Category Archives: homeschooling

Recharging and birdwatching

homemaking, homeschooling

At this year’s Torah Home Education conference in May, I spoke about the challenges of burnout, and the importance of taking time to recharge and renew yourself.  I mentioned something I was planning to do just for me: to take an early morning walk with a friend and enjoy some bird watching by a local lake.  This week, I finally did it!

We met at the lake at 7 am to accomodate me, the late riser.  😛  I was bleary eyed from being up repeatedly at night with ds2, who kept waking up, screaming for a while, then falling back asleep.  I stuck him next to me in bed to make it easier for us all.  I couldn’t fall back asleep each time as quickly as he did, and it seemed that every time I had finally fallen into a deep sleep, he’d wake up again.  Be that as it was, he was exhausted enough that at 6:15 am, he didn’t wake when I disengaged myself from his little body, that was wrapped all over me, and was there by 7:02.

What fun this was!  The friend I went with is someone I met at an aliyah meeting – she saw my name written on the sign up sheet and recognized it from Seattle.  We ended up getting into a nice long shmooze, during which I encouraged her to make her move to Israel this summer rather than making it an indefinite goal for the future, and which culminated with her agreeing to join us for Shabbos lunch.  At some point in our email communication I learned that she was an avid bird watcher, and asked her if she’d lead a group for our local homeschoolers. 

Then I realized, I didn’t really want to go bird watching with lots of kids, when I’d be so busy watching my littles that I’d hardly have time to notice what birds were where.  I wanted to do it myself!  So that’s what we did.

When you’re familiar with the birds or plants you come across as you’re taking a walk, it totally changes the experience; you begin to see things that you would otherwise walk by- it’s a much fuller experience.  We started off by seeing a pair of green herons, a first for my friend – she figured it out with her bird guide and it was exciting for her to see something she never had seen there before.  Then she pointed out Canadian geese (one of the only birds I sawthat I already recognized), goldfinches, mockingbirds, red-winged blackbirds, and kingfishers. 

As we walked along, I was able to see these birds frequently enough that I can now identify them on my own.  We saw a red-tailed hawk, and it was especially interesting to watch it being harassed by a mockingbird.  The mockingbird kept swooping in at it and pecking it – I suppose the hawk was too close to her nest – but the hawk just sat there, only occasionally slightly turning its head towards the little bird.  I was kind of waiting for it to get so fed up it would snap at it, but it didn’t seem bothered enough.  Very entertaining.

Then we saw mourning doves (I had recently seen a few of these in my backyard and wondered what they were – they look somewhat like small pigeons), orioles, cardinals, robins, and a northern grosbeak.  I think that I would be able to identify all of these in the future without assistance, except for the kingfisher and green herons, which I could only see through binoculars.

I enjoyed myself so much that I’m thinking of doing this again sometime soon.  The early morning is a beautiful time of day, with a freshness and energy that I really love, and even on hot summer days, it’s still pleasant that time of day.

How do you find ways to make time for yourself, to keep yourself from becoming depleted by the continuous requirements of motherhood and parenting?

Avivah

Torah Home Education conference….next year?

homeschooling

>>I am sure yo do not want to think about this now, but what about next year? It would be such a shame to lose the momentum you have built up.<<

I’ve been asked a number of times if there will be a conference next year, and I’ve vacillated within myself about if I would continue organizing it from a distance (most of the arrangements I do online or by phone anyway) for the future and then have a couple of people do the hands-on aspect for the day of the conference itself.

I feel that it’s really important that there be a venue in the Orthodox world for accurate information and support with regards to homeschooling (which is sorely missing), and know how much people appreciate it (some have told me it was life changing for them).   At the same time, it requires a substantial effort on my part, and every one of us has to choose where to invest her time and energy.  I finally decided to make it strictly about numbers and not about my feelings: if there were a given number of people (I predetermined this) in attendance this year, that would justify the continued effort.

The first year of the conference, we had about 50 people, which was quite good considering that it was the very first time, and I began organizing it only six weeks before it took place (and my baby was four weeks old at the conference!).  The second year we had about 100 people, which was wonderful, as I felt like the interest and awareness of homeschooling as a reality was growing.

