Category Archives: homeschooling

He’s three today!

homeschooling, parenting

Today my little cutie turned three years old!  He’s been anticipating his birthday very eagerly for a long time – seeing everyone else celebrating birthdays keeps the birthday concept fresh in his mind.  And because this is turning three, we’ve been talking with him about how special that age is, getting to wear a yarmulke, tzitzis, and do lots of mitzvos. 

After breakfast we took everyone to the duck pond for his birthday trip.  It was a multi purpose trip – it served as a venue to get rid of the last of our chometz, as well as a very nice outing with all of the kids!  We planned to use the leftover challah for the ducks, and took along some pretzels and bow tie cookies for the kids to snack on after feeding the ducks.  But they had so much fun feeding the ducks the bread, that they wanted to continue and gave them all of their snacks, too!  I didn’t mind that one bit!  On the way there, I bought ice cream sandwiches for ds3 to give out to the others in honor of his birthday, so they did have a birthday snack that they all enjoyed.

While we were there, my kids noticed a mother goose on top of her nest – they were walking by when she started hissing at them, then got up off of it and covered it (so they wouldn’t see the egg, I guess).  They ran to me and told me they wanted to do the mitzva of shiluach haken (sending away the mother bird), but I told them that if they took a big stick and chased the goose away and there was someone watching who didn’t know what they were doing, it would be a huge chillul H-shem (desecration of G-d’s name) and so they couldn’t chance that.  Anyway, I said, there’s no mitzva to do it if you’re not going to eat the egg.  And they promptly corrected me and told me that my dh learned this mitzva with them recently, and explained to me why (very beautiful concept but not going to go into it here).  I told them if they could do it without it looking like they were chasing the bird, it was fine. 

One child led the father duck away, then the mother followed, and ds15 lifted the egg from the nest.  Then ds14 told him he didn’t fulfill the mitzva because he didn’t lift it high enough, so he went back and lifted it again, higher this time.  The mother and father goose, during this time, were blissfully swimming in the pond, clearly thinking they had faked out the kids by covering the egg.  Though we’re not sure that they did the mitzva properly because they didn’t actually shoo the mother away, but kind of waited for her to lose her sense of being threatened and then led her away, they still all feel good about the opportunity.

When dh came home from work, we all took turns snipping the birthday boy’s hair, and then dh and ds15 finished the job.  While we were cutting his hair, I had a sudden tug of sadness.  It’s one of those unexpected moments of poignancy that hits out of the blue, as you suddenly feel a sense of time moving on, of having completed one stage and moving on to another.  Dh felt it, too.  As far as the haircut itself, they did a great job on his haircut – he looks really adorable! 

Afterwards we had a special dinner with a Pesach chocolate chip cake and macaroons.  Then we headed to my inlaws for them to admire his new look, and lastly, dh took him to our rav for a brocha.

I’m glad that we were able to have a relaxed day like this to ‘celebrate’, albeit in our low keyed way.  If I was in the middle of Pesach preparations, I don’t think I could have as easily spent a day not doing anything in the house at all.  So I’m really glad we got everything basically out of the way – now, on to the cooking!

Avivah

Surprise performance succeeds!

homeschooling

For the past couple of weeks, dd14 and dd12 have been busy, busy, busy, preparing a surprise performance for their choir leader who got engaged.  They made up a dance, a song, and a short humorous skit in her honor.  This has meant hours of time – not just creating the dance, etc, but in planning who would do what, calling all the other girls in the choir almost daily, working out times and locations for practices, what they would wear, how they would present it so she’d be surprised, the music for the dance, costumes and props for the play, painting a sign to hold up when the engaged young lady came in – the list just goes on and on.

I’ve been very flexible about giving them whatever time they felt necessary to do all of this (and they’ve been very responsible about doing all of the academic work that’s expected of them), but today I was thinking that I was very glad that tonight was the performance.  Because it’s nice that they’re so engaged and excited about this, but it’s nice when they’re available at home, too.  Not just home, but emotionally present. 

