage needs. 🙂 It is SO nice to have the older girls at home again, even though they’re so busy with work and school that we don’t see much of them.

Tonight we hosted a bridal shower for a friend of dd20 and dd18; I simultaneously attended a high school graduation. Tomorrow afternoon is a petter chamor ceremony locally that I’d like to take the kids to; I’ve only been to one before this and most people have never been to one at all. Tomorrow morning this is what we’ll be learning about before we go!

Tomorrow night there will be a presentation I’m planning to attend in RBS called “Seeing the Beauty in Those Who Are Different”. This will be “a one-of-a-kind, fascinating event on how we can all understand better the mindset, capabilities and drives of those with Down Syndrome. But really, the event is about seeing the beauty in those who are different from ourselves.” I hope that this will be an empowering evening that will open peoples’ minds to the potential and abilities of people with T21.

Family members from the US arrived a couple of days ago to share in the celebration of our upcoming bar mitzva! Ds12 put on tefillin for the first time on erev Shabbos/Shavuos. This Shabbos we’ll be having family members with us for all the meals for a total of about 20. We’re keeping our plans on a smaller scale than our last bar mitzva, to honor the personality and preferences of the son we’re celebrating with.

This coming week dh and I will be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary.

We have Yirmiyahu’s third birthday coming up a week after the bar mitzva which means we’ll be having his upsherin (haircut for a boy when he turns three). I can’t believe how big he is already! The time really has flown by.

Even without all of these milestone events, I’ve been busier than ever since moving! There are a lot of choices for how to spend my time and now more than ever I need to plan carefully to make room for what’s important so it doesn’t get crowded out.

Avivah

The things I love about my new kitchen – pictures

June 14, 2015frugal strategies, homemakingAvivah

Last week I shared with you my disappointment about my kitchen counters. Now I’m moving on to the good things. The final cosmetic finishes aren’t yet done but today I’ll share with you some of what I love about my new kitchen!

Since I’m constantly cooking and washing dishes, I didn’t want to have a dish drainer on the counter because it’s constantly being filled and it keeps the counter looking untidy. The solution – hidden built-in dish drainers. Yep, two of them. 🙂

Which brings me to the next advantage. I now have two sinks and they’re both nice and big. For the first time in many years I have a separate work space for dairy, along with ample storage space for dairy dishes, silverware and pots. All of a sudden it’s so easy to cook for and clean up from a dairy meal!

Deep bottom corner cabinets are usually very difficult to access, with lots of wasted space. This corner carousel that makes use of all the space and makes it easy to find what I need.

All of the bottom cabinets except one have shelves that pull out so there are lots of drawers. I strongly prefer drawers. Here’s what the pull-out shelves look like.

Here’s the only cabinet not to have a pullout shelf and it makes it the perfect place for pantry items. Since it’s a blind corner cabinet, the storage is about double what you can see here.

Next to the pantry is this cabinet that has a chrome design on the front that none of the other cabinets have. Wonder why?

Open the doors and you see storage space for vegetables – close at hand but out of sight! These heavy duty metal slotted drawers together with the special door opening provide air circulation to keep the vegetables fresh.

I asked the person who fabricated the countertops to raise them since I’m tall. That little bit of additional height makes it more comfortable for me to work at the counters.

I wanted a very light, open look with lots of cabinet and counter space. At the same time that we have so much more cabinetry in the kitchen, it feels more spacious and open than it did before.

Below is the right side of the kitchen.

The left side of the kitchen that was a holding place for unpacked boxes is now a great work area.

I bought the cabinets used and having all the features I wanted, plus everything fitting into my kitchen space so well is pretty amazing!

The next thing I’m going to do is put up one more top cabinet in the space next to the window (just thought of how to do this yesterday!), then tile the backsplash and cover the toekick. That will hopefully bring the entire kitchen together.

In the meantime, we’re all enjoying our new kitchen!

