Yesterday at our monthly homeschooling gathering, a friend who is completing her massage training began to massage my neck and shoulders.  After a little while, I crossed my legs, and she looked down over my shoulder and asked me to uncross them.  I did, asking if I was blocking proper energy flow.  She said, no, that’s not why she commented, and then asked me to cross them again, and then uncross them.  After I did that, she told me there’s ‘something going on with your hips’.  I told her she was right, I have tremendous pain in that area that affects my sleeping and walking, but asked what made her say that.  She replied that there was a lot more motion happening in my upper back than there should be whenever I moved my leg, which showed that my upper back muscles were overcompensating for the lower part of my body.

So she did some myofascial massage on my hip/lower back area and that helped loosen things up, but she strongly suggested I get either a chiropractic adjustment or a professional massage right away, as the muscles were so tight that she was concerned it would impede the birth.  Fortunately, I have someone amazing who can help with this who I’ve gone to twice before – once after my last birth when I literally wasn’t able to walk straight (I kept veering to the left), and once a couple of months ago when the sciatica was pretty unbearable.  She’s a very experienced chiropractor who does incredible massage and does energy work.  So I gave her a call and was so grateful that she made time to see me today.

Part of why I so quickly took the suggestion to make this appointment was a nagging feeeling I’ve been having all this week that there’s some kind of subtle issue that might be keeping me from going into labor (even though my due date isn’t until Shabbos, so it’s not like I’m overdue), or drag the labor out once it starts.  It was nothing concrete, just a sense that something was there.  Of course the hip pain was an issue also, so I was happy to deal with all of it right now. 

Being worked on by her is wonderful – she has a true gift for healing.  This time she spent the first half hour of my hour long appointment clearing away varying degrees of emotional and spiritual blockage.  Then she does an intense deep tissue massage (this is seriously not fun – it is quite uncomfortable, but effective), and lastly, she does the chiropractic adjustment when your body is totally relaxed.

As far as the energy work, she starts by identifying and then clearing the surface issues.  Then when those are moved through, she can see what the next level is.  Often one level compensates for a deeper level, and the core issue can’t be dealt with until the more surface levels are cleared -you can’t go right to the deepest level.  I wish I could take notes on all that she told me as she did the emotional clearing; it was a lot of information.  I know this sounds very woo-woo to those who aren’t familiar with it, but it’s very powerful.  You know how you can sense when someone happy or miserable walks into a room without them even saying anything, right?  That’s you picking up their energy.  Someone trained can pick up things that others would never be aware of. 

She told me when I called her about my hip issue to find it would be a surface block, and was surprised to find that my hip pain was connected to a very deep level of energy.  At this level, things that are so hidden that a person isn’t conscious of them – it’s not that a person blocks themselves from awareness, but that it’s beyond their awareness.  And sure enough, one of the main issues was regarding having the baby.  It’s amazing but almost frightening how much a person who is trained can learn by reading your body’s energy, just like reading a book.  Things like your negative emotions, where they are coming from, who is affecting you or who you are being affected by, areas in your marriage that need healing – it’s really fascinating.

As she was working on me, she talked about what was coming up, and I was thinking about how each emotion she mentioned it is manifesting in my life. There were a couple of things, though, that I didn’t related to, and I told her so.  She said that the things she touched on that I wasn’t identifying with are probably energetically coming from the baby, and our energies are crossing/blending. I  never thought about a baby having energy that could be sensed before it was born, but if it has a personality/thoughts/feelings at this age, obviously it can project it’s own energy.  Interesting, hmm?

Everyone has positive and negative manifestations of various character traits, and blocks happen occur you don’t positively channel your potential in a given area.  Our purpose in this world is really to connect to our Creator, and when we use other things to achieve our goals, that’s when stuckness occurs.  So the blocks identify areas that you need to work on.  You might think it would be depressing or at least discouraging to hear all of these negative things about yourself. And it can be, if you look at it like that.  But for every negative way that you’re dealing with something, she tells you the positive balance to that trait and what it could be if used properly, which is empowering.  I’m grateful for the opportunity to learn more about myself and clear energy blocks that I wouldn’t be aware of otherwise.  In any case, once she uncovers the issue, she clears it away, and ‘reprograms’ your brain with a positive way to use your emotions/abilities, so it’s not like you’re stuck with all the negativity inside you.