This year, my hope was that there would be a significant increase from last year’s turnout, which I felt was reasonable for a number of reasons.  However, I decided that even if we didn’t increase the numbers from last year, I’d be willing to continue organizing the conference if there were close to 100 people.

Well, fortunately for me but maybe unfortunately for those who would like this to continue, the attendance wasn’t enough to make it something I’d have to rethink.  I believe part of the lowered attendance is due to the crunch many are feeling economically, combined with the rising gas prices – it makes it hard to spend the money driving even a few hours away.

And part of it is that people take what they have for granted until they don’t have it.  They are so pressured by all that they have to do, that they don’t make time for things that aren’t urgent – even if those options would create better possibilities for them. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for people to say they want something but when it comes down to it, not follow through.

My kids asked me how I felt about the attendance.  And my honest answer is, I felt somewhat disappointed that more people didn’t avail themselves of this resource. Though I downplay how much time and effort I put into the conference, it’s honestly a lot of work;  I don’t think without doing something like this yourself you have an idea of how much is involved in it.  The effort that I put in is the same regardless of how many people come, and when I know how great the need is and then see how relatively few people actually make the effort to be there, it’s disheartening.  Also, when I extend myself to accommodate people who make specific requests and then don’t even show up, it’s disappointing.  I understand it, though.

So I finished the conference with a lovely sense of completion and closure.  I’ll continue to support people one on one, and to make the recordings available (I’ll let you know when the ones from this year are ready), and I’m very grateful for the clarity that this isn’t something for me to continue.

Interestingly (to me, anyway!), someone in Israel has taken the initiative to arrange a monthly homeschool gathering in the north of Israel – in Karmiel, actually! (the city we’re moving to) – and the first gathering was held on the same day as the conference.  When one door closes, another opens!   So as the door on my active advocacy for homeschooling in the Orthodox world in the US swings shut (though I suspect that it will never totally close), it is very, very nice to feel that there are others where we are going who are making the effort to create a framework that we can participate in.

Avivah

Third Torah Home Education Conference finished!

homeschooling

Well, the third Annual Torah Home Education Conference has come to a close.  It was BH a wonderful day – great speakers, great attendees – and I want to thank Alisa Mandel for all of her help.  When I was considering if I would be able to run the conference again or not this year in light of the other things going on in my life, it was her stepping in and making herself available to help that made me decide to go ahead with it.  Thanks, Alisa!!

After the conference, I had two regrets, one of which was familiar to me each year: that I didn’t have more time to speak to the people who were attending.  The other I’ll write about another time.

There are so many great people who were there and because I get interrupted in the middle of conversations pretty often throughout the day, I often don’t get to speak to people for more than a couple of minutes, and then worry that people might feel slighted by me.  I used to have this same worry when I was the president of a large Neshei (women’s organization) at the big events we had – I tried to greet every person there, but obviously couldn’t speak to each person much.

I’m grateful that the day went so well, in spite of how I was feeling physically.  I was feeling pretty tired from the time I started my day, and was hoping to shake it off.  (I know, if you were there, you probably thought I looked fine!  I hide it well.)  Being so tired meant that though I usually remember faces and names well, yesterday I was having a hard time keeping the faces and names put together. On the positive side, being so tired made it easier to stay calm about things like the last minute cancellation of one of the speakers or the person who was supposed to watch my children for the day not showing up  – I had no extra energy to get worked up about it!

I’ve spoken the last couple of years at the conference, and usually take whatever slot is left after I give the speakers the times they prefer.  In the past this was the afternoon, but this year I spoke in the morning, and I was especially glad that I did.  I don’t think I physically could have managed it after lunchtime (though I did facilitate the teen panel towards the end of the day).  Though I managed to hold myself together until the conference was over – it was just barely.

By the time I was in the lobby exiting the building I was feeling so dizzy that mid-sentence I stopped the person I was speaking to and told her we’d have to talk at a different time.   I got home a few minutes later but by then the combination of being so tired and not drinking enough had led to being dehydrated.  At home, I immediately drank as much as I could, until I felt I couldn’t drink anymore, but it was too late to avoid the discomfort of an advancing stage of dehydration (intense headaches, nausea, etc).

