I received the following two questions within a few days of each other – since they deal with very similar concerns, I’ll respond to them both here. (I apologize that I wasn’t able to answer these before Pesach, as I intended.)
a) >>I’m writing to ask what the general Orthodox Jewish opinion is on homeschooling. You see, since starting to read your blog, and meeting a homeschooling family in person last year, I’m really interested in the possibility of homeschooling my future children. However, I’m in the process of converting to Judaism, and most people with whom I’ve talked about it tell me that at the time of conversion I’ll have to commit to sending my children to day school and homeschooling will thus not be an option. I was wondering if you knew anything about converts and homeschooling or if you had any any advice or reading material or knew anyone I could talk to about this.<<
b) I am curious about home schooling as a frum (my translation:Orthodox) family. We are frum and I am actually in the process of conversion. We used to homeschool before we started the conversion process and we miss it terribly. My daughter is doing well academically but she just wasn’t designed for “school.” I guess I am wondering how you deal with the people who think that you MUST send your children to a religious day school. Also are you part of a frum community, are there others that homeschool as well?<<
The Jewish Orthodox community has more to gain potentially than any other community in this country by embracing home education, in my opinion. I believe that the single biggest stressor on the community is paying tuition for children to attend religious schools, schools which are viewed as an absolute necessity to raising children with Torah values. However, despite the potential gains in many, many ways, there generally is a negative view of homeschooling in the Orthodox community. This isn’t reflective of the results homeschooling families have had – the mindset comes from ignorance for the most part – but it does reflect how important the schools are in our communities.
Someone who is converting to Judaism will be asked to commit to living a Torah life and educating their children according to Torah guidelines. When potential converts are asked to commit to sending their children to yeshivas, I believe it’s important to understand the intent and spirit of the request. They can ask about other ways that they can honor that intent, such as by home educating. The rabbis involved in conversion recognize the huge changes the convert is willing to make in his life, and also recognize that a parent who hasn’t grown up with certain knowledge will have a hard time conveying that to a child without outside support, regardless of his level of commitment or desire. Sending a child to a yeshiva is widely considered the way all children in our community can best be educated in the Torah way.
Now, I obviously don’t agree that it’s the only or best way, and I also believe that educating one’s child/ren at home is fully in accord with a Torah world view. There are rabbis spoke at last year’s Torah Home Education Conference, and others who will speak at this year’s conference. I’d strongly encourage you to attend if it’s at all feasible – all of the speakers are Orthodox and you’ll be able to hear rabbis strongly promoting home education. You can also approach those speaking or in attendance and get feedback about your personal situation. It will be hugely encouraging to you to meet families who have made this choice and hear how they deal with the concerns of making a non-mainstream choice that tends to be frowned upon.
It is very, very important to have a solid relationship with a rabbinical advisor, someone who knows you well. This is because if your rabbi understands who you are, what your motivations are, your level of commitment to a Torah life, and knows you are sincere in all of this, he is more likely to be open to dialogue with you about home education. The rabbis simply want to ensure that your children will be learning what they need in order to feel like members of the community and later give that over to their own children.
I know personally an instance in which a family had been homeschooling their children for a number of years and one parent wanted to convert (the other was Jewish and had become more observant). They were philosophically committed to homeschooling and didn’t want to send their children to school as a proof of their commitment to live a Torah life. This was somewhat a deterrent to the conversion, but the rabbis took lots of time to ascertain the intentions and sincerity of the parents and eventually agreed. They had the support of their rabbi, which was critical. (To the person who asked question A – email me at avivahwerner AT yahoo DOT com and I can send you the name and number of the rabbi who guided them.)
As far as my personal experience: yes, I do live in a large religious community. There are other home educating families here, which is part of why I chose this community when we moved here eight years ago. However, we are very much in the minority and homeschooling still is widely misunderstood.