I felt so relaxed when we finished; it was really wonderful.  She said that it takes time for the released energy to clear the body and how long it takes varies from person to person, but as she was working on me she also said that I have a unusual ability to clear and release emotions very quickly, which tied into another quality she saw in me (currently not being channelled positively) that had a lot of potential for healing and intuitive wisdom – this was the only thing that she commented on more than once.    

So I’m feeling physically good and emotionally more relaxed, like I let go of something heavy I didn’t know I was carrying around.  My kids asked me when I got home if I thought I’d give birth that night, and I said ‘no’, I didn’t feel I’d be ready until Shabbos.  And then last night I started having contractions every ten minutes.  I really wasn’t thinking Thursday night was a good time – if I knew I was having a girl, I would have been fine with it.  But I don’t know what I’m having, and the idea of having a boy and having to rush to prepare the shalom zachor didn’t feel right to me right now, even though I’m pretty good at doing a lot quickly when necessary.  (And I’ve had a boy on Friday morning and we managed just fine for the shalom zachor; it wasn’t even a concern at the time.)  I figured I better accept that life happens when it happens, regardless of your ideas of when it would be best, so I drank my raspberry tea infusion, and decided to lay down to rest so I wouldn’t be worn out.  And I woke up this morning still pregnant, which was very nice!

For those who are wondering, I’ll update you pretty quickly when I have the baby, so you won’t have to hang on and wonder!

Have a great Shabbos!

Avivah

Now that I’m in my ninth month, there are a couple of things I feel are important to be doing to prepare for birth.  I ordered the birth kit last week, and was happy to have it arrive, so that’s one less thing I need to worry about getting taken care of.  (Though when I opened it up, I felt it was a total waste of money and wanted to send it back.  But I called and they don’t allow returns, even though I didn’t open up the packaging of anything.  I should have asked what was included instead of assuming it was what I needed.) 

Physically, there are a couple of things.  One is to drink at least a cup every day of an herbal blend intended for pregnancy.  I haven’t been drinking this since last week because I wasn’t sure about using the herbs in my Pesach dishes.  It’s a blend of herbs that include red raspberry.  I think in the past I’ve posted the recipe for the blend here.  It’s a good blend for anyone, in pregnancy, during labor, and after birth – because it strengthens and tones the uterus.  It’s an easy thing to do; I have it at night before I go to sleep.  By this point, I really should be drinking a few cups a day, but I haven’t yet done that.  It’s most important to me that I can use it as an infusion (very strongly brewed tea) during labor. 

Though I’m due the beginning of May, I’ve been concerned about being early again.  Since last time my water broke 3.5 weeks before my due date (and before that 2.5 weeks before), that would be the same as it happening tomorrow.  I’m not really feeling like having a baby tomorrow.  🙂  I’m positive it wasn’t a coincidence that both of the last babies were early and I had the situation of PROM (prolonged rupture of membranes), and want to avoid that if I can.   I asked my midwife what could have caused it, and she said it might be some kind of internal infection, though I have no signs of anything.  Almost six months ago I asked another midwife (early in pregnancy, when I wasn’t yet seeing my midwife) who said it could have been GBS (Group B Strep), and a friend (who has a history of premature labor) yesterday emailed me saying it was probably GBS.  But I kind of discounted that suggestion since I have no history of it and the only symptom that matches up is the PROM.  My midwife didn’t bring it up as a concern and she knows the specifics of my situation.  

In any case, I asked my midwife if she had any preventative suggestions, and she said that vitamin C strengthens the amniotic sac.  Knowing vitamin C is good for fighting infections of all kinds, it made sense to me to take some.  So I started taking a large dose of vitamin C daily in the form of medical grade powdered sodium ascorbate – 12,000 units a day.  Yes, that’s a very large amount.  If you take too much vitamin C, your body will let you know by getting rid of the excess in the form of diarrhea, so it’s not something you have to worry about overdosing on.  I don’t enjoy taking this, but it seems my body needs whatever I’m taking in since I haven’t had any signs that I’m taking too much.  I also started drinking kefir a few days ago.  Kefir is cultured milk, high in probiotics, and very helpful in restoring digestive balance.   Kefir can also clean out your digestive system when you start taking it, but so far, so good. 

