![Trust-the-timeing[1]](http://avivahwerner.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Trust-the-timeing1.jpeg)
When I was burned in the spring, I told myself I was going to make nurturing myself my top priority and that a weekly massage would be part of that. Well, I’m not so good at self-nurturing even when I’m trying and it took me seven months until I had my first massage last week!
After last week’s session my naturopath strongly recommended that I come back soon for another session since she noticed that I seemed restless even after the massage.
I scheduled the second session for today as a birthday gift to myself. Massage is such an amazing way to release tensions stored up in the body. I initiated these appointments because I’ve been feeling kind of flat lately. It’s like each trauma that I went through in the last three years took a piece out of me and now parts of me that made me who I am aren’t active in me anymore. I’ve been feeling like I should be actively and consciously moving towards a goal that I don’t have, and even if I did, I don’t have the energy or desire to take action on it.
The massage was once again wonderful but what was equally helpful was the conversation that preceded it. My naturopath listened to me describing how unsettled I’ve been feeling and then said, what strikes her is that I need a lot of quiet at this time in my life. I told her my life is very quiet now, only six kids are at home, everyone is healthy and doing well, my husband is working. She said I don’t seem to realize that my quiet life would be very busy to most people!
She said, “Think of yourself as having been on a three year journey. What does a person look and feel like at the end of a journey? They’re exhausted, their body aches all over and they need to rest. You don’t recover from a three year journey in two days. Well, you’ve just gone through three years of serious challenges and you have to give yourself time to regroup.”
Her encouragement was to make self-care my top priority and let go of the feeling that there are other things I should be doing now other than taking care of myself and my family. It was incredibly validating, because my feeling has been that I just can’t take on anything else right now even though I think I should. It was so validating to hear someone tell me that it’s appropriate and healthy to slow down at this point. This is what I needed – not encouragement to believe in myself, to go for my dreams, to make something happen – but permission to take life slow, for someone to tell me that I’m not being lazy or unmotivated but that this is what I should be doing right now.
She reassured me that when the time is right, I’ll once again have the focus and direction to do the things I want to do, I’ll know what they are and move directly towards them but now isn’t the time for it.
You know, I tell others things like this regularly but somehow it’s hard to tell yourself these things even when you know they’re true. It was much more powerful and helpful coming from her, trusting not only her life experience but someone outside of you can often see things about you much more clearly than you can.
Sometimes I look around and it seems so many people are accomplishing wonderful things – it looks like I’m staying in place while they’re moving forward. Today I was reminded to trust life’s timing; when something is meant to happen, it will happen without having to be forced. The perfect birthday message!
Avivah
I’d have to agree you’re on the right track but it’s not easy to maintain that point of view even once you reach it. Hatzlachah!
It’s so true, Sharon! This life balance can be an elusive thing to maintain since the parameters of life are continually shifting.
Avivah, this is so true and it really spoke to me right now (and I’m sure to many others as well). Even when you are “just” taking care of yourself and your family, you always seem to be reaching out and affecting many other people just by sharing your wisdom and experiences. And even if you stopped reaching out for a while and focused only on your personal circle and your own well-being without sharing, that is also very powerful example. Keep doing what you’re doing! 🙂
Thank you, Yael! Blogging for me is in the category of taking care of myself and my family; I don’t perceive that as something that makes demands of me. If I were to say I have to build my blog numbers up to xyz and bring in this amount of monthly income and produce xyz products, that would be a stress for me at this time.
Aviva, firstly happy birthday! I wanted to say I actually completely disagree with you—you ARE moving forward and up by slowing down and taking care of yourself! Can you imagine what would happen if you kept chugging and going and going and going? You’d chas v’shalon run out if steam. I look forward to seeing you at the top 🙂
Take care of yourself 🙂 rest, refuel, recoop, reenergize and feel good!
Thank you for the birthday wishes, Liat! Birthdays can be challenging when you look back at the last year and feel you haven’t accomplished anything since your last birthday so I really needed this reminder. In the eastern world there’s a belief that life is lived in seasons (eg there’s a time for raising children which is followed by the next season of a different kind of accomplishment) but in the western world we try to live all seasons at one time. I agree with the eastern way of thinking on this but live in the western world and have internalized those expectations to a degree.
I agree with you – Steven Covey who wrote the Seven Habits puts self-renewal as the seventh critical habit and calls it sharpening the saw. You can’t keep chopping down a tree without taking time to sharpen your saw or you’ll be less effective and wear yourself and your tool down.
Happy Birthday!
Here’s something I do to keep perspective in my life. Think about my situation, and then pretend that it’s actually my best friend’s situation. What advice would I give my best friend? That’s the advice I need to take.
The wisdom is within you all along, sometimes you just need to reframe it in order to access it. This simple reframing exercise is one of the most powerful tools I have in my “coping kit”. I hope it helps you, too!
Happy birthday and may Hashem bless you and you’ll find the balance again soon.
Happy birthday!!! Thanks for a very timely and important insight.
Happy Birthday Avivah!
Thanks for all you write and share… Mazel tov on your birthday, ad 120 surrounded by your loving family!