How do I deal with people who believe you have to send your children to school? Pretty easily :lol:. It’s helpful to learn to be an advocate for yourself and that means being able to effectively communicate your position – or choose not to engage in conversation when it will be unproductive. Though I generally get a lot of positive feedback regarding our choice to educate our children at home, not all homeschoolers share my experience. It depends a lot on your confidence, and honestly, how you and your kids present.
Just tonight someone called me who I haven’t spoken to for a couple of years. She told me she recently saw my oldest son (age 16) and he made such a good impression – she “can’t believe a homeschooler looks like that”, and went on to detail some positives about him. 🙄 Yes, this kind of comment reveals the perspective towards home education of the person speaking. This particular woman is a teacher in a local high school and as she was speaking recognized how close-minded she sounded, and told me that people like her are very skeptical about homeschooling. But when people see home educated kids who are friendly, well-behaved, and well-educated, it starts to change their perspective. (This particular person even said she wants to get parenting lessons from me, lol!)
So to sum up, if you really feel that home education is a path you’d like to explore for your family now or in the future, I don’t think that conversion necessitates giving that up. It will be challenging – very challenging – to pursue homeschooling in the context of conversion, but it’s possible.
Avivah
Avivah,
Every family I know that chose conversion and had previously hschooled was forced to stop and send the kids to “right-wing” yeshivot (sigh). One family was so committed to hschooling, they opted not to convert, but remain Noahides. It’s unheard of in this part of the frum velt for a potential convert to be allowed to continue homeschooing. Sad, but true. Even if the mother is already Jewish; they will hold it over the family’s head to do the conversion for the dad.
We were told unequivocally that the ONLY way for a child to become part of klal yisrael was to attend torah day school (!!!!!!). B”H I converted as a single person and not as a wife/mother, so the direct question never came up as to whether I intended to send my children to day school, but I know this question HAS BEEN ASKED of converts that are already married/with children.
The RCA also officially states that parents of adopted children must commit to “12 years of Orthodox day school education for that child.” B”H at the beis din for my two adopted children this question did not come up!! I don’t know what I would have done. At the time my oldest was 5, so not having her in day school would have been seen as odd, but not yet egregious. I was just relieved that I didn’t have to go into it at all…
(And, just to clarify, the 5-year-old is the older sister to the two adopted ones and her bio brother!)
In general, I agree… but I have a friend whose family converted from evangelical xtianity, and while they believed in the Torah, culturally they kept many of their xtian beliefs (the supremacy of the dh, child rearing practices that we consider abusive, attitudes that our community doesn’t have a context for, really). It was not a good situation, and homeschool only exacerbated it, because the family didn’t have sufficient exposure to how the rest of the community lived. While I absolutely agree that the frum community can only benefit from embracing homeschooling, and for the children of converts to maintain their hs lifestyle, there needs to be a support network for it so that families who are Jewish by choice don’t fall through the cracks, and acculturate as well as convert. To establish that network we need to keep doing what we are doing, and the rest will follow. 🙂
Or is there a faster way?
Malkie, don’t you think there are other ways to integrate and learn those attitudes except school (especially since all the examples you gave are relevant to adults, not children)? I agree that there needs to be a way to become familiar with Torah living, but what about shuls, relationships with other families, shiurim, mentoring, etc? I also agree about the concern that families can slip through through the cracks without the school requirement – but there are people falling through as a result of those requirements as well. Life is definitely not black and white and I don’t know if there’s any surefire answer except to have a strong personal relationship with a rav, who can guide and advise a person, understanding where they’re coming from as well as where they want to get to. I also think every family who converts/becomes religious would benefit hugely by being assigned a mentor family, though logistically this could be challenging to set up.
I just can’t personally get my head around the idea that a parent can’t homeschool simply because they have converted – it goes against my entire way of thinking.
I’d love to hear how you would respond to the above questions!