My main concern was that during Pesach, right when it’s most important to be doing these things (as far as my personal timeline goes), I wouldn’t be able to use them.  Today my husband clarified for me that I could use the herbal tea blend as well as the vitamin C powder on Pesach, which was really a relief.  I won’t be drinking the kefir after tomorrow, but that’s not a big deal to me.   So now, I feel I’m doing my part and whenever it happens, it happens. (Though I hope it will be after April 18, since I rescheduled my monthly shopping trip for the 17th, and have lunch guests for the 18th. :))

Avivah

>>”Do you have easy pregnancies? I guess you must if you’re on number nine!”<<

I’ve been asked this question several times in the last few days.  Some have asked because they care; others ask because I think they want me to agree that it’s easy to keep having children when you have easy pregnancies. 

So I’d say that, yes, I definitely have good pregnancies.  To which women usually rush to tell me how that must be how I manage, that I’m so lucky, because I’d never be able to manage to continue having kids if I had pregnancies like them!  (Then I get the details about morning sickness, or complications they had at various points.)  But asking if a pregnancy is good or easy are to me two different questions.  To me, every pregnancy is good because it’s what brings my precious children into the world.  Having a good pregnancy is a state of mind and an attitude.  It’s about focusing on what you like and are appreciative for, and minimizing the amount of time you think or talk about the rest.

Having an easy pregnancy is something a little different.  But I’d probably say that they’re not exactly easy, but they’re pretty easy.  If you asked my husband this question, though, he’d be quick to disagree – he’d tell you I have difficult pregnancies.  I tend to downplay or ignore physical discomfort that I experience because that’s just how I am, but he’s one of the few people who knows that pregnancy can sometimes be pretty challenging for me.  He’s the only one who knows just how challenging. And he says that I hide it so well that it’s hard for even him to tell.  I don’t talk about discomfort much (I think focusing on negative things just makes you more aware of them), he just sees how much of an effort some things can be for me.  He said, either during my seventh or eighth pregnancy, that he can’t understand how I’m willing to do this again!  But it’s totally worth it to me.

Honestly, I have a lot of discomfort during pregnancy from intense sciatica and back pain, in addition to some other more minor stuff.  Calling it discomfort is pretty mild – at this point I can’t walk comfortably for more than a few minutes (well, I can’t walk even one minute comfortably, but I can walk a few minutes before I feel like I can’t take another step).   Occasionally I’m in so much pain that I think I can’t handle one more minute, but fortunately that’s not all of the time.  And it’s always by the end of the day, which I think is a blessing (that it gets worse gradually as the day goes on).  That way it gives you a chance to adapt to it, which makes it much easier to ignore.  (And a heating pad is a huge help – that practically speaking often gets me through the night.) 

I feel very grateful that this didn’t really start until I got to six months this time around – for one of my pregnancies, it started at seven weeks!  Whew, that was a tough pregnancy!  So it’s really only three months of discomfort, which is relatively not a lot.  I’m also grateful that it’s not so intense as to make it impossible to keep people from realizing how much pain I’m in – there’s no reason for a person to walk around looking pathetic! 

There’s so much in pregnancy that’s positive, and it’s how I think about pregnancy that makes it seem easy to me – I feel like I’m so lucky to be able to have another child.  It’s an amazing experience, to grow a tiny person inside of you, and if it means some discomfort along the way – well, I’ll take it with a smile!

Avivah

How much protein should you eat during pregnancy? The number that I’ve seen recommended as far as ideal protein intake during pregnancy is 100 grams, and I’ve always thought this is a good guideline.  A lot has been written about how high protein intake is linked to significantly better maternal/infant outcomes.  It also lessens the risk of toxemia and intra uterine growth retardation, among other things.

But if you’re anything like me, ounces are a lot more familiar to me than grams, and I can’t easily picture what 100 grams of protein  looks like. I’ve been assuming for years that I’ve been eating about that amount during pregnancy.  I was happy to see this chart, because it’s so helpful in clarifying how much protein that actually is!

http://www.babylady.com/pdfs/11Daily%20Sources%20of%20Protein.pdf

After looking at this chart, I realized that I’m usually below a hundred grams, despite eating what I thought was a nice amount of protein daily.  I asked my midwife her opinion, and she said many women have a hard time eating that much, and that eighty grams was a good amount.  I’m definitely getting eighty grams in, so that’s very doable for me.

