On Facebook I see many people showcasing their talents, work and testimonials in casual, chatty posts about loving the work they do and sharing the value they add.

Sometimes I look at that and think, “I should be doing that.”

However, even though it might bring me more clients, even though it would expand my impact and visibility, I just don’t want to do it. Not right now.

Even though it’s really nice to be out there, to be speaking and teaching and earning and contributing and recognized. Really nice.

A year and a half ago I made a decision to consciously step back professionally. My days were full – with the kids all day, then right from the dinner table I would leave to meet clients or go out to teach. I loved the work I was doing, I loved the connections I was making and the differences I was able to help people create in their lives.

I recognized, though, that with all that was happening in my life, I needed to increase my quiet space for myself. When I talk about how critical self-care is, I really mean it; it’s not a theoretical concept for me. What previously had been sufficient margin no longer was enough.

I can’t tell you how hard it was for me to take this extended step back from doing things that I loved and valued, and to be okay with not doing anything special in lieu of that work. Creating more margin for myself to be was something I knew was valuable but I still grappled with not having a commeasurate sense of accomplishment.

However, I stuck with this despite the ongoing discomfort I felt because I knew it was an opportunity for me to practice a higher level of self-acceptance, independent of my contributions to others. Without qualification, without needing to prove.

This has been so valuable. Yet there are still periodically those ‘I should do the things that other people are doing’ thoughts that pop into my mind.

To counter that, I recognized it would be helpful for me to clarify my goal for the year as a reminder not just what I didn’t want to be doing, but what I did want to do!

I picked up a book at a library sale last week called Simple Abundance. At the end of the foreword the author states: “I don’t have a million dollars in the bank, but I now realize that abundance and lack are parallel realities; every day I make the choice of which one to inhabit. Now I understand that all my hours aren’t billable; finding a quiet center in which to create and sustain an authentic life has become as essential as breathing.”

I so identified with this that I went back and re-read it several times. This sums up in a small way my inner process of the last few years!

And so, I’ve adapted and written on my vision page the following as my goal for the coming year:

“To maintain a quiet center, and continue to create and sustain an authentic life.”

I love getting this onto paper and unapologetically giving myself permission to keep this my focus!

Have you ever struggled between what you expect of yourself and what you really want to do? Do you have a goal for the coming year that is meaningful for you?

Avivah