I spent a couple of hours throwing up (I rarely throw up, and nothing like this), and was thinking afterward that I was grateful for the opportunity to be reminded of what it was like so that I can be more understanding of my children (dd10 gets easily dehydrated and dd16 recently had a lot of throwing up).  It wasn’t fun – it was quite horrible, actually – and I spent a good part of today in bed recovering – but at least I gained something from it. 🙂

To those of you who attended the conference – thank you.  To those of you who expressed your thanks – thank you!  It’s so nice to feel my efforts have been appreciated.  Here are a few emails that I received since yesterday:

“Thank you for a wonderful conference, yet again!  Although I couldn’t stay the whole time I got chizuk out of your speech and getting a (brief) chance to talk with and see such a diverse group of Torah committed homeschoolers.  “

“I had the most AMAZING time – thank you SOooooo much for pulling it together!  It was fantastic to have a face to put with your name – you are even more of a presence in person, if such a thing is possible.”

“Thank you, and yasher koach for arranging such an excellent conference once again. Much of what I heard from other speakers mamash moved me.”

“I want to thank you for arranging this wonderful conference. My husband and I greatly enjoyed the day – meeting like minded people, sharing information and gaining chizuk and encouragement. I especially enjoyed your talk – I wondered how you knew exactly what was going on in my head!”

“I’m sure there were days you felt like canceling the conference after you decided to move and I, among so many others, are grateful that you didn’t and that you have given such a visibility to Jewish homeschooling.”

Avivah

Friends, embassy, and homers

aliyah, homeschooling

This morning dd16 and I started our day by going downtown to pick up two friends of hers arriving from Michigan, who are coming for the conference.  Though I left the house and allowed extra time to get there, there was a huge delay with traffic and I got there almost an hour after I had planned.  Fortunately, their bus had arrived late so they hadn’t been waiting long.

I had planned to go directly from picking them up to the Israeli embassy; one thing I wanted to take care of was extending dd16’s passport.  She got an Israeli passport at the beginning of the year that expires when she turns 17 – this is because Israeli teens who reach the age of 17 have to get permission from the army before leaving the country or entering for more than a certain amount of time.  The Jewish Agency representative here had suggested that it would be easier for us to deal with it here than in Israel, and since I needed to go there anyway to sign a power of attorney for someone to sign paperwork on my behalf in Israel, it wasn’t any extra effort to take dd along.

Unfortunately, I forgot to tell her to take her passport with her, so she couldn’t get it taken care of!  However, when we got there, I picked up ds17’s new passport – we had to take care of the army issue before his could be issued when the rest of us got ours – and learned that he’ll still have to go to the enlistment office in Israel when he arrives to take care of some other aspects of his deferment of the mandatory army service.  So dd16 will go along with him and take care of hers at the same time at that point.

It took a couple of hours there to get the power of attorney signed, but it’s done.  Now I have to send it off to Israel so it can be used!

After this we took my husband to work, then had lunch since I hadn’t had anything to eat and neither had dd’s friends.  Or dd16 for that matter, but she still can’t eat much because of the oral surgery.  From there we headed home, stopping on the way at the library and finally getting home at 6 pm.  When I left my house at 9:35 in the morning, I had no idea that it would take all day to do what we needed to do!

(It was funny that both these friends came last year for a few days, and we went to DC (to the National Zoo) when they were here, as well as stopping at this same restuarant to eat and going to the same library – but these aren’t things that we usually do!  It must have felt like it was a replay of their visit last time!)

When we got home, it was so nice to walk into a sparkling clean house with  the table set and ready for dinner, with a yummy dinner prepared.  All thanks to dd14.  We ate and then headed out to catch the end of ds12’s baseball game – we got there just as he got up to bat and hit a home run!  And then he hit another one right before the game ended, and since he hit one before we got there, he’s now earned the distinction of being the only player in the league for the last two years to have hit three home runs in one game.  He’s the top hitter in the league for home runs for the season (you know how they have stats on all this stuff!), and he’s hoping in the last game of the season this Sunday to up his average even more by hitting some more homers.  🙂  I haven’t been to many of his games this season – I usually drive him there and pick him up, but can’t stay to watch – and was so glad that at the game I happened to come to I was able to view some of his accomplishments.