But honestly, I’m not one for counting grams or making charts of what I eat – I’d probably make myself crazy if I had to figure out how much protein was in everything I ate daily .  I find the recommendations here easier to use: http://www.westonaprice.org/childrens-health/diet-for-pregnant-and-nursing-mothers.  And Dr. Tom Brewer is the source to go to for information about how diet affects toxemia, among other things.  His recommendations are similar to the Weston Price Foundation: http://www.blueribbonbaby.org/ifyouarepregnant/what-is-a-good-nutritious-balanced-diet/

How do I measure up as far as the recommendations of those two sources?  I usually have three cups of milk for breakfast (not the recommended four), and six ounces of protein at both lunch and dinner.  That is almost always eggs, meat/chicken, fish, or cheese, so it is pretty close to their suggestions.  I don’t usually use beans as a protein, because I like the other proteins more. 🙂   I try to use broths to cook my grains with, use butter or coconut oil as the fat for my meals most of the time (though I don’t use as much as is recommended), and until I reread the list, had forgotten all about liver.  🙁  I’ll have to look for that during my next shopping trip.

As far as Brewer’s recommendations, I don’t eat that many starches – he doesn’t say what a serving size is, but I eat three servings of starch daily (about a half cup each).  I think from a health perspective that grains are best eaten in limited quatities.  As you can see, they both have very similar guidelines, and to me, the Brewer and Price recommendations are doable and easy to integrate into a regular diet.

Avivah

I’ve been meaning to write this post for over three weeks now, ever since I spoke to a pregnant mom about it.  ‘It’ being appropriate weight gain during pregnancy, a topic that seems to be a hot one for a lot of women.  I started writing about this last night but couldn’t finish because my baby woke up and needed to be held for hours due to a horribly croupy cough.  Not fun at all, but he’s getting better now, and that’s what mothers are for, right?

The woman I spoke to wanted to know what I thought a healthy diet for a pregnant woman looked like, but before giving her my answer, I asked her what she was eating.  She told me she had a good diet, and then mentioned that she hadn’t gained any weight at all in her seventh month.  I asked her where she got her food guidelines from, and she told me from someone she knew and trusted.  Someone who, she mentioned in an offhand way, wasn’t able to get pregnant when eating in that identical way (because it was a weight loss plan and didn’t provide enough fat for her to be able to conceive).  But the person who she turned to as an advisor felt that same plan that kept her body undernourished to the point she couldn’t conceive, was suitable for a woman growing a baby inside her!!  So, she wanted to know, what did I think?

After hearing the specifics of her diet, I told her my thoughts – that she was eating too little protein and too little fat, both of which are crucial at all times but especially during pregnancy, and the fact that she hadn’t gained anything at a point in pregnancy where it was appropriate was a sign that validated that she wasn’t eating enough. 

So how much should a pregnant woman gain?  I don’t think there’s a one size fits all answer.  Obviously the overweight mother won’t need to put on as much weight as the underweight mother.   I think what’s a lot more important than how much you gain is what your diet looks like, as well as quantities that you eat.  So instead of asking, ‘how much did you gain?’, I think better questions are, ‘Are you eating good quality food’, ‘Are you eating enough protein and good fats?’  Weight is sometimes a helpful monitoring device, but not used on its own. 

My current midwife has never asked me about my weight. She knows I have a good diet, and isn’t overly concerned about the numbers on the scale as long as everything else is looking good.  So far I’ve gained about ten or eleven pounds, and am six months along, which I think is reasonable for me (especially since I hadn’t lost all of my extra weight from my last pregnancy).  But every person is different, and I have a friend who’s my height but very, very slim, who gains 40 – 50 pounds each pregnancy, and that’s right for her.   I have another friend who gains a huge amount of weight but also loses 20 or more pounds within three days after the birth (not including the birth).  I don’t – whatever I lose is pure baby/placenta/fluids (with baby no. 6 and 7 I gained thirteen pounds, and that was exactly what I ‘lost’ giving birth), and the rest stays with me. 🙂

 In any case, pregnancy isn’t the time to diet.  It’s not the time to eat whatever you want and hide behind maternity clothes either – the day of reckoning will eventually come if you do!  But there’s a lot of room to wiggle around in between pigging out and dieting.

