Category Archives: homeschooling

How to keep toys from taking over!

frugal strategies, homemaking, homeschooling, parenting

IMG_3398[1]>>Can you post a picture of the toy storage unit you put back together? Still wondering how you keep all the games, toys and supplies organized and accessible in a limited space.<<

The most helpful thing I’ve found for keeping toys organized in a limited space is getting rid of what you don’t really get a lot of use or benefit from.

A while back I went through all of our toys.  Most of what we brought with us to Israel was board games and learning manipulatives but it’s amazing how easy it is to accumulate stuff!  I began to take note of which toys my children played with most, and no surprise, I once again saw the 80/20 rule in effect.

In this case that rule means that 20 percent of toys will be played with 80 percent of the time, and 80 percent of toys will be played with just 20 percent of the time.  And that means, that your space is mostly taken up with toys your kids rarely use!  If you can figure out what is getting the most use and significantly scale down the rest, you’re on your way to an organized play space!

I took note of what toys they used the most, and began a big giveaway pile of all the rest.  This cut down on the storage space needed quite a bit!  I strongly recommend that everyone go through this process; not only does it help you keep your house cleaner, but more importantly, it helps the kids get more enjoyment from what they have.  It allows them to focus without the distraction of toys they don’t use cluttering up space.  Most of our learning manipulatives fall into the category of being used 20 percent of the time, but these are worth keeping around for when we do use them.

Here’s the cabinet that I use for toy storage – it has two internal shelves and two drawers.

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We keep the games and puzzles on the shelves inside – the games to the right are smaller boxes and there’s another pile behind each of those.

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This drawer is for Yirmiyahu’s toys.

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The bottom drawer is where I now keep the printer and laminator, which were taking up prime space by being kept out all the time.   I tend to use them heavily all at once and then not at all for long periods of time, so it makes more sense to take them out when I need them than to leave them out all the time.

By putting the printer and laminator in a drawer, it makes space on top for things that I want to keep visible and easy to access – learning manipulatives and several more toys.

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For those who are wondering what kind of manipulatives are included, here you go!

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Left to right – pattern blocks (2 boxes), base ten blocks, cuisenaire rods, assortment of mostly card games, flash cards, tangrams (2 boxes); bottom left – geoboard, 100 number tiles, word cards with plastic letters, dominoes, teddy bear counters.

We have several boxes of toys that we keep in the closet opposite this cabinet.  (Bottom, l – r – Lincoln Logs, Legos; top l – r – Morphun blocks, toy animals; tall box is a ball and stick construction activity).

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Below you can see the wagon of building blocks for young children, next to it a huge box of building blocks for somewhat bigger children (and next to that a couple of toys the kids found being given away).

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Our boys love building toys – it’s what they use 80 percent of the time – and this is where I invest most of my storage space and money.

Last year someone gave us a starter set of Duplo blocks, Lincoln Logs and Mega Bloks, and this is what my boys would play with every single morning.  The only problem was that there are three of them and there just wasn’t enough for them to play together so there was usually some kind of conflict.  When I cleaned out all the toys that weren’t getting much use, I determined that if I had an opportunity, I would add on to these toys that already got so much use rather than get more kinds of toys.

Now, eight months after that decision, I’m amazed at how the opportunities to add to the toys that mattered most to them have all somehow come around!

A friend was clearing out her toys, and I bought a mega blocks wagon and blocks from her.  That doubled our collection of these building blocks for young children.

Then, someone else was downsizing her toy collection and was selling Lincoln Logs, so naturally I bought that!  And that doubled our Lincoln Log collection.

The other two toys I wanted to get more of were Duplo block and Legos – Duplo because we didn’t have that much, Lego because they were ready for the challenge of more detailed building but we had only a sprinkling that my kids found being given away.  But both of these were really expensive and here in Israel, the price is double buying them in the US.  Not happening.

In the winter my mom traveled to the US and asked what the kids would like.  I told her if she wanted to get them Lego, they’d love it!  She was able to find some great smaller sets on clearance at Walmart.; my in-laws also got them a mid sized set.

I also ordered a Duplo compatible block made in Canada that was half the price (Unico blocks, 250 blocks for $50), and my mom brought back a box of them.  I was so happy with these that I wanted to get more, but they’re bulky and it’s not the kind of thing you can ask anyone but your mother to bring for you.  🙂

Then this spring a blog reader told me she was coming and would be able to bring things for us.  I ordered two more boxes of Unico blocks (thank you, SH!) and this was the best money spent ever.  They play with this all of the time, and there’s plenty for them to all play together even when friends come over.

Organizing things in this way has helped us maximize our space and keep clutter at bay.  I hope you find some of these ideas helpful in your home!

Avivah

Avivah

Like Stars on Earth – movie

homeschooling, parenting
tumblr_lgk67hC6PX1qd7iy3o3_500[1]Last night I watched a simply beautiful movie with dd17, dd13 and ds12.

Like Stars on Earth is a movie made in India, about an eight year old boy who has dyslexia.  He also has a creative and artistic mind, which no one is able to appreciate.  All they see is a kid who won’t perform to their standards, and his self-esteem becomes more and more battered until he eventually almost totally shuts down.

This is a long movie, 2 hours and 40 minutes long.  It builds steadily as it brings you into the world of the boy and increasingly are able to view things through his eyes.  The version below has been dubbed into English spoken with a Hindi accent, and this sometimes makes understanding exactly what is being said a challenge.

From a parenting perspective, you see what happens when a parent imposes separation as a punishment onto a child, when closeness with a parent becomes too much to bear and something to be avoided.  Since every person has an innate need to attach, the child in this situation – as with any other situation – attaches to someone else who replaces the parent as the primary relationship.  But there’s much more to note about these relationships than just that.

