I’ve discovered a song that I’ve fallen in love with. Really.
This uplifting and inspiring song (the only kind of song I like:) ) is ‘If I Were Brave’, by Jana Stanfield. In this song she asks the question, “What step would I take today if I were brave?”
This is a powerful question and there are different answers for every person, and different answers even for me on different days. I want to share my recent leap of courage with you.
Actually, sharing with you is brave, too, because I’m going outside of my preference to keep things to myself until there’s a successful resolution. I’m willing to share about this now because the victory isn’t in the having but in the doing, in being willing to stretch outside of my comfort zone.
Having said that, here’s my action….
I’m applying for a TED Fellowship.
In case that doesn’t mean anything to you, I’ll very briefly explain. There is an annual TED conference held each year in the US; twenty Fellows are chosen to present at the conference.
How did I decide to do this? Well, it wasn’t exactly because I wanted to, since my voice of fear was strong enough to drown out any other voice. But the divine timing made it clear I needed to recognize a serious nudge from the universe for what it was.
So about that divine timing.
Recently I was watching several TED talks on parenting, and commented that it’s a shame that none of those presenters had much experience as parents. My nineteen year old daughter asked me, “How do people apply to speak there?”, and I told her, “I don’t think they apply, they’re probably chosen based on being well-known in some way already.”
Early the next morning I woke up to a Facebook message by an organizer of one of my recent talks, sent less than thirty minutes after the exchange between my daughter and I.
On my screen was a link to apply to TED, followed by the comment, “Avivah – I think you should really apply for becoming a TED Fellow.” I could almost hear the Twighlight Zone music playing in the background.
Even though I love speaking and I love inspiring people, my first thought was, “Absolutely not.” Followed by, “I can’t.” Followed by, “They’ll never choose me anyway so why should I bother?”
I’ve had growing awareness of some of my subtle strategies to keep myself in my comfort zone, along with the sometimes uncomfortable clarity that I need to start letting go of these habits. Those knee jerk responses I just shared with you? Yep, my way of staying right where I am! Have you ever done something similar?
The timing combined with the internal work I’m doing was sending me a pretty clear message. I bounced the idea off of some people for their perspective, and far from telling me it was too much of a reach for me, they all thought it was obvious I needed to apply! (Garumph, why are these things so blindingly obvious to other people??)
You can not imagine how much courage I had to continually summon up during this application process. I am seriously proud of myself for getting that application in!
My focus isn’t on the end result. Of course I would be honored to be chosen and would love to present on the TED stage. But I already won the invisible battle with myself – well, this round, anyway.