Since my strong belief is that fats and protein is crucial, I’ll post some links soon regarding those things that I hope will be helpful to pregnant readers.

Avivah

Today I had my first visit with my midwife.  Usually I have the first visit at four months, but I wanted to tell the kids before she came, so we waited until now (I think I’m officially about 24 weeks).  Since she comes to our house, my kids seeing her walk in our door would have made the announcement for us! 

I really love my midwife.  She’s a lay midwife, and very, very competent and experienced.  Her philosophy of birth fits mine perfectly – I’m a hands off, don’t mess with a natural process kind of person if it doesn’t need anything.  She has the knowledge and skill to recognize when intervention is necessary and when it’s not, something that has become very rare in the obstetrical community. 

Something she did that I thought I’d share with you today is she listened to the baby’s heartbeat with a fetoscope, a skill that is almost non-existent in the US.  Did you ever wonder how caregivers monitored a baby before Dopplers and ultrasounds?  You probably thought that there was no way to monitor and that’s why unborn babies today are so much safer, right?  Hmm, I’ll leave the second part of that absurdity for now and just explain what a fetoscope is.

Basically, it’s like a stethoscope but geared for listening to an unborn baby.  (Here’s a picture – http://www.allheart.com/om13fetal.html.)  The advantage is that it’s not invasive and 100% safe, while allowing the doctor or midwife to hear the baby’s heartbeat.  Which is something that the FDA still can’t say about ultrasounds and Dopplers.  (Did you know that?  Most women believe they’re harmless.)  One of my midwife’s current clients isn’t planning a homebirth, but she works for the FDA and was alarmed to learn that there’s still no approval for it, but she couldn’t find anyone else to agree to her prenatal care who wouldn’t use this technology for monitoring.  The down side is it takes a couple more minutes to locate the heartbeat with a fetoscope, which means more patience on the caregiver’s part.  And it requires more physical closeness (getting to about 1 – 2 feet from your abdominal area) – and the trend today is for more and more emotional and physical distance in many areas, not just obstetrics, and ultrasound technology fits in well with that sterility. 

Today I asked my midwife how many of her clients she uses the fetoscope with.  She told me almost none, that it’s ‘a new generation’ and they don’t even think to question ultrasounds. And since homebirthing mothers tend to be far more educated than the average mom (they have to be, to get the information and statistics that make them comfortable with a birth outside of the hospital setting which is so frowned upon), it’s really a reflection of what is going on in the general world of obstetrics, where less and less is questioned and it’s just assumed that if a doctor is doing it, it must be the best thing.

Anyway, usually when finding the heartbeat, my midwife would then put a regular stethoscope on that area, and let me listen.  But because the placenta is in front, it was too faint for me to hear it at this point.  (It’s amazing how much she’s able to learn just be listening – when she located the placenta, I asked her how she could tell – she said it has a whooshing sound.)  But that’s okay with me – I don’t have to hear there’s a heartbeat to know I’m pregnant. 🙂 And I should be able to hear it next month.

Avivah

Last night I went to see this film, The Business of Being Born, at a women’s showing sponsored in the community.  I was ambivalent about attending, since I saw it would be followed by a panel discussion of an ob, nurse midwife, and lactation consultant, and was very skeptical about the value of that discussion.  But yesterday was an emotionally hard day (not because of dealing with my children, but dealing with an adult who acted like a child – not a family member!), and I finally in the afternoon decided I’d like to get out.

I very much enjoyed the film, which was made by producer (?) Rikki Lake.  She had a typical medicalized hospital birth with her first, which was very unsatisfactory, and led her to explore birthing, to learn lots more about it.  That was followed by a wonderful home birth, following her exploration of various aspects of current birth technology and how it affects women.  She shared some of those perspectives and information in this film.  But it’s not an intellectual movie; it doesn’t promote a specific agenda but does give a nice picture of home birth as being a viable and good alternative.  Which I of course like and feel is important, since women need to know that there are other options than hospitals, and that home births aren’t just for hippies or those who have no regard for the safety of their unborn children (roll eyes).