One powerful message in the movie is towards the end, when the father tells the teacher that his wife has been reading on the internet about dyslexia, and explains that he wants the teacher to know this because it shows they care about their son.  The teacher replies that love is about accepting someone as he is.

The movie is based on a true story.  I already said it’s really long but I found it a worthwhile use of time.  There are so many messages to take away from this film, about learning differences, inclusion, teaching, parenting – each person will take away something else for himself. For me and my kids, I anticipate it will be a reference in conversations about education and other relevant topics for a long time to come.

Avivah

Great buys on books during Book Week = happy kids and happy mother!

frugal strategies, homeschooling, parenting

IMG_3350Every year in Israel there is what is known as Book Week, which is really book month, when bookstores all over have great sales in the month of June.  Last year it wasn’t on my radar, but I was in Jerusalem for an appointment with Yirmi and I just happened to walk into an area that had huge amounts of books for sale.

I had a tight schedule because I had a bus to make, and within ten minutes I managed to make my purchases, a five volume set of children’s parsha stories as well as a laminated copy of the 39 Melachos Shabbos book by Baruch Chait.

Those were purchases that we’ve gotten a lot of mileage from.  The set of parsha books were a particularly good buy since they were discounted about 30% since there was some kind of damage – the damage varied but the books I chose were very minor, like the imprint of a line on the back cover, nothing major.  This was my main book purchase for the year, other than 60 shekels on used books throughout the year.

I knew that I wanted to do some more book buying for our homeschooling and when I was in Jerusalem for the Temech conference earlier this week, I had my chance!  Finding books that I wanted was a challenge; I like well written books that aren’t overly preachy or obviously intended to be educational, and so many books have beautiful illustrations but the text leaves something to be desired.   I want the books to be interesting enough for my kids to pick them up and read them on their own.

I finally settled on a laminated illustrated copy of Megilat Esther/Book of Esther, a picture book of 1000 words in Hebrew, and 3 Hebrew copies of Tintin.  The Megilat Esther has a basic drawing that looks similar in each page but many details change from page to page so I thought the kids would enjoy this.  The laminated versions of books are heavy duty and will last for many years but the downside of it is that it’s so much more expensive.  The cover of this book looked used though the inside was perfect so I got this for 50 shekels instead of 118; I could have gotten a new unlaminated version for the same price but for our family this was the better choice.

The 1000 word book is for my kids to learn the words in Hebrew for things they already know in English; it has beautiful photos and is engaging (50 shekels).  The Tintin books are because my kids love Tintin in English so that makes it a good segue into encouraging Hebrew reading.   A plus is the text in a couple of the books is in Hebrew script so this is great practice in reading script.  Usually these are each 88 shekels but I got all three for 100.

The next day I went to Steimatsky’s book store, since I had a 100 shekel credit that’s been sitting in my wallet since July.  I wasn’t purposely holding on to it for Book Week but it worked out beautifully!  We had the credit from a children’s siddur we bought that had buttons you can push to hear the prayers but it wasn’t what I wanted and the credit for it was basically enough to buy one other book.  I decided I wanted to get a laminated world map for the wall with our credit, but the store didn’t have one.  The clerk called two other stores in walking distance; one didn’t have a map and the other wasn’t answering the phone.  Since it was just a few minutes walk away, I went over to ask in person if they had a map.

They didn’t, but what they did have was a totally different selection of sale books than the first store I was in (which hadn’t interested me much).

There was a sale table where you could choose three books for the price of the most expensive of the three.  One book immediately caught my eye and I knew I had to get it; it was a illustrated procession of how Jerusalem looked from Biblical times until today. Each time period has a two page spread filled with many illustrative details.  I knew my kids would love this and they would learn lots without even knowing it.  (As it turned out, I’m already learning lots from it- ds8 asked me which time period Alexander the Great lived in, and I wasn’t sure so I said, “Hmm, good question, we’ll have to look that up!”)  This is a very well-done book, as interesting for me as for the kids.  There’s only one paragraph of text on each page, but around the border there are tiny pictures that correspond to something in the larger picture with a fact about it.

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That was 89 shekels, and then I found two more books that were also 89 shekels – both are heavy duty board books with lots of flaps to lift up; these are geared toward the elementary aged child based on the information and is sturdy enough to stand up to lots of usage.  One is all about the human body, with pictures of different physical processes inside (eg digestion) and the other is How Things Work; both are in Hebrew.

I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to get the map but I ended up much better off – with my credit I was able to get all three of these books for just 89 shekels (because of the special sale for Book Week – next week it will be full price again), and had some change left over to buy the kids some erasers as well!  (Steimatsky isn’t a cheap store so the erasers were the only thing inexpensive enough to use my eleven remaining shekels for, just in time for their summer online drawing lessons!)

The kids are devouring the books and of course that makes me happy.  🙂

Then the next day I returned some books I borrowed to a friend who is moving, who offered me six volumes of the Magic School Bus chapter books.  Do you think I turned that down?  No way!  And then she remembered she had some other books she was giving away and did I want to look through them?  Sure!  I came home with two bags of books.

And guess what??? Just a couple of hours later, ds8 came in after playing outside with friends and told me he found something he thought I would like.  I asked him to show me what he found and he ran to get a boxed copy of a laminated world map in Hebrew – in brand new condition!!!  (Ds just informed me that the listed price on this was 49.90.)  Someone was giving it away and he found it outside where they had left it.  He had no idea that I had wanted this and was surprised at how excited I was.

But you understand why, right? 🙂

Avivah

Parent teacher conferences for ds15

homeschooling, parenting

Parent_Teacher_Conference_6238503[1]Ds15 attends a yeshiva high school that I’ve never visited, due to the distance from our home.  Yesterday were parent teacher conferences, which neither dh nor I were able to attend earlier in the year because of the travel involved.  We felt it was very important to be there and get to know his teachers, for them to know that we’re behind him and for ds to feel our support, but it meant taking a full day from work and that was something we couldn’t to do.