I was so glad to hear when they came home that all went well.  (Because it was a surprise, no one extra was invited, or it would have been fishy.  But it was videotaped so we’ll get to see it.)  Dh and I reminded them before they left that however it went, it would be a success, but I know they wanted it to flow as they pictured it.  When you put so much of your time and effort into something, you want it to go well and be successful.  Even though it wasn’t perfect, they came home all smiles and happy with how everything went, as well as being able to surprise the girl it was done for – she said that this is the first time anyone has ever successfully carried out a surprise for her (usually she figures it out beforehand). 

When they got back, they mentioned that Sunday morning they have a performance.  “What?!?” I asked.  “We told you about it!”  It turns out that they’ll be doing a short choir performance then, but when they mentioned it to me, I thought they were talking about their performance that they did tonight!  I didn’t realize that two separate things were under discussion.  So it’s not all over as soon as I expected, but I’m glad they have opportunities like these, and I can’t complain that they have so many good things to be busy with!

Avivah

Raspberry bushes and other purchases

homemaking, homeschooling

It’s funny, I can go a long time and not buy anything extraneous, and then in one day buy a number of items.  This afternoon, my ds10 and dd8 accompanied me to make some Craig’s List purchases.  (I try not to do errands in the morning, because that’s our homeschooling time and it throws off our routine when I go out before their work is done.)   Usually it’s hard to coordinate private sellers efficiently, but today it worked out beautifully. 

We started off by heading off to buy some raspberry and blackberry plants – a man who has a large garden dug up a bunch of the roots since his plants had spread so much and were getting overcrowded.  He told us that usually he throws them away, but this year it occurred to him that someone on CL might be interested.  He was very surprised at the response, which was much higher than he anticipated.  He had a beautiful garden – huge, well organized, the kind of place where you take one look and it’s clear he really knows what he’s doing.  I seriously would have wanted to take a picture of it home with me to study all the things he did.  We were all very impressed. 🙂  We bought five raspberry plants and five blackberry plants.  He threw in an extra raspberry and two extra blackberry, so for $20 we got quite a bargain!  (Each of the blackberry plants I ordered online a couple of weeks ago were $10.)  He asked the kids why they weren’t in school and I told him that they’re homeschooled, and this is part of their education.  And I mean it!

Then we headed to the next private seller, and bought 2 garden shovels (we have only one shovel and that’s simply not adequate for a family our size!), one snow shovel (ds10 broke ours when he was shovelling for others this winter, and wanted to buy one for himself), and a couple of large empty propane canisters (for camping). 

Directly from there, we went to yet another seller, the most trusting I’ve ever dealt with on CL.  He was selling two hardly used propane camping stoves (two burners each, $30 for both), and told me he’d leave them on his front porch and I could leave the money under the mat when I picked them up.  The kids wanted to get them from the porch, so I handed one the envelope with money and asked them to knock just in case someone was home.  It turned out his wife was there, and I was glad to be able to directly pay them instead of leaving it in an unsecured place.  I wouldn’t have wanted anything to happen to the envelope I left and then it would seem like I hadn’t left the money as agreed.  These camp stoves will be handy for our yearly family camping trip (that won’t take place until late May or early June), since every year until now we’ve borrowed one from someone.  Last year the stove we borrowed didn’t function properly, and it was a good thing that we’re a family who is able to improvise, because not being able to cook can throw a major crimp into a three day trip!  It will be nice to have our own, since it will be one less thing to organize before the trip (I think we’ll be able to hook up the big canisters I just bought up to this instead of buying several small ones, which should be a savings in fuel, too).

All of these purchases added up to just $66, and though I realize it’s not the kind of thing most people are buying less than two weeks before Pesach with their miscellaneous funds, I’m pleased with them all and consider it time and money well spent.  🙂   Getting bargains means buying when things are available, not when it’s most convenient for you.  All of these errands went very quickly even though they were in totally different directions.  I enjoy taking a child or two with me when I do errands, because it’s an opportunity to spend one-on-one (or one-on-two) time together.  Being with them, the time went by so quickly!   