He and ds17 are excellent baseball players (ds17 was also the top hitter in the league), and I know it’s something ds12 will miss when we go to Israel,(since it’s not played much there.  I’m glad they’ve both enjoyed the opportunity during their years here to play regularly.  But we plan on taking baseball equipment with us anyway, and perhaps we’ll find the opportunity to play.  After our family game of baseball on Pesach, we realized that even without anyone else, we have enough people to have lots of fun on our own!

Avivah

Yom Haatzmaut event

aliyah, homeschooling

This evening I took the kids to a community event in honor of Yom Hazikaron (Israeli Memorial Day) and Yom Haatzmaut (Independence Day).  It wouldn’t have been on my radar if I hadn’t been contacted by two different organizers and asked to participate.  Towards the end of the program, there is a segment in which people in the community who will be learning in Israel for the year or moving to Israel are asked to come up and light a candle.  We were contacted to be part of that segment.

Yesterday I told one organizer that my kids might be able to attend, but dh was working and I had a consult followed by an interview (for an article about homeschooling) scheduled for that time, so as much as I would have liked to participate, it wasn’t realistic for me to be there.  Then this afternoon, the person who had wanted the consultation had a sore throat and couldn’t talk, so we cancelled for this evening.  What was really nice about this was it allowed me to go with the kids for the event, though I told them I’d still have to leave early to go to the interview and they could walk home themselves.

I didn’t know what to expect, but the event was very nicely done.  It was a nice blend of memorial/somber and celebration/joy, and the kids were for the most part interested throughout the entire 2 hour presentation (the littles were a bit restless toward the end, but were great for the most part).  I myself felt very emotional about the Yom Hazikaron part -I  particularly as my children get older, I really feel how young the soldiers in the army actually are, just 18, and how many of them have died to protect their fellow Jews.  And I think of their mothers, fathers, siblings, spouses…

The Yom Hazikaron section was followed by the Yom Haatzmaut section – it was very appropriate to organize the evening like this, which led to me to think about how appropriate it is to have the two days as national holidays in Israel one after the other.  Honoring the sacrifices before celebrating what they sacrificed for.

At about 8:35, I realized that if I pushed off the interview for 10 or 15 minutes (until 9:10), I could stay with the kids for when they went on stage and then take them home.  The only challenge was I didn’t have the number for the woman I was supposed to meet with me and couldn’t find a phone book in the building, and the only thing I could think of was to drive home, call her, and drive back (about a ten minute process). The challenge was that I didn’t know exactly when our family was supposed to get called up, and by leaving for ten minutes at that point, I wouldn’t be able to go up with the kids (though the kids had been planning to go on stage without me, we all preferred that I be with them).

Just as I told the kids I had to leave, I suddenly heard them announce our name – I hadn’t expected to be the first ones called up for this portion of the evening!  The reason they highlight this is an encouragement to the families making this choice, as well as to the families here to see that people are making this move.  I was especially glad we agreed to be there, since we ended up being the only family moving to Israel who was able to participate – usually there are a number of families who participate in this part of the program, but this year, everyone else either wasn’t available, was uncomfortable being on stage, or isn’t yet ready to be public about their plans to move.

So it worked out perfectly: we were introduced, went on stage, lit a candle, and then zipped out to the van. While the kids strapped in, I called the woman to tell her I’d be ten minutes late (I forgot that I had asked one of the kids to bring the local phone list to the van right before we left home – had I remembered, I would have spared myself some mental pressure), and then dropped the kids off at home before zooming off to my appointment.  (And with all of my worrying about being late, I made it there just 4 minutes after our originally scheduled time.)

We had scheduled from 9 – 10 pm to talk, but I ended up being there until 11:20; it was very comfortable chatting with her.  You never know how people perceive you so it will be interesting to see the article when the magazine comes out (it should be in the next three weeks, before the conference).