As a person who has worked with conversion candidates, it is my very humble opinion that a convert might be possible for them to partially homeschool (secular studies), but without significant Jewish knowledge (practical as well as book learning from chevrusas, Yeshiva/Seminary time), acclimating their children to what a “normal” Jewish child learns might be difficult. Many/most converts are not able to go learn full time and may bot be able to stay ahead of their children in learning.
Many of my BT friends feel the same way about their children. They say they would feel comfortable teaching secular subjects but not Rashi, Chumash, Mishna, etc as they never were able to go and learn. Learning how to learn isn’t so easy. I feel blessed beyond belief that I got over a year of full time learning at Midreshet Rachel — without that I do not believe I would have felt that I could do my children right with their education as Jews. Neither my husband nor I are FFB but we were able to go and learn in Israel and we can give our children what we have learned (both in Yeshiva/Midrasha as well as the many years of post-Israel learning and immersion in several strong communities). And I realize there are things my children will not get by going to school.
All right, I’ve said my piece. Fire away!
Here’s the thing– I completely agree with you. School isn’t the answer for all converts. I’ve worked with converts in a number of different contexts (including giving classes) and while many acculturate very quickly, I see how difficult acculturation is for a few, usually those from heavy-duty evangelical backgrounds. I’m not suggesting that all converts be forced to submit their children to a Yeshiva education! Anything but!! I know quite a few successful hs converts, and they are fabulous people doing a great job! Just that in some cases, it’s not such a bad idea, because it forces the family to interact with the community– something that for whatever reason, they choose to avoid.
It’s true, a convert family can meet other people in shul, and be invited over, but if you feel something “off”, you may not invite them back, and then they don’t have a chance to learn more. Classes are good, but it’s not enough, there really needs to be a relationship that an hour or two a week just won’t create. The mentor idea is fabulous, but as I said, a really good hs infrastructure would make a giant difference there, and we are a long way away from that, in the US, anyway. Here in Israel it’s a little easier, I think.
On the other hand, perhaps this could all be avoided if Rabbanim knew more about the backgrounds that their people came from. Those from secular backgrounds are going to have different issues and beliefs than those from Catholic backgrounds than those from evangelical backgrounds. Helping the cultural paradigm shift to happen before conversion would really be for the best!
Whether or not you believe that homeschool or day school is best (or perhaps you are like me and say it depends, but believe that greater family time is essential), day school is extremely costly and at the rate things are going, likely unsustainable for the masses. I have found that educators and administrators are simply married to convention (convention not having a particularly long history). But I guess I still harbor the hope that leadership will see what I believe to be true vis a vis (un)sustainability and start to offer real support for families that want or need to step outside of the current conventional system. The cost of living a “proper” frum life is astounding and Rabbis will tell you has hurt plenty of marriages. The benefit would be for FFB’s, BT’s, and converts alike.
Malki-I’m curious which child rearing practices are considered, across the board as abusive, because from my standpoint, I think the frum community could do well to tighten up in childrearing and demand some more obedience (do people even use the words rearing or obedience anymore?). A little tightening up would give me a lot less to write about. There is no doubt there.
I converted before I met my dh and I, too, was *never* asked about education. I was however asked how to warm up a baby bottle on a blech on Shabbos…but I digress and I breastfeed…
We live in a small community and at first planned to homeschool because there aren’t any Jewish schools beyond kindergarten. Then I learned more and we now homeschool for philosophical reasons. We’d continue to homeschool even if we moved to a community where there were dayschools/yeshivot.
I didn’t go to a long seminary program and I do feel under-qualified but my guiding philosophy is that we will learn together. I’m also a quick study and plan to use the resources available to me (Room613, the online Orthodox homeschooling community, good ole common sense, etc.).
As far as “demanding more obedience” I think this is what has gotten the frum community into trouble in the first place. I think we’ve forgotten how to have close, respectful relationships with our children (see Gordon Neufeld’s book “Hold On To Your Kids”). The long school day and stressed-out parents and children have contributed to this. I’m a big believer in “slow” living – fewer out-of-the-family activities for everyone, family mealtime, etc.
