You might think if someone comes in the second day of school to register a child, that things would be expedited in order to facilitate the child entering the class as soon as possible, but getting school registration completed hasn’t been quick or easy around here!  Dd10 has been the quickest and easiest of everyone so far, though.

On Sunday I took dd10 to the local school to register her.  I assumed they’d want to meet her first, and my experience so far trying to contact principals on the phone led me to believe trying to call first and hope for a call back was a waste of time.  🙂  The principal was a lovely woman who speaks some English, which was good for dd since she really doesn’t speak Hebrew at all.

Our meeting went well.  One of the first questions was about where she studied previously, and so I told her she was homeschooled.  ” What?!” she exclaimed.  This is where I briefly explained that we had a private school in our house and I was the teacher for all the kids, for all the subjects.  Not my typical explanation but then again, trying to explain the subtleties of a very nuanced decision in Hebrew isn’t something I can do yet, and in any case, this wasn’t the time or place for it.

I’ve repeatedly squashed questions from the many people around here who want to know about it.  I’m happy to talk about homeschooling, but not to people who have met me for the first time.  My lifestyle isn’t a curiousity or oddity for people to talk about together afterwards in the park, and without knowing who I am, a person can’t really understand what our homeschooling has been about.  To those who want to know because they really care, are looking into it, or some other positive reason more than idle curiousity I’ll usually speak more to.

Anyway, the principal told me that usually she likes to see records and transcripts to see what the teachers say about a girl, but now she gets to speak to the girl’s teacher in person so that’s the best thing!  I was pleasantly surprised by how positive she was.   There are two sixth grade classes, and I requested a particular class where there’s another English speaker that dd10 is already friendly with (the only one in either of the two classes).  The principal told me that class was already bigger than the second class, and generally they’d put dd in the smaller class, but in light of the situation would put her in the class we requested.

Then she told me the teacher was giving an interactive getting-to-know-you type class that morning, and asked if dd would want to sit in on it.  With some hesitation, dd agreed, after I assured her she could go home after that and wouldn’t have to stay for the day.  The principal took us into the class after showing us around the school, and then told the class that although they were the larger class, she decided to have my dd join that class – and the entire class spontaneously broke out into cheers!  Dd didn’t have any idea what was happening since she doesn’t understand any Hebrew and didn’t realize they were excited she would be their classmate, but I felt choked up at how warmly she was welcomed.

She was seated next to her English speaking friend, while I went back to the office to complete the paperwork and buy her uniform shirts.  When the class ended, I was still there, and she excitedly asked me if she could stay for the rest of the day.  This was due in large part to the encouragement and strong request from her friend and new seatmate, who added her plea and told me that dd could walk home with her and then eat lunch at her house.

And so despite our plan to give dd a chance to get used to the idea of school before putting her in for the entire day (since I had first told her she’d be going late Friday afternoon, and then we were there Sunday morning!), Sunday became her first day of school ever.

Avivah

For months I’ve been deliberating (agonizing?) over the educational decisions for our kids, and what has made it so hard was I was trying to assess factors from a distance that I had no familiarity with.  My main concerns about continuing to homeschool were:

a) Would I would have the emotional availability to give my kids what they need to make the transition successfully at this time, at the same time that there is a huge amount for me to do (lots of repeated visits to government offices, setting up a house from scratch, navigate a new city, etc) – this doesn’t include any integration into the society but even continuing our regular homeschooling and being really there for them.

b) Could I as an American effectively integrate my children into Israeli society and culture when I’m not fully comfortable in that society myself, at the same time holding myself apart to a large degree (and though this obviously won’t be the case for most Israeli homeschoolers, just like I’ve never felt it was an issue for us when homeschooling for the last eleven years in the US – for us living where we live, coming with the older children that we have, homeschooling would create a distance between us and many in the community).

There are times, like after a baby, that’s I’ve been one hundred percent fine with a very laid back approach to homeschooling, knowing that things would even out and we would get back on our usual schedule.  But for the past six months, I’ve been really busy with the aliyah process.  I’ve made a huge effort for this not to take away from my time with the kids, but our homeschooling has run on automatic.  Automatic is okay for a short period of time, but it’s not very fulfilling for the kids, because they don’t feel I’m very involved in their learning.