Avivah

Third Annual Torah Home Education Conference

homeschooling

Busy doesn’t come anywhere close to describing my schedule lately!  I don’t like to say all that I’m doing because as long as I don’t think of everything I’m doing at once, I can tell myself it’s manageable.  Call it a survival strategy, but whatever it is, it keeps me from being totally overwhelmed  😛

One of the things I’ve been working on has been organizing the Torah Home Education Conference this year.  Honestly, I had decided it would be asking too much of myself to take this on at this point with the many other big things on my plate, but at the same time, this might possibly be the last chance that I’ll have to do this chesed (act of kindness) for the Orthodox community.  I really feel it’s important that Jewish families have a place to connect, get information, and most important of all, get inspiration and encouragement regarding home education – because all of that is sparse for most Orthodox home educators.

So here are the details!  The Third Annual Torah Home Education Conference will be held in Baltimore, MD on May 29, 2011, from 8:15 am – 5 pm.  The conference will once again be held in the Park Heights JCC, in the conference rooms on the second floor –  5700 Park Heights Ave, Baltimore, MD 21215. We have a fantastic schedule planned to encourage, inspire, and educate you – whether you’re at the beginning of your search for information about homeschooling or a veteran homeschooler, you’ll find something to interest you!

For details about pricing and registration, go to http://torahhomeschooling.com/conference-details.  For questions about child care, please contact Alisa  at 410-963-2977 or apmandel@yahoo.com after Pesach.

Below is a list of the speakers and topics:

– Homeschooling The Young Family – Mrs. Rebecca Masinter

– ADHD: Who Says? and So What? A Discussion about ADHD as a diagnosis, and how it may impact our families. – Dr. Hadassah Aaronson

– Choosing to Homeschool: A second generation perspective – Mr. Isaiah Cox

– Nuts and Bolts of Homeschooling: Getting Started – Mrs. Ahuvah Feldman

– Facilitated discussion – topic to be announced

– The Monster in the Mind- Acknowledging and Dealing with Burnout – Mrs. Avivah Werner

– Homeschooled Teen Girls Share – panel discussion

– Homeschooling Your Teenager – Capturing the Opportunities and Handling the Technicalities – Mrs. Viva Hammer

–  The Virtual Jewish Homeschooling Community: Accessing the internet for learning, friendship, and support – Rabbi Yosef Resnick

– “Children in a Homeschool Environment: Socially Deprived OR Selectively Engaged?” – Dr. Hadassah Aaronson

I hope I see lots of you at the conference!

Avivah

Response to question about homeschooling in Israel

homeschooling

>>I have to say, I’m a little confused by your decision. Did you homeschool in the US mainly because of the cost, and not because of ideological reasons? <<

This is exactly the reaction I was referring to in my recent post when I said I feel a certain amount of pressure regarding making the decision to homeschool.  I knew that some people would judge my decision as not being “pure” enough and will make assumptions regarding my integrity all along, and others would be glad that ‘even she’ was giving up and sending kids to school, as if that was vindication for their negative impressions of homeschooling. 

Anyone who’s been reading my blog or other articles I’ve written about homeschooling knows that cost wasn’t a major factor in our decision to homeschool, and in fact, I’ve often discouraged potential homeschoolers from making the decision strictly as a financial choice – because those people burn out very fast since they don’t deeply believe in what they’re doing; they tend to see school as the ideal but an ideal that is too expensive to afford.  That doesn’t mean not considering finances at all!

New situations mean taking into account new realities.  When you have two children under the age of 4, things may seem very black and white.  But my reality has lots of shades of gray!  I think it’s very reasonable to consider the expenses you’ll encounter and how to meet them, particularly when moving to a country without a job or ample savings (which will be liquidated to pay for our move, since we aren’t eligible for the financial assistance offered to new immigrants).  

>>Because, if anything, I find more ideological reasons to homeschool in Israel vs the US. Schools in israel have an even more “one size fits all” philosophy than they do in the US (I know that doesn’t seem possible@), and administration does not think highly at all of parents who try to “meddle” (i.e. get involved) with their child’s education.<<

Ideology is a good servant but a dangerous master.  Everyone has to find their balance between ideology and reality.  I’m familiar with school systems in Israel to some degree, since my oldest son completed first grade there (and four years before that in school-run ganim).  I’m not saying that you’re incorrect in that the administration doesn’t appreciate meddling by parents, but most administrations are glad to have involved and concerned parents.  A big part of how you’re seen depends on how you interact with the administration and how you project yourself.  (Obviously, that doesn’t mean that there won’t be negative experiences at some time.) 

