>>I have to say, I’m a little confused by your decision. Did you homeschool in the US mainly because of the cost, and not because of ideological reasons? <<
This is exactly the reaction I was referring to in my recent post when I said I feel a certain amount of pressure regarding making the decision to homeschool. I knew that some people would judge my decision as not being “pure” enough and will make assumptions regarding my integrity all along, and others would be glad that ‘even she’ was giving up and sending kids to school, as if that was vindication for their negative impressions of homeschooling.
Anyone who’s been reading my blog or other articles I’ve written about homeschooling knows that cost wasn’t a major factor in our decision to homeschool, and in fact, I’ve often discouraged potential homeschoolers from making the decision strictly as a financial choice – because those people burn out very fast since they don’t deeply believe in what they’re doing; they tend to see school as the ideal but an ideal that is too expensive to afford. That doesn’t mean not considering finances at all!
New situations mean taking into account new realities. When you have two children under the age of 4, things may seem very black and white. But my reality has lots of shades of gray! I think it’s very reasonable to consider the expenses you’ll encounter and how to meet them, particularly when moving to a country without a job or ample savings (which will be liquidated to pay for our move, since we aren’t eligible for the financial assistance offered to new immigrants).
>>Because, if anything, I find more ideological reasons to homeschool in Israel vs the US. Schools in israel have an even more “one size fits all” philosophy than they do in the US (I know that doesn’t seem possible@), and administration does not think highly at all of parents who try to “meddle” (i.e. get involved) with their child’s education.<<
Ideology is a good servant but a dangerous master. Everyone has to find their balance between ideology and reality. I’m familiar with school systems in Israel to some degree, since my oldest son completed first grade there (and four years before that in school-run ganim). I’m not saying that you’re incorrect in that the administration doesn’t appreciate meddling by parents, but most administrations are glad to have involved and concerned parents. A big part of how you’re seen depends on how you interact with the administration and how you project yourself. (Obviously, that doesn’t mean that there won’t be negative experiences at some time.)
It’s because I’m aware of the challenges of a one size fits all school system that we aren’t considering sending any of the kids to school who are under the age of 12, and are undecided about the 12 year old. (The littles may attend gan, but will resume homeschooling before entering first grade.) This is also why I said that I’m able to be supportive of dd14 entering tenth grade, because she has the ability to hold onto herself even in an environment that supports conformity. That was the critical factor, and why we’ll spend more money to send her to school than to homeschool her – because this is the right thing for her at this time.
>>Israeli schools aren’t so cheap either in comparison to israeli salaries…<<
True, but 80 – 300 shekel a month for tuition is a LOT less than private tutoring. That being said, I believe if homeschooling is the best decision for a particular child, we’ll be sent the means to provide what he needs and cost will not be the primary issue. (Please keep in mind that I don’t detail all the many factors involved in this decision – but there is a lot more involved than the brief points I noted in my post.)
>>I guess I’m just a little… i dunno… by your announcement, because I’d used you as “proof” that you can homeschool kids long term… and now that you’re stopping to homeschool now that you’re coming to israel, I’m almost starting to second guess myself. Almost, but not really.<<
Did I say I wasn’t going to continue homeschooling when I move to Israel??? Please reread what I wrote, since I said I plan to continue homeschooling some children. Would eleven years of homeschooling (including all the way through high school) suddenly be invalidated if I were to make different choices based on the needs and desires of particular children at this point in time? I hope not! 😛
I’m gratified to hear that I’ve in some way been of support or encouragement to you, and I hope that I won’t lose my value to provide that in some way because of where my children are educated. However, always keep in mind that every family has different factors to consider. I have to consider moving to a country where my kids don’t know the culture or language, juggling the many different ages and needs of my children along with all that’s involved in resettling in a new environment, and how to manage it in the way that is best for my kids.
Most of us have physical and emotional limitations – I sure do! I didn’t go into this in my post- at the conference I plan to speak about recognizing and dealing with burnout – but recognizing and honoring your limitations is critical to living a life of joy. If I push myself beyond my limits for an extended period of time, I’m going to compromise what I offer to my kids.
Avivah
Wow! I’d love to hear more about this. I wrote about it a few months ago, because I am VERY committed to homeschooling, but still planning to send my kids once we make aliyah.
http://ronypony.blogspot.com/2011/01/plans-for-grade-3-and-beyond.html
Partly because of income, because I’m likely to be the best Hebrew speaker, and partly because socialization becomes very urgent when you’ve just arrived in a new country.
I guess I maintain some vague hope that I can still provide a decent classical-style Charlotte Mason education in English in our spare time. Will it happen? Like I said, it’s a HOPE, not quite a plan yet. So I guess I will be watching this space for more of the concrete realities…
Aviva,
Kudos for being true to your “inner voice” and mamash doing what is best for your children. I knew you’d feel pressure from the purists. Life changes as your family grows. I’ve homeschooled 3 kids (currently ages 33 to 12) and every one of them at some point wanted to test their wings and go to school. It was great for two of them. I was a real purist myself when my youngest were hschooling. I started homeschooling in my 30s, but by the time I was in my mid 50s it was much harder because I had many other challenges to deal with (like my energy level).
I knew you’d look for the “emes” in your new situation and your strength in doing so is even more inspiring. I’m so looking forward to your blogging in Israel about all the events of your new life there….school and homeschool. I wonder if the purist actually have any adult children. I doubt it:) Hatzlacha!