Elisheva,
I too have taken a lot away from Gordon Neufeld’s book Hold On To Your Kids and have recommended it on my own blog numerous times. I am a big believer that quantity time, versus “quality” time which I don’t believe can be created easily in a vacuum, will help to contribute to respectful behavior in children.
That said, I do think that parents need to demand better behavior for their children. It is near impossible for us to take our children into certain “kosher” environments because the behavior is abysmal. I’ve seen boys around the K and 1st grade age attack other kids in a camp environment (I don’t really blame the 15 year old counselor for not being able to be an authority figure when the main culprits are the very people hiring staff). I’ve seen older kids pick on younger kids in the park and the parents seem to choose not to notice. I had to once discipline a groups of kids in the hallways during services after one boy, who had been asked not to play with a certain large item, nearly injured by daughter as we waited for Daddy, and when I approached the mother she told me he has behavior problems and it isn’t really his fault although they are working on it (earth to Mom/teacher: the way to control his behavior problems is to SUPERVISE him, not step into daven for long periods of time leaving him unsupervised with a mob of other boys. . . has anyone ever read Lord of the Flies?).
I think we agree, but are looking at the issue from different perspectives. Spending MORE time is key to developing better behavior. But I don’t think Mr. Neufeld’s approach an “demanding more obedience” are mutually exclusive.
I agree, Ortho. I’m glad you clarified. We pulled ds from preschool based on certain behaviour I found troubling but which was condoned by the teacher. 🙁 I also agree that there is almost no such thing as “too much supervision” to make sure everyone is playing safely and fairly. I know many adults who behave badly in group settings and who could use someone to remind them about respectful behaviour! Alas, I know I’m preaching to the choir… :0
BTW, Avivah, I’d love to hear some of your thoughts on behavior issues since we have discussed this before.
I also love Neufeld’s book – on my top three of parenting books (don’t ask what the other two are because I don’t know. :))
I think two sides of the same coin are being discussed here.
Though I’m not fully in agreement with the phrase to ‘demand’ obedience, I do strongly believe that children must be taught to be respectful. This doesn’t mean unthinking ‘yessing’. But it means kids must learn who is in charge, and those people must be respected. I think kids have to be taught to be respectful to everyone, not just those who have earned their respect. So whether a parent is saying all the right words in a loving way or having a hard day and screeching, a child needs to be responsive and do what he’s told.
I also strongly believe that it’s the responsibility of the parent to build a strong relationship based on respect and love, and to make it as easy as possible for their children to respect them and be responsive to what they’re told. 🙂 I’d never tell anyone to work on the discipline angle without strongly emphasizing the need for relationship building first and foremost.
Ortho, I don’t love certain environments but the nature of the world is that most people don’t raise children the way I do, and I see a lot of things that aren’t in alignment with my values. I choose how much to take my kids into certain venues. I often notice questionable behavior when we’re out; occasionally I make small comments to my children about what is suitable for us, but I choose not to comment on most of what I see. My kids know my value and it would be too easy to become self-righteous and have an attitude of looking down on others, something I very much want to stay away from.
I think we have to be very careful to avoid non-constructive criticisms and I try to teach my kids to consciously look for the good in others. There are many situations I’ve been in where I could find plenty to critique, but I don’t like the kind of person I feel like when I do. There’s so much that is right, but it seems that obnoxious and bad behavior is much more noticeable and memorable than bad behavior. There’s usually plenty of room to give the benefit of the doubt, so I try to practice that – ‘that mother must be having a hard day’, ‘they probably didn’t realize we were in line’, ‘maybe they didn’t know what the rules were’.