Then I stopped at Whole Foods to speak to a manager about the possibility of them ordering coconut or palm oil in bulk for me.  I would have called but it was on my way home, and I thought it would be more clear what I wanted if I could show them which brand, size, etc.  This quick question took an hour to have answered, and I still didn’t get the details I wanted.  I don’t think I’ll pursue it further – she said I could get a 10% discount if I buy a case of small containers, but I don’t want small containers.  (Ds saw the 14 ounce container of coconut oil for $9, and exclaimed, “Whoa!  That’s how much we use in one day!”  And when we’re baking, he’s right.)  If I’m only going to get 10% off, I might as well stick to buying from the health food store close to me, which has 10% off once a week of all purchases, regardless of how much or how little you buy.  Fortunately, they had kosher organic corn chips out for sampling that the kids enjoyed, and on the way out they got to sample some fresh pineapple chunks.  Amazing how an unexpected little treat like that can redeem a lot of wasted time for kids!

It’s been raining all day, but I was still hoping there would be a chance to get the berry bushes planted.  Ds10 wanted to do it, but it ended up being a lot more work than either he or I expected.  I haven’t had a chance to prepare the soil in that area – I wasn’t expecting to plant anything there for another three weeks – and it’s very hard and compacted.  Just in the nick of time, yesterday I gave away the basketball hoop that’s been in that space, so at least the space was available!  But the soil was like a rock.

Ds was out there in the rain for a long time, digging and digging.  I told him he didn’t have to do it, but he said he started and he wanted to finish the job.  He has a lot of determination and persistence; a cold and rainy day is far from an appealing time for garden work.  He got five of the raspberry plants in (forgot about the one extra we were given when he was figuring the spacing; we’ll figure out what to do with that another time). 

It’s currently ds10’s turn for dishes – we alternate between the oldest four kids every two weeks.  It’s a very intense job, which is why it’s two weeks instead of four.  He got a rash a couple of days ago on his arms, and yesterday night told me that washing dishes is exacerbating it.  I suggested he trade jobs with one of his siblings, to give the rash a time to heal, but he hadn’t yet found any of them who wanted to trade.  When he came in from digging, wet and muddy, I sent him straight upstairs for a hot bath, and did the dishes myself while he was soaking.  I told him afterwards I consider it a fair trade for all of his work, and asked him what he thought – I’ll do dishes for all of today in exchange for the bushes he dug this afternoon.  And if he wants to plant the five blackberry plants tomorrow, I’ll do the dishes for him again tomorrow (erev Shabbos and motzei Shabbos are the least favorite dishwashing times, for obvious reasons).  He was very happy with this idea – and only half jokingly asked if I had any more bushes he could plant for me a different day!

Avivah

Running a business with small children

homemaking, homeschooling

>>I’ve decided to start a small business, selling ….  I know you have a small business as well, and I was wondering if you could write about homeschooling and children and owning a small business? 🙂  I’d appreciate any insight –  I’m kind of scared of doing this with a toddler and a baby. <<

I don’t know what your specific question about running a business and having young children is, but I’ll share my general thoughts with you.  First of all, make sure it’s something that you love.  Even a small business can take up a lot more time and energy than you would ever expect, and it can easily drain you.  If you love it, you’ll still have the motivation to continue when you’re feeling worn out. 

Don’t overextend yourself.  Know yourself and your limitations.  When I started thinking about a home biz, I had six kids, and the youngest was over 3.  Things were running in a very smooth groove, and I felt very up to taking on a bigger project, though I didn’t actually start my business until six months later, when my seventh was a month old.  Having the head space for something is what makes the big difference between feeling motivated or feeling overwhelmed.  At this point, I don’t want any extra things that I’m not passionate about taking up my time.  So I wouldn’t have started the biz at this point in my life, because getting started is pretty intense and takes a lot of energy.  So that’s just to say that something can be great at one stage of life and not so great at another stage. 

Practically speaking, I clearly delineated time that I would and wouldn’t spend on the business.  Initially it was between 4 – 6 pm (not two full hours, just some point in between that time slot), when I was working together with the kids on it.  Other things I did in the evenings after they went to sleep (and I stayed up way too late way too often).  I chose an online business because I didn’t want the pressure of answering phones and needing to be available during the day hours when my priority was to be with my children. 

