This morning I had a meeting with the principal of Amichai about ds10, who is having some struggles in school.  Ds10 has a beautiful and sensitive nature and will one day be a man with incredible depth, compassion and insight.  However, a gentle personality is particularly challenged by the rough and tumble school environment and ds experiences significant frustration and unhappiness on a daily basis.

The principal asked me my thoughts so I spent some time sharing some principles of child development that are core to ds’s challenges: the source of anxiety, the need to provide a child with rest/emotional safety and connection, and how the natural growth process of a child is thwarted when this isn’t in place.   I shared specific examples of what isn’t working for ds10 and why, and what would be necessary for him to feel more supported.  The principal was attuned and understanding of everything I was talking about.  He proposed setting up a a meeting – not just with ds10’s primary teacher- but with all of the teachers who interact with him, to share with them what I told him and to talk about how to create an environment in which he feels accepted as he is right now.   Every single time I speak to this principal I think about what an amazing person he is – he really cares about every single child in his school and works to find solutions for whatever challenges come up.

It’s interesting how many people want to know about the religiosity of children attending this school, but no one has asked me if it’s a place in which students are emotionally supported, encouraged, and accepted.  Interesting, isn’t it?  The success of the school experience depends so much on a child feeling safe and connected to the adults in charge, and yet not one single parent has ever expressed any interest in this point or how it compares to the other local option.

I think that it’s important when choosing a school for parents to consider how his/her child will be supported in their educational framework if difficulties arise, because one can’t assume that his child won’t have any challenges. You just never know what will come up.  New immigrants are expected to have struggles, but there are plenty of children who were born and bred in this country who are challenged in some area.  Support and warmth were qualities I was looking for when choosing a school for ds10.  This isn’t a touchy feely issue.  A child can’t learn unless he feels supported, which has connotations even for those who feel academics are primary because the child’s achievement will be affected by the degree to which he feels valued.  In this school there’s a broader definition of success for a student which means there’s increased acceptance of different abilities and needs, and a willingness on the part of the staff to extend themselves to help students resolve difficulties.  As time has gone on and I’ve seen how situations are handled at the two local schools, I’ve felt that this was a very wise decision.

I’m not one to get excited about schools because however good it is, it’s still an institution and it can’t compare to homeschooling.  However, I can get enthusiastic about the caliber of people within an institution, and this principal is truly an educator, a person who has the best interests of the students at heart. Sometimes teachers and administrators view the students as a reflection on them and the ego gets a bit entangled, but that isn’t the case at all here.  When we were going back and forth earlier in the year when considering transferring the boys to a different school, he was the only person involved whose main concern was what was right for our children, regardless of how that affected him.  As far as ds10, I’m cautiously optimistic, and will wait and see how things go.

Avivah