That being said, I believe certain behaviors that we see routinely in schools (and other places) are absolutely unacceptable and reflective of something missing in the messages children get at home. My ds was in high school and one of his classes was totally out of control behaviorally. He sat there quietly and was respectful to the sub in spite of class behavior – because he knew what was right regardless of everyone around him. I heard plenty about what goes on inside schools from my ds, who was as disgusted by what he saw as you would be. It’s not really about how old someone is, but what they’ve learned is acceptable.
A little off topic, but I am currently reading Neufeld’s book and I keep thinking, I bet Avivah would agree with a lot of this….
I believe certain behaviors that we see routinely in schools (and other places) are absolutely unacceptable and reflective of something missing in the messages children get at home
I am far more concerned about the messages are kids are getting in schools and other places, perhaps inadvertandly, than certain things we may see while out and about. A faulty structure is far more concerning than the things that will happen. There will always be issues, the question is what you bother to do about them. What I see is a philosphy that is corrupt.
I don’t spend a lot of time getting worked up when a something happens in line at the grocery store. We’ve all had bad days and I can point to times where my kids have been out of line and I haven’t been as quick to put a stop as I should have been.
Anyways, I don’t want to distract from the subject at hand. I simply don’t see how you can demand a parent sign up for 12 years of private school upon conversion when, cost aside, it might not be the best thing for a child. There are kids with learning issues and disabilities who are better served by other environments. I can think of a few Rabbis who have even used public schools in a pinch. I am interested in what disciplinary methods are, hands down, abusive.
What I said was practices that *our community* considers abusive. The Rambam, for instance, assured hitting childen with objects. One poor woman I know spent most of her childhood on the receiving end of anything big and heavy that her parents could pick up, because if she did not obey without question, she was in for it. Any show of “willfulness” was immediately and harshly punished. This was justified with that poor, misunderstood pasuk from Mishlei. They didn’t quite get that we understand that pasuk very differently (or that Mishlei means, “concepts not meant to be taken literally”). It’s amazing what people will do when they believe that children are born evil. So sad.
The community I live in is big into thinking for ourselves. These sorts of attitudes are quite foreign. I understand that some are quick to “potch”, but this goes way beyond potching.
This is why when I meet up with people from that particular belief system who are looking to convert, I make sure to at some point gently explain to them that in Judaism, women and children get to have opinions, too. For some, it’s a tough paradigm shift, as tough as the paradigm shift from schooling to child-led home based education.
Just to make it absolutely clear: the vast majority of converts are more than able to hs their kids just fine, and are able to let go of beliefs that no longer work in a Jewish context. Those I have worked with could do so, if they chose, and do as well as anyone raised frum. But that one family does continue to haunt me. I wonder how many others are out there…
Thank you Malki.
I also love Hold on to Your Kids.
I think the biggest obstacle to raising respectful kids is lack of self respect in the parents. I just had this conversation with a friend. If a mother doesn’t believe in herself and, whether consciously or subconsciously, doesn’t feel worthy of respect, she can’t expect her children to treat her with respect. And it gets even worse when she needs their obedience in order to boost her self respect. Then they get locked into a power struggle, which is not healthy for anyone involved.
The message we should be conveying to our children is — I know who I am, I am comfortable with who I am, I am qualified to be an authority figure in your life, and you should listen to me for your sake, not for mine.