With dh not working at this time, he was able to spend several hours traveling in each direction to get there, leaving at noon and returning at 2 am.  It was a long, tiring and expensive trip but we’re both glad he went!

Something that I thought was interesting is that the student goes into each conference with his parent and hears everything that is said by his teacher.  I commented to dh that I would think the teachers might feel uncomfortable speaking openly about a student in front of him, but dh laughed and said this didn’t seem to be an issue.  It must be part of the more open and direct Israeli communication style.

Ds is doing wonderfully, for which we’re very grateful.  I really grappled with the decision of what school to send him to: a local typical charedi yeshiva where he would be close to home, or to this yeshiva, a charedi yeshiva high school with a full secular studies curriculum and a bagrut.  The biggest downside of this was that ds would have to live away from home in a dorm.  Our next concern was that the boys who attend this school tend to be more modern, which if you understand the charedi dynamic in this country makes sense.  I wasn’t sure what kind of influence this would be for him; I knew it could go either way – either it would help him strengthen who he was and wanted to be, or he would be pulled after his peers.

I’m happy to say it’s been a really good choice for him.

Ds is thriving.  His Torah learning is excellent, his secular studies are excellent, he’s socially very well-integrated (this is a school that is predominantly Israeli with just a sprinkling of Anglos).  All his teachers had only good things to say – two of them asked my husband what he had done to merit a son like him!  The commment that made me the most happy was from the mashgiach.  He told dh that ds is the most popular kid in the class and has consistently been a positive influence on the other kids, without coming across as  a frummy or goody two shoes.

One example was from that morning.  The rosh yeshiva gives an early morning Torah class at 6:30 am.  Usually only three boys in the yeshiva attend – it’s very early!  Yesteday morning, ds15 woke up extra early and went around the yeshiva waking up lots of boys and encouraging them to attend the class (not only boys in his grade), and shocked the rosh yeshiva when he had 20 or 30 kids there instead of the usual three!

Ds doesn’t talk about this much but I had an inkling about this dynamic (though I didn’t know how clear it was to teachers), based on something that came up in conversation not long ago.  A couple of weeks ago I shared with him that a local rosh kollel had expressed his dismay (that his wife then shared with me) that the local yeshiva missed out on having ds as a student there, and I said to ds that even though he would have done great locally, I’m glad he’s happy where he is.  Ds15 responded that he’s not so sure he would have done so well if he was learning locally.  Where he is, they appreciate him and that makes him want to live up to their hopes and expectations for him.

He mentioned that kids look at him and think if he’s doing something, it must be okay and that makes him more careful.  Once there was a water balloon fight and he realized his involvement encouraged other kids to feel it was okay to do it also.   Social power is a big responsibility.  But, he continued, if he was somewhere where they took him for granted (eg the local yeshiva), he wouldn’t be as motivated and would probably have been tempted to slack off.  It’s a good insight.

At the same time that I’m grateful for the positive reports about my son, the thought of the three kidnapped high school students doesn’t leave me.  The first thing on my mind when I wake up is the boys, the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep is the boys.  It is now over a week since they have been missing and their parents don’t have reports like this to fill them with joy, only the terror of knowing their children are being held by ruthless murderers who place no value on human life.

Please continue to pray for Eyal ben Iris Teshura, Gil’ad Micha’el ben Bat-Galim and Ya’akov Naftali ben Rachel Devorah.  Rabbis are recommending that people all over the world take in Shabbos early as a merit for the boys, which I hope to do today.  I saw the idea of lighting three extra candles for Shabbos for them as well, and asked dh if there’s any problem with this.  He checked with a rosh kollel, who said to do it with the intention that I’m not making a neder/long term commitment, and then told him ‘yasher koach’, that it was a very nice idea.  It’s a powerful thing to pray for each of them along with each of my child each Friday  night and I’ll certainly add my prayers for them, just not sure about lighting more candles.  Taking in Shabbos early is a big thing for us and I want to be able to make a full commitment I can stick with rather than spread myself too thin and then not follow through.

It’s unquestionably a tremendous merit to do something to increase one’s observance of Shabbos/the Sabbath, even if someone isn’t observant.  The army is doing their part to find the boys, our part is to continue to add merits through prayer, Torah study and increased mitzva observance.

Avivah

Why auditory processing is important for your child’s social skills

health, homeschooling, parenting

auditory processingYesterday we had an evaluation with a neurodevelopmentalist for our ds12;  given that I’ve learned so much about neurodevelopment in the last couple of years, I anticipated that she would tell me in-depth specifics particular to my child based on concepts I was already familiar with.  And that was true.  But I also learned something that really, really shocked me.

I’ve always believed that ds12 is an auditory learner and this is what I attributed him being a late reader to.  In the home educating environment, that wasn’t an issue; he continued to learn even when his reading skills were weak.  His comprehension and memory of what he learns is excellent, and what he seemed to be struggling with were visual skills.  I believed he learned best through hearing.

Well, guess what?  I learned that ds12 has very poor auditory processing skills, and that he’s compensating for this with his visual processing!  You could have knocked me over with a feather.  It’s like when you think white is black, and then learn that black is actually white. I was totally and completely wrong on this.

Why does this matter?  Poor auditory processing skills are hugely important and have consequences for many kids – I’m sure most of you have a child who isn’t processing well auditorily.   The ability to listen affects many life skills- here are a few:

  • speech and language
  • attention and concentration
  • development of appropriate behavior
  • learning and memory
  • development of social skills

Do you have a child who is lagging in any of those areas?  Even without a diagnosis like ADD, ODD, ADHD, depression, anxiety, learning disabilities or autism spectrum disorder, I’m sure at least one of your kids is struggling in one of these areas.  Some of these challenges are sometimes attributed to poor parenting or emotional issues and in fact, your parenting approach is very important at the root level.