As we start this new stage of life, I don’t feel I have the luxury of taking a few months to put homeschooling on the back burner and ease into life here.  If my kids were younger, it would be a totally different story.  The focus could be fully on the new experience of living in a new country, shopping in new places, learning new money and measurement systems, getting used to speaking and reading a new language.  But that’s not enough for older kids.  When my middles and older kids feel unproductive, they don’t have a positive feeling about homeschooling (even though I can honestly say even when we’re on automatic their learning is still decent).  Right now, I need everyone’s collective positive energy, not them feeling like Mommy’s too busy to make sure they get the education/attention that they want/need.

On the integration front, the two biggest concerns that have weighed on my mind have been how I could help the kids learn Hebrew fluently, and how they could make friends.  There aren’t a lot of kids in my neighborhood – dd15 told me last night that of all the girls in her high school class, only three live in Karmiel (the others come from outside of the city).  I told her at least now she knows it’s not because we’re homeschooling that she isn’t meeting anyone; there just isn’t anyone to meet!  Of course social venues can be developed and nurtured, which I’ve done plenty of over the years, but that takes time and a lot of effort – and I don’t feel like time is on my side in helping the kids get started on the right foot here, and I don’t have the extra energy to put forth that effort right now.

On Friday I was thinking about several recent interactions with some of my kids that I wasn’t happy with; they were very minor but I was pondering about where the negativity was coming from.  I was getting the feeling that they weren’t enjoying being around me – and when I reflected on that, I realized that as much as I know how hard I’m trying to be patient and loving – they aren’t adults.  They aren’t thinking what a good job their mother is doing in handling the pressures and stresses.  Adults would be likely to at least partially understand the enormity of what I’m doing and might even be impressed with how positive and calm we’re being about it all.

But my kids aren’t outsiders who can be impressed from a distance.  They live with me close up, and are feeling their mother is more edgy than usual – and they’re right.  It’s not that I’m much different than usual, but my ratio of interactions  with them has shifted; I’m moving faster and being more directive of them without the usual input of mommy time to balance that out.

Usually my perspective on things like this is to look at my part, how I can improve, be more loving, patient, , etc. But on Friday, I had a moment of clarity in which I honestly said to myself, I simply can’t do more than I’m doing.  I think I’m doing really well. Really.  I’m not screeching and screaming, I’m not getting upset and angry.  But I feel the pressure of all that I’m trying to do and knowing all that is waiting to be done, and feeling like I’m not going to be able to to it the way it needs to be done.  It’s the mental pressure that I constantly feel pounding at me, more than the physical stuff that most people complain about during the aliyah process – and believe me, we’ve had plenty of potential irritants and stressors!

Right now, I have to ask myself, how can I be the mother my kids deserve?  Not how can I homeschool, help them learn Hebrew, be fully present for everyone at their own level emotionally, academically, and socially, my usual questions – but just how can I be the mother they need right now?  Because what they need me to be more than anything is just their mother.  And that’s something I can do, and I can do well.  But I can’t do all those other things well at this time, and trying to do them will compromise my primary goal.

So….

Our homeschooling plans are changing – again.  I enrolled dd10 in the local school yesterday.  Ds5 will be starting gan chova (kindergarten) tomorrow moring.  Ds12 has an interview with the principal of the school tomorrow morning, and I assume he’ll begin the day after that, on Weds.  Ds9, ds4 (today was his birthday!), and ds2 will continue to be at home (at least that’s today’s decision, lol!).

As far as how I made the decisions I did regarding this, dh and I thought a lot about each child and his/her personality and learning style, the teacher they would have, English speaking classmates, and what would help them best adjust to living in Israel.  For some kids this was going to school, for others it was learning at home.  As far as how I’m feeling about this… I have very, very mixed emotions.  To be detailed another time. 🙂

Avivah

Today our family began a new stage in life – with the entrance of dd15 and dd16 to the local girls’ high school, our three oldest children are out of the house and this will be a big shift for us to get used to.

Registering the girls has been pretty quick – I called the principal on Sunday, told her we had two girls interested in going to the high school, and she told me no one does the registration now.  I explained to her that we had moved from the US just a week and a half before, and that I had tried to reach her several times in June to take care of this as much as possible in advance but never was called back (she told me she doesn’t pick up the messages on her voicemail).

Anyway, she told me to send the girls to the orientation being held the next afternoon for all the girls in the high school.  I told her that the girls really weren’t comfortable with that before knowing if they were accepted or not, but she said they should come and she might have a few minutes to speak to them while they were there.  So off they went, and came back four hours later.

