About six weeks ago, I took Facebook off my phone, inspired by a documentary I didn’t yet watch – The Social Dilemma – and a couple of others that I did watch when I was searching for the first. I looked at my online usage and asked myself how much value it was adding to my life.
Very little.
In fact, I can definitively point to when I joined Facebook several years ago as the time that I ‘lost my voice’. I’ve always been a strong proponent of standing up for your beliefs and being willing to say what needs to be said, with your name attached.
And then I joined Facebook, with the intention of increase the outreach of my blog and my services as a parenting consultant.
Almost immediately I felt different. Everyone was sharing their opinions, almost always in a very short and superficial way. And there was so much criticism and harshness and judgment. Despite years of blogging publicly, my desire to communicate online shrank dramatically.
Whenever I had a technical issue that limited my computer usage, I noticed within a day or two that I felt significantly more relaxed and present. And each time the issue would be resolved, I felt almost disappointed to go back to my regular online use. I’ve shared about that experience here.
Back to six weeks ago. I use my laptop very irregularly these days, and knew that when I had time on the laptop, it would be very limited and it would be much easier to moderate the time spent on Facebook than on my phone. So it was off my phone and that translated to very minimal social media usage.
It has been so good. I periodically jump on, check in on my gardening group, say congratulations to a person or two, and get off. It’s great.
I’ve watched Facebook becoming increasingly regulatory of the content allowed. My own personal development path has led me to work very, very much on releasing control and shifting to building relationship and trusting the good intention of others. I strongly disagree with attempting to control others on every level: as a parent, in marriage, in communities, and on a national and international political level. The social media attempts to control conversations is inherently disrespectful and dysfunctional.
Additionally, I’ve read a lot of history, particularly about Soviet Russia and World War II/ Nazi Germany. Censorship of this sort hasn’t been part of the good side of history (to put it mildly) and is deeply concerning.
When I made the decision to dramatically shift away from Facebook (and again now when making the decision to completely jump ship) it initially felt intimidating to step away from because when you’re online, it feels like a part of your real world.
But you know what?
It’s really not. Your online world is very much not real life, and when you get away from it a bit, that becomes so clear.
There are undoubtedly some helpful aspects – several of my groups have been a wonderful source of information. But it’s been very freeing to be so independent of the views and emotions of others, not to see the latest news or the attacks on our fellow humans…the world feels so much more hopeful and beautiful.
Each of us has the same twenty four hours in a day. How do you want to spend them? What makes your life feel meaningful and productive? What makes you feel most content inside yourself?
I want to live consciously and that means choosing what comes into my life consciously. I want to live in alignment with my beliefs, not to short-sell myself for the paltry conveniences offered in exchange for my time and life energy. So I’m choosing to delete my social media accounts – since Facebook has purchased WhatsApp, I’ll be closing my account on both platforms.
Of course, I’ll still be here!
Avivah
Thank you! I needed to read exactly this! I am going to take it off my phone now!
Done! Avivah, thank you for always being a positive force in my life!
Wow, amazing, Shoshana! I’m always so impressed by your integrity.
Kol hakavod to you!!!!
I love this! I never had facebook and am so disappointed in the recent decision of Whatsapp to join with them. I support everything you said, and am so happy to see you are continuing to be a strong guiding force for living in concert with your principles. I miss you!
JULIE!!!!! Can I send you a huge happy hug that you’re here?!? Send me a long juicy email and update me on how you’re doing!
I just learned that the founders of Whatsapp originally stayed on when they were bought out but then left when they learned about the plans that the owner of FB had. It wasn’t created to be what it’s becoming, and it’s so freeing to just say, goodbye. I put Signal on last night and in the next couple of days should be able to delete WhatsApp, once I’ve let my contacts know.
That why I love shabbess!!!
One day without computer , phone, tablet, youtube….
We are blessed…the general population is being advised to set aside a screen free day. So good for mental health!
Kol hakavod! I have never joined any social media sites as such, due to my husband’s deep disapproval of them, and the more I hear, the happier I am with my decision.
I was never interested in them, until it seemed that professionally it was a move that needed to be made. It was beneficial in that regard, but I lost too much of myself in certain ways. Not worth the price. Better to have fewer clients and more integrity with myself.
Would you share some of the documentaries that you found that influenced this decision? I’d love to watch a few. I do know about the social dilemma, but haven’t had a chance to watch it yet.
Let me look them up and get back to you… I think one was called, Childhood 2.0 but I’ll have to check.
Here are both of them: https://kellythekitchenkop.com/the-social-dilemma-and-childhood-2-0/
Awesome, Kel, I love seeing that you wrote about the same topic!
Childhood 2.0 – not to watch with your children! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He3IJJhFy-I
Teens, Social Media and Technology – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqamKb7gTWY
Plugged In – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHzwMLx-rKc
When you pull up the above documentaries, similar subject matter will come up. The first two were specifically regarding kids and teens, but The Social Dilemma is more a general documentary. Though I didn’t watch it, I did go to the website to see what their suggestions were.
Here’s a podcast I enjoyed this week – How and Why You Should Quit Social Media with Cal Newport, author of Digital Minimalism (which I just ordered) and Deep Work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlBV_CDvuYs.
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Thanks! These should keep me busy for a while. 😁
As someone who prefers-and so much appreciates-your online blog, I say “good for you”. Facebook is, and has always been “rented real estate”- you are a guest in their house and must follow their rules. Your own personal blog? *You* own that and can make your own rules.
Keep posting here: even though you and I have totally different lives ( me: childless gentile in USA) …I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog. I have gained so much general wisdom from it.
Know that you reach people of all stripes and that our commonalities are greater than our differences!
-Deb Seymour, A Grateful Reader
Seattle, WA 🙂
Thank you so much for your message, Deb! It really warms my heart. I so much agree with you that people are much more the same than different, and that’s so important to remember at a time that it seems the media is intent on highlighting with laser focus the differences and fanning the flames of hostility.
It’s been amazingly freeing to have left FB. My head is so much quieter and more focused, I feel much more present and like I’m living real life instead of a shadow life in front on the computer, peering into other peoples’ windows.
As far as owning my blog – that is true to a degree but recent events have shown clearly that censorship is alive and well and I have no faith that if I were to share an opinion deemed unpopular or undesirable regarding certain topics, that I could find myself blocked on my own personally funded website – it’s happened to others. 🙁 At the risk of sounding cynical, I’ll say that freedom of speech is a nice idea but no longer a reality.