Yesterday morning I was crossing the parking lot at the hardware store when a pickup truck suddenly began rapidly backing up. I was looking in the other direction to check if any cars were coming from the anticipated direction when the the worker right behind me who was carrying part of my order to my car yelled out in alarm. I stopped just in time to avoid being hit – the item in my left hand that was swinging forward hit the truck and the rest of me was less than a step away.
I’m very, very careful about pedestrian safety, especially after several years ago being hit by a car that had stopped to let me and my son cross at the crosswalk, then drove into us when we were halfway across. But being careful wasn’t enough. Not at that crosswalk and not at the parking lot yesterday. My efforts and caution couldn’t keep me safe. It was clearly only because Hashem didn’t want me to be hit by a car that I wasn’t.
Later that day when I heard the horrible, tragic news of the murder of Ari Fuld in Efrat, I had a similar jolt. Ari was an extremely passionate and well-known advocate for Israel, a paramedic, army reservist, karate instructor, a person filled with kindness and concern for others who was constantly finding ways to support those in need. A person almost larger than life in his accomplishments and his efforts to protect the Jewish people. The last person who ‘should’ have been killed by an attack like this. (He was stabbed in the back when shopping and unbelievably chased his attacker and shot him before collapsing, preventing him from attacking anyone else.)
It’s only because Hashem decreed this would happen – on Rosh Hashana just a week ago -that it could happen.
This year I’ve felt somewhat removed from the Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur spirit; a time of reflection, prayer and humility. Until yesterday. Yesterday was a very sobering day.
It’s a gift to leave our homes in the morning and for all of our family members to return safely and unharmed later in the day. Yesterday, I returned to my family just as I had left. Ari Fuld didn’t.
As Yom Kippur approaches, may we all merit to be signed and sealed for the good for the coming year.
I haven’t yet taken a picture of our kitchen renovation, which is still in process and I’m wating until it’s a bit more complete before sharing. But you’ll get a glimpse of it in this short video on a busy erev Shabbos of Rafael standing up!
Rafael is now 20 months old and is doing great in every way! His latest thrill is practicing standing up on the edge of the couch or bed (he climbs up himself), causing everyone in his vicinity to simultaneously gasp and lunge for him. He falls forward at the very edge and then looks at us all with a huge grin while we’re taking deep breaths to calm ourselves!
You’ll see the grin I’m referring to in the video below. 🙂
When I see children learning to stand or walk, what always strikes me is how they have an intrinsic desire for mastery. They don’t get discouraged that they can’t yet do it. They want to go beyond what they already know, and keep trying and trying until they do it. And they enjoy it along the way!
I’ve often thought how we could benefit by adopting a similar attitude to learning new skills, especially when we fall short. Rather than shame or blame themselves for not knowing how to already do it better than they do, these little learning dynamos just get up and try again with a smile.
Have you been wondering where I’ve disappeared to?? This has been my longest absence from blogging in twelve years!
It’s been a busy summer and while there were lots of good things, it was unusually challenging. Our DIY renovation added a huge amount of work and upheaval – every single item from every single room in our home except one was moved and the new spaces for some of those things still aren’t ready for them.
It’s been a big transition for us all.
I enjoy doing hands on activities, but while doing the actual renovation work I still needed to cook, clean, do laundry (without a sink for two weeks, without a washer for two separate weeks), buy groceries, etc – while also needing to oversee the project, constantly buy more supplies (the workers in several building supply stores all know me by now!) and teach the younger boys how to do the various renovations tasks…
I also still have these lovely children to be a mother to and that doesn’t mean constantly asking them to do yet another task or trying to meet their needs as fast as I can so I can get on to a job that is waiting to be done. My biggest effort in the midst of everything going on and all the emotions being expressed,was to still be a decent person to live with. That’s a big job when there is so much stress being experienced by so many people!
As far as how things are progressing – the bulk of the main work is finished and the new kitchen is fully functional. Yay! (When the sinks were finally in I felt like I was living in luxury!) Yes, I owe you all a picture!
There are still a number of small details before it will be completely finished. As much as I really, really want it all done, I made the decision to set further work aside until after Rosh Hashana. It was frustrating trying to get any work done with our youngest two boys around and when I tried I often had the feeling of two steps forward, one (and sometimes two!) steps back!
In addition to working with young children around (have you ever tiled a floor while living in a home and keeping your children off those tiles for 48 hours while the glue and then the grout sets?), things kept happening that diverted my energy or physically made it impossible to move forward with the intended renovation work, day after day: several of the boys were knocked out by a stomach virus, a very sick baby for three weeks, falling on a nail and not being able to move one hand for a week, badly smashing a finger in sliding door, spending thirteen hours in Jerusalem at the emergency room with a child who got plaster in his eye (and having the car overheat on the way there and then got a flat tire on the way home)….
There were so many unusual things happening one on top of another, that it became clear to me that Hashem (or maybe my unconscious) was giving me a message: slow down or I’d be forced to slow down.
Though I wanted everything DONE – what I really, really needed was to put my endless list of things to do aside and give myself a mental break by not thinking about all that still needed to be done.
Even with all of the challenges, I’m so happy to have tackled this project! By taking some time off from the work I’m able to breathe and look at what a huge accomplishment this has been instead of getting caught up in all the little details remaining.
I’m really pleased with how the new kitchen is shaping up and how much more spacious our main area is. One huge benefit that I didn’t anticipate is that I can now be working in the kitchen and still be involved in whatever the kids are doing.
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Last week Rafael (20 months) started at day care; it’s a wonderful program with full inclusion and he will have his own assistant for two hours each morning to help him participate fully in the activities. He will also be getting therapies there and the therapists will give instructions to his personal assistant, who will integrate their suggestions into her time with him as he does the group activities.
This week Yirmi started school! I’m not one for taking first day of school pictures but fortunately for me, the mother of another little boy in his class took this one for us!
Ds6 feeling shy and proud
His teachers have all told me how impressed they are by him and what a pleasure he is to have in the class. And he loves it! It took a lot of persistence and advocacy to get him into this program (gan safa) which was sometimes emotionally wearing, but after the first ten minutes of being there with him, I felt so grateful that I stuck with the process. I think he’s going to gain tremendously!
I sent Yirmi to a Hebrew speaking camp for a month this summer to help prepare him for school. His English comprehension is excellent but his Hebrew is minimal. I told his teacher that he doesn’t understand Hebrew yet, but yesterday she told me he seems to understand a lot of what is being said to him and responds accordingly. I attribute this to him paying attention to tone and body language – but maybe his camp experience helped prepare him more than I thought!
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So who does that leave homeschooling? As I enter my nineteenth year of homeschooling, we now have just three boys homeschooling (9, 11, 12). I’ve had very little kids at home for throughout all these years and suddenly I don’t.
I expected to feel some ambivalence and sadness at this transition point, but that’s not the case at all. I have so many things I’m constantly dealing with and I’m grateful to be able to slow down and move away from the very intensive schedule that I’ve had for so long. I’m ready to embrace and enjoy this new stage and give myself a pat on the back for all my efforts with each of them until now. Though I’ve often wished I could do much, much more than I do, I’m willing to let that go and instead focus on what I have done!
My intention for the coming year is to be able to focus my time and attention on the boys at home in a way I haven’t been able to do when constantly stopping and starting to take care of younger children.
But my even bigger priority is to arve out some renewal time for myself!
