>> my biggest question for you is — how do you get your kids to actually concentrate on doing their work? I find that if I just give them something to do without sitting right next to them, they get distracted within the first few minutes, and before I know it, they are drawing on the sides of their notebooks, or reading something else (the 8 y.o.). Did you do anything to increase their attention span? Or is it just my kids that have attention problems? I remember myself in elementary school doing the same thing. It would take me forever to do my homework because in between the two lines that I was supposed to write in my notebook I would spend twice as much time drawing. I guess my kids got it in the genes.<<

There are a few aspects to this answer.  First of all, I really believe very, very strongly in getting your kids on board with whatever you’re doing.  I don’t want them to feel like I’m constantly strong arming them into doing what I want, regardless of their feelings.  So I talk with them at the beginning of each school year about what they want to accomplish academically, and how they want to accomplish it.  I tell them what I want to see them accomplish, what my guidelines are, and why.  A child who thinks what he is doing is relevant and valuable is less likely to dawdle than one who feels there’s not much of a point to what they’re being requested to do.  So getting kids to buy into your vision, and them making it their vision, is the most important part of getting them motivated.

For example, I’ve told them that I feel strong reading skills are very important, and explained why.  Then we discuss how it helps to have good reading skills.  That would be part of getting them on board, helping them to understand where I’m coming from, and they realize it benefits them to develop certain skills.  Then I ask them if they think these are good goals, and ask them how they think they can accomplish them.  I let them know that there’s no pressure on them to come up with an academic plan, and that I can provide them with a curriculum that I’ve designed based on what I think will be good for them, but I’m open to their thoughts and ideas.  Often they’ve said they didn’t care for the books I chose, and gave me suggestions for other books they’d enjoy more.  And I’ve generally accepted their ideas – even if the selections weren’t as challenging as mine – because getting my kids to feel responsible and involved in their education is important to me. 

Second of all, I try to be flexible and realistic about what is appropriate for my kids at each stage. Sometimes a lot of resistance and conflict occurs because a parent is expecting too much of a child.  I see this a lot with homeschoolers, particularly those who are in the first couple of years and haven’t yet found their balance.  Even a motivated child can get worn out and spacey if they’re doing more than what is right for them.  But assuming your expectations are reasonable (and this should be based on who your child is, not what they would be doing in school which is much less relevant than most parents think), sometimes kids space out and take a long time to do things.  It’s not a big deal.  I’m not motivated in every area of my life every day – are you?  And when I have to do something I don’t really want to do, I can procrastinate a lot.  Kids are the same way.

Practically speaking, look around through their eyes.  Is there something very distracting going on?  Are younger siblings running around and making lots of noise?  Are you talking on the phone?  Do they need a work space of their own in a quiet part of the house?  Or maybe they need to have play time before they’re ready for seat work?  Maybe you can change the order of how their time is scheduled.

When it comes to how they spend their time, my kids’ time is mostly their own (I have expectations for chores or other help in the course of a day in addition to academics, but that’s not most of the day).  They can take five hours to copy a few sentences or they can take fifteen minutes.  Sometimes someone balks (this is almost always one of the kids in the 7 – 9 yr age range).  Sometimes I step back to think about if I’m expecting too much; if I think a break would be good, I change my expectation for them.  Sometimes I think they need to develop more perserverance and learn to do things even when it’s not fun, and then I remind them that it’s their choice how much time they spend on their academic work, not mine.  And I remind them that they also are choosing how much time they’ll have later in the day to do fun things, according to how they spend their morning time. 

As a parent, I have to remember that this is their issue, not mine.  I don’t generally have a lot of emotion tied up into how fast or slow anyone does what they have to do; as long as it’s eventually done, it’s fine with me.  We have to be careful not to negatively judge our children because they seem slow or unfocused or lacking in some way.  Kids grow up and mature into better skills, unless they’ve learned that slow and unfocused is what you expect them to be and they continue to play that role to meet your expectations.

So there’s no quick way for me to tell you to get your kids motivated.  It’s a process based on understanding, respect, and communication (like everything, really!).  But give your kids trust, time, and space to grow, and you’ll see them develop skills and abilities that will make you smile. 🙂

Avivah