Our lawn mower broke a week or so before I had the baby, and though I’ve very much wanted to get one, it wasn’t at the very top of the list of priorities for the first two weeks postpartum.  But finally yesterday I went to buy one from someone on CL (I decided on one with a bagger so that I can easily catch the grass clippings for my garden as fertilizer).

When I do errands, I usually ask a specific child or two if they want to go with me, and yesterday I invited one child to come along. But as so often happens, three others chimed in asking if they could come, too (the two little ones would have come, too, but they were due for a nap).  I was thinking about how grateful I am that my kids like spending time with me, even if it means a long, boring drive in a hot van.  And I enjoy spending time with them as well.

So many times people ask about how I get anything done if my kids are around all day long.  Part of this question is how you get things done around the house, and that’s a topic for a different post.  The second part is how you get things done that require you to be out and about.  There seems to be an idea that errands done with your kids along must mean stress and aggravation for the parent and children.  While it’s definitely true that whatever you need to do will probably take longer when your kids are with you, there’s no reason that the time out should be unpleasant for you or your kids.  

Taking your kids with you to various places is the ideal way to teach them how to behave when in a store, a doctor’s office, when visiting the elderly.  They don’t learn about it from sitting at home and hearing you theorize about how to act in public.  Kids don’t instinctively know how to behave in different situations – it’s our active guidance and training that make the difference.  Grocery shopping can be fun for kids!  And if you’ve taught them to act nicely – no running, no yelling and whining, no grabbing things, no asking you repeatedly to buy them every treat they see – it should be enjoyable for you, too! (And a nice side benefit is that they can learn alot about math, pricing, sales, nutritional value of different foods, and anything else you want to integrate into your outings.)

For years I took all six of my kids with me everywhere I went (my oldest turned 13 shortly after ds3 was born, the legal age to leave him with younger children, and at that point I was finally able to run out to the supermarket without taking everyone).  My husband didn’t have a schedule that allowed him to be available to be home with the kids so I could go out.  But I didn’t see going out with my kids as a burden, and I didn’t view taking them to the dentist with too differently than taking them to the zoo.  They were all opportunities for an experience of it’s own and time together as a family.  Well behaved children are a pleasure to spend time with, and we’ve received a lot of positive feedback over the years when out in public. 

Practically speaking, it helps to have something enjoyable to listen to in the car on your way to and from your destination – parsha cassettes, Jewish story cassettes, and audio books have been what we’ve enjoyed during our many drives.  It helps the time fly by, and sometimes someone will want to come somewhere with me just because they want to hear more of a certain story (this was the motivation of dd12 in coming along yesterday). 

Always take along food and water, and I’ve found it’s best to take more than you think you’ll need.  Hungry or thirsty children are naturally going to be cranky, and errands often take longer than you expect, particularly when you’re not prepared!  I like to take along an extra outfit for the youngest kids, because it keeps me from being cranky when someone spills something all over themselves or someone falls in the mud. 

It’s also helpful to take along a roll of toilet paper or a towel in case of a mess, and a couple of empty plastic bags to keep the garbage contained when in the car. I had one child who always got carsick and would throw up every time we went anywhere – I quickly learned to take a plastic basin lined with a plastic bag, along with some extra bags and an extra set of clothes for him (the first time it happened I was out all day and had to stop at a thrift store to buy him new clothes).  Once I started doing this, it significantly reduced the frustration of the situation.  I also at one time had a container of candied ginger (good for reducing nausea), but when it was finished, I didn’t buy more (now that it’s the summer, I’ll get some more, since car sickness seems to be more of an issue in hot weather).  You can also take along fresh ginger – dd12 is going on a several hour long drive later today and will take a piece along in case she needs it. 

Also, keep in mind your child’s sleeping and eating schedule.  If your toddler regularly naps after lunch, don’t think you can take him out without unpleasant consequences later on.  Do your outings early in the day or after his nap, when he’s well rested – it will be a lot more pleasant for everyone.  Try to time things so that you’re home for your regular mealtimes, unless you want to have a picnic in lieu of a regular meal. 

If you know you’ll be sitting around waiting for a while (like a doctor’s office), take a book you can read to them or a game for them to play with.  I had some useful manipulatives and learning tools that came in handy at these times.  It’s a shame to waste opportunities like these. When the kids are older, have them bring something they’ll enjoy; it’s good for them to take responsibility for their own entertainment.  Word find and crossword puzzle books are useful for times like this.  Being prepared for various eventualities makes a big difference.

Avivah