Do you feel you’re at the stage that you have enough quiet time for yourself that you can spare some of it for working on a business?  Would working on the business be stimulating for you, something you would look forward to spending time on, or one more thing to feel pressured by?   Keep your initial outlay small enough that if you change your mind at some point, you don’t feel like you have to continue because of the money you’re already put into it.  You don’t want to buy yourself an obligation by starting a business. 

If this is an idea that you’re excited about, and you can visualize how to fit it into your life in a way structure that will give you a meaningful outlet for your time and energy, without adding excessive stress or tension to your life, then go for it! 

Avivah

Homeschooling and Pesach preparations

homeschooling, Pesach, ,

>> How do you fit in homeschooling with your Pesach preparations?<<

I think that preparing for a yom tov is the priority for that time of year, not the academics.  When my kids were younger and I had to choose between cleaning/cooking for yom tov or homeschooling, I declared an official vacation from homeschooling so that we could focus on holiday preparations without anyone feeling like they were being neglectful of something else they should have been doing.  During the weeks before Pesach, I read Pesach themed books with them, listened to the story of yetzias Mitzrayim, stories of Eliyahu Hanavi, discussed the Hagada, learned Ma Nishtana, did projects or colored pictures, etc.   But I dropped anything else with regards to homeschooling not related to Pesach, unless it was something the child himself wanted to do with his time.  We homeschooled year round, and it worked out very nicely to take a three week break for Rosh Hashana through Sukkos, three or four weeks for Pesach, and shorter breaks throughout the year. 

As my kids get older and our family size continues to grow, I continue to adapt our schedules to what works best for us.  For the last three years, our schedule most of the year long is we do all of our academics in the morning, and generally everyone has their work finished by lunch time.  After lunch is free time, which for the most part I leave to the kids’ discretion to use as they want.  This is for Mondays through Thursdays; erev Shabbos is spent preparing for Shabbos.  And Sundays are very relaxed – they do some academics, but they have piano lessons/ Girl Scouts/learning on Sunday mornings, too, so I don’t expect them to do the same amount of academics they would do on a regular day.

Except for the couple of days preparing the kitchen for Pesach (which as you all know is a bit of a marathon), we stick to this schedule even while integrating Pesach cleaning into our days.  What changes is that the kids have less discretionary time – the cleaning takes place in the afternoon.  They still have time to go swimming, play basketball, exercise, or get together with friends, but not as much time.  I don’t think that three hours of free time a day instead of four is suffering. 🙂    (To be very honest, though, unless they leave the house for the entire afternoon, they rarely use all of their afternoon time for just leisure.  All of them participate to some degree every afternoon in some meal preparation, playing with a younger sibling, diaper changing, clean up, or something like that if they’re around.) 

Avivah

A play and free ices

homeschooling

I just got home from taking the kids to a musical, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat.  We did a lot of the preparations for Shabbos yesterday afternoon so we could enjoy going out on a Friday morning without rushing or being worried there wouldn’t be time to do all that needs to be done when we got back. 

The performance was excellent – very well done and very fun.  Though it’s generally based on the classic Biblical story of Joseph, I told my kids to watch it as if it had nothing to do with that and was just about a person named Joseph and things that happened to him.  Otherwise, they would be bothered by inconsistencies or things that didn’t seem appropriate.  

Since it was the dress rehearsal, we were able to enjoy it without having to pay the $10 per person fee that will be charged tonight (there was a basket for voluntary donations).  We’ve had similar opportunities in the past to attend wonderful performances of all sorts for free or for a token cost because we attended the dress rehearsals.  It’s only because the kids are homeschooled that we can take advantage of these showings, since most kids are in school during the day. 

My ds15 stayed home, as did ds18 months, so I just took six kids with me.  The days of everyone being young enough to go to one performance are for the most part over – because of the singing by females in a number of them, ds doesn’t go to things like this with us.  Fortunately he doesn’t feel bothered to be missing it.  And it made it easier for me that he did stay home, since I didn’t have to take a child too young to sit still for more than five minutes. 

The almost three year old did great, though it was a long time for him to sit, so he wanted to go out about fifteen or twenty minutes before the end.  I went into the hallway with him and joined the other two or three mothers with toddlers.  🙂  Fortunately, the door was open so I was able to still view the performance.  And afterwards I bumped into a couple of homeschooling moms I haven’t seen for 2.5 years when we met at a planetarium show I took the kids to, which was nice.