What in the world can take so long?  There was a speech by the rabbi of the city, followed by a low grade film for three hours.  The girls said the quality was so poor that it was painful to watch, but the topper was that as everyone exited, they were told they had to pay 40 shekels for the privilege of watching it!  At least our girls didn’t have to pay since they weren’t yet accepted.  🙂  Then they bought their uniforms, which weren’t as bad as they expected; I think they look rather nice, although it’s not the personalized look that each of them usually have.

I waited for the principal’s call the next day, since we had agreed she would call me to set up an official interview for the girls, but late in the afternoon, I called her since it was getting late.  She told me she was waiting for me to call!  So we arranged for us all to come in the next morning, just a day before school began, for the girls to be tested.

The principal told me several times that the girls, as English speakers and as homeschoolers (who clearly couldn’t have learned anything in all of their years at home), would be put a grade lower than where they belonged.  I told her during our initial phone call that I didn’t agree, and the during our face to face meeting reiterated this at more length with her.  I basically told her that I wouldn’t agree to placing them below their age level, and she told me it’s not my choice to make – the committee has to meet to discuss what to do with them.  I realized that while this is true, it’s also true that there’s an image to uphold of them running the show and I wasn’t interested in turning it into a power struggle, so I left it with her that she’d call to let me know about their placement (remember that this is a day before school starts!).

After I spoke with the principal, I spoke at length with the yoetzet/high school advisor, who was lovely and we enjoyed our talk very much.  She told me if there’s ever anything she can help us with, to let her know, and I felt she really meant it.  Then I went on to take care of the official registration, and after filling out all the forms, told the secretary I wasn’t going to pay yet.  I explained that it would be a waste of her time and mine if I was notified they were placed not according to what I felt their best interests were, and then I had to come back and get a refund, and that I’d pay once I got confirmation on their proper placement.

I finally left the school without the girls – they found most of the tests very easy, but the math is taught here very differently, and even though they’re both good math students, didn’t understand many of the questions.  I was told that their placement would hinge in large part on their math scores, which wasn’t very reassuring, but I told them not to worry about it.

Apparently the committee met and despite the poor showing in math – which I had told the administration I was concerned about before they even finished their testing – they were approved to go into their proper grades.  I found this out at 8 pm that night, and they were supposed to be in school at 8:15 the next morning!  I was told today by a new friend in the community that her husband was called to find out what is this homeschooling business, and is it legitimate – it’s much less common here than in the US.  There’s an advantage and disadvantage to that; the advantage is that all that people know about it is what they know about you, and if they think your family is okay, then they’ll tend to think of homeschooling in a better light.

I’ve been asked a number of times about why we’re sending the girls to high school at this point.  I’ll start with dd15, who has been planning this from the time we decided to move.  She’s been homeschooled since she was four, and felt very ready for the challenge of integrating into the school system.  She wants to make friends locally and learn the language very well, and felt this would be the best way to do that.

After the orientation, I asked dd15 if she was really ready for this, because I thought the way it was run was a good indication of what she can expect from the coming year.  She told me that she knows some of it will be annoying, but she’s clear about why she wants to be there, and feels this is the price she’s willing to pay.

As far as dd16, her last year of school totally turned her off the concept of school.  So when I suggested to her several months ago that attending school here might be the best option – basically as a way to socially integrate into the community while being immersed in a Hebrew speaking environment – she adamantly refused. We looked and looked into different options, but nothing seemed right – her age and lack of Hebrew fluency were issues for all the possibilities we were considering.  The best option was to send her to ulpan, a Hebrew language program, five hours a day, five days a week, for five months – to get her Hebrew up to the level that she can be successful at a college level.

Dd16 told me on Sunday that she wants to go to school.  Why?  To make friends and learn the language.  Of course, this is why I told her it would be good, so I wasn’t opposed to the idea. 😛 She’s realized from being here in Karmiel through the summer that there’s no teenage social life, no way to meet people unless you’re in school.  She and dd15 have already gotten friendly with the only other three English speaking high school age girls from their school, and they felt they’d be limited to that without attending school – really, I’ve hardly seen any teenage girls around at all and I think they’re right. Today when the girls came back from school, they told me many of the girls in the school – which is small to start with, under 100 girls – don’t even live here!

Something I really appreciate is that the school day is so much shorter here than in the US, so the girls will be home by about 2 pm every day, which leaves time for other things than school.  The first day went well, though there’s the awkward feeling of not being able to talk to the people around you, and it will take time until they get comfortable in that regard.  But all in all, the school seems nice, the administration was pleasant to deal with – I felt they were all in all respectful of me even though they’ve never come across anyone whose homeschooled their children – and I’m looking forward to an overall positive year for the girls.