Avivah

The countertops arrived and my new kitchen is ruined – expectations, disappointment and acceptance

June 8, 2015homemaking, marriage, parenting, personal development, Trisomy 21Avivah

I haven’t written about my kitchen renovation progress even though the counters were installed a week ago.

The counter is beautiful. And the cabinets are beautiful.

But the shade of the countertops isn’t a perfect match for the cabinets. The cabinets are a pinkish beige and the countertop is a yellowish beige and while that doesn’t sound like a big deal, it’s off. It’s not what I was envisioning.

The loss of a dream can be a very painful thing.

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When Yirmiyahu was born and I found out he had Trisomy 21, I accepted it very quickly – in less than a minute. No regrets, no what if, no wishing it would be different.

But most parents go through a mourning period after learning of the diagnosis, because it’s hard to let go of your dream of who your child will be.

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Why was it so easy for me to accept my newborn son had Down syndrome and after a week I’m still struggling to accept my countertops being a different shade than I anticipated?

When I got the news about the T21, it was clear that was the reality and there was nothing that was going to change that. The only option was to look forward and do the best I could to nurture the child I had.

I also have a very strong belief that everything in this world happens as it’s meant to happen, when it’s meant to happen, to whom it’s meant to happen. G-d doesn’t make mistakes and nothing about Yirmiyahu or him being part of our family was a mistake.

But this countertop…it felt like a mistake. My mistake. I have a good sense of what looks right together. This isn’t the kind of mistake that I should have made. Except that I did and how it happened doesn’t really matter.

And – I don’t want to call it grieving because that should be saved for really serious situations – I’m feeling a sense of loss and sadness. I invested a lot into this project because the final vision of what it would look like motivated me. After the countertops arrived, I lost all interest in finishing the kitchen. I wished I hadn’t started it. Better to have kept the old tiny yucky kitchen than to invest myself in a project that didn’t turn out the way I wanted, my mind said.

While I can accept what G-d sends, it’s harder for me to accept a mistake that I made and realize, this is also the way that G-d wanted it.

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As long as I’m wishing I could change the countertops, tell myself that I can’t bear looking at it every day, think how it’s a reminder of my failure – I’m not going to find acceptance. And without acceptance there’s no emotional peace and definitely no happiness.

Acceptance truly is the answer. Acceptance will only come when I can internalize that this is how it is, this is how it’s meant to be and this is G-d’s will just as much as something that doesn’t have any element of human involvement attached to it. It means focusing on what I have, not on what doesn’t fit my image of how it should be.

When I begin to let go of my insistence that something is wrong and realign my vision with the reality that’s now in front of me, it’s freeing. I can focus on what’s right. I have a well-designed kitchen that uses the space well, that’s easy to organize. I have all the features in my kitchen that I wanted. All while staying within my budget.

Since what I want is emotional health, serenity and peace, this is what I’m choosing. To accept that I don’t always get what I want, to enjoy what I have, and to notice what a beautiful countertop I have – even if it’s not the right shade.

Avivah

Getting ready for Shabbos early and in a relaxed way

June 4, 2015homemaking, personal developmentAvivah

Remember earlier in the week I wrote about wanting to upgrade the way that I approach Shabbos?

Something that’s important to me is being ready earlier on Friday so that I’m not busy until the last minute before candlelighting. As anyone who faces this deadline knows, it’s a challenge since somehow what needs to be done grows to match the time you have available.

Good intentions are nice but without starting preparations earlier in the week you’re unlikely to be able to be ready when you want to be. There’s just so much to do! This week I sat down with my planner on Saturday night to think about what my goal for the coming week was in order to plan for success. My goal is to light candles on time and in a relaxed way, and ideally be finished by midday Friday. I want the hours before Shabbos to become a gentle segue into the special spirit of the day versus a sudden shift in atmosphere once the candles are lit.

I work quickly and often do too many things on Friday because I can. Then there’s too much squeezed into too little time, which doesn’t make for a relaxed entrance to Shabbos.