It’s because I’m aware of the challenges of a one size fits all school system that we aren’t considering sending any of the kids to school who are under the age of 12, and are undecided about the 12 year old.  (The littles may attend gan, but will resume homeschooling before entering first grade.)  This is also why I said that I’m able to be supportive of dd14 entering tenth grade, because she has the ability to hold onto herself even in an environment that supports conformity.  That was the critical factor, and why we’ll spend more money to send her to school than to homeschool her – because this is the right thing for her at this time. 

>>Israeli schools aren’t so cheap either in comparison to israeli salaries…<<

True, but 80 – 300 shekel a month for tuition is a LOT less than private tutoring.   That being said, I believe if homeschooling is the best decision for a particular child, we’ll be sent the means to provide what he needs and cost will not be the primary issue. (Please keep in mind that I don’t detail all the many factors involved in this decision – but there is a lot more involved than the brief points I noted in my post.)

>>I guess I’m just a little… i dunno… by your announcement, because I’d used you as “proof” that you can homeschool kids long term… and now that you’re stopping to homeschool now that you’re coming to israel, I’m almost starting to second guess myself. Almost, but not really.<<

Did I say I wasn’t going to continue homeschooling when I move to Israel???  Please reread what I wrote, since I said I plan to continue homeschooling some children.  Would eleven years of homeschooling (including all the way through high school) suddenly be invalidated if I were to make different choices based on the needs and desires of particular children at this point in time?   I hope not!  😛

I’m gratified to hear that I’ve in some way been of support or encouragement to you, and I hope that I won’t lose my value to provide that in some way because of where my children are educated.  However, always keep in mind that every family has different factors to consider.  I have to consider moving to a country where my kids don’t know the culture or language, juggling the many different ages and needs of my children along with all that’s involved in resettling in a new environment, and how to manage it in the way that is best for my kids.  

Most of us have physical and emotional limitations – I sure do!  I didn’t go into this in my post- at the conference I plan to speak about recognizing and dealing with burnout – but recognizing and honoring your limitations is critical to living a life of joy.  If I push myself beyond my limits for an extended period of time, I’m going to compromise what I offer to my kids. 

Avivah

Some Hebrew language resources

homeschooling

There are so many online Hebrew language resources that are free and easily accessible for people of all ages!  Hebrew is something I’d like my kids to make a bit of a concerted effort to work on in the coming months in preparation for our move to Israel.  I think having a degree of comfort with the language of a country you’re moving to is a big factor in easing the adjustment process of assimilating into the culture. 

Here’s a Hebrew language site that I was looking at yesterday – http://www.in-hebrew.co.il/index.html.  This isn’t good for someone at the very beginning of learning Hebrew, but if you’re ready to learn phrases and know enough basic words to figure out which words in the phrase are which, it’s a good resource.

On the home page at the bottom, you’ll see several links to other Hebrew language learning sites.  They all look like they are worth exploring; we started with a couple of them and so far the kids are enjoying them.  Ds4 and ds8 were particularly enjoying this one: http://www.my-jewish-games.com/matchgame/index.php.  I’m going to encourage dd10 to try some of these sites – she doesn’t like Rosetta Stone because she has to guess what words mean.  When she tries to use the HaYesod book that dd14 is using very successfully, she isn’t retaining any of the vocabulary. 

I think that in the beginning stage of learning a language, it’s all overwhelming since it seems like there’s so much to know and you don’t know hardly anything!  (That’s how dd10 is understandably feeling right now.)  But then as you go on, you suddenly get to a point where it starts to get much easier.  Dd14 is now at this point, and it’s really nice to see how much she’s able to retain and understand.  She’s making a concerted effort to learn as much Hebrew as she can before she gets to Israel (she’s using just Rosetta Stone and HaYesod), since she’ll be going directly into an Israeli high school with a very small English speaking population. 

If you have a favorite site for Hebrew language, please share it below! 

Avivah

Will I homeschool in Israel?

aliyah, homeschooling

>>This is a personal question, but do you plan to keep homeschooling?  Maybe you won’t know the whole answer until you get settled.<<

This is a really good question that I’ve already been asked quite a few times, and I don’t yet have a definite answer.  I’ve spent hours going back and forth on this question, taking into account a lot of factors.