Afterwards, I took the kids to get ices from Rita’s.  Today is the first day of spring, and every year, Rita’s has complimentary ices on this day.  (If you’re seeing this today, check their website to find the location closest to you, and you might be able to still take advantage of this if you have the desire and can find the time.)   Since we got there at 1 pm, there was virtually no line (when we went two years ago, it was after school hours so the line was huge and we waited for over a half hour); I hardly had time to park the van before the kids were ready to load up again!   Dd14 got an ices for ds15 to enjoy, since he wasn’t with us.  He would have been more sorry to miss that the performance. 🙂   A tip from my kids – the fruit flavors are much better than the flavors that imitate cake or candy.

Even though I’ve already shared with you that I try to make a cleaning schedule that is relaxed for everyone, at this time of year, I make more of an effort to do fun activities outside of the house.  I want pre-Pesach to be a time of enjoyment, and things like this help add a nice balance to our schedules.

Avivah

Visiting pediatric ward

homeschooling, parenting,

Today I went with my three girls to the pediatrics ward of a local hospital. Both of the older girls did service projects at their bas mitzvas, and together with their friends made items for the hospitalized children.  It’s a little embarrassing that it’s been over six months since the most recent bas mitzva, and 20 months from the one before that, and we’re only getting around to this now!  But the girls kept the things in their room, so I rarely saw them and so actually taking them to donate totally fell off of my radar. 

I finally made an appointment to go last week, and very uncharacteristically forgot all about it. I was more than a little embarrassed, but made another appointment for today.  I was thinking after our visit today how obviously we were meant to be there on this specific day and for these particular children.  It was really a good experience for everyone.  The girls were able to personally distribute all of the fleece blankets they had made, as well as some of the washcloth bunnies.  They were surprised by how appreciative and happy all of the children, from ages 6 – 19 were about them – they weren’t expecting so much enthusiasm. 

While we were there, a grandmother of one of the patients who received a blanket came over to thank us with a lot of emotion, telling us that we can’t imagine how much this means to her granddaughter and to her.  A little later, the mother saw us, and also very emotionally told us that last night was her daughter’s first night in the hospital (she had just been diagnosed with diabetes), and at night she was crying and crying because she left her ‘blanky’ at home and couldn’t sleep without it.  She said that we can’t imagine how happy the blanket made her daughter – we let each child choose the one they wanted, and it ‘happened’ to be that one of those we made was her favorite color and had her favorite animal – a monkey – on it.  And the girl told her mother that she wants to go back to her room (we met her in the playroom) to make her bed, and now she’ll be able to sleep tonight with her new blanky.   Her mother and grandmother were just so grateful.

The youngest child we gave a fleece blanket to was a 7 year old who has sickle cell anemia and was there for pneumonia.  That mother also thanked us again and again and told us how nice it was for her daughter that we came by, and was so touched at the idea that our girls made these things with the intent to give them away. 

As a mother, I felt so much empathy for the mothers sitting next to their children, obviously trying to keep a strong face for their sick children.  I spoke with both mothers that I saw, and as soon as I reached out to them, they reached out to hug me, too.  You could just tell that they were so glad to be able to get even a tiny bit of emotional support. 

As a parent, I think it’s important for our children to have the experience of reaching out to others in various ways, and going somewhere like a hospital and seeing sick children really helps a child appreciate the gift of good health and being able to be in your home with your family.  We spoke with all of the children a bit and even though it was initially a little awkward for my girls, just because it was the first time they did this, they were all really glad they went.  They felt so good about it that they said we should do it again! 

Avivah

Piano recital

homeschooling,

This afternoon we attended the first piano recital for any of our kids.  Three of our children are taking lessons from a talented neighbor – dd14, dd12, ds10.  Their teacher has a wonderful baby grand piano, and she has given the kids permission to come into her home any time during the day and practice.  Since that’s what they do, I don’t have much of an opportunity to hear them play, except for the occasional times they use our electronic keyboard. 

