>>I’ve been wondering for a while: how does your family feel about being the subject of a widely-read blog (even given all the privacy measures you do of course take)? Are they used to it or does it impact them?<<

This is a good question!

Years ago, I was the mother of four young children (oldest was almost 7) and happened to speak with a mother of three young children (oldest was 4) at the park.  She was feeling totally overwhelmed, and told me that it seemed everyone was managing so well except for her.  I shared with her when I had felt the same way, and how I learned that you should never think you really know what goes on behind the closed door of someone’s house.  We can all pull it together and look good for a while, but we all get tense and stressed sometimes, and then shared with her some specifics.

To me this was just a short conversation in the park and I’ve probably had many dozens of conversations like this now, years later.  But this remained with me because it was the first time I realized that by being honest about who we are, we can really help and encourage someone else.  Too often we get caught up in wanting to look a certain way and give a certain impression, and that’s not bad, but sometimes it means people are judging themselves against an unreal picture of how others live.  This person later wrote something to me about how much I changed her life and she’ll never forget me.  For what?  For a ten minute conversation telling her that we all share the same struggles, and how we get through the tough times?

Everyone has their unique mission in this world, and I can’t say with certainty that I’ve discovered what mine is.  But for now I feel that part of it is encouraging others by being a real person rather than some abstract example of perfection somewhere on the web.  The question you asked about is a very real one and one that I constantly weigh, how I can share somewhat openly while still honoring my family’s privacy.

As my blog has grown and my children have gotten older, I’ve shifted my position on this – when  my readership was very small, I shared more openly about a lot of things.  I now constantly hold back on things that I really want to write about, or refrain from using personal examples with my own family that illustrate a point, because of my desire to keep my family out of the public eye.

My family members don’t read my blog, but there are times that I mentioned writing something or wanting to write something that they told me made them uncomfortable, so I edited the post or didn’t post at all.  I ask their opinions often before responding to questions people ask or try to write with them in mind, asking myself what they would say if they were reading it – would they think I’m representing something honestly, telling too much about them, etc.   This means that I generally mention them in peripheral ways or mention them doing something, rather than discussing more internal or personal issues.

How much does my having a blog directly affect them?  They’ve been with me on several occasions when someone met me in person for the first time and shared with a lot of excitement about how much I wrote helped her, so hopefully that was positive for them.  Otherwise, I can’t say that it’s really been a factor in their lives at all – it would be amazing if one day I can tell you they met their prospective spouses through my blog readers or something big like that – but I hope that if at some time it does affect them, that it will be positive or at least neutral.

If you have a blog or write in a public forum, what steps do you take to protect your family’s privacy, and why?  Where do you draw the line in writing publicly about your experiences?  Have you read things on my blog that made you uncomfortable because it was too personal?

Avivah