Here’s my general plan:

Make a list of what I need to buy/do by Tuesday.
Do the shopping by Wednesday night.
Do any sewing repairs by Wednesday.
Finish all the laundry in the house by Thursday night. (I often have two kids who come home on Friday with laundry so I can’t avoid doing laundry on Friday but I can limit it to only their clothing.)
Do the bulk of cooking and baking on Thursday.
Don’t do anything on Friday that isn’t related to Shabbos preparations (organizing projects, errands, blog posts).

Friday is reserved for basic cleaning (no big organizing or cleaning projects!), baths, haircuts, nail cutting, heating up the prepared food and setting up the hot plate. All of this needs to be actively planned so that I don’t get overly relaxed, thinking everything is done and then rushing at some point in spite of all my advance preparations.

Your goals will be different than mine and the way you go about getting ready for Shabbos on time will be different as well. Thinking and planning ahead is what makes it work for us all! And lighting candles on time and in a relaxed way is spiritually powerful for us all.

I’m dedicating the merit of lighting Shabbos candles in a timely and relaxed way for the complete healing of Chaya Dina bas Sarah. She is very ill and medical doctors have said there’s nothing else they can do for her. I attended the births of Chaya Dina’s first two children years ago and this is my way of supporting her now. Please join me in transforming the way you approach Shabbos!

Avivah

My new Shabbos candleholders

June 1, 2015frugal strategies, homemaking, personal developmentAvivah

Jewish sages teach that the day of Shabbos (Sabbath) is a source of blessing. I’ve been reflecting on this recently and thinking about different ways that I could value and honor this special day more, to feel and receive more of the blessing in my life.

There are some things I’d like to change about how I approach Shabbos, and one of those things is what I use for candle lighting. My mother-in-law generously bought me a lovely pair of candlesticks when I got married and I supplemented with tea lights as each child was born. During an international move fifteen years ago, the candlesticks were badly damaged and couldn’t be repaired. Since then I’ve used only tea lights in simple glass holders, and when I moved I didn’t bring the holders so for almost 4 years it’s been just tea lights.

It’s not that I wouldn’t have wanted something nicer. But there’s always something more pressing that needs to be purchased. While expensive silver candlesticks aren’t my choice for a couple of reasons even though I love how they look, I’ve been thinking that getting nicer candle holders for the candles that I light for Shabbos would be more honoring of this special day.

Yesterday morning I was walking through the industrial zone. I had several errands there and since I wasn’t on a tight schedule, decided to look into each storefront as I passed in order to familiarize myself with the area.

I noticed a flyer on a storefront window about a sale they were having on crystal candelabras and went inside. It was a strange store, no lights on, a huge area with boxes and just a couple of bookshelves displaying various items. I had to actively get the attention of the man who was in charge and he seemed reluctant to answer my question about prices.

When I pressed him for the price, I learned he sells to stores in addition to his own six retail stores but he doesn’t sell to private individuals. Hence the strange storefront – it’s his warehouse. He happened to be there for just a half hour loading merchandise to take to the stores when I came in. He told me even though this wasn’t a storefront, since I was there he was willing to sell to me at the same price he sells to stores (where the prices are then marked up 200 – 400%).

I’m so happy with them. They’re beautiful but not overdone or something that would make anyone jealous – just the balance that I wanted. (The picture above really doesn’t do them justice – I love how the light sparkles through the prisms but you can’t see that here.)

I had such a strong feeling that G-d had led me right into this store at just this time, because I had so much wanted to do something to honor Shabbos. This ‘coincidence’ made it possible for me to buy lovely crystal candle holders at a price that was affordable for us; I wouldn’t have considered them at the typical retail price.

As our sages have said, “In the way that a man wants to go, so he is led!”

Sample fountain for illustration purposes — Sample fountain

Edited to add – I wrote this post in the morning and later that night went to a lecture run by Arachim. I attended a lecture of theirs in the past and wanted to give a donation to support their work but it was given on Shabbos. This time I was able to donate and they gave each person who donated a gift – mine was a kiddush fountain!

Another way to beautify one of the mitzvos of Shabbos!

Avivah

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