But the discussion after the film – oh, so not worthwhile and very frustrating to sit through.  The ob, though very nice and clearly much more openminded than most, gave a very good medicalized point of view, one that I think was very comfortable in its familiarness to most of the women there and reinforced some unhealthy attitudes rampant in society that birthing women have bought into and don’t serve them well.  I was really trying not to grimace or outwardly show my disgust.  It was such a perfect venue for an open discussion of options that women may not have considered before, and the presence of the ob, in my opinion, shifted the focus away from that to dismissing the film as nice but unrealistic and overly negative about medicalized birth. 

I was so glad that the lactation consultant was there, because she added a very necessary balance to the discussion – like when the ob said she used to back up a birthing center, but they stopped doing it because by the time women who needed it were transferred to the hospital, they were ‘train wrecks’.  To which I was thinking that there was a major assumption being made, that no one in the hospital is a train wreck, when in fact perhaps the majority are.  And bless her heart, the l.c. said, the hospital she worked in has a c-section rate of 45% and serves an affluent and highly educated population – and to imply that hospitalized birth avoids that is simply false.  I later thanked her and said that she added some necessary balance and she told me she found it very frustrating to participate in the discussion.  But at least she could say something – I really, really wanted to jump onto almost every point made by the ob and ob resident in the audience to supplement the missing info.  I only one time interjected a comment, when the ob said that based on studies done in Ireland, they ‘know’ that active birth management improves the birth outcomes, and used that to justify current birthing practices (specifically, to justify inducing labor at 38 weeks for ‘high risk’ mothers).  To which I had to add that a critical part of those studies was that every woman was provided with a doula to support and encourage her from the time she entered the hospital throughout the entire birth – to ignore that factor negates the value of the information gathered in that study.  (Unfortunately, I forgot to mention that another very crucial factor in that study was that the active management of labor began only after a laboring mother reached 4 cm – very different from inducing two weeks early with no signs of labor being imminent.)  The ob nodded to admit that what I said was correct.  Oh, the challenges of being highly educated about birth, and having the personal experience of being a doula for many women, and a childbirth educator for others, and seeing the difference information and empowerment can make – and then having to sit there silent listening to people being sold a bill of goods.  Sigh.

I started reading The Unborn Life of a Child recently, something I haven’t read for years, and I was struck by how outdated the statistics are.  The book was written in the 70s, and the author wrote with concern about rising intervention rates (eg 15% c-section rates), increasing use of technology, and I keep thinking how we’re actually moving backwards into the dark ages of birthing, while thinking we’re so advanced.  Because thirty years later, our statistics are drastically worse than when this book was written, but we’re under the impression that we’re moving forward because we do it with the help of so many bells and whistles, and women really think they are doing the utmost to keep their babies safe, not realizing how many of those ‘improvements’ and ‘advancements’ have decreased maternal and infant mortality in the US (and how many are about money, convenience, and avoiding lawsuits).  Even the ob last night said it’s an embarrassment to the medical community that the US  ranks last among industrialized countries in these crucial statistics.

Anyway, I think the film was just released on dvd, and don’t know about general availability to the public, but if you have the chance to watch it, I think it’s a nice balance to the typical of picture of birth that is presented just about everywhere – on tv, in the movies, when you listen to conversations in waiting rooms…..  I’ve had eight children, and none of my experiences ever matched the picture that is broadcast everywhere.  Actually, when I got to the hospital with my first, I was at 8 cm, which I couldn’t believe – I kept waiting to be dying from pain, and I was managing and I wasn’t yet dead, so I thought I wasn’t so far along.  I’m not joking or exaggerating about that.  I had always heard there is no worse pain, seen women on tv screaming and rolling back and forth in agony, begging for help, and though I was pretty uncomfortable, I was grimacing during contractions – not screaming, not shrieking, not begging for my mother.  And then the birth was over, and I found out first hand that the worst part is what no one tells you about – how you’re just a body, how your wishes are disregarded and you’re unimportant, how you have no privacy or right to say anything about the birth experience once the medical caretakers have decided what they want – and that they won’t even notify you of what they’re doing or why, even though legally and ethically it’s required.  But for baby #2, I thought that was normal and there was nothing I could do about it, except get there as late in labor as I could, and block my mind to how I was treated.

