Here’s a letter that a good friend sent to her parents after her first week of homeschooling.  She shared it with me, and I asked her if I could share it with you (with personal details edited out), because I think it is encouraging to hear from someone who shares what her life was like with all of her children in school.

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>> It’s Thursday night, we’re coming to the end of our first week of homeschooling. It has been more of a pleasure then I could ever hope to describe. I can’t even believe that we could be privileged enough to be able to do this.

There is simply no comparing between school life and this life. Well, there is comparing, but the differences are so vast it’s hard to find anything that’s similar.

In school life you wake all the kids up they moan and groan and fight you. They beg for a day off. They fret about undone homework. Despite your efforts and early rising there is always some mad dash to get to school on time as you try to feed and dress all the kids and pack them in the car with one lunch and 4 snacks each.

And then they’re off; leaving you to pray that they have a good day even though one out of eight is bound to be overtired and one is anxious about a test or homework or a friend and none of the teachers know any of this though they’ll be with your kids for the next 7 hours.

Then it’s on to the kitchen and how did it get messy in such a short amount of time and why is the nurse’s office calling me when I just sat down for a coffee and will I be on time for the baby’s doctor appointment if I wash the dishes first and Oh! my husband just came back from shul!

The day is full of cleaning and errands and making supper so that everything will be just right for when your sweet children walk through the door.

You drive around the neighborhood 5 times doing carpools and when the afternoon is over and you feel like you’re ready to take a nap that’s when…THE KIDS COME HOME! And no amount of preparation on your part can help the fact that they’re tired, wound up and need you. I mean they ALL NEED YOU.

We all wind down over supper and the mood mellows. The little ones go and play and anyone age 5 and up has homework to do. You really don’t get to be little for very long these days! Heaven forbid getting involved in a good book or inviting a friend would come over. I wish I was using poetic license here but it’s just the facts. After this whole day of tight adherence to bells, rules, assignments, tests and sitting still there is still more to be done. A LOT MORE. And it can’t be done alone, never mind that the baby would love to play outside or that your young ones desperately need attention or that your preteen could use a new pair of shoes. If you have any qualifications as a mother or father you sit down and do the homework with the kids!

Bedtime – “But I didn’t even have time to play, Mommy! “ Hmmm, I think one hour a day of play is not enough for an eight year old. But I say instead, “Come, I’ll sit with you on your bed, you have to go to sleep, you have another big day of school tomorrow.” We sit and talk and all the while I’m thinking “How much longer?” because there’s still so much to do and I’m thinking of the hours of homework support that I’m needed for downstairs.

When the big kids go to bed, I come to their rooms for a few treasured moments and at last they relax after a whole day and they have so much to say and so many things to show me and the kitchen is so MESSY again and I’m so tired! But I stay and talk because I really really love them and that’s what love looks like. But they know somehow that I’ve got one foot out the door ready to prepare for another day of school and I’m really wanting to just sit and catch up with my husband.

I’m painting this picture with honest strokes. This is my experience. Times are different then when I was raised. The academic pressure just knocks the wind out of family life. And I know it’s not unique to my family. This is the life that most people have come to accept. A compromise for a greater cause at best, a shameful waste of the gift of parenting and childhood at worse.

Have you heard this line uttered by many a frustrated parent “This is not a hotel!”? Well, to the kids it may as well be. They’re away from the house all day and just want to relax when they come back, why should they care about making a mess? How much do they have invested in it?

How many of children’s behavior problems are brought home from school?  My answer based on experience is “almost all.” It’s intense finding your way around 30 kids all your age who all want to be liked the best and be the best at ball and be the teacher’s favorite and be the best student. Everyone’s vying for the same elusive prize and there isn’t enough to go around.

I know this sounds frenzied. And to me it is the equivalent of being in a pressure cooker. But you’d never know. We had plenty of laughs and my face was smiling. But now, feeling the contrast; my entire body, my entire being is at peace. Life is work, hard work and it should be, but pressure filled? It’s like driving with your parking brake on. It just drags you down and holds you back.

And now, one glorious week of homeschooling. What can I say? I’m so relaxed, the kids are so relaxed. They settle down to work with a certain zeal. They enjoy each other. The little ones are elevated by sitting around the table working with their older siblings. The boys go to minyan so proudly with my husband. Today he took over teaching the girls chumash while I cooked for Shabbos.

My 6 year old is in heaven coloring while I teach her about Rosh Hashana. She is progressing so fast in her reading skills that I can barely believe it. At 6:00 someone stopped by and I actually schmoozed with them. I stopped by a neighbor’s house today and sat down!

Bedtime is not a chore. We’ve been together the whole day and everyone’s needs have been met, it’s the natural end of the day. The kids are learning alot although I’ll be increasing their load over the next couple of weeks.

The Rebbe works with our boys’ personalities and they love their learning. And suddenly there is so much time in the day! We’ve accomplished so much by lunchtime that we’re constantly surprised that we have another 8 hours of the day.

We’re still in development and I think we’ll always be. There’s just so much still for me to learn and adjustments need to be made constantly. But the framework is there. I can work like this. I’m full, my husband is content, and the kids can be kids again.

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It really thrills me when someone gets to experience for themselves the joy of homeschooling. As I’ve said before, you can try and try to describe it, but there’s nothing like having the experience for yourself!

Avivah