I’m kind of late to this comment party, so please forgive me if the comments aren’t as cohesive as I’d like. My oldest is turning 5 soon and we live in a small community that’s blessed with two Jewish day schools (like the proverbial two shuls). My daughter has special needs, and so we are in teh midst of choosing which school would be best for her. In case you are wondering, we are unable to even consider homeschooling at this time for financial reasons. When I visited both schools and observed their respected kindergartens, I was struck by how different they were. One school, a community day school, is not consistent with our observance standards (in that the school doesn’t have any, and we identify with the yeshiva community). The other, an “out-of-town” yeshiva school (boys and girls mixed until 5th grade, very low pressure in terms of “fitting in”) would have been a more natural choice. The enrollment and tuition are comparable, so we set out to find out what the difference is and what would be best for our daughter. The CDS kindergraten class was clean, organized, orderly. There were two teachers (not aides) for 17 kids who often broke them up into small groups to work on all kinds of things but especially social skills. The second, more frum school had one teacher for 14 kids, no aides and was therefore less able to have kids work in small groups and monitor/teach that way effectively as much as the other classroom could. The second school gives out more $ in scholarships, so is therefore less flush with cash to hire another certified teacher. In both there were very clear differences in the behavior tolerance. When in CDS a child was asked to pick up pieces of paper off the floor that someone else dropped, it wasn’t met with immediate compliance, but by the second reminder it was done. In the FS, while the teacher was reading a story, kids were playing with their pencil boxes, turning their chairs upside down and rocking on them, making faces at each other, etc. The teacher chose to let the smaller offenses slide, as would I if I were her, however, what struck me the most was that in this classroom the little pieces of paper on the floor also wouldn’t have been a big deal. There was a basic respect for the teachers in both, however, it appeared that the CDS was able to enforce it better. When you think about the families of these students, I suspect that similarities would continue. CDS children tend to come from smaller families than YS children, and so at some point something has to give, and parents of large families (unlike Avivah, of course!) can not always enforce everything for everyone, and so choose not to. However cliche that sounds, it was uncanny to observe. Also, in a higher teacher/student ratio it’s harder to address more students’ learning needs and styles, as seems to be the case in many frum cash-strapped schools.
Another point about a day school education and conversion: When I was in graduate school, I was part of an extensive qualitative research project on what is the single most important factor in establishing a positive Jewish identity. Surprisingly to me, it overwhelmingly turned out to be Jewish education (however you interpret that). A good Jewish education is what pretty much what was responsible for building a productive Jew later in life.
We are fortunate to live in an excellent school district, and so many Jewish families who would if they lived in , say, Baltimore, definitely send their kids to a Jewish school, here it’s not at all a given. A few years ago at a dinner for one of the local high schools, the honoree (who went through the local public schools, became observant and put his kids through both of the local day schools and high schools) said that while good public schools are great at making good doctors, lawyers and accountants, Jewish schools are good at making Jews. Yes, there are many problems with Day schools, and yes, full tuitions are prohibitively expensive, but as long as the school’s goals and products are good Jews, perhaps it’s worth to sacrifice? We are unable to afford even 1/2 of the requested tuition, and since we are managing on one salary (my husband is a FT university student) both schools know that about us going in. In any and all of my interactions with the administrations and staff, in reviewing their printed materials, I have been impressed with their sincere goal to provide a quality Jewish education to ANY and ALL Jewish children regardless of need, even for free when needed (I know some families here who get 100% tuition assisstance at both schools). There’s a lot to be said for the strength of children feeling like they are a part of a larger group who is proud of who they are, who are not conscious of their “difference” in establishing their identity but rather of their “sameness.” Isn’t that one of the most important things that children of converts can learn? I’m not arguing for the exclusive path of yeshiva day schools for all converts, I am instead agreeing with Malkie that it can be good to be part of a bigger whole and not try to always resist the stream. Children of converts already have plenty of experience in being different.
I can’t speak for others but we homeschool because we object to the way schools are run – too mant students, too much bullying, too much drama. Life isn’t always about “fitting in”. I’m interested, first and foremost, in raising a close family who will stay connected and children who can think for themselves. Formal schooling today, be it frum or public, is at odds with this. Whether my children “fit in” is pretty low on my totem pole given the pervasive group-think that passes for culture in secular and, in some instances, frum society today.
I also disagree with the results of the study you mentioned. Of course it would find that the biggest factor is a Jewish education. I’m guessing it only looked at public vs Jewish schools? Homeschooling is outside this altogether.
Talya, I don’t know what community you live in, but your description sounds remarkably like my community, except that we don’t have “high schools,” only a girls’ HS and nothing for the boys.