Last year prior to pulling ds out of school, I consulted with a psychologist who trained with Dr. Gordon Neufeld.  Although I began to study (via his dvd trainings) Neufeld’s paradigm of viability and venturing forth over three years ago, I wanted her feedback in understanding why ds was so emotionally reactive.  I understood the role feeling safe, secure and supported makes for children, I understood the need to give a child space to emerge at his own rate, and I understood that we don’t push a child into a predetermined mold or expect them to be like anyone else.   But this wasn’t enough.

I’m very familiar with several different personality and energy typing systems and how each of these affects the nature of each of my kids.  I understand how my energy type interacts with the energy type of others and over time have tried to integrate all of this knowledge into my parenting.  But all of this wasn’t helping me figure out why ds12 (just had a birthday – it’s the birthday season for us now!) was still struggling to manage his emotions and had poor social skills.

Well, now I have what feels like the missing piece of the puzzle!  The evaluation revealed that ds12 processes auditorily at a level 5.  This is the level of a five year old.  Remember, I thought that his auditory processing was strong and therefore even though I was knew auditory processing was important, I didn’t think this was an issue for him.  Big, big mistake but that’s okay, we learn and move forward!

Okay, pay attention here because this is key!  What difference does your level of auditory processing make?  It directly correlates to your emotional maturity.

Someone processing at this level won’t pick up social cues.  They will overreact emotionally to things you wouldn’t expect an older child to react to.  They will be anxious in a  new situation because of the fear they aren’t going to get the cues of what is expected of them.  This isn’t about intelligence.  It’s about not having sufficiently developed this particular skill, and this will be one aspect of the program that is being designed for ds with the goal to get him up to an 8 – 12.

Are you wondering what your auditory processing skills are like?  The auditory processing of the average adult in the US has dropped from a 7 to a 6 in the last generation, and we can expect this to continue to drop with the high amounts of visual mediums that people spend hours engaged with daily.  This means we are an emotionally much less developed people than in the times that the Constitution was written, for example, when the first sentence of an article could go on for a page and half and speeches could go on for hours.

Nowadays, we can’t hold onto information long enough to process something that long. We need smaller and smaller bites of targeted information because we don’t have the patience or ability to process things that are more complex.   On online forums, people apologize for a long post when it’s three paragraphs- hardly enough to put together a complete thought!   When I think of what Twitter and Facebook must be doing to our brains (if not heavily limited), to our attention spans and our emotional state, it’s kind of frightening.

As I learn more about the importance of auditory processing, I’m grateful that even though this is something that needs to be improved, there are things I’ve done that have been very important for our kids even without knowing the technical reasons behind it.  A couple of these things are:

1) I’ve heavily limited screen time.  No computer games, no handheld games, no ipods, ipads, no television.  I do use the computer for educational programming, up to four hours a week.

2) I’ve done a lot of reading out loud to my kids from the time they were small until they were much older, as well as providing them with lots of audio books.  For our oldest three kids, I stopped our regular read alouds when ds14 went into high school – his late return interrupted a reading routine we had for years and that was a real loss for us.  Both dh and I read out loud to all the kids except for dd13, though she listens in if she’s around.  Currently dh is reading The Hobbit with ds12, I’m a few chapters into Danny, Champion of the World (Roald Dahl) with ds8, ds6 and ds5.

We also provide them with a lot of audio books.  When I figured out how to access the US library system remotely to check out audio books, it was a very exciting for us all! Dd13 and ds12 listen to audio books almost daily.  When my oldest kids were younger, I purchased many cassettes of Torah stories that were a daily part of their childhood, and recently have found a way to provide our younger boys with something similar that they listen to several times a week.

Here are a couple other things I’m currently doing: I read a chapter of Sefer Yehoshua/The Book of Joshua out loud at breakfast.  (This works out to two or three times a week, not every day.)  I read part of the Hebrew text, then translate it into English.  Dh learns Pirkei Avos/Ethics of our Father at the dinner table in a similar way.

I just started doing something similar with ds12 last week with a non-Torah text.  I happened upon used copies of Harry Potter 5 in both English and Hebrew and bought them a couple of years ago.  I read part of a sentence from the Hebrew version and ds then reads me the corresponding translation.  We’re both enjoying this a lot even though we have the British version so sometimes I have to translate the British word into American English for something for him. 🙂

We should be receiving our neurodevelopmental program in the next day or so and will be adding in whatever activities are suggested to improve the auditory processing issue, and doing them as a family.  The more I learn, the more I see that we can all benefit from improving our processing skills.  I remember things best when I see them or write them down, and what I always thought of as being a visual learner means that I need to strengthen my auditory processing.

It’s exciting to know that something that seems so simple – our auditory processing – can actually affect so many things in our lives.  The next official evaluation will be in four months and at that time I’ll share what improvements we’ve seen.

Edited to add: A reader emailed me privately to ask if I did this evaluation through the Israeli health insurance system.  No, I didn’t.  I don’t want to sound negative but my feeling is that it would have been a huge waste of my time and money.  The reason is because what the system does best is slap a label on and then push for medication, which is not what interests me.  I want to find the core issue and address it, not cover up the symptoms.  

Everything for for my kids that I’ve found helpful has been outside of the traditional framework, unfortunately.   I’m working with someone privately in the US on this.  If you’re wondering how we are doing it from a distance it’s like this:  First I filled out a detailed 13 page intake form, and then sent in a number of videos of my son performing various activities that were requested.  After this, we had a ‘face to face’ appointment via Skype.  Then the program will be designed for him, it will be sent to us, and we’ll be sent training videos of how to do various activities with him.  