But then I actually got myself more educated during my third pregnancy (took a typical childbirth class with my first that basically prepares you for what will happen at the hospital, didn’t give many tools or enough alternative information to provoke any thought), and wow, did the quality of my births dramatically shoot up from #3 and on!  I had #3 and #4 in a hospital with the most friendly birthing practices around, and then went on to home births from there – and the experience just can’t be compared to a hospital birth.  No matter how nice the staff, how friendly and supportive, it’s not the same as when the caretaker of your choice comes to you, in your environment, when you want them there, and is available to you in the way you want them to be there. 

Some people think that someone choosing a home birth cares more about the ‘experience’ than health and safety, but in actuality, home birthing moms are highly educated about birth, far more than the average mom, and have done a lot of research before coming to that decision.  That’s the nature of making choices that are unusual and that don’t have wide support – it forces you to educate yourself and start sifting through what is fact and what is propaganda.  They know that statistically, the maternal and infant mortality rates are much lower for home births, with significantly better healthy outcomes – and that doesn’t include the emotional satisfaction that is much more important than currently recognized.  After all, birth is a life changing event – every woman remembers every detail of her births; the imprinting is so deep and powerful, and the significance of a negative or positive birth experience will stay with her forever. 

There’s no question that my first home birth, my fifth child, would have been a c-section for failure to progress.  And for 2 of 3 of the next home births, my water broke three days before I gave birth, and I would have been induced after 24 hours.  Had that induction failed, I would have have a c-section for each of them.  That’s three c-sections out of four births avoided by being at home with a qualified and well educated midwife who understood the natural birth process, who was comfortable with different labor patterns that didn’t match the ‘norm’, who knew how to monitor a woman and baby’s health and make sure all vital signs were fine and to let time take time since all was otherwise fine.  Most women in the hospital will never have the luxury of birthing without having the clock ticking on them, and that leads to a lot of unnecessary and damaging interventions, that are justified by ‘we have to do what is best for the baby’.  Which ignores the fact that without these interventions, in the majority of cases the baby and mother wouldn’t have been in danger in the first place!

Now you see why I  never write about pregnancy here – there’s too much to say and I try not to think about what goes on out there and the damage it’s doing to women and babies.  If someone speaks to me, I give them information, but that’s only suitable one on on.

Avivah

When I was a doula, the women I assisted often appreciated being able to discuss the birth and the specifics of their labors with me several days later.  I think there is an inherent desire on the part of most women to emotionally process their births, and having the opportunity to speak with someone who was there, ask questions, and clarify details that weren’t clear at the time is really helpful.  It’s important to have the time to emotionally process the labor and birth experience, especially when things are unusually challenging or when things go differently from how you imagined they would.  Sometimes it’s enough to just have time to think about it on your own, but at other times, it’s really helpful to have feedback from someone else.

Last week when my midwife visited for a follow up check, I had the chance to ask her some questions.  I was having trouble understanding what happened during the birth, why things were so unusual (like the contraction pattern, the extremely l0ng pushing stage, copious amounts of blood immediately after the birth), and wanted to hear her perspective on it.  I don’t usually feel that there’s much to ask about or discuss afterwards, but I found speaking to her about it this time sooo valuable.  As much as I thought about it on my own, I wasn’t getting any more clarity with time or distance on what happened, and was really bothered to think about a future birth following this pattern and still having no better way to understand it.

The first thing that was helpful was hearing her validate that it wasn’t me just being overly emotional about the labor and birth – she confirmed that it was definitely not typical.   I also had some specific questions that I hoped she might have some insight into, and found her responses very helpful.   She has seen many times that when there is a situation that could compromise the baby, the body will adapt and change the labor process to protect the baby.  Apparently this was one such case.  What is fairly certain is that the placenta was partially abrupted (began separating before the baby was born).   If contractions had followed the typical pattern, he wouldn’t have had time to recover from one before another contraction began – hence the long breaks between contractions even until the very end, which gave the baby time to recover (he needed more time for recovery because the placenta wasn’t fully functional).

There were some other questions that I had about specific times when the birth seemed to be held up that the midwife was able to address.  Speaking to her not only answered my questions, but left me with a feeling of intense gratitude for the positive birth outcome, as well as an increased appreciation for the amazing birth process.  Not only was our baby not compromised, he received a 10 on the one minute and five minute Apgars (my midwife rarely gives a ten for the one minute Apgar) – better than any of the others, who all received 9s on the one minute Apgar.

Avivah