I have 6 kids in our “FS” as you call it, in Kindergarten, 1st, 3rd, 4th, 6th and 7th grades. My Kindergartner agrees with your description of story time (there are 16 kids in her class, and while previous years there has been an official classroom aide, there is not one currently.) which I find astounding, truthfully, although my older kids who also had this teacher say that she gives the kids a lot of leeway for needing to move around during class. They also confirmed that this is behavior that would not be allowed in the older grades, even 1st grade. Our school’s older students are known for their middos, and every few years the school does a middos curriculum which is supposed to teach respect of parents and teachers and be backed up and carried on at home. Maybe your school is also similar i the upper grades?
I hope you find the best arrangement for your daughter!
@Elisheva–no, I don’t mean fitting in. What I’m talking about it the feeling of being a part of a larger group, regardless of its diversity. About 10 (?) years ago there was a rally in support of Israel in Washington DC. I lived in nearby Baltimore at the time and along with about 30 fellow seminary students took a bus that one of the local congregations provided to Wahsington to be a part of the rally. The thinking of the Baltimore frum schools at the time, if I remember correctly, was that they weren’t going to sponsor it but they would allow students to go if they chose to. I think the reasoning was that the students, especially yeshiva boys, were doing more for Israel if they stayed in yeshiva and learned, than if they went to Washington and held up posters. Anyway, it was a huge rally, probably close to 100K people from all walks of life. No, you didn’t know if all of them were Jewish but I assume most were. What I do still remember was how connected everyone felt to each other despite the fact that they disagreed on pretty much everything else, and if not for this rally wouldn’t have been able to have a 5-min conversation with each other. It’s this feeling of “connectedness” that I’m talking about. I’ve never been to Israel but from what I hear there’s a lot of that there, too. I don’t mean fitting in, or complying to the norm, although the larger the community, the more of that will be going on in the frum schools. But those who aren’t part of the so-to speak “clique” may feel excluded, which would be terrible for any child, but especially a child who’s still learning all this. Yes, it’s very important to teach children to be independent thinkers but I don’t think that necessarily all schools stifle this, as you mention. All the families I know who homeschool, do it for different reasons, but I don’t know that their children can necessarily think for themselves better than children of conventionally-schooled children. I think a blanket statement like that is not accurate. As for the study, the education category was one and the same, without specifying the exact type of it (meaning amount was “pro-rated” to the continuum–teens/adults with no formal Jewish education on one spectrum, vs those who got sporadic Sunday school, vs Jewish schools through HS etc) To be fair to your point though, I don’t believe any of the respondents had been home schooled. @ Miriam–I don’t have a problem with kids moving around–I think that’s what they’re supposed to do at this age. But when you have one teacher with so many kindergartners, and she is nine months pregnant, how realistic is it for her to move around with them as much as they’d like? My hunch is that she’ll let more things slide or leave unenforced, or opt for desk/free play time, which would not help them actively learn social and behavioral skills usually learned in preschool and kindergarten. You’ve given me some hope about the older grades’ behavior: honestly, I don’t know about the older grades. At this point I can’t really think beyond next year, and everything else just seems so far away 🙂 Based on what I see in the halls and at shul, it does look encouraging… Where can I learn more about this middos curriculum? I think one of the principals would be very excited about it. Is it on Chinuch.org?
As Elisheva said in her comment and I mentioned in my post, homeschooling doesn’t preclude being part of the larger community. Homeschooling by a religious family will generally be much more effective than day school education in encouraging Jewish identity, since children model what they see and internalize it accordingly.
And though I don’t agree with blanket statements since of course there’s an exception to every rule – homeschoolers from all backgrounds tend to be significantly less peer dependent than those in their age group who are schooled conventionally. One outgrowth of that is that kids tend to think more about what they’re doing rather than automatically follow in lock step with their peers.