Avivah

cartooningEarlier this week I talked with dd13 about what interests she would like to explore, to use the time she has in a way that she would really feel she had gained something of value to her.  She said she would like to learn an instrument and take art lessons.

In the US, she had taken a year of piano lessons and her instructor (who taught four of our kids piano) told me dd had natural talent.  I didn’t bring a lift though I thought about it because I seriously considered bringing our piano.  I decided we could get an electronic keyboard but life was so busy that after we made aliyah that it fell off the ‘to do’ list.  In the beginning of this year I made inquiries about lessons for her but finances didn’t allow for me to follow through with that.  I’m still thinking about where to go with this – someone told me several months ago they might have a keyboard we could borrow, and that would be a good beginning.

At the beginning of this year I also made a barter arrangement with a friend – she would give dd painting lessons and I would teach her daughter English.  Her daughter did come for a lesson and was very excited about learning with me but her mother’s schedule was so packed that she couldn’t squeeze in time for art lessons and this one English lesson was as far as that plan went.

I had looked into websites with free drawing lessons but dd found those confusing and unhelpful.

After our talk this week I did some more research and now I’ve found something that dd and I are both enthusiastic about!

My husband is an illustrator – he wrote and illustrated Pharaoh and the Fabulous Frog Invasion, has worked for several magazines and given art classes to teen boys.  He used one of Mark Kistler’s books as a guide for one of his class series and found it a great resource.  (Naturally that book didn’t make it to Israel with us, one more victim of my ruthless prealiyah purging!)  When I told dh I was considering buying a year long subscription to Mark’s video lessons, he was very supportive of the idea.

Subscriptions can be purchased directly through Mark Kistler’s website, but being the frugal person I am, I chose to buy at a discounted price.  Naturally.  🙂  I bought the year long subscription for the Draw 3D online program for just under $40 rather than $99 by purchasing through the Homeschool Buyer’s Coop – membership is free and if there’s something you end up wanting, you have the benefit of buying as part of a huge pool of people so you get discounted prices that you can’t get on your own.  This is a lot cheaper than paying anyone to give her lessons, and now dd13 can advance according to her interest rather than the constraints of my wallet.  🙂

Prior to buying I read a TON of positive reviews; I don’t buy much in the way of curriculum or services, so before I spend money I need to feel it’s going to really be worth it.  I wanted to do this for dd13, but I like that it can be done for kids who are 5 and up so I should be able to get a lot of mileage out of this in our home.  🙂  I’m planning to begin group lessons in the coming week with the younger three boys – I think they’ll all really like it!

There are a number of benefits to drawing for the brain, making it more than just a nice way to pass time.  I’ve never been good at drawing – what I do best is draw random geometric shapes – and I’m going to stretch myself and do some lessons along with my kids.  As I’ve said before, homeschooling gives parents a chance to learn things they never had the chance to learn before!

As I was finishing up this post, dd13 came over to say good night to me, and she gave me a big hug and kiss and thanked me for getting this drawing program.  She said she likes how interesting it is, it’s easy to follow, and even someone who isn’t good at drawing can finish a lesson with something that looks good.  It’s really nice to get such good feedback so soon!

Avivah

Response to comments about our first year of homeschooling in Israel

homeschooling

A  reader left the following comment to yesterday’s post in which I summed up our homeschooling year.  Since my response became lengthy, I decided it would be more helpful to post here than in the comments section.

I appreciate the questions and comments – usually there’s someone else wondering the same thing and it gives me the chance to clarify!

>> “You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be adequate.” Wrong – sort of. You truly do not need to be perfect, but if “adequate” means that worst case scenario they will be equal to their public school peers, I disagree. Why set the standards that low?

I’m strongly against perfectionism as it’s dangerous and unhealthy, and the comment of mine that was quoted was intended in that spirit, to remind mothers that perfect isn’t necessary to get great results.  I know of some excellent public schools (eg Howard Country, MD) and some that are quite bad (eg inner city Baltimore) so there’s quite a spectrum for public schooling accomplishment and it’s not accurate to assume that the standards are always extremely low.  While I don’t think we have to use what the public schools are doing as a standard, let’s be fair – if most of the kids in the country are schooled in this manner and it’s considered good enough for them, why is it a failure if a homeschooled child’s  academic achievements are parallel to the schooled kids?

Having said that, adequate to me has never been defined by what public schools do or don’t do.  My references are to homeschooling, which gives our kids so much more time and opportunity to develop themselves while at the same time helping them learn the academic skills that will be important for them in life.

Being an adequate parent – concerned, involved, committed – is what our kids need and will help them be successful.   They don’t need one hundred percent consistency every day, all day, they don’t need parents who are perfect role models, they don’t  need a home that is perfectly organized to create a great learning environment.  Too often homeschooling moms have raised the bar so high for themselves that they feel like they’re constantly failing rather than look at what they’re accomplishing.  I hope that it’s clear that I’m not encouraging mediocrity.  My approach is relaxed but even so our four oldest children have been academically quite successful in the school frameworks post-homeschooling (high school and post high school) and it’s my assumption that the rest of our kids will also do well.

>>I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s understandable why an Israeli school teacher would recommend meds for a difficult problem: she probably has 40 (!!) students in her class and simply cannot give extra attention when needed. (I have a collection of horror stories from a similarly over-burdened teacher when our daughter was in grades 3 -4 )<<

Yes, I understand that it’s convenient for them and wouldn’t expect them to be able to take a personalized approach – though thankfully my son was in a class of only 24.  If the classes are set up in a way that don’t allow teachers to meet a child’s needs, this isn’t fair to the teachers or the students.  My focus isn’t on the schools and what they do or don’t do, but rather that I can make a choice to address an issue at the root rather than cover it up; my goal is to either give a child time to grow into himself so the issue disappears, or if the issue isn’t resolving itself, help remediate it so it’s not something that continues for life.