Avivah

After a week and a half, we finally got our internet and phone yesterday, and it’s amazing to be able to freely connect to the outside world again!

I have loads of things I want to tell you about, but I’m never going to get to what’s going on now if I try to catch you up on the last week!  As far as the technicalities, I’ve spent every morning at different government offices – the Ministry of the Interior, the Ministry of Absorbtion, the municipality, the office of National Insurance – and though everything has taken time, I haven’t felt aggravated by the bureaucracy of all of this until today.

As returning citizens, we have to pay a fee of almost 10,000 shekels per person over the age of 18 in order to restart our insurance.  Thanks to a recently passed law that is of two year duration – and our move to Israel falls out in this period of time – this money is fully refunded, half immediately and the other half in a year.  Once this money is paid, we can then sign up for a health fund.

You wouldn’t think it would be so hard to pay this money, but we’ve been to that office three times and still no luck!  Today I was initially told that we have to establish our residency before they’ll take our money (afterward I was told they’d take our money – as if they were doing us a favor – but it still wouldn’t help us get insurance).  I told her that we’ve repeatedly established our residency with the Israeli embassy, whatever Israeli ministry handled the approval for our tickets as returning citizens, the Ministry of Absorbtion and the Ministry of the Interior here in Israel – so since we have documentation of all that, isn’t it enough?  No.  We need to redocument everything for this particular office, but this time they’re insisting on proof of enrollment of the kids in school before we can establish our residency.

This isn’t so simple since none of the kids ages 12 and under are going to school.  (Earlier I wrote I would be putting some of the kids in school, but back in May we decided otherwise; I’ve  been wanting to share with you about how I came to that decision but haven’t had time.)  I still have to file for an approval from the Israeli government to homeschool, but this hasn’t been on the top of my list; I’m trying to get the most basic things taken care of.

Tomorrow I’m going to the local girls high school to sign up dd15 and dd16, and I’m already feeling under the gun about homeschooling because the principal is insisting on putting the girls back a grade because they’ve never been in school before.  If I had been mentally prepared for her asking for transcripts and records, I would have handled it differently and sidestepped this issue without mentioning homeschooling, but what’s done is done.  Tomorrow the girls will be tested and I’ll discuss their grade placement with the principal in person (so far we’ve only talked on the phone) because holding them back isn’t my idea of what would be beneficial to them, and I’ll refuse to enroll them if it comes to that.

Anyway, I’ll take their school registration back to the National Insurance office along with our house contract, bank records, and whatever else they’ve asked for, and hopefully that will be enough to show that we actually are planning to live here and didn’t come to scam the Israeli health insurance system. 🙂

Avivah

Yesterday we had a very special siyum for my ds18.  A siyum is a special party held to commemorate the completion of a significant portion of Torah learning, and ds18 completed tractate Pesachim this year.   This wasn’t done according to the schedule of the yeshiva,  but he was very motivated and focused to accomplish this and did a lot of it on his own.

Initially he asked if he could celebrate his siyum at the shalosh seudos held in our honor on Shabbos, but as we discussed it, we all agreed that it wasn’t the best time, that the siyum and farewell party would detract from one another.  So we decided to have the siyum at our home the following afternoon, and ds invited the people who have been part of his learning development over the last few years: his bar mitzva teacher, married learning partners, gemara tutor, our shul rabbi, his stock mentor.  As everyone came in, dd15 (she just had a birthday :)) commented to me how nice it was to see our home filled with so many high caliber people at one time.  A couple of his teachers couldn’t make it, but most of those invited came.  We also invited our parents, and my sister and law and her fiance.  So we had a nice crowd of under 30 people.

Our house is very much in the throes of moving – everything we have is now in the main living area of the house, and we have packed boxes stacked in one area, and lots of open boxes sitting all around.  But we managed to clear the kitchen counters and the living room and dining room area enough for it to look somewhat neat.  (Two hours before people walked it, it looked highly doubtful that it would be possible! :))

To keep things simple, we decided to use paper goods and have a basic meal: deli, salad, cake, ice cream.  My mother bought all the salad ingredients and non-dairy ice cream for dessert, my inlaws brought a bakery cake and rolls, and we picked up cold cuts and paper goods and took care of the preparation, borrowing a table, chairs, etc.

This was a beautiful event.  I was so glad for ds that so many people showed up – he didn’t know who would come – and it was just the right way for him to thank the people he’s known over the years and to be able to say goodbye to them.  And for us it was just the right way to show him how important he and his learning are to us, that even at this busy time it was a priority for us.

Avivah