So today it was really nice to hear all of them.  Each of them played three solo pieces, and then two duets.  I especially enjoyed the duets – all three of them played a piece together with one another, and I loved seeing the teamwork involved in playing together. 

There was one other student who participated, and it was especially interesting to watch her interact with her parents, who are both deaf.  A friend of the mother brought some special electronic equipment, and during the intermission I asked about it.  She explained to me that it was something that could be hooked up to the piano, and amplified the music so that it could be connected to the parents’ hearing aids, making it possible for her parents to hear her play somewhat.  Isn’t that a wonderful benefit of technology?

All of our parents were able to come, which was very nice for everyone.  The grandparents were all very happy they were able to make it, and even brought bouquets for each of the kids!  I’m so grateful the kids have this opportunity – as I’ve said before, music lessons aren’t necessities, but they are benefitting so much from them.

Avivah

How to find good books for read alouds

homeschooling, parenting,

>>I need more read aloud ideas.  Where do you go for titles?<<

I find books that are collections of reviews of good books useful – the two that come to mind most immediately are Jim Trelease’s Read Aloud Handbook, and Honey for a Child’s Heart, by Gladys Hunt.  I don’t own either of them, though, so every couple of years I check one out and get some new ideas.  I also own a book called Books Children Love, by S. Wilson, which is also good.  Honey for a Child’s Heart was especially valuable in choosing good quality books for my younger kids. There are a lot of kids books out there that just aren’t so good, and it’s annoying to read them repeatedly when you can hardly stand to read it the first time!

I also look at online book recommendations, at the Sonlight catalog, the Robinson book recommendations, and the Newberry Honor and Newberry Medal lists.  The classics can be good, too, though you have to be careful that they’re age appropriate.  Because the language of the classics tends to be written in a literary style that is unfamiliar, kids can easily get turned off if introduced to them too soon.  I try to look for books that are engaging, well written, and fun to listen to together.

I’ve thought that it would be fun to make a list of all the books we’ve read aloud over the years to share with you (just chapter books, not picture books), but the idea overwhelms me and I don’t know how I could possibly remember all of them!

Avivah

Making time for yourself

homemaking, homeschooling, parenting,

>>“If you’re home with your kids all day, every day, how do you have time for yourself?”<<

First of all, I have to say that I truly enjoy spending time with my kids – they’re great company! Enjoying your kids is critical, but you need to learn how to carve out time for yourself and your needs, so that you don’t get burnt out. You must recognize your own needs as valid and find ways to meet them.

Homeschooling doesn’t mean being on active duty all day long. There are lulls and quiet periods. There is early morning or later in the evening time, and if you have a husband who can make himself available, then he can be home while you get out.

How you meet your needs depends on what you enjoy. I didn’t have money for a babysitter when my kids were all little, I didn’t have a husband who had a schedule that made it possible to watch the kids, I didn’t have any friends or family members who could give me a break, but I still found ways to have time for myself. It can be something as simple as some quiet time to read a book, take a relaxing bath, call a friend, or have a cup of tea. The key is to take the time and take it regularly.

Here’s something I did when I had six kids ages 9 and under, and had all the limitations I just shared with you. I found that a short break in the middle of the day kept me going and I didn’t get worn down. I instituted a daily rest time for every child. I would put the infant and toddler in for a nap, then everyone else had to stay in their beds for an hour. They didn’t have to fall asleep, but they had to stay there quietly. They could read, quietly play a game or do a puzzle (they chose it before rest time), but there was no talking or getting out of bed allowed until rest time was over. This gave me regular daily time to know I would have for myself without having lots of little people around. I don’t remember how long I kept that up – but it was a huge help, and something I would do even now if I felt I needed it.

Be very careful that you don’t end up using your free time to clean up. I do sometimes stay up in the evenings when the kids are asleep and do some straightening up, but not for long.  I would resent spending my precious quiet time cleaning up the messes of the day. No matter how much you love your kids and spending time with them, you need to have some space for yourself or you’ll end up claustophobic and wanting to put them in school so you get a break.

Don’t give that quiet time up for something that can be done in the daytime when the kids are awake, with them. It’s that space that makes us able to give all day long, and enjoy it. Lose the space, and you lose the enjoyment.

Avivah