When my son was in school for just a year and a half, I saw that the way they determine how to address a problem depends on what their current tools are.  When they could offer play therapy, they told me that was the answer and then when they didn’t follow through on that, and I reminded them of it and requested it several months later, they said they no longer offered it but that it wouldn’t have helped anyway!  Why did they work so hard to convince me I should enroll him when it was available if it wouldn’t have been of help anyway?  Of course they can only offer what they have but I’m pointing out that schools don’t have much room to explore options to help kids, even if those involved truly want to help.  A parent has the ‘luxury’ of seeking out for his child the help he actually can benefit most from.

>>Socially, culturally, and professionally, it may or may not be a big deal that the kids’ Hebrew is as yet not up to par (this may come back to bite you, but time will tell). But the real thing to be careful of in a bilingual situation is that they are truly proficient in at least one of the languages, rather than fluent but mediocre in both. Speaking from experience.<<

We made a decision to move to the north to help our kids acclimate culturally in the best way possible and didn’t want to go to an Anglo bubble though life would have been much easier for our teens who made aliyah in large part because I feel it’s important for our kids to be able to integrate into Israeli culture, and giving them these skills remains important to me.  It was also for this reason that I sent them to school for our first two years here.

I’m not suggesting that Hebrew doesn’t matter; while I’m relaxed, I’m in no way blase’.  I’m not waiting until they enter an Israeli high school and saying they’ll learn the language then.  Their language skills aren’t yet on par with their Israeli peers but just because it isn’t yet at that stage doesn’t mean that it will always stay like this!  In fact, I would have to work hard to keep them from improving their Hebrew even without my direct input being that we live in a Hebrew speaking country!

I obviously can’t know how things will turn out, but so far I have two kids who are in the Israeli high school/post high school system who are doing quite well who had the same amount of Israeli schooling behind them as these kids – and I don’t see the younger kids as being at a disadvantage.  Having the desire to succeed and the motivation to learn are a big part of success in any framework and this is a natural part of a child’s development when appropriately supported, which homeschooling does better than institutions.

Avivah

Our first year homeschooling in Israel

homeschooling

>>Can you write a post about your first year of homeschooling in Israel? I’d love to hear how it went!<<

It’s amazing that the school year is officially coming to a close – it’s amazing how fast the time has flown!

How has our first year of homeschooling our kids in Israel been?

Wonderful!!!

That’s not to say that every day is perfect and I always accomplish what I want to, in the spirit that I want to accomplish it.  Not at all!  But what’s nice about homeschooling is that you don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be adequate and you’ll still have great results.  My overall feeling as I reflect on this past school year is one of relief to have reclaimed our family.

I started the year with an almost teenager who was very strongly opposed to being homeschooled – yes, I mean dd13.  She had no desire to spend all day with her five younger brothers, and I’m sure you can understand that.  I had been torn about homeschooling her since I feel strongly that kids this age should be on board.  However, I was convinced that homeschooling would be the best option for her and I overruled her preference as well as my hesitation.  That was a fantastic decision.

Dd13 has flowered.  There’s no other way to express what has happened this year.  She became very closed when she went into school after moving to Israel and her sense of herself just dropped.  It was hard to see her, knowing this wasn’t the real her, and despite me telling her teachers that she was reacting to the aliyah, I could tell they didn’t believe me.  Well, several of them have seen her this year and every single one has exclaimed with amazement about: her confidence, positive sense of herself, and how happy and at peace she seems.  Last week when a former teacher commented about how happy dd looked, she added, “You told us we weren’t seeing her real self, and now I see you were right.”

I’ve many times been told how special my oldest four kids are; just last night someone called to rave about dd17.  I tell everyone the truth, I did my part but they each had a big part in turning themselves into amazing people.  When dd13 was in school I would look at her and think, she’s not going to be able to access her inner potential if I leave her there and she’s not going to be able to be that amazing person she can be.  But now I’m hearing these positive comments about her, too.  This was my motivation for homeschooling her in spite of her opposition – to give her the chance she deserved to be her better self.

Dd13 has transformed herself from a resistant learner who had zero academic motivation, to someone who is highly intrinsically motivated.  She keeps track of everything she needs to do academically and rarely needs a reminder from me.  I recently asked her what else she’d like to learn and she told me she’d like more Torah content, so I’m in the process of increasing that for her.  I LOVE when kids take ownership of their learning – push it on them when they aren’t ready and you get resistance; wait for them to develop interest and watch them take off!

Ds11 has also done well.  He was under tremendous stress at school and the pressure was taking a big toll on him.  He has become much calmer and happier since being home, and is more amiable and easier to get along with.  He used to be very resistant to doing anything I asked, but he has become consistently helpful – he does lots of things every day to help out, whereas before if I asked for one thing a day, it entailed lots of complaining.  I love being able to see his good heart again.

There were some behavior issues that all improved significantly when we began homeschooling again.  Last year I was told by his teacher that he had psychological problems and needed psychiatric medication.  This was a decent person though he didn’t have the background nor training to make a statement like that; ignorance doesn’t seem to keep people from saying thoughtless and even dangerous things.  It seems like medicating issues is the preferred method in schools of dealing with kids who have some aspect of their behavior that is outside of a limited norm, rather than looking for the core concern and remediating that.

Psychological problems have never been the issue but after homeschooling this year it’s clear to me that I need to do something more to address an underlying need since he remains very emotionally sensitive.  A friend who does Brain Gym visited and we spent quite some time in the park watching our kids play.  She commented that she sees some signs of infant reflex integration issues in how he moves his body, and said he’s compensating at a very high level.  She attributed his compensating so well to the love and support he gets at home.

