I have another post ready to share with you about something a child said that was appreciative of me, but after receiving the following private message via Facebook, felt it would be appropriate for me to first respond to that in the event that others share the same feelings.

I asked the person for permission to quote her concerns anonymously but she didn’t agree. So I’ll sum up:

A mother was extremely upset that I might have been referencing an interaction that took place at her home  in my last post (when my son said he appreciates that I smile at them a lot and that not everyone does that).

She said whether it was her or not, I should give the mother the benefit of the doubt, that I sounded very judgmental and that all siblings in a family don’t get along every moment of the day.

She added that as a parenting coach, it’s inappropriate for me to blog about what I or my children see in other people’s homes.

I completely understand the fear someone would feel that I was writing about them in a negative way here. I would similarly feel very sensitive if I suspected someone wrote a post that in a oblique way was referencing me as a lousy mother. That would feel like a huge violation.

(I assume my son’s comment was based on seeing different families in different settings – he didn’t reference anyone or anything specific.)

In the past I’ve occasionally received comments from clients saying they noticed I referenced what they told me in a session – I would NEVER write about what a client tells me in confidence.  What they are seeing is that the issues they share with me are common enough that others are telling me similar things in casual conversation!

One time, three different people read the same post and told me they thought I was writing it based on a conversation with them – and it wasn’t any of them! Someone had given me a ride somewhere and we had a five minute chat as we drove; her comments were the basis of that post.

As parents, most of us are challenged by similar situations and it’s those situations that I write about. My intent is to share my personal experiences and reflections, ideas that have worked for me in how to think or respond more effectively to challenging situations. This isn’t a blog about anyone except for me.

This week I shared about my child’s comment to me about ME. His positive appreciation of something that I do doesn’t mean either of us are negatively judging others, simply noticing there are different ways of doing things!

My kids don’t talk about what they see in the homes of other people – I don’t encourage talking about others and I try not to do it myself. There are many fascinating things to discuss and other peoples’ business isn’t my preferred dinner topic conversation.

My kids have a strong ability to see the good in others and accept them as they are. I have conscious tried to convey to them the importance of giving others the benefit of the doubt, and regularly talk about different possibilities to explain annoying behavior we experience.

For example, if someone is nasty at the store, I’ll tell the child with me that she probably is having a hard day, maybe she has a headache or is feeling sick, that we don’t know what her life is like and she’s doing the best she can right now. I say these kind of things often to them (and myself!).

I really believe that every one of us is doing the best that he can at that moment. Sometimes that best looks better than other times, but sometimes people’s ability to respond positively or constructively is hampered by the challenges they’re going through.

My post was sharing one comment of appreciation – my son notices that I smile often and frequently say positive things to my children. He didn’t say another mother he saw somewhere was a shrieking witch.

I can’t control anyone else’s response to what I write, but my intent when I write is never to criticize anyone.

Avivah