It’s funny, some people have assumed that obviously I’m going to send my kids to school in Israel, and others assume that I’m just as obviously going to homeschool everyone there!

There’s a certain amount of pressure I feel about making the decision to homeschool or not.  As my ds12 said when I broached the idea of school to him, “You’re the most famous homeschooler in the frum (Orthodox Jewish) world – you’re the queen of homeschooling.  You can’t send me to school!”

There’s a danger in getting reflexively locked into a position.  A couple of weeks ago I was at our synagogue banquet, and someone said to me, upon hearing that my oldest is in bais medrash (post high school learning program), “Isn’t that against your homeschooling philosophy?”  I really get exasperated with that kind of question – why would I be against my post-high school student studying in the framework of his choosing?

To clarify: I’m not against school.  I’m for my kids and family’s best interests.  There’s a really big difference.

A decision like this isn’t just intellectual, but emotional as well, and it’s in the emotions that there is a lot of room for things to change!  There are a lot of things that I do/have done that require a certain amount of physical and emotional energy to carry out – and to do them all from scratch in a totally different framework means reassessing from the beginning as to if I have the necessary energy to do it well.  An example would be canning – as much as this is something I’ve enjoyed and appreciated being able to do, I won’t be taking my supplies with me to Israel.  It’s something I’ve consciously chosen to let go of in order to declutter my life emotionally – because as we all know, everything can’t be equally important.

Back to homeschooling.  When I’m feeling tired and drained, when I wonder if I’m doing a good job with my kids, if they’re getting what I want them to get, when I question if the effort I’m investing and the results match up, then I’m more likely to consider putting the kids in school.

Another factor is that it’s nice to do what everyone else is doing and ease into a community without starting off being different from everyone in a visible way – for my kids, I mean.  For me, when I decide something is right, if people approve or not isn’t a critical factor.

I go back and forth on some points – here are some of my other thoughts:

–  it will be faster for the older kids to learn Hebrew when surrounded by a Hebrew speaking peer group

– they would be entitled to several hours of tutoring each week to help them get the language

– the littles are getting older and would enjoy the fun and activities of gan (pre-kindergarten/kindergarten), which is only 4 hours daily

– I don’t plan to have a car and that limits my ability to connect with other homeschoolers in the country or do outings – transportation by bus to sites of interest will involve a lot of travel time (and cost) that is intimidating to a family with all the age groups that we have.

– the cost of schools and playgroups is appealingly low

– the school day in Israel is much shorter than the US and would still allow us lots of time together as a family

I’m not going to write the other side – there’s plenty to say about it, but that’s what I’ve been writing about for a long time here!  The fact of the matter is, I really believe in home education in terms of providing a strong emotional developmental base, developing character, and building relationships within the family.  And I don’t have much confidence in the school system to educate children.  Maybe to school them, but not to educate.

So far, here’s how it’s looking:

– Ds2 will be home.

– Ds4 and ds5.5 (those are the ages they will be by then) may go to gan (playgroup) for four hours a morning.   This depends in part on me finding what I consider to be a good framework for them; many ganim are fantastic, nurturing places where the kids do lots of fun stuff, no academic pressure.  Others aren’t.   Another real issue with this is determining how much I’m meeting the older kids’ needs while keeping the littles entertained – they’re at a stage that they need a consistent amount of time and structure.  When I’m feeling overextended, I lean about 60% in favor of them being at home; when I’m feeling less overly busy the percentage goes way up.  I really love having our little guys home with us, even if they are a source of constant mess!

– Ds8 and dd10 (will be 9 and almost 11) will be homeschooled.

– Ds12 is the biggest question.  I’ve checked out the schools in the city we’re going to, and there are pluses and minuses of each.  Ds12 will do well in a school framework, socially and academically, so I have no concern about that.  It’s more a question of what he won’t get in school that he would get at home.  Dh will be busy finding a job and then settling in to that, and won’t have the necessary time to give ds12 what he’s ready for right now, which is substantial daily Torah learning.  Not learning regularly when he’s chomping at the bit and SO ready for serious learning isn’t an option.