I’m glad we’ve gotten past the issues at school that have made seeing this possible.  As long as he was working so hard to hold it together with the stresses and strains there, we couldn’t have gotten to this point – the point of seeing we have a great kid who needs some targeted intervention.  He doesn’t have emotional problems, he doesn’t need therapy – he needs specific help in physically integrating the missing reflexes.  Though I’ve done a lot of research on this – it was actually the flip side of some research I did for Yirmi –  I’ve decided to turn to someone with many years of experience whose opinion I trust.  I’ve just submitted paperwork for an intake appointment with a neurodevelopmental therapist, who will be designing a customized program for him.  (To be clear, the comments above were from a friend and I don’t know yet the ND therapist’s thoughts on this; I’m sure that we will get more targeted and specific feedback since she is doing a formal and thorough assessment.)  I’m very optimistic about this.  If there becomes an issue of not enough time for everything, we have the flexibility to give priority to his program over his academics.

Ds11 made a huge leap with reading this year, going from a hesitant reader to reading all the time in his free time.  He made his first siyum on a seder of mishnayos, and is motivated to cover as many mishnayos as possible between now and his bar mitzva (just over a year from now).  His Hebrew comprehension is excellent and I can confidently send him to do errands for me, knowing that he can ask for what he needs in Hebrew if something isn’t clear.  He’s an extremely smart kid with a fantastic memory.

How have the younger three boys done?

Officially only ds8 is doing formal academics; he completes this pretty quickly and has plenty of time left over for play.  I wish people realized how important play is for a child’s development and learning.  We tend to think that learning is when they’re filling out workbooks and play is for the time left over, forgetting that for a child, his play is his work and his learning.  I’m glad our kids have time to be kids.  They grow up so fast…

We’ve enjoyed having a subscription to Discovery Education (I just saw that the current price is amazing, much less than we paid and we paid a heavily discounted price through Homeschool Buyer’s Coop – it’s making me think I should renew for another year at this price!).  Edited to add: Discovery Education is available as a free subscription through the end of the summer!  We signed up for the free trial last year to see if it would be a good fit for us before we spent any money on it and if you’re interested I suggest you do the same!

Usually twice  a week we watch some kind of Discovery educational program, usually based on a topic that the younger three boys ask me to learn more about. Today they asked to learn about beluga whales, so we watched a program about animals in the arctic during the summer time, then followed that with learning about how environmental pollution is affecting these whales.  They – along with the older kids – have learned an incredible amount this year and it’s all been so engaging!  Ds15 came home for Shabbos about mid year and exclaimed, “They turned into such homeschoolers!  How do they know so much?”

Not only do they know so much, what’s much more important to me is that they are kinder and nicer children than when they were in school.  This is particularly noticeable with ds6 and all the older kids have commented on how much more pleasant it is to be around the younger kids now.  Every single one of them thinks it’s great that their siblings are being homeschooled, and when at times I’ve wondered about if they’d be better off in school as far as learning Hebrew, my older kids are very quick to tell me how positive homeschooling is for them.

So about the Hebrew…my biggest concern, one that was new to me after all these years of homeschooling in the US, was about Hebrew language acquisition.  Other than ds8, none of the kids at home were fluent in Hebrew when beginning to homeschool – yes, that’s after 1.5 – 2 years of school for each of them.  When I start to worry about this, I have to remind myself to keep it in perspective. Other than having perspective 🙂 I do a couple of informal activities on a regular basis to help them develop their language skills.

I read children’s books with my younger boys in Hebrew daily; I read the Hebrew and then translate into English, sentence by sentence.  I can see a notable jump in the comprehension of ds6, who for the most part no longer needs me to translate.  He had an issue with fluids in his ears last winter that persisted for a long time that dramatically limited his hearing and I believe this is why he didn’t pick up Hebrew sooner.  (We just had his hearing tested this week and thank God, finally his hearing is normal again.)  He’s begun speaking Hebrew with friends in the park; he used to stay to himself.  I think he wasn’t confident about what was going on because he couldn’t hear well, but now is part of the gang.  Daily bike riding, ball playing, board games with friends – it’s very nice to see him take off.

Ds5 (he just had a birthday!) still needs translation but I hear him saying things in Hebrew to  friends who come here to play as well as when he goes to the park.  I’m not worried, it will come with time.  He seems to process auditory things well.

Their English comprehension and vocabulary is excellent.  I’d love to find some nice kids’ stories in Hebrew for them to listen to daily.  I had wanted to do this at the beginning of the year but didn’t end up following through on a couple of suggestions that were listed here in the comments section.  I need to go back and search, but am also open to any new suggestions if you have some!

I also speak to the kids sporadically in Hebrew during the course of each day.  The purpose of this isn’t to pretend to be a native Hebrew speaker, which I’m not.  It’s to accustom them to hearing Hebrew so they don’t develop a resistance or self-consciousness that comes from lack of exposure.  Of course, it also helps them learn common vocabulary and to respond to me in Hebrew without the pressure of making a mistake.

For myself, I feel like I lost sight a bit of the bigger vision of what kind of learning experience homeschooling can be.  Yes, they did well academically while being able to have plenty of time for friends and play time.  But it can be hard to hold on to the bigger picture during the day to day living and I also had a lot of my mental space taken up for months with our plans to move.  So now I’m taking some time to think about my deeper beliefs about homeschooling. I just ordered Natural Born Learners for my Kindle a couple of days ago when it was offered for free and am enjoying reading it.  So far I’ve found several essays to be by very well-thought out individuals as to what education is about, how it happens and what prevents meaningful learning.  I don’t agree with everything but enjoy challenging myself to think more broadly about learning and to think about how I can integrate some of these ideas in our home.