Before I’d even heard of homeschooling as a choice these days one thing I liked about the orthodox Jewish education system (I’m BT) was that there seemed to be a greater acceptance of choosing the school for the child, rather than the family, than I’ve seen elsewhere. What you’ve written seemed largely an extension of that; where other people’s default is the school affiliated with their shul or whatever, and then they choose differently for a given child, your default is to homeschool and individualise for the child. Choosing a school or gan where appropriate doesn’t seem contradictory to my reading of your blog.
For us: well as English-speaking BTs in Israel we do feel we’re lacking both language and kodesh skills and knowledge ourselves, so are hoping we’ll find schools to suit our family and daughter (and any future kids). We’ll see when she’s a bit bigger, I suppose.
Wow! So strange that some would question you doing what you feel is best for your family. You know? It’s funny that you wrote the master/servant analogy, because that’s the way I feel about homeschooling in general. Homeschooling is not the master. I want to homeschool my kids because I think it’s best for them, not because of anyone else’s “proof” – don’t get me wrong! You have been and continue to be extremely inspiring! But .. I don’t know if I’m making sense so I guess I’ll just leave it at that. You’ve got to do what you think is best. And no, 11 years of homeschooling is certainly not made invalid! lol!
i just want to say that i was personally SO encouraged and inspired by your decisions. i think you have been consistent all along that you make decisions and periodically evaluate them to make sure you are on the right track for doing what is best for your particular family in the particular circumstances. one of the things i love the most about your philosophy is that it gives me chizuk to make my own decisions and “go with my gut”- so that even when i have a decision to make that you haven’t posted about, i can channel my ‘inner avivah’ and feel strength in doing the right thing for me and my family… i love that you give yourself the flexibility to really be in the moment and not feel locked into a particualr philosophy, and that doing the right thing at the right time is more important than being a slave to dogma.
that said, i was surprised that you are choosing to totally reinvent your life when you get to israel, but it is amazing!!! i don’t know that i would have the courage to make that drastic a change, but it will be so exciting to watch the process unfold, because you always have well thought out reasons for what you do, and it is super interesting to witness your thought process unfolding… i’m sure you will find more new and cool stuff to keep all of your blog followers smiling in wonderment.
i am so excited to be along for the ride! best of luck to you with all of the decisions and all of the gashmius involved in your move!!!!!! lotsa love and awe- julie
I’m sorry my comment came out as if I was questioning your decision- I know you’re making the decision that’s right for your family, but I guess I was just coming from the viewpoint of someone deciding to homeschool while living in Israel, taking into consideration the israeli school system, so was a bit surprised by someone deciding to change their schooling strategy once they come to the country whose educational system is the reason I decided to homeschool.
But I totally get where you’re coming from. Not having a car was one of the reasons I was ambivalent about my decision to homeschool at first, unsure if I’d be able to provide as good of a schooling experience without a car. And of course, you do what is best for your kids, and having more kids means that you have to appropriate your time/emotional energy as you see fit.
I have definitely considered the hebrew language aspect of anglos homeschooling in israel, and was even recently discussing with my husband the possibility of sending our kids to school for a year so they can pick up the language…
I’m not a homeschooling “purist” in any way. The main reason I’m homeschooling is because I have a hard time imagining we’ll find a school that matches our family’s mish mashed hashkafa, and I personally have experienced the negative results of being sent to a school that doesn’t mesh with your family’s hashkafa, and I’ve always said that I’ll homeschool as long as it works for us, and if it stops working for us, I’ll send them to school. So no, I definitely wasn’t judging. I was just curious if the same reasons you homeschooled in the US were applicable in israel as well, that’s why I was asking.
As for “using as proof”, what I meant was- in Israel, homeschooling is definitely unheard of, and as a frum, chareidi homeschooler, I’m definitely in uncharted waters. I get a million questions from people saying “How do you know you aren’t messing up your kids forever? Homeschooling seems like it would be damaging your kids for life. Have you ever heard of anyone who’s homeschooled frum kids to adulthood and not messed them up too much?” And my answer always was “Avivah”.
Its not that I don’t have my own reasons, but when you’re doing something unheard of, sometimes you have to go with more than your gut feelings and see what others who’ve walked in your shoes have done, and the results that they got. Just doing your own thing without researching the possible outcome via others that have done similarly before you would be silly and possibly horribly detrimental.
But yes, conformity is horribly stressed in israel, especially in chareidi circles, and as anglo olim we stick out enough without needing to add the homeschooling issue.
I did reread your post and saw what you wrote- I must not have read it well the first time and assumed you were done with homeschooling other than 2 kids.
My biggest reaction to your post was not judgementalism or even criticism or anything remotely like that- just surprise, but I do understand your decision, 100%.
Either way, hatzlacha on the move and yashar kochacheich on making the best decision for your family and not just doing what others people expect of you.
P.S. I don’t have any personal experience with the schooling system in Israel- I’m just going based on what the imamother israel ladies have written in the Israel section. I suggest pming with some of them to find out more about the school system, namely the chareidi school system, just to learn more, even from a distance.
Ronit, my kids go to a cheder that is mostly anglos with some israelis and they are growing up just fine. They have become israelis just like everyone else. I do want to homeschool them in the other stuff so that I can teach it in a way I feel appropriate. Imamother is no proof of anything.. one of the reasons why I don’t go there anymore!
I didn’t say kids don’t grow up fine. I meant in terms of how staff relates to parents who have strong opinions about chinuch and aren’t just content to go with whatever the school says, no matter what.
It takes great courage and bitachon to reinvent yourself in a new place, try something else, be open to other options and being really in tune with your kids. It is so much easier to just stick to what is familiar and carry on no matter what. Thankyou for sharing with us 🙂
My 9 year old son is friends with a boy that is home schooled. They home school all of their kids until high school I do believe.
Where do they live, Tikva?