Both of the boys’ schools are religious (chareidi).  One has secular subjects in the afternoon, a shorter school day, and is government funded so it’s quite inexpensive – this is my preference for these reasons (most important is the length of the school day).  The second option has limited secular subjects, more intensive Torah studies, and I think is a better fit for our family, religiously and socially.  I have reservations about both.  (Again, this is based on what I know from a distance; close-up would probably clarify/change some of this.)

– Dd14 wants to go to school, and I’m very supportive of that.  She wants to integrate socially, learn the language, and I’m confident she’ll do well.  She has a strong sense of herself, and can be with others without losing herself.  She understands the down side and is ready for it.  She also knows she can choose to homeschool at any point and I’ll fully support her.  She’ll be 15, and in tenth grade.

The older kids are a topic for another post – we have a lot of talking and exploring of options to do, since for both dd16 and ds17, this means a lot of changes to the plans they had been making for a long time.

Avivah

A lesson from Itamar massacre

homeschooling, miscellaneous

In response to a question about our future plans for homeschooling, I was planning to post about that today.  But tonight marks such a horrific event that happened one week ago in Israel, that to write about anything else is to minimize by omission the terrible evil that was perpetuated.

Some of you don’t know what I’m talking about – I myself couldn’t bring myself to read the news reports when I first learned about the Itamar massacre.  On this past Shabbos night (late Friday evening), terrorists broke into the home of an Israeli family.  They slaughtered the father, a tiny infant (3 mo), a 4 year old, and an eleven year old in their beds.  They stabbed the mother to death in the hallway; apparently she tried to shoot them but died in the struggle. 

Thank G-d three of their children were spared – two boys, asleep in a different part of the house and unnoticed by the terrorists, and one girl, who was out with friends.  The sheer horror of the murders is overwhelming, but to think of the 2 year old child finding his dead parents and trying to get them to wake up was heartbreaking.  And the 12 year old daughter, returning from a late night Shabbos group with friends, coming into her home alone and finding her family brutally killed – I can’t even imagine the trauma.  

The news media consistently portrays terrorists with sympathy and understanding – and in the wake of this atrocity, are oddly silent.  This event has hardly received any notice in the media.  Imagine if the scene were reversed – the international outrage would go on for months, it would be splashed across the cover of every newspaper and magazine, it would be a headline on television and radio news.   It would be used to justify retaliation killings all over the world. 

I’m grateful to Glenn Beck for sharing with his viewers about this terrible event – we in America need to understand what the face of evil looks like, and realize this isn’t an isolated event, that this kind of action is actively encouraged and supported by a large percentage of the Muslim world. 

But we need to go beyond that to find what we can learn from this situation.  In this case, the lesson to be learned comes directly from the father of Ruth Fogel, the 35 year old mother who was killed – a message of faith.  This link is to a YouTube video; for those who can’t access the video, part of the interview with Ruth’s father was translated, and in which he basically said, as an educator it’s been his job to teach people about faith, and now it’s his test to live by what he’s taught for all these years. 

And what about the 12 year old daughter?  Tamar Fogel, the 12 year old who came home and found the grisly murder scene in her home – see what she has to say here.  Again, for those who can’t see the video – a translation of her saying, “I will be strong and succeed in overcoming this.  I understand the task that stands before me, and I will be a mother to my siblings.”  (Her remaining living siblings are her 2 year old and 6 year old brothers.)   For those who understand Hebrew, here is an interview with some other comments by Tamar.  (“This entire situation, and all that is happening to the Jewish people – this won’t break us.  We will continue to live here.  This is what they (the terrorists) were trying to do, to break us.  And they won’t succeed.” )

Can you imagine the chinuch (education) she received in her home to be able to say something like this?  What amazing people her parents must have been.  I was moved to tears to by both this young girl and her grandfather.  This is when you really see what people are about -the murderers and their people, dancing in the streets and celebrating the slaughter of innocents- and the Jewish people, strengthening their faith and encouraging one another to come closer to G-d and strive to be their higher selves.

Mi k’amcha yisroel – who is like Your people, Israel. 

May the merit of this beautiful family be a catalyst for good things for the Jewish people and entire world.  Have a beautiful Shabbos.

Avivah