We plan to continue homeschooling everyone for the coming year.  The pressure to put Yirmiyahu in a therapeutic day care hasn’t abated but I have no doubt that our home is the best learning and living environment for him, just as it is for all the other kids at this point.  In another year we’ll reassess and see how everyone is doing.

Avivah

Creating an abundance mindset – how to upgrade your way of thinking

aliyah, homeschooling, marriage, parenting, personal development

Abundance quoteYesterday I spoke via teleconferencing at the Torah Home Education conference being held in New Jersy.  The topic of my talk was Creating an Abundant Life, a topic about which I have soooo much to say that a 50 minute session really isn’t enough.   Since my talk began late and I closed early for questions, that further cut down on what I shared.

I’m fine with that, though.  Before every talk that I give, I always ask God to help me say what people need to hear, and this cuts the post-speech obsessing about if what you did or didn’t say quite a bit.  I assume that if I shifted from my planned points and added something new or left things out that I thought were important, there’s a reason for it all.

Having said that, I thought I’d share a little on this topic today with you.

Everyone defines abundance differently, depending on who they are and what is a priority in his life.  To me, a life of abundance is when you are living with passion, a sense of purpose, inner peace and clarity.  It include relationships, wider contributions, time and money, but the specific definition really depends on the person.

Regardless of how you define abundance, it all begins in the mind.  We can live the same life from one day to another, and the only difference in feeling scarcity or abundance is in our thinking.  Here are some things that I’ve found helpful to shift your mindset to one of abundance.

1) Get rid of unrealistic expectations – be realistic of yourself and those in your life.  Expectations that aren’t in line with who you are become the equivalent of a mental pile of bricks, guaranteed to squash your motivation and self esteem.  It will do the same to your children.

2) Avoid silently competing and comparing.  This is so dangerous.  It’s a fine line to walk between being inspired by the actions and accomplishments of others and downgrading ourselves.  If you find yourself getting caught up in negative feelings when you see or view what someone else is doing, you need to consciously put a stop to this.

I used to read several issues at a time of a particular magazine and noticed that each time I was left with a negative and inadequate feeling about myself – reading interviews with so many accomplished people caused me to eclipse and negate my own accomplishments entirely.  I put those magazines aside for a long time entirely until I could create some healthy mental distance; now I can appreciate and even be inspired by someone else’s accomplishments without feeling it’s a reflection of me lacking in some way.

3)  Define your goal.  What do you really want?  Think hard about this because most of us are tempted to say what we think we’re supposed to say.  When you live life based on what’s important to you, you’re going to have a good measure of inner peace.  When you are living according to the goals of others, you’re setting yourself up for tremendous frustration.  Don’t adopt someone else’s goal – you can admire it from afar but be clear what really matters most to you and pursue that.

4) Fill your mind with gratitude. Keep your focus on what you have, not what’s missing.  Focusing on what you don’t have is a guarantee for a bitter and miserable life.  You may wonder how to focus on the positive when it seems there’s nothing good in your life – if you’re alive and able to read this or hear someone read this to you, you have things to be grateful for!

It can be hard to recognize the good if you’re used to looking at what you don’t have, but the more you look, the more you’ll find.  My life hasn’t been perfect and there have been and will continue to be small and large bumps along the road, but I often reflect on the overflowing blessings in my life and think: “Katonti mikol hachasidim umikol ha’emet asher asita et avdecha“(Bereishis/Genesis 32:10)- “I am too small for all the kindness and truth that You have done to your servant.” Here’s a beautiful version of this verse put to song – I love it:

5) Remember you have a Partner in your life.  Often we get caught up in thinking our future is in our hands and if we make a wrong step, we’re doomed.  That sounds like being responsible but it’s actually a lack of humility.  You can make mistakes and get great results in spite of it, and do everything by the books and your result isn’t what you hoped for.   Often success comes from an entirely different direction than where we’ve invested our time and efforts, and failure comes from where we had the highest expectations.  Do the best you can, and recognize that your Partner will make some changes to your plans.  Know that there’s a reason that He’s directing things in the way He is and it’s all for your ultimate good.

6) Trust that the end will be good.  It really will.  Sometimes there will be bumps on the road and the good will be temporarily obscured – sometimes it will seem it’s been permanently obscured – but keep believing in the good outcome.  Your belief is incredibly powerful.  Patience, humility and trust lead to wonderful results.

Avivah

Jerusalem area – evening of homeschooling inspiration – May 19

aliyah, homeschooling

I’m delighted to share with my Israel readers that if you’re interested in learning more about homeschooling and hearing about the nitty gritty details of what real life looks like on a day to day basis, now’s your chance!

On Monday evening, May 19, Sarah Kopp of Tzfat and I will be in the Jerusalem area and sharing about our years of homeschooling.  We’ll leave lots of time for questions though I’m afraid that there aren’t enough hours in the evening to talk about everything there is to talk about.  For that, we need a conference!  Actually, we probably need at least a week long retreat.  🙂

I’m going to be speaking next week on May 25 via teleconferencing about how to transform your homeschooling into a lifestyle of abundance at the Torah Home Education Conference, but will be speaking about a different topic here.  So if you’re registered there, don’t worry that you’ll be hearing me speak about the same thing.  🙂

You’re welcome to attend whether you’re currently homeschooling, planning to homeschool or wishing you could homeschool – or just curious!  Just be sure to get there on time, because we want to cram in as much as we can before you need to get home and get to sleep!

Here are details:

  • Date: May 19, 2014
  • Place: Telz Stone, 3 HaGra St. apartment #4
  • Time: 8:30 pm
  • 15 shekels per person

(I’ll post about bus info in the comment section for those who need that info.)

Looking forward to seeing some of you then!

Avivah